Alright so back in Mid-Winter I had to spend 3 days in the hospital for a general GI workup. Long story, doesn't have to be retold.
Well, ever since then I've felt a lot better. However ever since then I've been getting claims from my insurance company. None of them have been bills, but they've simply been telling me "We spent this much money on you-I hope you're happy!"
Well, I just got the total one for claims, that basically clumped everything together that I had previously known about. All together, my 3 day hospital stay- which included the following:
-ER services (medications, lab workup)
- CT Scan (1 view)
- daily lab workups
- blood cultures
- EGD (includes anesthesia)
- GI consult
Keep in mind this is a Community, non-profit hospital. Its the hospital I work in.
Whats the total bill? $21,117.
WHAT.
Alright so thankfully I work there and so far all I've been asked to pay is $20 for the initial ER visit. So far benefits are awesome.
But still. What if I didn't have insurance? How in flipping monkey bean kingdom do people, so many of MY daily patients, pay for the extraordinary amount of care we provide? If my stay was 3 days, what does a 2 week stay look like? What does an ICU stay look like? How do the people pay that get 6 MD consults? Multiple unnecessary tests run?
So I thought about it. $21,000. That's like a year, A YEAR, at college. At my college I went to, that would cover my room and board and tuition combined for one year. Then I thought, whats the most expensive college I can think of, offhand? Harvard? Its probably not the most expensive in the country but Its the one I chose to look up.
Tuition for Harvard for one year, for a student of my/my parents income, would be $20,600. So my THREE DAY hospital stay for a GENERAL work up on a MED/SURG unit at a NONPROFIT community hospital, cost $500 MORE than a YEAR at an IVY LEAGUE school.
How do we live in this kind of country? What is wrong with this picture? What is wrong with this health care system when a year's worth of education at one of our countries best schools is less expensive than a 3 day hospital stay when you're really sick?
Granted, I could go buy a corvette right now and spend more than a year's worth of tuition in just one signature, in one hour. Yes. But that would be my choice. I would save up for that, plan for that, work that into my budget. But people don't plan to get sick. They get slammed in the face with it.
I understand that I was seen in my ER after a two hour wait and I got a CT scan within 3 hours of being seen. In a country where healthcare is free, I might have had to wait weeks for that CT scan. I get that. But right now- If I hadn't had insurance, I damn well would have waited weeks for that CT scan if it meant I didn't have to pay. Then again they were ruling out appendicitis, so...
It just bothers me. I don't have enough research or political drive to slam against the entire system. I'm just pointing out a small flaw.
~WNB
.
10 + Years in Nursing In Medical Surgical, Women's Health, Telemetry and Informatics.
Showing posts with label sick. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sick. Show all posts
Thursday, May 31, 2012
Monday, April 16, 2012
Sleep or Die
Hello Everyone!
So, this is the first day in..........22 days, that I have to myself. No-plans-whatsoever. Not only do I not have plans, but its my first free space day in a long time. The past 3 weeks or so have been booked to the very last second. In order from spent most time doing to least time doing, let me attempt:
My point here is that sleep came last on the list. Being on night shift is great...when you don't have any thing to do the next day and you can sleep to your hearts content. But night shift is not great when you hit your 32nd hour awake and you really begin to reconsider your job choice.
So, needless to say I have learned a lot about the effects of sleep deprivation over the last month or so, and thats not from doing any research whatsoever. Just personal living.
Then one of my lovely followers/readers/passerbys sent me an infographic about sleep deprivation (how ever did he know?). I read it and it all made sense, not just with what I learned in nursing school but with what I was feeling. He kindly asked if I could share it, and I will do so at the end of the post so look for it.
But I wanted to be scholarly and document the sleep deprivations I was experiencing of my own. You know, in case the world ends but the internet survives (could that happen?) and the next alien/humanspecies to live can look back on our internet and when they get really tired they can google (if they have google) sleep deprivation and then realize that they are totally-not-alone. Phew! Anyway, moving on.... o_0
From my experience , I have noticed that there are phases of fatigue, that I go through at least. One day I would be fascinatingly interested to be a part of a bigger study to see if this applies to everyone.
- Lets say I wake up at 4 pm, I slept all day in preparation to go to work. (For non-night shifters, pretend I'm asking you to wake up at 4am, got it?)
- I work a 7pm- 7am shift. sometimes I have to stay at work as late as 9am. (For non-night shifters, pretend you woke up at 4am and then worked 7am-7pm, til as late as maybe even 9pm)
- At this stage in fatigue (stage 1) I get very hyper. Especially around people. I could probably pass for being on crack because I giggle a lot and run around in circles (not all the time, just sometimes- lol). I know a lot of people do this when approaching fatigue. Especially kids.
- Normally, I would go to sleep after I get home and then sleep for 7-8 hours and there is no problem. However, once in a blue moon there are times where something either planned or not planned requires your attention more so than sleep. Okay. No problem. (for non-night shifters, 9pm might be a little late to go out and do something, but its do-able, right? Right. No problem).
-But then, that thing you have to do? It either goes really late unexpectedly or it was planned that way and you were stupid enough to do it. This is where dangerous things happen because you start hitting your second wind, adrenaline gets used up trying to carry you through. You think- "Pshh I stayed up all night but I'm still awake so I can stay awake ALL DAY YAY!!!!!!" -_ - So lets say that thing goes until 3pm. (For non-night shifters, this is your 3am. remember you stayed awake all day working. YOu're pretty tired and cranky, right?)
-This is when I would say I enter Stage 2. This is when I notice the effects taking place in my brain/body but they might not be as noticeable to other people.
These effects include (Stage 2):
- You notice yourself start to space out. Sometimes at inopportune times. Like, driving. Or, cooking. You are doing whatever you are doing, and realize 7 minutes later that you've been off on some other planet for a while and you have to snap yourself back into place.
