"When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely illusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long... What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfill? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?"


Friday, December 31, 2010

THIS Year's Resolution's

Okay...so, I've thought all day about how I want this year's resolutions to go down. This is the first year that I was able to actually read what I wrote as last year's resolutions...usually I just am like, "Oh, it was probably to lose weight or something...But THIS YEAR, THIS YEAR IS GONNA BE EPIC." But as you can see, last year was clearly an epic fail. I met like...what? Two? Three? So I wanted this years to be a bit more attainable...realistic. But we'll see. I've thought a lot about it. I don't want to make the typical "Lose weight, watch finances better, keep room clean" type resolutions. Boring, and typical. Ok so here goes.

1) I want to learn. I feel like such a dumbass either when I'm talking to smart people or when I'm trying to do something by myself (usually something simple) and I realize that I am not capable of living on this earth and cannot do anything. The other night I went out with a good friend who got a degree in political science. So we talked a lot about politics.

I had no idea what he was saying.

And that seriously bothers me! I want to know, I want to be able to talk about the Health Care Reform. See, I don't even know if that should be capitalized or not! I only JUST learned LAST YEAR that you put TWO spaces after every period when writing a paper. WTF?

Anyway, its not just politics. I know nothing about religion. I want to know, though. But every time I try and read bible stories or pay attention in church, I get extremely lost and give up and start thinking about fun colors and songs in my head. Yesterday when I was babysitting, I was cleaning up their house toys and found this book that was "Bible stories: For Children" and I was like, oh, this is totally what I need. So in the middle of my child-watching duties, I was all like, hold up- I have to read this book and catch up. It had all the stories. But unfortunately, kids are crazy and get into everything and I could not keep reading, nor could I realistically steal it and take it home for later reading.

So, politics, religion...Shakespeare, literature, famous people...famous bands, famous movies....Stuff that people know. And thats just what people talk about. The other day I had to google whether or not I could use olive oil to make eggs because I couldn't find cooking spray. I also had to google how to use a real tea kettle and not a water boiler. Do not laugh. I am ashamed. Really. So it's stuff like that. Stupid stuff. Sometimes people ask me to do stuff, and I'm like....seriously? You're gonna have to show me how to do that.

THe funny thing is...this friend that I was with? The whole time (I found out later on in the night) he thought I was smart! HA! Just because I have a whopping 3.5 GPA (which isn't even that high in my nursing program), that makes me a genius, apparently. This friend complained that his GPA was in the 2.0's, I considered him smarter. Because he knew how to talk about things in this world...important things. All I know how to talk about is nursing stuff...and half the time I have no idea what I'm talking about with that, either. So its a lose-lose. :-(

So how do I accomplish this resolution? Well...I don't know. I plan to like....read the paper more. I guess. Because that has worldly important things in it, right? I'm already reading a lot of books...even though they are all nursing. So...I guess reading the paper is all I've got right now. And paying attention to smart people when they talk.

2) This is sort of a spin off of number one. I need to pay attention to people when they talk. I have ADHD (self-diagnosed) and when someone is talking and talking and talking, especially about a topic that I have no interest in, my ears literally shut off. Its like a defense mechanism gone haywire. It is really bad, because while the person is talking about something they deem really important, I am thinking about oompa loompas and prairie dogs and green things and how i should eat more vegetables and fruits and less carbs but then what kind of carbs? Why are carbs that bad, actually? Shit, do i have to babysit tomorrow? Crap. I totally forgot. what time was that? I should get a calendar. and stick to it. And -
"Julie? What do you think?"
and I'm all like FUDGESTICKS I HAVENT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION EVEN THOUGH I TRIED REALLY HARD."

Its really not something I'm proud of. Its really a problem. Especially when I'm supposed to be listening to something I know is super important. Like in clinical when my instructor was giving me a free pass and explaining to me before we went into the patient room how to hook a piggyback into a primary IV bag thats currently running, and I found my ears turned off. I got bits and pieces.

I guess when the topic doesnt interest me or doesnt make sense, I just stop listening. Solution? Listen to every single word and process what is happening. Get some ADHD medication. Either of those two would work out great.

Okay so as of now, those are my two resolutions. I plan to add on, maybe tonight or tomorrow or something...but thats all I thought of today. Those are two pretty big things to work on. We'll see how it goes. :)

~WNB

UPDATE:

So, I just had a depressing moment. I just voted on a poll on facebook that was all, 'do you think 2011 will be awesome??" and my immeditate reaction was YES! but then, my overthinking, overanalyzing self was like....well...actually, no. 2011 is the scary year. Hopefully, an amazing year, if it all works out nicely....but, nonetheless, a year about uncertainty, and graduating, and getting a JOB, and getting through the first couple months of that job...and liking it.....Scary :-\

So, my third and final resolution is this:

3) Have more confidence in myself. Just....go with the flow. Fate/Destiny has a plan. It will all be OK in the end...I just have to be the best that I can be...take care of myself, and have days to de-stress. It will all be OK. I hope by this time in 2012, I can look back on 2011 and say "awww, what the heck was I so worried for? 2011 was fantastic!!" My 20's are supposed to be the best years of my life. I hope nursing doesn't prevent that...:( *stress*

Picture of the Week (On time!)

YAY ITS TIME FOR THE PICTURE OF THE WEEK! Be excited, be excited beeeee exxxcccitteed!

Okay. I apologize. I had a headache all night and this morning so from my meekly little bed I texted my dad, and I was like "Please get me excedrin? I am dying. I really am. And an icepack? I love youuuu." So I took 3 excedrin and DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH CAFFEINE THEY HAVE?

A_LOT! a boatload.

So excuse my minor hyperness.

OKAY. Picture time!

Okay So I took this picture about a month ago. At my school. It was kind of our first snow fall, back when snow and I were still friends. It was frigid and therefore I was unhappy but when I turned the corner to go to the dining hall, I saw this beautiful assortment of snow and colors. I first snapped a picture for my dad, the weatherman, to brag about the fact that we got snow and home didnt, but then I realized that it was a pretty picture and I was all like, "I'm going to make this picture of the week".. And here it is. A lovely picture.

Okay the following has absolutely nothing to do with picture of the week but I don't want to make it a new blog post so I'm adding it to this one. As you all know, (probably) by now, is that I am oddly obsessed with dreams. I have this fantastic and hilarious dream interpretation book and you can pretty much look up anything you want in it that you dreamed about and it will tell you what that means. One time, (this is real life. not a dream), when my family and I were on vacation in New Hampshire, we stopped at this Mom & Pop type diner to get coffee and food and fuel up so we could keep driving or sightseeing or whatever we were doing. At the time, I was even more obsessed than usual with dreams because I had just gotten the dream book so I literally looked up everything. I even made charts, analyzing my 12 year old dreams. So I'm all like "Look everyone I can look up your dream" even though no one in my family cared. But, the waitress at the time, cared. She sat down next to us and was all like, "CAN YOU INTERPRET MY DREAM, PLEASE?" I forget the dream now but it had something to do with fixing a tooth. It wasn't in my book and I was all like, "I'm sorry." My family quickly finished their coffee and we booked it real fast out of there. End of story. Sorry for the anticlimactic ending. I just realized the memory seemed funnier and more dramatic in my head.

Point of story, last night I had a dream that my old dance teacher, who I'm pretty sure is also a Nazi, or a warrior of some kind, or an ex-militant executive, or Satan perhaps, was attacking me with a wooden stick, in my basement. In her dance leotard. How messed up is that? Needless to say, since it was my basement and I knew a secret way out, I tricked her and took the secret way and was totally like, "there is no way she just saw me do that and there is no way she would think to go up the normal staircase and end up in the same place as me and attack me again, because this is my dream and I am escaping." I also had a dream that I travelled to London and it was awesome. like, even awesomer than I ever would have expected. And it was totally not raining. It was gorgeous. Even though I would still think London was the best place on Earth (do you need to capitalize earth?) even if it rained every day. Which, I've heard, that it does. Back to point...This is my dream interpretation:

ATTACK:
Being attacked and not harmed: Will soon have good fortune. (woot!)
ESCAPE:
Escaping from accident or injury: Good things will come in life.

I think these results are pretty consistent with the message that 2011 will be AWESOME!

I also had a dream (this was all last night, I kid you not) that I was fixing a toilet on stage and everyone was watching and it was very stressful. But fixing toilets were not in the book. Unfortunately. But if it was, I'm pretty sure it would also say 2011 will be awesome.

