Resolutions from 2011

Hey all! So, if any of you pay attention to whatever I write for new years resolutions, you should know that I annually dissect my past resolutions and make new ones, yes? Well, this year I have been astronomically busy (literally, like every second) up until the new year. I have also taken it upon myself to travel this new year holiday and am in Michigan (still am!) and therefore was travelling on lots of airplanes on the day I would normally have done this post. But alas, here it is, last years resolutions! Next post will feature next year's (2012!). Be excited. The Italicized paragraphs will be the actual made resolution, and the real writing is me talking....now. Got it? Okay.




1) I want to learn. I feel like such a dumbass either when I'm talking to smart people or when I'm trying to do something by myself (usually something simple) and I realize that I am not capable of living on this earth and cannot do anything. And that seriously bothers me! I want to know, I want to be able to talk about the Health Care Reform. See, I don't even know if that should be capitalized or not! I only JUST learned LAST YEAR that you put TWO spaces after every period when writing a paper. WTF? Anyway, its not just politics. I know nothing about religion. I want to know, though. But every time I try and read bible stories or pay attention in church, I get extremely lost and give up and start thinking about fun colors and songs in my head. Yesterday when I was babysitting, I was cleaning up their house toys and found this book that was "Bible stories: For Children" and I was like, oh, this is totally what I need. So in the middle of my child-watching duties, I was all like, hold up- I have to read this book and catch up. It had all the stories. But unfortunately, kids are crazy and get into everything and I could not keep reading, nor could I realistically steal it and take it home for later reading. So, politics, religion...Shakespeare, literature, famous people...famous bands, famous movies....Stuff that people know. And thats just what people talk about. The other day I had to google whether or not I could use olive oil to make eggs because I couldn't find cooking spray. I also had to google how to use a real tea kettle and not a water boiler. Do not laugh. I am ashamed. Really. So it's stuff like that. Stupid stuff. Sometimes people ask me to do stuff, and I'm like....seriously? You're gonna have to show me how to do that.So how do I accomplish this resolution? Well...I don't know. I plan to like....read the paper more. I guess. Because that has worldly important things in it, right? I'm already reading a lot of books...even though they are all nursing. So...I guess reading the paper is all I've got right now. And paying attention to smart people when they talk.

WOW. Long enough resolution paragraph?? Geesh. New Resolution: Make next years shorter!
But anyway, I did do well in this one, sort of. After I made this resolution, I did religiously read the paper (New York Times), almost every day, and I loved it. It really made me feel up to date on everything going on in the world,what people were talking about, etc. But at the time I was still in school, and nursing school...well you know, kicks your ass. So I to stop reading it everyday because it was seriously cutting into my study time. I instead switched to a book called "Smarter by Sunday", written by NYT writers, that you're supposed to read a chapter every weekend, and each weekend they teach you about something new in the world....music, politics, history, etc. This was an awesome book, but even that was cutting into my study time and I had to stop. Alas,  since then I have not picked up the book and have not bought the NYT, and this saddens me greatly.

Having moved into my own apartment, I no longer receive the daily local paper ( I actually DID read that daily over the summer). At work, each morning when I leave, I see all 6 of the local and national papers lined up and I glance at the headlines, saddenly (word?). I desperately want to read them all and know whats going on....but lately I've been doing nothing but work, breathe, eat, sleep, drink (water!), and...well, facebook. And postsecret on heavy occasion as well. :-) But you get the point. I've been busy.

However, I have been getting smarter nonetheless. Being on my own now has taught me so much. I am learning more and more about the world and how things work, just from day to day living. My nursing knowledge is increasing rapidly, as every patient teaches me something new. So, once the holiday season is over and things calm down again and I return to my home, I do plan to try and get back into the paper-reading thing, as I do miss it. Plus, I need coupons..... :-)

2) This is sort of a spin off of number one. I need to pay attention to people when they talk. I have ADHD (self-diagnosed) and when someone is talking and talking and talking, especially about a topic that I have no interest in, my ears literally shut off. Its like a defense mechanism gone haywire. It is really bad, because while the person is talking about something they deem really important, I am thinking about oompa loompas and prairie dogs and green things and how i should eat more vegetables and fruits and less carbs but then what kind of carbs? Why are carbs that bad, actually? Shit, do i have to babysit tomorrow? Crap. I totally forgot. what time was that? I should get a calendar. and stick to it. And -
"Julie? What do you think?"and I'm all like FUDGESTICKS I HAVENT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION EVEN THOUGH I TRIED REALLY HARD." I guess when the topic doesnt interest me or doesnt make sense, I just stop listening. Solution? Listen to every single word and process what is happening. Get some ADHD medication. Either of those two would work out great.


I have been doing a LOT better with the listening to people when they talk part. Being an actual RN now, It is my JOBBBBB to really listen to my patients. Everything they tell you is a vital, vital clue to their condition. Not only that but patients need to be heard. I've had patients literally tell me, "You know, I feel so much better talking to you. I feel like you are REALLY listening and not just nodding and smiling."  So, that makes me feel good. Since I have been improving that skill at work, it has also naturally transferred to my social life as well. I no longer drone out things that don't interest me from friends. Instead, I listen to everything they say because in reality, everyone is in your life to teach you something. So even if the topic is about Mango-fruit-rabbit ears or something off the top of my head like that, I try to listen because you never know, I could really need to know how to use a mango-fruit-rabbit ear one day.

