Thought of the Day

I want to move to England SO BAD!

Superman Tonight

"Superman Tonight"

There's something about you
I want to rescue
I don't even know you
So what does that mean

Maybe I'm cynical
I'm painfully logical
You're tragic and beautiful
And that's good enough for me

You're looking for a hero, but it's just my old tattoo
Tonight I swear I'd sell my soul to be a hero for you

Who's going to save you
When the stars fall from your sky
And who's going to pull you in
When the tide gets too high
Who's going to hold you
When you turn out the lights
I won't lie I wish that I
Could be your superman tonight

If somebody sent you
An angel to save you
What would you tell him to turn him away

That your heart don't break
That your lips don't kiss
That life is just a lie
That heaven don't exist?

Who's going to save you
When the stars fall from your sky
And who's going to pull you in
When the tide gets too high
Who's going to hold you
When you turn out the lights
I won't lie I wish that I
Could be your superman tonight

Who's going to fix you
The next time you break down
Stranded alone by the side of the road
It's your baggage that's dragging you down
Don't look back
Let it go

Who's going to save you
When the stars fall from your sky
And who's going to pull you in
When the tide gets too high
Who's going to hold you
When you turn out the lights
I won't lie I wish that I
Could be your superman tonight

-Bon Jovi from his new album "The Circle"

Best. Song. Ever. My new favorite. I have been listening to it round the clock, nonstop, I love it. It made me cry the first time…and only a few songs (I can think of about three) have EVER been able to make me cry ("Take me There" and "Thank you for Loving me"…and its usually because of an underlying reason about my life why the song has so much significance at the time.

But seriously…this is any girl's ultimate dream. To have a guy that loves her that can say these lyrics and *mean* them. So many guys can recite them and know how to say them…but mean them? I need this so bad. Who doesn't need this?

I recently had a very long conversation about this topic. It really got me thinking. I'm all for women being all independent and whatever…out in the work force, kicking a$$, buying things for guys, chipping in for dinner…whatever. But who doesn't want their man to open the door for them every time? Who doesn't want their guy to protect them from everything in the world? To save them from anything and everything, to be there for them no matter what? No matter what it is, to do everything they can to make it better, to make you smile again. Who doesn't want a hero to sweep them off their feet? Isn't that what we are all looking for in this journey? There has been so many times that I needed someone to pick me up, to save me from falling down a deep black hole of everything, just someone to be there and take my hand. It would mean so much. I love being there for other people, I am a very generous person. If I have the resources and the power necessary, I will do almost anything for the ones I love to help them, to fix them. I hate seeing people unhappy, especially if there is something I could do about it. But sometimes…it's nice to be helped too. Its nice to have that hand to hold on too to save you when you need saving. Even if it's just a scrape on your knee after falling down, it's nice for someone to lend the hand to pick you up, give it a kiss and treat you like a princes for the rest of the day. It's nice. Yes, it would get exhausting being treated like this all the time. I think that's why some guys get upset sometimes because the "Nice guys finish last". They spend ALL their energy into treating their girlfriend like a total princess, paying for every single thing, acting like some shining knight in armor to save the day, all day, every day, nonstop…and they think, oh, hey, this is what girls want, right? If I do this then who would ever be unhappy with me? Well…not really. It needs to be a balance too. If you are treated like royalty by your guy all the time, it gets smothering…The girl wouldn't know any different and would begin to take it for granted…(trust me, I speak from experience). I don't think the guy should pay for every single thing every single day. I don't expect to be shopping in the mall and say I like something and next day Its magically mine. I like to chip in, makes me feel happy and productive and helpful. Girls need that too, hence why we began to ever work in the first place. I like making my own money and spending it (on books mostly ). I just…I don't know...

There are soooo many songs out there that I hear and I'm like man, If only guys meant this stuff. Is the artist really like this or did someone write this for him/her? Are people out there really like this? Where are they! He continuously mentions in the song, "I wish I could be your superman tonight". There are so many guys out there that meet you and just want the one thing. Or they do want a relationship but don't want to put the effort in…Where's the guy (besides Bon Jovi) that wants to be the superman? I guess its just a fantasy…

Oh and all you feminists out there that may happen to read this whenever, don't read too much into this. Like I said, I'm all for women independence. Women do not need to be paid for or "saved" by a guy in order to survive. I'm not stuck in some fantasy waiting for superman to sweep me off my feet when I'm randomly walking down the street. Women can survive just find on their own financially, emotionally, whatever. But that doesn't mean it wouldn't be nice to have Superman saving your day every once in a while. :)

Til later, with love,

~A Writer in a Nurse's Body.