IF you want me to interpret your dream for you, I totally will. Just comment with some keywords in your dream. Or type the whole thing out. I don't care. The weirder they are, the better. I would never judge. I just got attacked by my old dance teacher. With a stick. Beat that!

I'm sorry the second half of this had nothing to do with picture of the week. my bad. Its the hyperness. :-)

~WNB

Thursday, December 30, 2010

Last Years Resolutions

So this post is going to be about reflecting on last year's resolutions, posted on this blog, on December 31st, 2009. No need to post the link, because I'm going to put them in this blog, for you. :-) My bold font will be talking (typing), in modern-day. Just so you don't get confused. And tomorrow, I'm going to make a post about this year's resolutions. I don't have any yet but I'm going to work really hard tomorrow and think of some good ones.

Last Years:

I want to Learn Chinese!! I actually want to learn every language (at least 10) and Chinese has always fascinated me, so good place to start. I know a lot of Spanish and a tid bit of French, but I'm ready to take on China. And Sign Language is a very close second.


Okay. So. It turns out that I didn't learn any new languages. New Year's Resolutions are funny because when you make them you are SO SURE that you are going to follow through, so sure! It does not seem illogical in any way, shape, or form, and you are completely sure you are going to do it. I was totally sure I was totally capable of learning 10 languages this year.

Turns out, I even went to Barnes & Noble and was all like, "I'm gonna buy Rosetta Stone. It's going to be totally awesome and I'm going to be fluent in 10 languages by 2011 because Rosetta Stone is awesome and I'm going to be able to travel anywhere I want and talk to anyone I want. In case I haven't already stated, I thought it would be totally awesome. Instead, I was all like......"Oh, hey I found Rosetta Stone. This looks nice. I'm gonna buy it. Oh wait, It costs HOW MUCH? .......o_0.........WHY?"

So I didn't buy it. And, I didn't learn any languages.

Sorry Rosetta Stone. Don't sue me. You already have enough money. Clearly.


I need to continue my weight loss regimen, so I guess this is and isn't a "resolution". Its been a rocky road in terms of losing weight but at least it's a road at all and best I can do with the new year is to keep trying. I need to be 20 pounds less by next year!


Again, with the whole failure to make a realistic goal....20 pounds? Maybe If I had Jillian Michaels living in my house. I lost like 5 pounds. Over a year. Awesome.

I need to keep better control of my finances…big time. Its not that I spend a lot of money, but the money I do spend I spend without keeping track of and then I get my bills…and I just feel out of control. I don't know where any of it possibly went. But I guess that's a typical part of life…but I have to try. It will never be perfect, but I need some sort of system…any ideas?

this failed miserably. Totally miserable. I tried apps on my phone. I tried not spending anything ever. Then I realized I needed food. And like...gas. I tried only spending a certain amount every day. I tried writing everything down in a little notebook but I got depressed that I was spending significantly more than I was making and it made me sad.

I need to stop biting my stupid fingernails!!!!! Enough said.

I never stopped :( I bite them when I'm nervous/anxious. I've been nervous/anxious a lot this year. Thats my excuse.

I need to do a heck of a lot better in my studies. I haven't been good enough. Have to keep trying. Med surg is coming this spring, and it will be the hardest class yet. I have to put every ounce of effort I possibly have into this course.

Well. Med Surg 1 was ridiculously hard. I did well...but not great. I expected it to be hard. And it was a lot harder than I thought it would be. But, I was prepared for Med Surg 11 and It went a little better and I passed everything YAY. YAYYAYYAY I DID ONE RESOLUTION YAY.

I need to focus on being happier with living in my skin. I have been very on edge lately and I can't place why. But that's another blog, like I said.

I have been a LOT happier. I think I've just had a different spin on things and have been looking at things differently. I have learned a lot. I have updated on this blog a lot more, and that has helped the happiness factor. I have found inner happiness within myself, by myself, and it is all happy everywhere.



I want to read more!! And paint more!! (Summer activities).

I have been reading a lot more! Mostly nursing books. But thats okay. They were excellent. And I painted a painting and I thought it was really, really good but then a couple months later I came home from school and looked at it and I was like.....crap. This painting is not good. Then I started another one and it has been sitting....half drawn, half painted....with all the paintbrushes and crap on top of it in the corner of my room...since I started it. So, um....this resolution was sort of accomplished?


Epic fail. I used to think it was good. Until I re-assessed the situation and realized I made him *orange*.

I need to keep my room clean as I can.

I have significantly improved on the room-cleanliness factor. Its not perfect, but significantly improved.

I need to keep my car as clean as I can!! It makes me sad to drive it.

This. DId. Not. Happen. I'm sorry, dear car. :-( This was not a realistic goal. Not for me.

I need to focus on de-stressing more, because this has been ridiculous! J

HA! I ended up in the hospital because my colon was too stressed out. HA! So, this was not realistic.

 
 
I really don't even know what to say about these resolutions. No comment. I plan to update this later and put pictures in. I think? Maybe.
 
~WNB.

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

The Unsurpassable amounts of snow blog, as promised...(with PICTURES!)

Have you ever shovelled snow as tall as you? (well, almost?) Because I can now proudly add that to my resume.  Unfortunately most companies won't really give a flying fudgestick. Anyway, my family decided to continue on with our annual Long Island trip this year to celebrate Christmas with my grandmother and uncle. Despite the snow forecast (A bajillion feet of snow is coming. To Long Island.) So we drove up (across?) to Long Island on Christmas day and settled in, and watched the snow start to fall early the next day. It was a great day. We played board games, drank a boatload (thats a lot) of tea, cooked fun things like STUFFING (I love stuffing) and potatoes, and meat and stuff like that. Occasionally we looked outside and thought, aw, how pretty. Or, "ooh, wow, it certainly is windy, isn't it?" I would occasionally ask a friend at home, "Hey, hows the snow there?" To only get a minimal response of "Not much...an inch maybe?" Which led me to make the face of...."o_0" aka (That's lame.) Little did I know...


SO, the next morning we all woke up and were all like WOW LOOK AT ALL THIS SNOW. To better illustrate the magnitude of HAPPY snow, here is a picture:


Notice you can't see the street that I so kindly pointed out for you. ALSO NOTICE the TWO FEET of snow that you see on the bush in front of you. But, at that moment in the day, I was elated to see two feet  of snow in front of me, because hey, I hadn't seen my good friend snow yet this year, and I was happy to see two feet's worth of my good friend, snow on our first meeting together. We had breakfast and it was jolly. We sang happy songs and did happy dances because of all the snow and made adventurous plans to go be jolly in the snow and make snow angels and jump in it and cause massive amounts of frostbite. It wasn't until I heard the following sentence, pointed in my direction, that I started to wonder how good of friends me and snow actually were: "Were going to have such a fun time shovelling..."

At first, I was all like YEAH! Dude, I get a workout! This is awesome because I forgot my wii workout program at home and this could be my pseudo-workout! DUDE I'm going to be BUFF. So we (my dad and I) suited up and we trekked outside to shovel. It was still two feet (unfortunately none had melted)...and the snowblower was deemed not-usable. So everything was going great. I was shovelling the walkway and my Dad was digging our van out. It wasn't until I turned the corner, to approach the driveway, that I realized snow and I were not friends anymore.

I forgot, or maybe failed to realize that because it was so windy, snow drifts. Yes, isn't that nice? So, even though we got 2 feet of snow which was a lot to begin with, that tip of drift you see on the left there is approximately 4'8".  K? Folks, I am not used to this. I do not live, nor do I ever plan to, live in Wisconsin. (Thats the only place I can think of that gets a lot of snow. I'm sure there are other places. Like, Long Island for instance.) I'd also like to mention that snow drifts really don't care about your well being, and like to taunt you and there is probably a wind-snow god laughing ridiculously as I stood there, looking at the unsurpassable amount of snow ahead of me. Snow drifts are not fair because, the neighbor got like, 2 inches of snow. Approximately. Because it all ended up on our driveway.

o_0.

So I'm not going to bore you with the shovelling details. It was hard. There was a lot of grunting (mostly by me) and my dad thought I had suddenly turned Chinese, or was playing tennis or something because I suddenly thought that if I could make a really annoying sound each time I lifted a shovelfull of snow, that maybe, just maybe, it would be easier to lift.

But we did it. It took us five hours to make a pathway to my grandma's car, and we almost gave up, many times. But we persevered. I went inside and hid underneath my covers with a cup of tea.