As for the ADHD, not much improvement on this forefront. I don't like to resort to drugs, I don't. I'm pretty sure I've had the real ADHD since I was 6 years old, and I've survived, so why start now with the heavy drugs? As much as I know I need them...But I have tried Omega-3 gummies, which I guess are known to help improve concentration and focus in children with ADHD. I can't say for sure if they are actually doing anything, or if its just psychological, but I like to pretend that it helps.

The ADHD is tolerable when its just me,doing my thing, chillin mcgillin. Who cares if it takes me 43 hours to clean my room because I can't focus on one task at a time? Its my time and if I want to take 43 hours to organize a closet, then by golly I will. The problem however, is at work, and when I'm with my friends/dates. At work, nursing is NORMALLY hectic for any new starting nurse. But for an ADHD brain, my brain is presented with 14 tasks that need your attention and you have to prioritize quickly. You have to complete all these tasks quickly or delegate them to someone else. This can be hard when naturally, your brain has trouble finishing one task before starting another. So, Its definitely something I have to work on.



3) So, I just had a depressing moment. I just voted on a poll on facebook that was all, 'do you think 2011 will be awesome??" and my immediate reaction was YES! but then, my overthinking, over analyzing self was like....well...actually, no. 2011 is the scary year. Hopefully, an amazing year, if it all works out nicely....but, nonetheless, a year about uncertainty, and graduating, and getting a JOB, and getting through the first couple months of that job...and liking it.....Scary :-\
So I guess I just really need to have more confidence in myself. Just....go with the flow. Fate/Destiny has a plan. It will all be OK in the end...I just have to be the best that I can be...take care of myself, and have days to de-stress. It will all be OK. I hope by this time in 2012, I can look back on 2011 and say "awww, what the heck was I so worried for? 2011 was fantastic!!" My 20's are supposed to be the best years of my life. I hope nursing doesn't prevent that...:( *stress*

Okay. So. Where do I even begin on this one? You might want to get-the-popcorn-out on this one if you know what I'm saying. My brain has a lot of mixed feelings. First things first, 2011 was...............................VERY INTERESTING, to say the least. A lot of people I've talked to have  told me how much 2011 sucked for them. I....don't think it sucked, necessarily. It was a hard year, there is NO denying that. It was a sad, sad year, no denying that. But, It was also a very good year, in so many ways. Lets discuss the major points of this year, shall we? Hang in there with me, It will help me sort my own thoughts out.

• I graduated college! This is big time coolbean worthiness because there were SO many times I made a back up plan on what to do with my life because I was so certain I would fail out of the program. But, somehow, I made it through. I graduated college after 5 years of school, with a Bachelors of Science in Nursing. Woot!
• I also graduated a member of Sigma Theta Tau International, the nursing honor society. I also graduated with a special award for excellence in community health nursing, and a scholarship! All awesome accomplishments.
• I went to EUROPE! This was obviously something I've wanted to do since I was five years old, but never actually thought it was...possible. I came up with the idea in fall 2010 and didn't want to let go of it. And so I did it. Obviously, this was an extreme highlight of 2011.
• When I got back from Europe, I found out my maternal grandmother had passed away while I was overseas. This came as more of a shock than anything and I didn't even know how to begin...mourning away while I was overseas. This came as more of a shock than anything and I didn't even know how to begin...mourning. I was at an extreme...just, shock. And it took me a long time to come to terms with what happened and how I should react to it. This was obviously a low-light (opposite of high light?) of 2011. I miss her.
• Being that my grandmother passed away, this in turn created the opportunity for the entire maternal side of the family (we're a big group), to meet for her memorial service. Despite the dire unusual circumstance for gathering, I still consider this a huge highlight. It finally got 99% of our family together at once. We laughed together, we shared her memories, we hugged, we cried, we caught up...it was amazing.
• After my I got home from that reunion trip, I soon found out that one of my best friends at work was diagnosed with stage IV cancer....and all of us knew she wasn't going to make it. I lost her in the summer. That was really hard, being that It was so quick from diagnosis to death. She was always smiling when I saw her and she was my first friend at work. She meant a lot to me and it was a lot to lose her. It was a lot of all of us.
• In July sometime, I got the unique opportunity to practically do the whole disney world experience for nearly just $300! Sounds like a lot of $ if you haven't been to disney, but if you have, you know that this is an AWESOME total for flying, lodging, eating, park ticketing, etc. One of my great friends from high school is an official employee of disney and was able to let me and my other great friend from high school into the parks for free! You can't beat that. It was awesome, and I got to spend time with two friends I haven't been able to spend much time with in the past couple years.
• Soon after, I passed my NCLEX! This was......the ultimate high, as I literally really didn't think I would, especially on the first try. This was a huge highlight. This, ultimately opened up the rest of my nursing career.
• Soon after THAT, I was officially hired as an RN! I started in September, and obviously it has been a rollercoaster road ever since. This is huge for me as well because I was so scared for this stage in my life to happen. I didn't have any confidence in myself that I would ever be able to do it. I couldn't picture myself actually doing WELL in the field, in addition to not-killing patients. Yay! I am doing well! Huge highlight....so far.
• Soon after, in October, I moved out on my own with a roommate from college! This is AWESOME in so many aspects, and a huge highlight of my life. A huge step in the right direction for the rest of my life of inde-freaking-pendance! Yeah!
• After that, in November, I was officially elected to be a part of the nursing honor society convention. I got to go with my professor from school and do really important cool nursing things. Pretty awesome.
• In general, 2011 has been a remarkable interesting year for love. In this time span of one year, I have lost great love and gained great love. Thats all I'll say about THAT. :0)

So, yeah, 2011 had some pretty interesting points. Unforgettable year, that is for sure. It has taught me so much about life, about grieving, about celebration, about friendship, about love, about independence, about working, about nursing.....