Stereotyping and “Cultural Awareness”

Classes started today. Well, yesterday really, but today I have seen all my classes (I have two). They seem to be pretty much what I expected. My Psychiatric mental health class Lecture seems to be a lot more interesting than I would have expected, but still hard. She told us she was the "APA Paper grading queen". Needless to say that's not good. But everything she taught today I agreed with wholly so I think I will like her, in terms of nursing and being a good nurse.

"Culturally Competent", "Practice good, cultural awareness", "Know your patients culture, their beliefs and practices".

These are all phrases I've been hearing the past…three courses in my Nursing program. Except today. All this time we have been taught to professionally accept each and every culture, each patient for who they are. Which is all good and well, however, the way we've been taught is to read their chart, see they are of a certain culture/ethnicity (sometimes it doesn't list their culture per say) and we have to reference a book, or a chart of some kind, to plan how we are going to act or what we might say when with our patients. All this time I've done what I was told, whatever, I need to get the grade, right? In my recent experience, my last clinicals (Peds and OB), I had a patient of my own each week. First things first, people naturally look at names and make assumptions. I try not to, I really do, but everyone does. Second, it lists their primary language. I can't help but groan when it says something other than English. But I consider that understandable…it will be hard to communicate with my patient for the entire day. OK so then we have to make a plan for them based on their culture. But sometimes (more than not), I consider their culture to be….American! Is that such a thing? I meet them and they practice nothing out of the ordinary…no specific religious beliefs or practices, no specific foods they eat or health practices specific to them, no anything. Another time I had a patient that was from the Congo and moved here when she was 16, now she is mid-twenties. I thought, while reading her chart that boy, I am going to have an interesting day. But I met her and low and behold, perfect English, was just as "American" as you or me.

The point I'm trying to make here ( I promise there is one) is what my teacher pointed out…Exactly what I've been thinking all this time. That patients cannot be categorized by culture! I can't look at a chart and see "Asian" and plan my whole day based on if they think it's rude or not to make eye contact, be in personal space, eat certain foods, etc. She made the point that yes, keep it in mind, all those lovely things, but never act on them until you get verification from the patient. Meaning, meet your patient, make your assessment, ASK THEM if you haven't already figured it out, what they eat, if they have any specific cultural practices, if they need certain special needs met. Nurses can't be mind readers. Yes, we are naturally good at picking things up in our assessments but we can't automatically know. Thing is, if we see someone is Indian let's say, even if I know everything about the specific Indian culture (which I don't, trust me), I can't be positive that he/she even agrees with his own culture! You have to ask not assume.

I guess I consider myself American, as much as I squirm when I say that. No, I'm not unpatriotic; I love my country, most of the time. However the term "American" in other countries generally brings about a bad name, bad reputation. Yes, I have eaten McDonalds in my life, yes, I have a cell phone, an ipod, a laptop, whatever. I guess it depends who you ask, but Americans are usually portrayed as "Lazy, fat, want things done without having to do them, etc.". If I travelled to another country and needed healthcare, and they saw I was American, how would they treat me? I certainly wouldn't want them to base anything after any stereotype they might have, before they met me and then made their plan of care.

That's another point. I hate Western Medicine. Western is generally deemed what we practice here in America. Doctors are very different here, things are different in general. How we do things, how we come to diagnoses, how we do procedures, how doctors dish out drugs first thing without solving the initial and primary problem ( I really hate that). Eastern medicine (Europe, Asia, etc.) does things very differently and I can only pray America can learn, or so help me I'm moving across seas. They solve problems holistically, they approach things differently. They treat the body as a whole, not systemically. They turn to alternative methods before procedures, unnecessary tests, drugs…And as for the medical portion, I consider them to be far ahead in terms of research.

Well I need to research this topic before I say anything else. It bothers me a lot and is very important to me. I have to go switch my laundry now, but I might go back and edit this and add more later on…Til then, toodaloo!