BUT THEN. OH, THERE IS MORE. IT GETS BETTER.

Two days later, after the roads were deemed passable and driveable on, we decided it was time to head home. It wasn't until we were about halfway home, did we realize that even though our humble town in NJ only got 3-4 inches, that our driveway was most likely going to be a sheet of 3-4 inches of snow and ice. And its uphill too, I'd like to add.

We had high hopes for something different. Such as:
"Well maybe it melted." or.."Maybe one of our neighbors plowed it"...or, "maybe our neighborhood didn't get any snow..magically"

neither of those high hopes happened.
Instead, we pulled up to our driveway and my dad was all like:

"I think we can get up. It doesnt look that deep."
Mom was all like, "I don't think we can".
Dad: "I dont care. Lets try it."

So we tried it. It was going really well until we stopped exactly halfway up, and heard the wheels spinning and the van was officially not moving. In retrospect, I am very mad I did not get out and take a picture for the sole purpose of blogging, so instead I drew a picture:



So thats how it all went down. In case you are from Mexico or somewhere where snow NEVER happens EVER, snow is NOT in fact Purple. It is white. However, you try and DRAW snow. White snow. On a white background. So I made it purple for the day.

So we got out, got our bare essentials and trekked into the house. We went back out. And shovelled. We dug out van out first, which was very difficult because the tires had pounded the snow into the blacktop, making a lovely sheet of snow/ice which is not shovel-friendly.

So thats my story of the blizzard of 2010. In long island. It was epic.

Needless to say though, me and snow have still not made up. we are still not friends. It will have to take a lot of work to rebuild that friendship. Maybe, one day.

~ A Writer in a Nurse's Body

EDIT:

my spell checker keeps telling me Unsurpassable is not a word that it recognizes. However I refuse to change it because I like it and I think it describes the amount of snow that we faced. Sorry for the possible confusion.

Trial Run

I am experimenting with adding a facebook button to this blog....(see below) but I really don't think I will keep it up long...mainly because:

1) I won't add you as a friend if I do not know you

2) What's the point in having a facebook button if I'm only going to tease you with the aspect of going to my page but I shall not as you as a friend if you have not spoken to me in person in this current lifetime?

I don't know. I'm really not sure why I did it. Boredom? Procrastination?

Needless to say, the button is there. That is me. o_O


UPDATE:
I am also working on adding my twitter, with a fancy little button, but the gadget is currently down. Instead, you can now "tweet" about my blogs if you like them. And, have a twitter. You need that in order to tweet. For now, you can just go to my twitter if you so feel the desire to:

http://twitter.com/#!/tmewrtr1127

YAY

ANOTHER UPDATE:

I thought of a good reason for me to have put the facebook button on! You can poke me . Or, message me. Messages are nice. But then again you couldhave emailed me too, without the facebook button.....regardless, yay for poking and emailing!

For this week...

My new musical obsession for the week is Ryan Star. I can't believe he has been MISSING from my musical collection all this time! He is fascinating!! I love it! I hope to keep him around for longer than a week, but when I have a new musical obsession, I tend to play it over, and over, and over....and over....and then it gets really tiring and after awhile I'm just like, blah, and I find something new and I'm like OH! I HAVE TO PLAY THIS ALL THE TIME. And you see where the cycle never ends...



:-)

Ryan Star, everyone. Listen up. Listen to him.

Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Apologizations

I am currently lacking blogging mo-jo because I am so overcome with fascination and laughter because I have recently discovered the awesome-ness of Allie Brosh. And her blog. See link below.

In fact, it is so funny, that I have become completely obsessed with this blog. I have started thinking of funny situations in life and how they would make perfect blogs in her blog, but not mine. Because she is brilliant and hilarious. I visualize funny situations happening in my life, with her little pink dress and blond pigtails and evil red eyes. So funny. I have even laughed-OUT-LOUD...MANY times...to this blog, and that is a rare occasion.

Oh, believe me. I have tried to write my own blog posts over the last two days. But every topic that I come up with seems infinitesimal and pointless in comparison to the awesomeness that is hyperboleandahalf. But, I do have a big post coming on New Years eve AND New years day, and I may post a blog later tonight or tomorrow about the unsurpassable amounts of SNOW we got. But, now I feel better explaining why my blog has been MIA. Also because its Christmas and Ive been spending time with my family. But more so because I have been too busy laughing. Check out her blog:

http://www.hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/

so. funny.

~WNB

First dates

Its always fun watching people on a first date :-) The awkwardness..the petty laughter, the carefully planned sentences...the smiles....or..."Check please!!" , depending on how it goes...;)

Saturday, December 25, 2010

A Beautiful Message

A Beautiful, heart-warming message from our President, and First Lady :




Merry Christmas everyone! <3

Merry Christmas to All....

Merry Christmas to All....



Merry Christmas to those who labor this night on behalf of others: nurses and doctors, police officers and firefighters, gas station attendants, pilots and taxi drivers and all those whose work prevents them from sharing this evening with those they love. Thank you.

Merry Christmas to all soldiers that are serving their country tonight instead of warm and at home with their family. Thank you, U.S. Army, U.S. Air Force, U.S. Coast Guard, U.S. Navy. Thank you for keeping us safe tonight.

Merry Christmas to all those that all ill or are in grief- may bright days find you soon. <3

And, for my good friend who may or may not read this, Merry Christmas to all Disney Cast Members! Thank you for giving us all joy, and spending your Christmas giving joy to others in the parks!

And since I know I have many out-of-country readers,

Merry Christmas, Feliz Navidad, Joyeux Noel, Kala Christouyenna!, Buone Feste Natalizie, Sawadee Pee Mai, Feliz Natal, Linksmu Kaledu...just to name a few.


And from my lovely Christmas service:

<3

...And to all, a Goodnight!

~A Writer in a Nurse's Body

Friday, December 24, 2010

Go Figure

So I'm reading this excellent book again (yay) called "The Nightingale of Mosul" and It is a memoir/biography of a nurse that recently served as an army nurse in Iraq, in 2006. I love these kind of books because I came so close to being an army nurse myself, that by reading this, I feel like I'm reading my alternate universe. Anyway, I wanted to bring up a funny (sort of)...more Ironic, point that she brought up. Here is the passage:

"We soon boarded a plane and flew to Kuwait, the sovereign Arab emirate that borders Iraq on the South. We traveled aboard a commerical chapter on a DC-10. Everyone on our unit had at least one weapon (sometimes two), but we were still prohibited from bringing on knives and liquids. Go figure."

Really? Understandably, bombs could be in liquids...and that would be very damaging. And very sad, if a U.S. Soldier wanted to bomb the carrier he was on....But, if a U.S. Soldier went postal and wanted to harm the rest of his unit, couldn't he use one of his two guns strapped on to him? I understand and agree with the practice of not letting common people on planes with liquids or any weapons, but U.S. soldiers? Air force? Marines?

I guess I'm just naive and don't know anything.

But, I like learning about the army. I don't know very much but like to learn. And especially to learn about army nursing. If any one knows some other good books written by army nurses, please, do share. :)

~ A Writer in a (wannabe army) Nurse's Body

P.S.- Here is the Book:

Power

We had a power outage last night.

I don't know about you, but I am a deep sleeper, usually. THat is, when it comes to sounds. There have been many times when someone asks me the next morning if I "Heard" them or something making loud sounds, and my usual response is no. However, I could be in the deepest sleep ever and I will always hear a Power outage...which is funny, because it really doesn't make a loud sound, just the calming drone of everything powering down at once. I like that sound. I like power outages because everything is so quiet. Its almost as if you forget that electricity runs through the house, through the walls....until it turns off and you realize how quiet it can be. And then I like the sound of everything turning back on again. I think it sounds like the plane engines turning on for the first time....(Ok maybe not that loud, but similar). :)


My workout regime is going awesome-ly! I'm on day 4. Lost 2 pounds, WOAH, lol. I'm eating better. TOday I ran a mile..thats definitely rare, (for me). So, yay! Tootaloo....

Oh, and Merry Christmas Eve everyone, and Merry Holiday! <3

~WNB

Thursday, December 23, 2010

Jar of Hearts

Who do you think you are?


Runnin’ ’round leaving scars,

collecting a jar of hearts;

tearing love apart.

You’re gonna catch a cold
from the ice inside your soul.

- Christina Perri

Major Writing Mishap...