I will never forget this year. But, I am also so, so, so ready for 2012. 2012 just "sounds" like a good year. What can I expect to happen in 2012? Not sure yet...A lot of 2012 will be about saving up money for bigger and better things. It will be about furthering my independence, furthering my nursing career, taking my GREs, looking into schools, etc. And maybe travel? Who knows? Very exciting. Also, end of the world? perhaps? Probably not? So, yeah. Cool stuff.

Okay I hope you're done with your popcorn now, because I am done. I think. For now. You can highly expect I will be adding to this blog in time as I'm sure There are points of 2011 I forgot to mention. But I got the big ones.

With so much love, and thank you so much for reading this year,


~A Writer in a Nurse's Body

How to Study for the NCLEX

Okay. So, like I said, somehow on this wonderful great Earth, I passed the NCLEX. Without taking any prep class. And I'm no smartie pants, trust me. So for all you future nursing students, or seniors, or post-graduates still waiting to take the test, let me give you a few tips. Because If I could pass it, anyone can.


Disclaimer: It is highly very much so highly incredibly highly against the law to give out ANY information about ANY test questions or test material. So, I will take you from graduation day up until you sit down (literally) to take the test. From there on, well....you're on your own.




So here it is...how to do well on the NCLEX:
Step One: Post-Graduation:

The most important thing to do in step/phase one is to GO HAVE FUN! This is so important and I cannot stress it enough. You just graduated from a nursing program! You did it! You deserve to go do anything fun! Not just one day of fun. Go have a month long spree of fun, let your brain on overload have a BREAK, and just go do new things, meet new people, see new sights. TRAVEL! And most importantly during this month, don't open an NCLEX book. Chances are during this month post-graduation your ATT test number isn't ready anyway and therefore you don't even have a date set in stone anyway, so just have fun and relax. If you jump into nclex right after graduation, your brain is still on too much stress/overload. It just needs a breather. Also, right after graduation, your mind is probably so focused on what your last semester was information-wise. Take some time to let your brain adjust and re-gather everything you learned over the last four years, you're gonna need it.

In this phase, I went to Europe. At first I was incredibly nervous about this because this delayed any studying by a month after graduation. Meanwhile my fellow classmates were already in NCLEX prep classes not even a week after graduation! I was nervous. I thought, oh man- they are so much already on their game....I'm not even taking any class. How can I possibly pass? But it turns out taking that month off was the best thing I ever could have done.

Step Two: Buy An NCLEX study program/ Book

This is a very very flexible phase. I will tell you what I did, but that is by no means the absolute best way. There are a LOT of great nclex-prep programs and study books out there, but I will tell you what to try and look for.

After I got my test date set in stone, I knew I had exactly 6 weeks. So I bought the NCSBN's Nclex Prep Course for only $50 (VERY worth it!). This was a month long and requires 27 hours per week (on average) to finish it. I certainly did not put that time in, but it was still very worth the money. This program takes you through from the fundamentals of nursing, theory and anatomy up to the very end of nursing. It takes you through a very detailed but concise review of the most important facts you need to know, and then reviews with you with a post-test after each review. It even has a pre-diagnostic test so you can see where your weaknesses are from the very beginning. When you are done with the review sesssions (if you can make it through all of them), there is a couple full practice exams at the very end that you can just do on your own time.

The BEST part is, is that the NCSBN (National Council of the State Boards of Nursing).....(I think)...they DESIGN THE TEST. Um, hello, $50 for a course designed by the people that design the real exam, compared to a $600 nclex prep course by (insert common nclex prep program here) that doesn't design the exam? Its kind of a no-brainer....right?

This is not to say a real course is not for you. Some people need a $600 prep course where you sit in traffic a week after graduation in the hot summer and commute every day to sit in a review course and go over countless questions and then come back and do it again the next day. That is for some people. Some people don't have the attention span to do it over the computer. For less money.

So, eventually that program expires. However, I also had in my back wing a $50 NCLEX prep BOOK ( this one ) to use after the first program expires. Now, I thought this book was great. It was just questions. But it first separates not only by body system but then separates again into particular diseases/syndromes/conditions so that you can review specific things you need help on.  At the end of the book, is about 6 full (180 Q) practice exams that are jumbled in terms of question content. Just like the real nclex.

Now, This is very important. In my opinion, you can't just have questions. Your brain can't fully learn that way. Your brain can't apply what it learns from getting one question wrong to a real question on the nclex. Thats a surefire way to spiral down quickly. If you don't take a review course, you need to find some way to review before/ during your questions. Now there are some books out there that review and then ask questions, but this is what I did... Our school used the ATI nursing exam-prep computer program throughout our entire 4 years at school. Now, thats all good and well because it got us used to nclex style testing very quickly, but the point is this: we got to keep our ATI review books, one book per nursing class. I could find no better way to review.