~A Writer in A Nurse's Body

Writing from the Twilight Zone

That's exactly how I feel. Things lately have been...very strange. I don't think I could explain it if I tried. Everything I come upon seems to have connections...I am having a very difficult time finding myself in time. I seem to be having difficulty separating dream from reality. For instance, I will have a flash of a memory of someone doing something, someone I have never met. And yet it will be very vivid. Or I'll have a memory of me doing something that I either don't remember doing or can't tell if I dreamt it or really did it. You can imagine how this might get frustrating. . . Yesterday, I had a very interesting dream that I cannot talk about it. But it meant a lot to me and had me thinking the entire day. It's dreams like this that keep me going and hold me back (very much so) at the very same time. But after that dream, every single song I heard on the radio, or that came up on my iPod during shuffle, or wherever I heard music, had a connection to that dream. Even I would switch channels on the radio and the next song would have a connection/meaning. So needless to say I stopped trying to escape it and just laughed at it.

Also, I had spent the later part of 2009 (especially December) being depressed. I had at first tried to climb out of it but no one was there to pull me out. I had too much on my shoulders, I was trying to help too many people at once. I can't save the world...and yet somehow, I keep trying. I get depressed when I fail at anything, and well..you know. Anyone will fail if they try and save everyone at once. I guess I just can't grasp the concept that you can't save everyone and you have to just let it go. I still don't grasp it. Maybe in time. I'll have to grasp it soon if I ever can be a good nurse. Meaning, some of my patients won't make it. If I am ever going to save myself from Major Burnout, I have to learn to let it go, that I did all I could, and that is all. Mostly the problem has been multiple friends coming to me with their problems all at once. Now don't me wrong, I love to hear my friend's problems and do my best to help. But when their problem is out of my hands, there is nothing i can do but listen, and that isn't enough for me. I would do anything for my friends, but I can't do everything. Especially when they are all coming to me at once. Everyone has had a shitty entire 2009 it seems. My boyfriend, my best friends...all with problems that I simply just don't know how to handle and yet they expect me too. What do you do then? But anyway...

So like I said, 2009 (the end) was not good. At first I blamed the entire 2009 , but came to my senses when I saw some pictures I had taken throughout the year and realized I did have a lot of nice moments, regardless of how short lived they may have been. But the beginning of 2010...Something has definitely changed. I don't know how to describe it. It sort of all started Monday at work. Sunday at work, by the end of the day, I was feeling like I did in 09. But Monday, (with the same exact problems I had Sunday), something had changed. I was looking on the bright side of things for once. I was solving my problems left and right. I was power-nursing....so to speak. I felt on top of the world...I was being pro-active for my patients, I was doing everything I could for them and felt awesome about it. Its days like those that make me want to go back to work. Especially when I see in my patients eyes that I had made a difference for them. In particular, I will discuss this one patient. I have been working 4 day rotations this whole break. This particular patient came in on the first day of this rotation, I was there with her right from the very start of her admission. She was a nice patient, never caused any trouble for me. Through out the days, I would come and chat with her when I could, but she usually had company. However on Monday, when I went in to do her blood sugar testing, I noticed as soon as I walked into the room that something was wrong with her. I didn't say anything at first and just tried talking with her. She immediately let on further that she was feeling very sad (I didn't know why). I did the usual, tried to make her feel better, tried to ask what was wrong, etc., as I continued to do her blood sugar. But I didnt get much out of her. When I was done, she had asked me for a drink of water, which I gave her, but I noticed it was warm and empty from before. I asked her if she would like some nice ice water, to which she brightly lit up and said yes, that would be wonderful. I told her as soon as I finished the other patient's blood sugars (Prioritizing) I promised I would bring her some ice water. Another patient down the hall also wanted some water, to which I promised the same thing. So after I was done, I brought both waters, to the first patient first. But she was sleeping (this was 30 mins later). So I quietly put the water down, I decided it best to just let her sleep since she was upset earlier. I gave the water to the second patient and on my way back, I noticed patient one was awake. I went in and offered her the water I had brought in. She looked surprised. She told me, "You came back. I didn't think you'd come back. You're the first one to have actually come back." It was then. I left the room and I was astounded. I knew, then, that I could definitely be the nurse that I knew I had to be.

Well thats it for now. I have places to be, people to see...:)

I have a lot more to say, so tune in later....

~A Writer In A Nurse's Body