I have been a writer since I can remember starting grade school. Unfortunately, I didn't think to date things back then and I don't know how old I was when I wrote some things. I wish I had just dated them! But I can usually tell by my handwriting...Anyway, I have piles and piles of story after story that I wrote during grade school. I had such big ambitions, and yet I was showing signs of the ADHD I am pretty sure I still have to this day. I could never stick with one story. Hence, this results:


Now that I am home for break, I am organizing all these stories. Each different "pile" that you see is a different novel/story line. My longest one, the pink one in bottom right, made it to about 50 pages. My shortest one is 5 pages. The funny thing is, this only represents grade school (about 5th grade to freshman year in HS). I keep the more "modern" novel lines (which exhibit better writing skills, better planning, more realistic plot lines...longer pages..) in another spot and have to tackle them (4) another time. So, in total, I have approximately 15 major novels that at one time, I had plans to finish. When I was in grade school I was so positive I would be a writer. I couldn't imagine anything different. I put so much passion into writing these stories, I had so many ideas...Although my grammar really, really, really, really sucked, I had great talent in dialogue and capturing emotion and setting, which are still my main weaknesses and strengths. Anyone that reads this blog knows I still suck with grammar! (Sorry Jess! ) I've been through three major writing workshops and it has been said many times that I excel in dialogue and setting, which I love to do. Who knows why I am so bad with grammar...you'd think for wanting to be a writer since age 10, I would pay better attention to these lessons....

Anyway, I am organizing these stories by typing them into the computer. This way I have them all together, and they are easier to read, and maybe one day I can still "save" the original novel idea I had when I was younger and make it into a bigger, better novel that is a lot more realistic.

For example, I cracked up laughing when I saw the following, what I wrote. I don't know how old I was when I wrote this but it is a pure example of me not thinking things through.

I begin this novel with a "Preclude" and it is supposed to take place in 1447. Okay, fine. The story begins with a war scene, with two soldiers talking about needing more manpower, etc. Okay, that's fine..Then It switches to a distant village that has yet to be attacked, and it focuses on two girls that are shopping for dresses for their "Turning 15" celebration, where they become "women" and are married off, etc. Okay...still ok, but pushing it. But then, but then....IT GETS BETTER. I end the excerpt I had wrote at the time with the following:

"Your friend Nelly has decided to continue on in the shoppe, and told us to head on home, if that is alright with you." Said Mary, as she pulled out her keys. Nelly would be able to drive soon. She was so excited.

Unless cars were invented in the 1400's and I didn't know about then this is considered SEVERELY out of context!!! I read this, and I couldn't even put in to the computer I was so ashamed/laughing so hard. I was on such a good track...war, villages, shopping, etc., and then driving.

I had to share. It made me giggle. I can't believe myself sometimes. Expect me to share a little more funny things I come across, in later blogs. :)

~A (silly) Writer in a Nurse's Body

Wednesday, December 22, 2010

An Afterthought

Speaking of time travel...If you could go back to some point in your own life and tell yourself to do certain things you wish you had done, or tell yourself not to do things you did do, would you bother?

Sometimes the bad past experiences, our mistakes, are what shape who we are today...for the better. Some mistakes are meant to happen. If that mistake hadn't been made then, it may have just been made later on. Some mistakes lead to brighter opportunities....and very important lessons. Although some people can specifically pinpoint a particular experience they wish they could re-do and they believe that that would solve all of their current problems.

Sometimes I just wish I could write a letter to myself from the past. I would write it to me at age 14. I don't think I would try to change anything, I would just try and persuade myself to not take things for granted as much, to eat less Burger King, drink more water, be nicer to people, don't TRUST people as easily, go to church more, and to not take people that love me very much for granted. Typical teenager, I guess, but still. I still wish I could change things. Oh, and I would also tell myself to take high school seriously. I could have done so much better...After struggling through Nursing school, high school in retrospect seems like literally a slice of pie. If only I had realized then how easy it was....

*sigh*.

Just Imagine the Possibilities...

This thought occurred to me the other day. It happened to occur to me while I was driving...it's so easy to let your mind travel off and daydream while you drive. Anyway, the epiphany of the day was this: What if, in a hundred years, give or take a few, humans learned how to actually travel through time? Ok, hear me out on this one. Given the fact that yes, it is highly unlikely and impossible, you never know. Certain physicists have looked into the possibility of being able to confound time and therefore make it possible. I would believe it if they said it was possible. So lets hypothetically say that right now, in this day, time travelling was a possibility. Whether that be future, or past, I'm not sure...I wonder what one would be more likely to be scientifically possible. So, lets say you can travel to the past. Who would you go visit?

Being that my grandmother is quite possibly my very best friend, I would choose to visit her, when she was close to my age. I would also try and visit my teenage self and tell myself not to do a lot of stupid things I did. Or to do a lot of good things I did too. Or didn't do. But then that tampers with who I am now, so probably not the best idea. If we *could* travel to the past, I'm sure there would be ground rules. Only special people would be able to do it first, like military personnel, and world leaders I'm sure. THey wouldn't let every household to have a time travelling machine to be just as common as the refrigerator, otherwise half of us probably wouldn't exist....(If you think about it). Rules would be along the lines of: Don't tell anyone you are from the future, under any circumstances. You would probably end up in a psych ward. Don't tamper with history?

Anyway, back to the point, I would visit my grandmother. She was born in 1930 and I would want to meet her in college, probably anywhere in 1950-1951. I would need to do a lot of research before travelling to that era....!! But I wouldn't be able to tell her who I was, her granddaughter, as much as I would want to. She wouldn't recognize me, as she hasn't met me yet. There is a possibility she wouldn't even like me...She has to like me now, its in the granddaughter-grandmother contract signed at birth! :)

So, my FINAL point of this blog is, who is to say that MY granddaughter, or actually probably great granddaughter hasn't thought of the same thing? In 100 years, what if they can travel to the past and she wants to meet me right now? How would we know any different? Think about it. You wouldn't. Providing they did research on this time period, dressed and talked like us, and didn't mention the fact that they were from 2110, who would know? What if your best friend right now, or someone new in your life, was your future granddaughter/grandson? Or anyone, that wants to meet your current (past) self.....Has there ever been anyone in your life that randomly came up to you to have a lengthy conversation with you and then you never saw them again, and they seemed genuinely interested in you? (And they weren't a pickpocket!) ? Think about the possibility....what if....what if your --best friend-- is actually from the future, but doesn't want to return to the future so they are staying in this time period, to stick around you? What if you fell in love with someone from the future but didn't know?? AH, think of the possibilities...I think I am brewing a novel here. Although its on the eerie verge of Cheesy/romantic/sci-fi and I don't do cheesy.

The only flaw in my master epiphany is that I'm pretty sure my great granddaughter won't even know who I am, nor will she have any interest in meeting my 22 year old self. But you never know.

Something to think about. When I told my friend about this earth shattering realization, he said he could have sworn they already made a movie about this, but wasn't able to think of the title. SO there is hope! For what? I don't know! I'll start the screen wright now....I'll make my own movie!

;)

~WNB

Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Mission

So I have a goal. Goals are nice.

My wii has this game...OK well the wii doesn't have it, Nintendo has it...and its called Wii Active I think and it has this 30 day workout routine. I won't be home for 30 days completely, but...we'll cross that bridge when its time to cross that bridge. After going through my high school drawer and seeing pictures of me when I weighed 120lbs...I have to get back to that! I haven't grown any, so I know its possible...I have the frame for it. I just don't know how I managed to put on 30 pounds in college. It all started with Disney world, right after high school, when we got the unlimited dining plan and literally ate everything we could find. I gained like 10 pounds in a week and it just kept on going from there.

BUT I'm going to loseeee it. I want my self esteem back!

So I started day 1 today. Did the hour long workout. Pretty sore, but I'm psyched. Now I just have to stay committed :)
I need a faster metabolism.

Empire State of Mind

So yesterday I got to travel into the Big Apple, New York City, "Center of the Universe". I love the city, and I love being there, mostly because I love to watch the type of people in the city. But I could never live there. And boy, was it crowded. But here are some edited pictures I took and love and I hope you love too: (And consider this picture of the week, too!)