So I let fate take its course and decide what I needed to review. I used a random number generator and let that decide what page to turn to on my question book, and if it brought me to "Hydatiform Mole" in the maternity section, I would go get my maternity book, review everything about hydatiform mole, and THEN take the 20 questions on it. Your brain needs to review on a topic and then get asked questions on it.....get it? So whether or not you choose to review with the NCSBN course, or ATI, or another random book, or your school notes-textbooks, whatever. Also, remember during review that nclex isn't about remembering every detail about every disease. Know the HUGE points. The obvious obvious points about a lot of things that can happen in nursing. From then on, its all about using that basic knowledge combined with knowing "How to answer a question even if you have no idea what they are talking about".

So I did that random number generator type practice review, jumping around from topic to topic all day, and then did one comprehensive test at night.It is also really important during this stage to TAKE BREAKS. Trust me, I thought there was no way I would pass because I took too many breaks. I have done SO MANY fun things this summer and by no means did I sit at a table doing nclex every day (other than the week of the test). I would do one day of review for about 2 hours, and then wouldn't look at it again for another 3 days and then do another couple-hour review. You have to go at a comfortable pace and do what you feel right for you.

A rule of thumb: the very minute you find yourself re-reading questions for the second, third or fourth time before you actually READ it, stop. Stop studying completely. If its night time, just go to bed or relax. If its in the middle of the day, go do something that doesnt require much brain power. This is your brain telling you, you need a break! Don't be afraid or guilty to take one!



Step Three:


The week of the test, 7 days left to go:

I prepped for what was going to happen the week of the test before the week came. I told friends and family that I would not be able to hang out very much that week, besides the must-do things like work. The week of, (in my opinion) it IS time to buckle down. You DO NEED BREAKS, but this is not a good time to schedule a vacation or take a three day trip to see your best friend. However, study like you've never studied before all day, (10-4) ish, and then relax by night. Watch a movie. Eat healthy. Just relax.


Step Four: Day before the test

Everyone has a different opinion on what to do the day before. I am a nervous worry freak person, and I did not feel ready yet so I kept reviewing, but I set limits. I told myself I would stop no matter what by 5 pm. And I stopped at 5:43 pm (lol), but it was still a nice stopping time. After that, I put it all away. I made a really good dinner, watched a favorite tv show, went out for Rita's with my family, wrote a blog, and took a bubble bath and thought about nothing. Other activities I suggest doing, depending on what you like to do: Listen to music that you LOVE, read a book, watch a movie, go for a run, go swimming, do anything that you love to do that has nothing to do with NURSING! Get away from all things nursing. Give your brain this one last chance to just relax, because you're gonna need all your brain power the next day!

I want to tell you to go to bed early and get lots of sleep, but I know just as well as you that this is unlikely. I went to bed later than I should have and slept maybe all of about 30 minutes because I was nervous. So, not sure how to help you with that other than to say TRY to go to bed early, and get lots of sleep, but...you know. Its hard. I get it.


Step Five: Day of the Test

I had my exam scheduled at 8 AM which I think was WONDERFUL. I woke up at 530, ate a lovely breakfast I made for myself, left house by 615, got there by 7 and was in the registration process by 730.

Taking it so early, I didn't really have time to be nervous. I kind of felt cool and calm, because there is no point in making yourself a nervous bunch of nerves, because there is nothing more you can do at this point to prepare. The best you can do at this point is CALM DOWN, take a deep breath, and use all your brain power to take the exam. That is all.


And that IS all!


If you are taking it soon, know that I know exactly how you feel. I did NOT think I would pass, I had very little confidence. I was nervous that I never took that class, and only studied on my own. I didn't think I was smart enough to take it and pass. But I did. I stopped at 83 questions and that was that.

Tip: when I hit 76, I did the universal freak-out moment. I did. I said I wouldn't freak out but I did. Because its nerve wracking. At 76 you know the computer is unsure about you and you could stop in 3 questions or in 150 questions, and you just have to keep answering. So after 76, I said a little prayer and just really, really, concentrated on each question and did the best I could possibly do- and what do you know- it shut off 8 questions later and I was done. I could have jumped for joy!


So, for all my fellow nursing students out there, it will be OKAY. I promise. It truly is not as bad as everyone makes it out to be. Just REVIEW, PRACTICE A LOT OF QUESTIONS (this gets you used to knowing which answers are B.S.) and keep calm, and carry on!



Sincerely,

A Writer in a Nurses Body

Holy crapzola!

PASSED THE NCLEX!!!!!! More information to come later! I plan on indulging you all with a " how to effectively study for and take the nclex"...because if I could do it, you could
Do it.

I PASSED!!!! I AMMMMM AAAA REGGGGIIIISSSSTTTEERRREEEEDDDDD NNNNNUUUURRRRRRSSSSEEEEE!!!! ahhhhhhhhhhh!





Okay.
Im done :-)
Can I burn my nclex study books now?
Now to begin drawing and writing once more...

It All Comes Down to This

How is it that four years of college.....nearly  $80,000....all means nothing until you pass a two hour (average) test?


NCLEX. Tomorrow.


Failing simply cannot be an option. It just isn't.

I've practiced practice questions to the point of nauseum. I have been making up questions in my sleep.


I had a long, relaxing, encouraging conversation with a friend today that has already been through all this (successfully), and picked up a few tips and learned a little bit more about myself. I learned that I think I'm in the bargaining phase of....anxiety? I just made that up. Just watch, soon it will be in psychology textbooks. Next to the "5 phases of grief" there will be the "phases of anxiety". I do it all the time. When I need something to happen very much, I bargain. I plead, "please, if I can just pass this test, I will save the world. I will do a good deed. I will volunteer more. I will jump out of a plane. I will find a cure for cancer. I will....well, you get the idea.  I just really want to pass this test.


I promise, to all other nursing students that may read this, If i pass, then I promise to write a whole blog dedicated to study tips.


It all comes down to this. Tomorrow. And then I find out Saturday (ish). I'm sure I won't have any fingers left. I've been practically chewing them off one by one.

All my friends, all the people that know me, assure me I will do very well and be fine. But what if I don't? What if I don't?  What then? What if they are all wrong?  I mean, when my friends took it, I assured them they would do great, and I meant it, and they did do great....I just hope the same goes for me.


Nervous beans!!



~WNB

Dreaming Again

Does it ever happen to you where you just can't seem to shake off a dream? No matter how much you think about it and say, OK, i think I can move on now- It just keeps lingering in your thoughts?

I don't know. I have this recurring theme that comes in my dreams (not all the time, but often enough) and it hasn't happened in quite some time. Except this week its come back twice.

Maybe my dreams are lingering because I am dreaming this week, period. I haven't been dreaming a lot at all (or at least, remembering them) and then this week I've had three strong ones already.

But there is nothing you can do to shake it, except to just continue living life and eventually it will fade from your memory. I even sat down (literally, I sat down) prior to writing this entry and thought about the deep psychology meaning of this dream. Thinking that maybe if I could get down to its meaning, It would go away. No luck. Therefore, blog must be written. Lol.


No but really, does this ever happen to you? Maybe not necessarily the dream sequence keeps returning, but the same feeling you had in the dream, keeps being reciprocated to real life, and you think, why do I keep feeling this emotion for no reason? Why do I feel like I have unfinished business? And then you realize its again, surprise, linked back to that dream(s).

Don't get me wrong, I love to dream. If I could take a pill or something that let me dream  every night and remember them all, I so would. I find dreams fascinating and very meaningful....but annoying, at times. They are annoying when you were so convinced that the dream world was real and then you wake up and realize it was all fake, and, welcome to the real real world. Ahh I'm going all Inceptiony on you!

The best is when you are in that waking up stage and are lost in that half-sub-conscious state and you know what you have to do to get ready for the day, and you go through all the motions, and then you wake up 45 minutes later, 15 minutes past your alarm clock, and realize you haven't done any of that yet. Love those mornings (not). I once went as far to actually dream about driving down the highway and going in to work (in the dream state....it was all so real, why wouldn't I believe it?) and then woke up and realized I was still in bed. *sigh*




But anyway...taking the NCLEX thursday (ah!) so I probably won't be posting much until then. Or maybe I will, depends how much I am procrastinating. Like right now. I do want to post about another awesome photoshoot, but we'll see about that.


But for now, over and out (is that what they say?),


~WNB


.

New Important Life Plan

Hey folks!

So. Do you ever notice how at times, the rest of your entire future could be changed by one single thought? One little moment?

I've mentioned at times on this blog that I knew I wanted to be a nurse since my junior year in high school when my history teacher was absent and gave the substitute teacher a video about WWII to play for us. How does this relate to nursing? I don't know. It doesn't. But they happened to show a 5 second clip on nurses in the service taking care of babies and I realized that was what I wanted to do. I wanted to be one of those nurses.  And so despite me changing my mind weekly in high school (child psychology>>PIxar>>architecture>>pixar>>artist/writer>>nurse) here I am today, still on the career path in nursing, my mind unchanged, about to take my NCLEX next week. Ah!

But nursing....nursing has 1,000's of choices once you are an RN. Thats the advantage and disadvantage of nursing. Advantage because you can pretty much travel anywhere and mix yourself with any job and still be an RN. Beauty! Disadvantage? It's so overwhelming! So many choices!


But I have had it narrowed to a couple of routes I would like to take. (Army, air force, maternity, trauma, travel nurse, etc). Paths I could see myself in.

Well, another moment happened that will (probably) shape the rest of my life again. Until another moment intercedes again.

First of all, I realized that although my personality and persona would LOVE to be in air force/army, I just don't think my health/body could handle the demands. Which is ashame. But Important, nonetheless. I need a little bit more of a stable job.

Second of all (the big moment), I was in a patient room Saturday that had a clear view of our hospital's helicopter landing pad. Mind you, helicopters don't land with us often. My small hospital avoids trauma like the apocalypse. But for unavoidable traumas or complicated/worsening medical cases, sometimes helicopters must come in so we can send patients to other hospitals. Well, here I am watching the helicopter crew and I realized that I want nothing more than to be a MediVac nurse (on the helicopter). I have come across this thought many a times before but was never really sure if I wanted it. But standing at that window watching, I could almost feel this magnetic force pulling me there, I wanted to be there so bad. I want to the experienced, smart, efficient, life-saving nurse that is on that helicopter. I do I do I do I do want it so bad.

So, thats that. Its going to be quite the life-plan. I'm starting out by dipping my toes in the water.
This year, a little after I get "comfortable" (as comfortable as a first year nurse can get), I want to get my EMT and join a squad. This will serve two purposes- Confirm the fact that I like trauma and can handle it, and to also get me acquainted with the ER. After my first two year contract is up as a nurse, and if I like the ER scene, I want to look for a job in an Emergency room. Most MediVac Nurse positions require a multitude of ER experience. So I'll work here for quite a few years and then apply (when I feel ready) to be on the MediVacs. Cool, right? Right!
Its at least a 10 year plan. But thats OK. I can do that. :D


So, cool. Studying for my nclex has been.....interesting. I have the attention span of a gnat and its been hard to review. But, the good news is, I skipped over this giant section of my computer program review, pretty much the gigantic section that covered every body system ever and Peds and ER) and I went right to the posttest and got a 55%. So I knew half the information without even reviewing. I'm ok with that. And I plan to keep reviewing and get that score up. Questions, questions, questions.....ahhhh.