And my FAVORITE:

This is now the opening screen to my iPhone. :-)

Based off of friend's recent experiences as well, (she had a run-in with Elmo), characters seem to be very common to come across in New York City. The funny part is people walk right along side of them and often don't give them a second glance, because really-what else is new in NYC? Everywhere you look there is something eccentric and odd. And then there was the tourists (me) taking pictures of Minnie. But it was adorable, because guess who she was waving to? Thats right, you guessed it...MICKEY. It was so cute. She started off by making a phone call on the booth behind her, it was so random. And then she turned around to wave to Mickey. We also saw Bugs Bunny while eating lunch. Just randomly walking down the street, with groceries in his hand. I'm serious!

So anyway, as for an update on my life: I learned how to drive stick-shift (Manual!) Whhhhaaaa? YES. I learned a long time ago and get a lesson every now and then, but I usually suck, and its usually in a high-school parking lot. But this time, it was later on at night and my friend who own's the truck suggested that I drive us home....And as nervous as I was, I totally did it! I drove! A manual! Truck! And I only stalled once. I gave myself an A- on my driving experience, but my friend-instructor gave me a B, lol.

But the point of this is that this same friend has taught me something very important that relates to a recent post about being frustrated that I feel I am missing a manual on life. That I don't know how to do anything and therefore am too afraid to try. I told him I felt like this, and this person said flat out, "Do you know how I learned? I just did it. You make mistakes, you screw up and try it again." And with my successful driving experience, after just relaxing and winging it, that made so much more sense and I felt that I could definitely learn how to do more in life. So next challenge that comes along, I am excited to take it. If I don't know how to do something, I'm going to just try. I can figure it out. I guess my biggest fear is that I don't want to cause mass destruction or harm to anyone else in the process of "figuring things out". It's one thing when you are installing a coffee maker by yourself (that was a random example) but its another when you want to learn how to make a fireplace and you burn the entire house down (again, completely random-this never happened).  So I have to find an even balance of being courageous enough to try, but smart enough to know when not to try or too ask for help...Good lesson of the week :-)

New topic:
I am very frustrated lately. I cannot seem to hold on to my dreams. Every day, I wake up and there is this fragment of my dream...barely hanging there, and I catch a small glimpse of it, and the minute I try to grab on to the rest, it goes away. I think its a lot like fishing. Some of the "fragments" I get I know lead to bad dreams I had, and some others I knew were good...either way, I like to remember my dreams and I get frustrated when I don't. And the whole keeping a pencil by your bed is silly. Well its not silly, maybe it works for some but not for me. I am delusional when I am woken up and a pencil and a piece of paper would make no sense to me at whatever time I woke up. So, oh well.

Well I'm totally exhausted. I got all my christmas shopping done today, YAY for productivity.

With love,

~A Writer in a Nurse's Body

Monday, December 20, 2010

WINTER BREAK

I PASSED MY RIDICULOUSLY INSANELY HARD FINAL!!!! And, I passed right on par with class average, and with a grade I'm happy with, AND, with a final class grade I'm comfortable with.


So what does this mean??

1) I AM DONNEEEEE WITH MED/SURG.

2) I can now breathe.

3) I can now begin enjoying my winter break. WOOT :-)

~WNB

Saturday, December 18, 2010

Digging Through the Past 10 Years

So I'm home from college! For a month. Feels good. Feels good to be done with that insane class. Anyway, so I come into my room which is a messy mess, because my family randomly comes in and puts stuff in here because it "belongs to me" and it "doesnt belong in the rest of the house" even though, this stuff is mostly junk and I don't know what to do with it either. So I began the day this morning by cleaning my room, just clearing out the obvious junk, dusting, the usual. Well, I finished that early enough and I decided I wanted to go through my drawers....my memory drawers. It is hard to open them (I had 2) because they are so full. But they are so disorganized, which drove me nuts. You could pull some memory out from last week I put in or from 8 years ago, right next to each other. So I changed that. It took me, alllll evening and night and a LOT of laughing, a lot of memories to go through, and even some tears. Memories are very powerful. THats why I can never seem to let go of them. Although, I was proud of myself because I let go of this many:

Mind you, that garbage bag is FULL.

I am a pack rat, I love holding on to silly things, even small movie tickets. So Its a battle with myself, letting things go. But I have to ask myself with every item, "how does this help you in your future? Do you really need this? Is this a document of a memory that you already have in your head anyway, or is this something that really needs to be saved?" And then after knowing that it really doesn't need to be saved, I can throw things out. And, sometimes, after going through memories...you come across memories that you don't want  anymore, you want to erase them...and what better way to do that then to throw them away?

So now, My completion:

It looks like just a drawer of random files, but it is so much more. It ranges from high school report cards, to senior portraits, to love letters, to ex boyfriends, to letters (very many!) from friends in high school (letter writing was big with us, we didn't really use texting), to photos, to random gadgets, to printed IM conversations ( I used to do that-weird), to old journal entries, to my entire collection of writing (poetry, short stories, novels) all from High school and some college.

Crazy stuff. Shitload of memories. All good :) And the drawer opens and closes so nicely now! And my room is CLEAN. So, overall, it was a very productive day. Fresh start to my last college christmas break...woah.

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Andddd it was all pointless

That final, was ridiculous. I don't think studying made any difference. I'm not even sure what to say after that other than...use your imagination on what words I'd like to say.

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Just Not Into It

I think I decided I was done studying like a week ago.

I'm going to be mad at myself tomorrow.

Oh, I've tried to study. I really have. But whats the point in reading information that I know my brain is just glazing over? I know when I'm taking in information and when I'm just reading the page. I'm wasting my time if I'm going to stare at the page. And then I just fall asleep. I keep falling asleep every single time I try and look over this information. Part of me feels like I know the information, and therefore it is boring to me to have to read it over again. But the other part of me is afraid that I don't know the information as well as I thought, and therefore am too intimidated at the daunting task of reviewing everything, so my brain just shuts off without even trying. I know I am going to be so mad at myself tomorrow for not trying hard enough. All I had to do was put in 100%, for one more day, and I gave it maybe 30 %.

Best i can do now is try my best...make educated guesses. *sigh*.

Thought of the Day

I want a cat. Something to snuggle with and help me study :) Or, procrastinate. Cats are nice. Quiet.

Perseverance

One. More. Day.

One more day. One more final. One more day (today) of studying, and tomorrow I take it. But I've gone through 4 major exams this semester already and by now, I am just so....tired, tired of being stressed, tired of studying, tired of trying. But I can't be tired. If I give up now, I will hate myself tomorrow for it when a)I'm taking the final and I realized I should have studied more and b) after the final, when things are good again and I have nothing to do, I'll say-boy- you really couldnt put in one more day of hard work, before a month of relaxation? Really? And then I'll feel guilty.

So, one more day. I have to fight through being exhausted, try and gather up some knowledge...review everything (its a lot of information)...and somehow, pass.

I feel like such a typical American college student. My biggest concern in life (at this very moment), is passing this final tomorrow...there are other people in this world...in this state, in this city, maybe even at this college, that can say their biggest concern at this moment is how to feed their children that night, or themselves, or how to pay the electricity bill, or how they are going to fight through another round of chemotherapy. And I'm worried about passing my final.

THe least I can do is try. One more day of hard work. I have to. I'm so close to the end, I can't get off the train now...

~WNB

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

My Soundtrack

I Love putting in my headphones as I get ready in the morning with my ipod playing, and pretending I'm in a movie and this is the soundtrack that is playing. You know how in movies, in the very beginning, the character is getting ready for the day, or walking somewhere, and some awesome song plays overhead?


:-) We have to have some fun in life, don't we??

Today, Maroon 5, is my soundtrack.

Monday, December 13, 2010

Book Withdrawal

For all the readers of the world, you know what I'm talking about. The awful feeling of reading the very last page of an awesome book. You spent a lot of time with that book. Maybe an entire day (nonstop)...or a week. Or maybe it took you a month to read, or longer. Who knows. Regardless, that book was there for you when you got bored. You looked forward to being able to read it in your free time, or late at night underneath the warm covers. Or early in the morning, or over some tea at lunch time. You became attached to it's characters, you thought about them throughout your day, curious...excited as to what would happen to them. And then you turn the last page and the book is gone. Over. And there is no sequel. :(

When I know the book is coming to an end, sometimes I try to read slower and make it last, but the other part of me just wants to read it as much as I can, because its such a good book! Its frustrating. THe best feeling is when you know you have an awesome book in your hands, and you still have a large amount left to read. :)

The book I just finished was rather excellent. It was called "Camp Nurse" and it was really funny. It was about an ICU nurse that takes the summer off with her kids to conquer camp as a nurse. She learns how to care for children and how to be a nurse without the ICU and hospital technology. I learned a lot from her, and it was an enjoyable read at the same time. ANd she was funny. So to all my nursing friends that read this, read this over break! It's a good one. And even to non-nursing friends, she makes sure to explain all the nursy-type stuff jargon, and a half the book deals with non-nursing stuff (homesickness, psychology, counseling, camping). So its good for anyone. 
Here is the website to the author, where you can find more about the book:

http://www.nursetilda.com/



The good news is, she has two books that she wrote prior to this one that I CANNOT WAIT TO READ. YAY :) So, good day, good day...