Well thats all for now. My scary movie project is going....well? Zombieland last night was actually really funny, even though it was supposed to be funny and not scary anyway. If i had known 3 of my favorite actors were in it, I would have watched it a lot sooner! I give it a 6/10.

Ta ta, folks. With love,

~WNB

I WANNA BE HERE.

.

Don't Kill the Birthday Girl

Hey!

So update on my life....


I got an NCLEX date! Scary business right there. I have exactly one month, starting tomorrow, to study like I have never studied before to pass this test. Failing *is not* an option, as I am already scheduled for work orientation soon after the test! Ah!

Anyway, Saturday me and some new (and old) cool friends went for a hike up, and down, and up and back down, this hiking trail out in PA- "Hawk Mountain". Needless to say, "trail" was an understatement--It was seriously intense! Most of it was figuring out the best way not to die, jumping from rocks to rocks.....but it was the most fun I've had in a long, long time. Seriously needed. Funny how unexpected moments creep up on you like that. It was breathtaking, working so hard to climb up to the top of a mountain, and then to see the view....it was just incredible. To just turn off your phone, eat lunch on a rock overlooking miles and miles, listen to nature.....

I used to be the kid that when we went hiking as a family,  I wanted to take the hard routes. I wanted to climb over all the rocks. I wanted to go in the caves. I wanted to be in the lead and find the pathways. Well, since then my most epic hiking has been stuck with the local reservoir which is mostly all a laid out pathway around a lake reservoir thing. But this....this was what I missed. Seeing a rock ledge above you and its just you, your friends, your sneakers, your strength, your brain, your judgement, your depth perception....its all you. It was a good, well spent day. :-)








Anyway- about my stranggeeeeeeeee title, I read an excerpt in "psychology today" (favoritist magazine ever) about this new book, "Don't kill the Birthday Girl" by Sandra Beasley.

The excerpt was page turning from the very first word. It instantly caught my attention. What is it about? Me. Well, not me me, but my life. She has it a LOT worse, a LOT WORSE than I ever have or will, but I know exactly what she is talking about. This is a memoir written by a girl not much older than me that has lived her whole life trying to survive despite multiple severe food allergies. She has what is a true "allergy" (i.e. anaphylactic reaction). I only have one true allergy- (peanuts), the rest are all inconvenient "intolerances".   So in the excerpt I read she talked about dating in particular and how frustrating it is to expect a guy to ever, ever want to live, date, and take care, or marry someone like this. Beasley quotes, "There is a world of difference between having someone care about you and forcing him to be your caretaker." So true.  She talks of how she has to hide who she really is on dates, and how she has to be the annoying girl fighting with waiters at restaurants instead of just eating normally (I totally get that) and how she even hid a complete anaphylactic reaction on a date until she walked him home, and then she called 911 on the street! Crazy.

Beasley quotes, "Forty minutes passed by in a blur as I tried to keep the date going, pushing hummus around my plate as my body shut down." I've been there. Many, many times. It sucks.

A lot of times I find other people find my many food problems more annoying than I do. I'm used to it. I can find plenty of things to eat still. My closer friends get it, and put up with it. Its my family and new friends that I meet that find it annoying. People worry about me, "Well if we go here, can you eat anything?" The answer is yes, I will find something. If I cant, its not a big deal, you know? Life goes on!

I've blogged about this frustration before, but it sucks having to explain to new people that yes, I'm allergic to that, and no-I can't eat that that you just made for me-and yes, I'm allergic to that too, actually, and no-I'm not kidding, I can't eat that either. And by then all hope is gone of a nice relationship. It sucks denying food people made for you or are offering you because it has a shred of milk in it.

So I totally get where this girl is coming from. I get how hard her life is. She has it a lot worse than I do but I still get her 100%. Needless to say, I bought the book off Amazon 2 days after it was released to the public. So I am really excited to read the rest of this book and find out some of her ways to cope with these allergies. Like I said, I'm OK with it. I just need pointers on how to get others to be OK with it.

Well, this tiredlittlebean should probably get to bed. Tomorrow marks day one of intense, hardcore, no mercy, NCLEX studying. :-\ I need to find the will to just sit at a table all day and do it.....Endless amounts of tea at b&n, thats how :-)


~A Writer in a Nurses Body

PS- Here is a video the author made for the book:

Really good!!!



~WNB

Bringing the Right Side Back

I still have it grained into my brain that I should be studying. Well, I should be studying for the NCLEX but i'm not doing that hardcore until after Europe.

But this is how my thought pattern goes:

Wow this T.v. show is great, but I feel guilty for watching it because I should be studying. Oh wait, I graduated.  Or maybe, I'm gonna draw! I am so gonna draw! I am gonna draw til 4 am! I am gonna draw EVERYTHING i see! I am gonna draw that banana. I am gonna draw my windowsill. I am gonna draw that picture. Oh wait, none of this is a good idea, because I really should be studying something academic related. Oh wait, I graduated.

I tell you, its like I have a 5 minute memory. I keep thinking I should be studying, and I have to remind myself I really, actually have no homework. Its creepishly weird.

I can read books again. For FUN. WHAT? When I'm not working, if I want to kick back and watch mindless t.v. for 8 hours, I CAN.

But more importantly, I am fully charged to bring back the right side of my brain. My artistic side is coming out again ready to go. I think partly to getting a new camera lately in preparation for photography in Europe, mixed with photography apps on the iphone, mixed with drawing, painting....I love it all. This week is all about packing and working but after I get home--And wind down from all the European excitement- I am so gonna draw everything I see. I'm going to draw so much so much so much that I am going to get so much practice and be as good again as I once was. I want to paint again, too! And Not make orange people! I actually think I am going to paint something really abstract. That way you can't tell exactly what it is--and you won't be able to tell that there are orange people or things look weird, because its abstract. OoOoh. With like...shapes, and weird colors in place of people and trees, and things. So, yeah. Art!

UNEXPECTED DELIGHT of today!

I was in Barnes & Noble today, doing my "after I sit for two hours drinking tea and reading The New Yorker- browse walkthrough through the store picking up random books and look through them and want to buy them but know they will never be read so I put them back-  kind of thing when I graced upon the travel section. Obviously, I checked out Europe, and the countries I'll be visiting in particular.

Call me really stupid, insane, unwise, pathetic, unworldly or whatever, But I am not exactly highly knowledgeable about sightseeing in Europe. I'm really not. In fact, I'm not really highly knowledgeable about sightseeing in America, so don't ask me anything. I've even been across most of my country.

Anyway, besides knowing some major cities in each country and knowing each countries major tourist attractions (i.e. Paris=Eiffel tower), I really don't know much else. Now you'd think, If I were really smart- I would like....research....these sorts of things before I went there so I could get a feel for what I would really like to see. But thats not the way I'm doing it.

I'm actually just gonna wing it. Because for me, just walking down the streets of Italy is enough of a tourist attraction for me. I could take 1,000 pictures of just the street. So It really doesn't matter to me if I hit the "must-see" tourist traps attractions. Also, I hate  getting "typical" tourist shots that you could just as easily find on google and save yourself a boatload of memory space on your camera and computer. I'll obviously get a shot of the Eiffel tower, but I do not need 30 different shots of the tower. Instead, I will find some way to make shooting the tower different. Like no other photographer yet. I'm not sure how. But I will.  I like to get shots that you could never find on google- or anywhere else- Like of an old couple enjoying ice cream sitting on a park bench or by an Italian fountain or something. Or of kids playing in the street. I'm the one taking shots of everything else but the tourist attraction we paid money for that everyone else is taking pictures of.

HOWEVER, my unexpected delight of today- I was flipping through a book about Italy. And I turned to a random page- and it happened to be about Juliet's house. Then I realized that this was in Verona (If this is really really common knowledge then I greatly apologize for being so drastically under a rock), and I am SO GOING to Verona! SO this is one of TWO tourist attractions that I MUSTTTT visit!!!   I already knew Verona would be amazing, but this- this I have to go to. I am SO excited to see Juliet's house. The other one I have to see is FLorence Nightingale's Nursing museum in London somewhere (I have to find it). Other than that, I'm just gonna go with the flow. I have nothing on my must-do list besides those, and I think its better that way. Because without any expectations, you can't be disappointed.


I sat in B & N today with all my  Barne's & Noble's language phrase books, and sat there in the aisle mouthing silently all these European phrases. Some phrases I am trying to learn in all the languages I'll need: (German, French, Italian) are:

- I am an American (even though I'm pretty sure they will already know this without me having to tell them).
- I can not have food with milk or cheese.
- Where is the toilet? (everyone in my group will so thank me for this).
- I like your shoes. (brownie points).
- I'm lost (I know I will need this).
- My name is...
- Thank you, please, hello, goodbye....etc.

I've heard that Europeans kind of hate Americans because we are all fat and ugly. And that is understandable because a lot of us are and the typical tourist with their fanny packs and sunglasses that NEEDS mcDonalds everywhere they go and push people around....I would hate them too. But I assure you, we are not all like that. But if silly Americanos come to my country and asked me stupid questions In English, I would throw a rock at them too. But I also hear that tourists are treated a little nicer if they make at least a small effort to blend in and speak a little of the native language. So that is what I am trying to accomplish....whether its via Iphone translation, having a phrasebook in my hand or just literally throwing a couple syllables out there and hope they form a word in that language- I'll figure it out.  ONE WEEK!!


~WNB

P.S. - Ciao! Au Revoir! Auf Wiedersehen! Sin seveder! Pfueatti!

copyright - picture taken from going to google and typing in "Eiffel Tower" and then i clicked on the prettiest one (naturally) and then it said it was taken from www.dailycontributor.com so this is my fancy schpeel of a copyright.

The Many Me's of Future Me

Right now, It is February.

I graduate in May. Early, May.

I take the NCLEX in June, most likely.

It is really, really, really time to start thinking about real and actual and concrete options for the next step in my life. I firmly choose not to say "the rest of my life" because I honestly don't have the commitment for that, unless I end up really, really, really liking my job... which, would be great.

I am really scared.