I love reading. Now to find the next good book.....

Sunday, December 12, 2010

Picture of the Week

A little late again, but I'd rather wait for an awesome picture that comes Sunday or whenever, than find an iffy one on Friday. :-) So this one I took today, because I these two made me smile so much. They sat at the table next to me in Barnes and Noble and this was the best dad ever. I aged him to be pretty young (20-25) and the little boy in the chair is approximately 3. Well, this dad was so devoted. I first saw them making laps around the store, the dad following the little boy around making conversation, as they passed me I heard from the dad, "It's just like a maze, Isn't it??" (commenting on the store layout)...and he had the sippy cup in hand, ready to go, and multiple children's books in hand. Later is when I realized that the same two had sat down next to me. Obviously within ear shot, I was able to hear the lovely sound of this dad reading 8 ( I kid you not!) Thomas the Tank Engine books. The boy was paying close attention, and was making remarks and asking questions. The dad was like, genuinely interested and cared. It was so adorable to watch. I know one too many parents that would find a stack of children's books and sit them down to read by them selves so that the parent can do his own thing. But anyway, here is the picture:

I made it so that you couldn't see either of their faces and therefore they are unrecognizeable and it is OK to put on the internet! Right? Lol. o_O

Not much to say recently...(blogwise)...life has been rather unexclamatory (new word?). And I'd rather not bore you with minor and silly things just for the sake of writing a daily blog entry. And, finals are coming (blech) this week, so I may not have much to say at all this week. Or maybe I'll procrastinate and i'll coincidentally have a LOT to say, who knows? ;)
So hopefully new, interesting, topics will come to mind soon...otherwise, happy reading and have a nice evening :)


~WNB

Disclaimer: I am not a creeper! I swear.

Interesting Topic of Conversation

I'm in Barnes & Noble. There are two girls in high school, at a table a couple away from me, legitimately discussing the happenings of dinosaur sex.



I am not kidding.

I am curious to know what class this is for? o_O

Saturday, December 11, 2010

Thought of the Day

Sometimes I feel like I'm missing the "manual on how to live Life: From A to Z"...that everyone else got. And I didn't get the memo that it was even coming out.

But I think Everyone feels the same way.



Like even simple things. Like starting fires in fireplaces. Or driving a manual car. Or moving to another country. Or how to move your 29 gallon fish tank when you move across the country. Or how to make omelets, or what the heck to make for dinner every friggen night.


I need the manual on all that. Sometimes I think I have everything in nursing covered (which I don't, i know) and I spend so much time reading nursing. As previously mentioned, when I had my first bout of free time in B&N the other day, I had the opportunity to "read for Leisure", and what book did i Pick? ...."Camp Nurse". Its like i dont even know how to come off of everything nurse. But being proficient in one thing....is not okay. I want to be the jack of all trades. I want to one day, if I have to, be able to live alone in a house and know how to operate it. How to fix things. How to solve weird problems without calling neighbors or professionals and spending shitloads of money. I'm not even sure I would know how to call a plumber. I couldn't even hook up a television if I had the instruction manual right in front of me. Do all 22 year olds feel like this? .

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Curious Observation, or "Staring"?

Today, I went to our cafeteria type setting food court thing and ate my food and people watched, a favorite activity. Out of the corner of my eye, in the couch-seats a couple feet away from me, I saw someone trying to get up, but almost fell, and he had a guy (also our age) with him, that caught him. At first I thought this was just a simple case of someone-almost-trips-but-someone-nice-is-there-to-catch-you situation, until I looked closer and realized the guy that almost fell was suffering from some type of muscular deterioration condition (MD, MS, MG..? I couldn't quite tell.) His companion must have been a friend or a hired aide by the college or personal family. So, me being a nursing major, I am extremely curious about this man. I want to learn, observe. I am in the medical community and I am curious to see conditions and diseases first-hand, rather than in textbooks. But, we live in a type of society where 'staring' at people-different-than-you is considered rude. So even though all I want to do is watch this person, I couldn't help but look back down at my sandwich, because I didn't want to appear cold, or rude, or a person that is scrutinizing this person because he is different....It's a fine, fine line. If I were disabled in any way, or if I had a condition that made me look different, I wouldn't care if you were a nursing major and were just "curious" about me...I still wouldn't want you to stare at me as if I were a monkey in a zoo. From their perspective, people don't have it written on their foreheads as to why they are staring at you, whether or not they are innocently curious, or if they are making fun of you, or feel sorry for you. So, circling back to me in the cafeteria, I felt it unnecessary to watch this man, because I wouldn't want to be watched. The interesting part is, he wasn't even turned towards me and wouldn't even have seen me watching anyway, but I still don't want to be that person that is staring. You know as well as I do that it is very easy to "feel" eyes on you. How many times have you looked up and found someone across the room staring straight at you? See, that's another paranormal human connection type thing...

Another interesting observation of the day...

~WNB

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Readers Beware: Part 2!

So, I am one step closer getting my soul into London! I found a great program that takes college students 18-26 pretty much anywhere they want to go...there are pre-arranged trips and you just pay and hop on, pretty much. I just have to get over the money factor, and I'm there.


I need to be there. I need to go to England. I need this more than anything in the world.

If I can go, my life, as of right now, would feel complete.


.


The last couple days I have felt so at peace with myself. OK, thats a lie. Ever since last night at precisely 4:20, after I finished the long day from hell. I had one more thing to study for, which was this morning, but instead I came home, and read a book. It felt really good. I didn't study. But turns out, I didn't need to, because I knew a lot more than I thought, which felt really good this morning.

So then I decided to go home (to B&N)... but I was like...wait, I can't go. What am I going to study? Everything is done for right now. And then I was all like...dude, seriously? Is this what your life has come to? So then I remembered that normal people actually go to B&N to...look at books....and read them...so, I did just that. I sat on a comfy chair for three hours with my two tea refills and read about 40 pages of this nurse-type book (It was a leisure fun one though! I guess I can't stay away..) and then I went to go see a movie (Morning Glory-Awesome movie!) and then I walked around the mall and looked at all the christmas decorations (very relaxing)...and then tried again for B&N and this time read a book totally not-about nursing. So I bought that one and am actually going to finish it.

Woo! Fun day. Relaxing times a bajillion. Definitely soul-replenishing. Oh and then tonight I saw "Eat, Pray, Love" because I've always wanted to see that and never got to in theaters...and it was playing at my school, so, yeah. That was definitely a movie I can relate to right now....

Oh, and I went shopping and I bought this adorable hat. The hat makes me happy. I like it a lot. :)

I think in order to be happy with someone else, whether it be a best friend, a new friend...or a relationship; you have to know how to be happy completely by yourself first. No, I did not just learn that from Eat, Pray, Love. I learned that on my own, over the last couple months.

I lost myself because of this nursing program. I put my happiness on the back-burner, in order to succeed. I kept a small part of me, for the whole three years, but most of it got tucked away. I knew where I was, I just didn't have the energy or motivation to bring that portion of me out in addition to passing all my classes. It just wasn't needed. And by losing "me", I mean artsy me...the inspirational me. The writer in me. The girl who clipped out pictures and articles from the paper and made a collage on her wall...who wrote a poem every day, who painted and drew all the time...who carried her camera everywhere..who used every person she came across as a stepping stone, as a character for a story or novel. Happiness.. And I think, just maybe, that It is all starting to magically come back. I don't know why, or how...but it's coming back, little by little, but very strong. It makes me feel so...happy. I wish I even knew how to explain how it really feels..just good. :)

I hope it lasts. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells because I don't want to do anything that will make it all go away again. But i'm trying to just not think about it. Stop thinking. And just go with it. Just be happy.


With love,
A Writer in a Nurse's Body

Everyone Has to Read this Poem!

So funny. And it definitely applies to me.