There are SO MANY CHOICES. I want to do a lot of different jobs. (In Nursing). But the nursing community *tends* to prefer you to choose a "line" of nursing work, rather than try a bunch of different things. OF course, some nurses disregard that advice and dart from working in a NICU to working in a doctors office...But most nurses follow a chain, or line. For example: Start out as EMT Nurse, go to ER nurse, go to ER chief  nurse, go to flight/transport nurse, go to...something crazy. Emergency has a TON of crazy options.

I honestly feel like I am in high school again, and I am changing my mind every single week  on what type of nursing I want to do.

There are four "paths" I can see myself following.

1) Labor and Delivery: I say this because I came into this Nursing program with L&D deadset in my goals- I desperately wanted  to be an L&D nurse and nothing else. Well, that has changed over the last three years, but recently I have been reconsidering that as a strong possibility. Will I be a midwife, as originally planned? Probably not. Is learning how to deliver a baby an amazing skill to possess, in any situation, for the rest of your life, in and out of the hospital? Yes. Will I like working on an L&D floor? Probably.

2) Floor Nurse. Regardless of this is on Med/Surg, or Oncology, or telemetry, or wherever...I think I would like being a floor nurse. Even if it is "at the bottom of the nurse chain" as far as nurse positions go, I would feel OK there. Once I got in my comfortable "been on the job for awhile" shoes. This reflects two parts of me. The part that wants to just be alone and come to my job, do really good work, and go home. It also reflects the part that desperately wants to make a set of nurse-friends on a floor that I can trust and rely on and laugh with, a lot. I want that. I want both parts. There are two nurses on my current floor that always work together and they always are making each other (and everyone else) laugh, and always have each others backs. I want that. But at the same time I feel that being on the floor promotes independence, if you so desire. I see a lot of nurses on my floor that are plenty sociable with the other nurses, (as I would be), but they stick to themselves and get their own work done. I can see myself being either.

I know, that as a floor nurse, I would be the best that I possibly knew how to ever do. I have a lot of Med/Surg experience. All I need perfection on is the actual "Nursing skills" (i.e. IV's, wounds, foleys, talking to doctors, reading doctors writing, calling doctors, giving meds, etc.). I have the "compassion" down and the Therapeutic communication down. the Caring. I'm working on my critical thinking and physical assessment skills. They will come. As a floor nurse, I would put every thing I have learned over the past 5 1/2 years as an aide and past 3 years as a student nurse and put it into giving every single one of my patients all of my attention and doing everything I can for them. That, I can't wait for. I always try to do that now, on my job, but it is very hard to do when you have 30 patients. I look forward to managing 6-10 patients (even though that is still a lot of work).

Units I would Like:
-pediatrics
-telemetry (maybe)
-adolescent
-burn unit?

3) Emergency.

I never thought I would ever be putting emergency as a third option in my future. And its true...I'm not normally a fan of the emergency room. I never, ever came into this program ever expecting to like emergency nursing. However, it all started when I realized bigger goals that I had required emergency room nurse experience. (flight nurse, NASA, etc). At first I said- Okay, fine. So much for those goals. But after revisiting the idea a couple times, and actually spending a clinical day in the E.R., I wouldn't shoot the idea down completely....

this is why: (another part of me)- hence the blog title-
1) I like to work fast. I like having a TON of things on my mind to do. I like feeling scatterbrained. Not all the time, of course, but I like being busy. It makes me feel important, and needed. Like I am doing really important work. I like the thought of climbing up on a stretcher on my 14th hour of work and doing CPR. I like being so busy that I forget to even eat. Thanks to my ADD, I like having something to do every five seconds.
2) Patients are on a high turnover. This is a disadvantage and advantage- dis because if you like them, you can't connect with them, you can't get to know them. The most you can do is leave a lasting impression on them to help represent your hospital and move on to the next patient. Advantage because if you don't like the patient...well, they are in someone else's hands pretty soon. I would be seeing a lot more than 6-10 a day. But for shorter periods of time. ER nurses need excellent critical thinking skills, and need to be fast. Excellent instincts....Can I do that, though?

4) Holistic Nursing-
Okay. This is funny. A couple of months ago I was in an extreme holistic phase. I wanted to treat myself holistically and the rest of the world. I was obsessed. Have a headache? Take this herb. I wanted to focus on nutrition. This all sounds lovely, but pretty much means I would have to be a nurse practitioner. There are a *couple* other options with holistic nursing...but, I'm just not sure. I don't think I want to land in an NP position. But then again I once said I never wanted to do ER nursing. I still like nutritional healing. But I have lost a *lot * of faith in the whole shebang because all of my personal treatments for my own health failed, and I am back to square one- despite making a lot of dietary changes. And I can't afford to make an appt to actually see the HNP to discuss what else I could do...and then she would prescribe a lot of things, and thats a lot more $$, and I just don't know. Its complicated. So, Holistic nursing is still a possibility. But I'm thinking....less of a possibility than it once was.

Okay. This is a long post. But I got a lot of important thinking done. Tomorrow, or Sunday, look for Part 2: Actual Options, not Pathways. I.e.-Getting Specific. I also will talk about the student nursing convention I just got back from (I learned a LOT!!!) and update you on my new york times mission. But its late and this is long enough for tonight. Thank you for reading..

With immense amounts of love,

~ A Writer in a Nurse's Body

P.S.-

Things I could NEVER see myself working in ( I say this now, to document it!)
- Intensive Care Unit of any kind
- Psychiatric
- Oncology


PSS- THis actually isn't that long of a post. I thought I typed a lot longer. But I did a lot of thinking, so it counts as a long post. :)