The the impotence of proofreading
By Taylor Mali
www.taylormali.com

Has this ever happened to you?
You work very horde on a paper for English clash
And then get a very glow raid (like a D or even a D=)
and all because you are the word¹s liverwurst spoiler.
Proofreading your peppers is a matter of the the utmost impotence.

This is a problem that affects manly, manly students.
I myself was such a bed spiller once upon a term
that my English teacher in my sophomoric year,
Mrs. Myth, said I would never get into a good colleague.
And that¹s all I wanted, just to get into a good colleague.
Not just anal community colleague,
because I wouldn¹t be happy at anal community colleague.
I needed a place that would offer me intellectual simulation,
I really need to be challenged, challenged menstrually.
I know this makes me sound like a stereo,
but I really wanted to go to an ivory legal colleague.
So I needed to improvement
or gone would be my dream of going to Harvard, Jail, or Prison
(in Prison, New Jersey).

So I got myself a spell checker
and figured I was on Sleazy Street.

But there are several missed aches
that a spell chukker can¹t can¹t catch catch.
For instant, if you accidentally leave a word
your spell exchequer won¹t put it in you.
And God for billing purposes only
you should have serial problems with Tori Spelling
your spell Chekhov might replace a word
with one you had absolutely no detention of using.
Because what do you want it to douch?
It only does what you tell it to douche.
You¹re the one with your hand on the mouth going clit, clit, clit.
It just goes to show you how embargo
one careless clit of the mouth can be.

Which reminds me of this one time during my Junior Mint.
The teacher read my entire paper on A Sale of Two Titties
out loud to all of my assmates.
I¹m not joking, I¹m totally cereal.
It was the most humidifying experience of my life,
being laughed at pubically.

So do yourself a flavor and follow these two Pisces of advice:
One: There is no prostitute for careful editing.
And three: When it comes to proofreading,
the red penis your friend.

Monday, December 6, 2010

Readers Beware: This May Be a Long Post

I have a lot on my mind and most of it is not going to have anything to do with one another- but I don't want to split it into 300 blogs because then...well, there would be way too many December 6th blogs. So, I'm just gonna paragraphize it and go from thought to thought...bear with me.



You're walking somewhere. Or you're sitting on a bench People-watching. You see someone that is smiling for no reason and you think- How wonderful. You know the feeling that person is feeling- we have all been there, on that euphoria so high that you catch yourself smiling from ear-to-ear in the middle of the store, or walking down the hallway. I like to think that when I see this happen to people, they just got a really sweet text from the person they have a super crush on, or just started dating...or they just remembered a really happy memory. I love watching people when they are staring at their phone and then all the sudden light up from ear to ear and get all giddy. I find happiness in watching people that are in love. I know and miss that euphoria.


If you are anything like me, you believe in the supernatural. The paranormal. The impossible. Magic. Special people are out there with hidden talents that are unheard of. There are like 300 billion people (I think even more), so, it's possible. Humans are not just humans. There is so much more to us! We are not just a carrier, a storage depot for living organs so that we can live here and die and that's it. We are a part of something so much bigger, and we all have "hidden talents", even if it is something really small or something huge that you have to keep a secret. Or not a secret. Some people make businesses out of it. Like, psychics. Others are unsure if what they can do is even a "hidden talent", or if it is something most humans can do. OK so keep this paragraph in mind, I will come back to it- but first want to stray on something a little off topic.
Keeping these hidden talents in mind, do you ever believe that it is possible for certain people to "implant" dreams to you? To literally create and design your dream upon their choosing? To "walk in" to your dream....to make you see a situation unfold that you would have never before thought possible, for their benefit? No, I am not talking about the movie Inception, even though it sounds a lot like it. I am talking about the feeling we have all had. You don't give someone any second thoughts until one morning, you wake up and realize they had a starring role in your dream. The dream could have been about anything, but they were the main point of it. Or maybe they weren't. Maybe you just felt their presence, and liked it. Or didn't like it. Regardless, it makes you think about them twice now, doesn't it? And what makes it even stranger and what prompted this entire thought, is the next day after that dream, you are still thinking about that person, and you look at them, and they are looking straight at you.



So, really. Couldn't it be possible? What are the chances that that person, who you talk to very little or never thought about in a certain way, suddenly pops into your dream and the next day, they are looking at you too? This has happened countless times. What if...just what if, there was a group of people out there that could actually manipulate dreams. I don't know how. But they could somehow shed a light on themselves that they want you to see...maybe they like you and want you to notice them. It sounds crazy, but I've witnessed a lot more crazy than that. It could be possible. We have uncovered so much in dream research, why couldn't it be possible? You never know. Sometimes after a dream such as this, I see them the next day and it almost feels as if they are looking at me differently too. And I think, "what if they had the same exact dream I did?" I think that is more likely than my previous "what if". How would we know any different if that were or were not true? Chances are this is not a person you talk to often or know well enough to ask, "Hey, was I in your dream last night too?" who knows, maybe you both dreamt about each other, on the same night, and who would ever know the difference? There have been so many times that after this type of dream, the next day when I see them, I wish I could tell them about it, just to record their reaction, and then if it went awry, I could erase their memory, walk away and pretend I never even mentioned it.

Dreams are funny, and extremely interesting. We still have so much to learn. I'm still waiting for the day we can find a way to record our dreams, and pop them into our iphone or TV and watch what our subconcious has created...and maybe throw in a bag of popcorn. Thats when dream interpretation will really start to get interesting...just think about that.

OK so back to the place where I told you to save that train of thought-I do believe I have a "hidden talent" ( I quote it because it sounds so silly- I just don't know how else to explain it). And for the first time today, someone else that I respect very much noticed I have it too, which took me by complete surprise. I consider myself an empath- meaning that I am extremely intuitive of peoples thoughts, but more importantly, feelings. I can instantly pick up feelings from people within seconds of being with someone, or walking into a room, I know the energy. I can usually go as far to dispell a certain energy, but this takes some time, and work. You need a lot of practice to do this, and natural skill, and it helps if you really know the person you are trying to dispell this too. For example, think of Jasper- from "Twilight"- how he can make others feel calm? Or any emotion he wants? He can also pick up how they are feeling and carries all others emotions on his shoulders. That is exactly what an empath is. I read nonverbal actions far better than I do what you are saying verbally. If in a group of people that are talking to one another, I am the silent one- not because I am shy- but because I am watching very closely. And not just watching the person that is talking, but watching everyone in the room, everyone in the circle that is talking to eachother. Watching for saddness, happiness, peoples reactions. I take all this in. I think I have always been like this, but like all talents, it has strengthened and presented itself further over time. I think as a young teenager, I sensed I had this but didn't know what to call it, or if it was even normal or abnormal. I think everyone has a little bit of empathy in them, some are just on a way higher spectrum. I never use it for harm. I never make someone feel bad on purpose. But i do use it a lot in nursing, and this is where the person noticed I do this today. I had my clinical evaluation 1:1 meeting with my professor today, who has known me for a whole year now. She said flat out that my highest, most respectable strength in this program was that she noticed I had the ability to read my patients and fellow students emotiions in the group, and was able to create a calming nature in the room, with my patient and with my fellow students. I wish I could explain it better...the best way to say it simply is that 99.5% of the time, I know exactly how you are feeling, even if I have never been through what you are going through. You have been to war and back (for example), and I haven't. And by being with you, talking to you, I get a little piece of what war was like, for you. This is where all the veterans jump on me because anyone that has not been to war can never understand it. I'm just giving an example.

OK I have like 4 main more topics but my battery is dying, and my fingers hurt, and I know they will never be read if I make this blog any longer. So, I'll tuck them away in my future blog entry place and they will come back.

If you made it this far, thank you, and you are awesome and deserve a cookie. Thanks for bearing with me.

~A Writer in a Nurse's Body

Totally Forgot Picture of the Week

Picture of the week! Oops. I always forget it's Friday. Anyway, this weeks picture of the week is a picture I took from my dorm room, (through the window screen so bear with me).





This picture makes me happy because these deer come to visit nearly every day. We have a locked gated fenced in area behind my townhouse complex so I'm pretty sure that the deer just live in this 1/8th mile radius. Anyway, the same 2-4 deer always come to visit and even though I do live in Jersey, and deer are as common as an alligator in Florida (deer are very common here if you didn't get that analogy), and I have grown up with deer constantly around me, I still find happiness going to my window and watching them eat, or walk around...or whatever. Sorry for that run-on sentence.





So I took a picture to document evidence, and it ended up turning out quite awesomely artistically (I'm just full of grammar mistakes today). I like to make up words.





so here it is:


The deer are sort of camouflage, but that makes it cool.

Happy :) Just pretend that this post occurred on Friday.

Blue October

I had a dream that you were with me ,
It wasn't my fault,
You rolled me over,
Flipped me over,
Like a somersault.
And that doesn't happen to me.

I've never been here before.
I saw forever in my never

And I could only dream of you and sleep,
but I'll never see sunlight again.
I can try to be with you,
but somehow I'll end up just losing a friend.
I can only reach for you,

Relate to you.
I'm losing my friend.

- "My Never"






I owned up, I've grown up, do you remember me?
I showed up and so what if I'm the used to be
I'm here to tell you that I'm sorry I was sorry
But I'm happy that you're happiness is no longer about me

So to my friends that even call but I don't call back
I want you deep inside my heart upon a hill
It seems to hide sometimes and run away and wonder
I'm really sick of saying sorry but I will

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
I walk as far as they need to recover
For how long?

I want to learn to walk with others as an equal
I want to treat the ones who love me with respect
I want to tell the world I'll give them all a piggyback
And try to take away my negative effect


-"Overweight"

Some powerful music. Powerful artists.

Thought of the day

Birds must be freezing.


Don't you think?

Sunday, December 5, 2010

Oh, the urge.

I.Want.To.Go.To.England.So.BAD.


Seriously I think I would find all that is happy in England.

I think I was accidentally born in America and should have been born in England.



Why is it so expensive to fly across the ocean? Seriously :(

Silly People...

Someone just walked into Barnes and Noble and asked where they could find the Kindle. This occured right in front of the "Nook" station.



o_o.

Is it just New Jersey?

I think we live in a type of society where people are afraid to talk to each other (as strangers). I think we want to talk to each other. We have things to say. We want to tell the random stranger walking by that their skirt looks pretty or they look nice, or comment about the book they are reading, or even just randomly talk about the weather to a random passerby. I hate that we live in a world now that if a stranger strikes a random conversation, most people (not all) automatically go into guard + defense mode. They automatically think that that stranger wants something. They clutch their valuables tighter. They give short, polite responses.

It's like being friendly to strangers beyond the norm is considered strange. Maybe it's just a united states up-north thing but people here are just so used to keeping to themselves and that's that. Or maybe it's just me. I don't think so, though. I observe a lot of people (when I should be studying) and notice this.

For example, I am in B & N today (shocker!) and they have a greeter at the door saying hello, how are you to everyone. If I weren't busy writing papers and studying for my final, I would conduct a study right now. So far I have seen 3 main groups.
1) the polite people that greet him back and ask how he is.
2) the people that smile at the greet but keep walking and don't answer (usually me)
3) people that look at him very funny and think he is strange and don't want to talk to him or they are afraid of him
4). (I thought of another group)- people that don't know what to do so they decide to completely ignore him and keep walking-staring straight ahead.

Isn't it interesting? People are so interesting. And funny.

A mother trailing two kids just walked by and he asked how they were and the kids answered and The mother pulled them away and told them not to speak to strangers, and proceeded to completely ignore him.

The other night me and my friend were getting gas and it was freezing (literally) outside and the poor gas guy (I live in jersey- it's full service here) was bored and struck up a conversation with us about the weather, our truck, gas prices, you name it. Upon leaving we both looked at each other because we both thought it was highly unusual and strange that this person had talked to us about something other than what type o gas we wanted.

Guys, listen. Around the U.S, fellow new jerseyians, Europeans, around the world, anyone that reads this: answer me this- what are people like where you are? Is it common or unusual to strike random conversations with strangers? Do people keep to themselves? Tell me about your people, I'm extremely curious! And to fellow tri-staters, am I the only one that notices this or do you guys agree?

Very interested :-) I should have been a sociology major...

Saturday, December 4, 2010

Nurse in Disney?

Thought of the day:


Wouldn't it be incredible if I could be a nurse in Disney World? Hells YES! Ah, I should apply for the hell of it. Why not? When I was visiting the parks on my recent trip, I went in and asked them if they hired nurse externs/interns and they said no, but they employed RN's.

HOW FUN WOULD THAT BE? Seriously. In the parks all day :) Treating stuff like heat exhaustion, dehydration, random heart attacks?, anything really.....

but do i want to live in Florida? Thats questionable...

hmmm.....

something to ponder.

Tomorrow

Postsecret tomorrow....


I can't wait. Its the best part about my Sundays.


Every day, when I hit a dull moment, my mind automatically reverts to asking, "Is it Sunday?!? Can I check postsecret?? Did I check last weeks???"

And then it makes me happy when I remember today is Saturday and they will be up tomorrow!!

if you don't know of the phenomenon that is postsecret, check it out:


www.postsecret.com

So close to the end...

I am so close to finishing the semester.

I have to manage to get through ONLY:

-one more paper due monday.
-an exam, on monday. A big exam.
-a student presentation, on monday.
-a student evaluation of my clinical experience, on monday.

monday is going to be a big day.

then, tuesday, I have to do a scenario in our lab that could depict any medical situation that we learned about from last semester and this semester which is freak-out worthy because I'm pretty sure I forgot everything about last semester. Lets hope thats not true..:(

But I am just so incredibly, ridicuously, absurdly, abnormally TIRED. Total and complete lack of energy to do any of this. Luckily my paper is written and presentation is done. I just need to do some major editing on my paper (ugh!) and practice my presentation....but studying for the exam is just....blahhhhhhhh.


I just have to get through just a little more. After tuesday, all i have to do is study for a major final and i'm home-free...


This christmas break I vow to:

-finish my painting I started in the summer
- read a book, for fun.
-go ice skating

thats all i want :)

So tired. I think its time to turn to 5 hour energy. I already took a nap today. Didnt help. Cant take another nap. *sigh*.

Thursday, December 2, 2010

A Surprise at Dawn...

So, I'm a dork (yes) but have been tracking Venus' status in the sky recently. WHen I sleep at home, I have this magical view of the stars when I go to bed at night, as my bed lies paralell with my window. I also will very often randomly wake up in the middle of the night, put on my glasses and stare at the stars and try and figure out what each one is or find constellations. Its pretty fun, not gonna lie. Well anyway, a couple of weeks ago I read on a site that Venus would be its brightest December 1-4, and wouldnt be this bright again til 2012. It is best visible right along side the moon at 5:30 am, (where i live- I'm not smart enough to figure out if this applies elsewhere). And get this- every morning I have been somehow been waking up randomly in this time frame and get to see Venus at its brightest, and its pretty fascinating. I would totally take an astronomy class if I could. So cool! Here is a picture:




So pretty. This morning I left for my LAST clinical (woot!) at 6:00am and saw this when I was driving and was almost half tempted to pull the car over and take a picture of venus and the small moon beside it with the sun rising at the bottom (just like in the drawing!) but I didnt have enough confidence that my iphone could pull that amount of awesomeness off.


If you are a strange bird like me and wake up randomly, look for it. I promise it will make you smile...It just will.

A serious LOL

This website *literally* just made me laugh for like 20 minutes straight. Amazing discovery. Its a lot funnier if you have an iPhone, or are super tired like I am. The iPhone has a very strange way of autocorrecting sometimes.... :-)




Check it out!

www.damnyouautocorrect.com

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

Thought(s) of the Day.

1) It is so much easier to go faster on the road when you're the only one on it.

Think Metaphorically.

2) HYBRIDS (cars) are QUIET! Even though I do in fact live in 2010 with the rest of humanity and hybrids have been around for some time now, I can honestly say that either I've never been next to one while its running or never really pain attention. Well, today, I was unpacking my car and the air around me was very silent- not much noise- and I hear this tiny little sound of tires going very very slowly on blacktop- as if a car was moving but not running. I turned around and thought this was the case when an SUV hybrid type thing was next to me...but moving. But holy crap, are they quiet! You can't hear their engine at all. Freaky. Technology is scary.


Or, maybe all cars are quiet and maybe its just my car that sounds like an airplane is taking off. No literally, thats what it sounds like. 13 going on 14 years!

OK thats it for now. I'm in B & N. Having another competition (silent) with another random stranger but I really don't think this one is in for the long haul. Oh well. I'm not really either. I just needed a quick pick me up of B & N. Its been that kind of week.

~AWRINANB 0_0

Clean slate

I can't wait for one.