- You suddenly find it really hard to pay attention to people. Especially in conversations that you wouldn't particularly find interesting if you were wide awake, but you would be polite and listen anyway. But now- you still have enough energy to stare at the person and nod and smile and throw in the occasional "Yeah" or "oh, really?" but you realize that you literally have no clue what the person has said within the past 8 minutes and really, you don't care. Your attention span decreases. In order to get your attention, the house should be burning down or someone should have an expresso shot in their hands, for you. There have been times where I said to myself, "hey, this is kind of important, I should listen to what this person is saying." And I start to...but then I find that I have been on Venus and didn't catch anything in the last couple minutes and she's still talking. At THAT point, its like- why bother paying attention now? And you go back to Venus.
- It starts becoming really easy to lose your patience. Suddenly stupid people are the arch-enemy and they deserve to see your ultimate wrath and you have to use your last bit of energy to do your best to not blow up at all of them. Suddenly petty, silly matters that awake people are concerned about seem really, really, really stupid to you and you're not even sure why Earth exists anymore.
-At this point, you're wondering why you're still alive. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. Its like 4pm now, its almost time where you can leave whatever you are doing, and go to sleep without being a total outcast. (Non night shifters, this is your 4 am).
-Now you are entering stage 3. I call Stage 3 when you've hit 24 hours awake. The rest after is all stage 3 until you can make it into a bed. This is the scary stage and the stage I hate making it too, because I hate the person I become.
Stage 3 Effects that I have noticed:
- decreased appetite. You don't even have enough energy to eat. Literally, all you can realistically do is sit there. Nod. Smile. Stare into space. Wait. Think about sleep.
- You have heard me talk about emotional shutdown in a prior blog, but here you go into what I call "Physical shutdown". And this is the part I hate. Someone is asking you a question, or trying to talk to you, maybe even someone you love dearly (a family member or significant other), and you find that you can't even respond. You want to. You do. You have a response thought of in your head, but the energy that it takes to open your mouth and actually respond and have a conversation, that energy is too valuable. That last bit is focused solely on things like walking, safety. Survival mode kicks in and your body is exerting all its thinking power to actually save energy. I hate this because people that are awake and haven't been awake for 30 hours don't understand why you are quiet. They think maybe you are mad at them or something is wrong, with them. They get mad at you for not taking part in the social activity going on or conversation. And even so, you really, really don't care.
- You start dreaming when you are awake. Literally I didn't know this could happen but it is one hell of a phenomenon. There was one or two times I hit around 7pm (non night shift 7 am-27 hours awake) that I had a "space out" moment- but when I snapped out of it- I realized I actually just had a complete dream in my head. Plot, setting, new characters, the whole thing. But I was still awake, my eyes were open. The whole time.
- Being that you haven't eaten and you're in stage 3 (more than 24 hours) you start getting really dizzy, so beware of that.
- Simple things start to not make sense anymore. You start to have memory impairment, short term mostly affected. You feel like you have dementia because you approach a red light and you don't immediately understand that red light means stop. Someone hands you a fork and you think to yourself, what am I supposed to do with this? Scary. On that note- don't drive in stage 3 unless your or someones life depends on it.
- You know that feeling where you walk into a room and can't remember what you did that for? That happens all-the-time.
- Your thinking time slows dramatically. Normally when someone asks you, "What is 2 +2?" Your answer is almost instinct, its practically memorized- it requires no thinking whatsoever. You spit out "4" before they finish the question. But in stage 3, you have to actually think about the question and your response might not verbally surface until 10 seconds.
I have made it to 32 hours. I went to bed at 11 pm once in this said scenario. (Remember that's like asking you to get up at 4am, work until 9 am, stay awake all night and then go to bed at 11am.) But that was a dire circumstance and If you are in stage 3, I say get to bed as soon as possible. If you are waiting for it to be socially acceptable (if you still care about social norms) OR if you are concerned about sleeping through the entire night, I say after 8pm you are good to go. Its socially acceptable and you will sleep through the night and even sleep in.
I do think that it is possible to stay up past 40, with adrenaline. Meaning, in dire circumstances. Like you're in the army, or other militia and its been one attack after another, or maybe you stay awake 40 hours when your child is born. Or you are a survivor or a health care worker of a catastrophe, you just keep on going and going. I believe that when I'm in stage 3, I think I could snap out of it all and go do CPR on someone if I had to. I could still bring myself back to full capacity if I wanted to. But that's all adrenaline and I wouldn't do that for just anything, obviously. It would be a dire circumstance.
I have noticed a little bit of a questionable stage 4- but this is when you are sleeping. Stage 4 only hits when I have repeatedly been exhausted- I have lets say hit stage 3 one day and then didn't sleep enough to recover, or did it again the next day, or even no stage 3's but a lot of stage 2s. Regardless, you're not getting enough sleep. Stage 4 involves the main effect of being so tired, so friggen exhausted- that you aren't getting restful sleep. Its tricky though to explain because it doesn't always happen. And sometimes I get very restful sleep in terms of staying asleep, but I realize my dreamscape has been full of nightmares and a lot of them, or even just a lot of annoying dreams. So Stage 4 I guess is more long term. Suddenly when you're awake you can't recall if blips of memory that are coming to you happened in your dreamscape, or real life and its pretty confusing. The more tired you are during sleep, the more your dreams have the ability to trick you into they are reality.
So those are my personal effects I've noticed. Those effects are all short term and can be fixed with a healthy dose of Vitamin C, Calcium, probiotic, protein, electrolytes, and 16 hours of sleep. But long term? I don't know. I don't want to know. But the infographic touches on that. Pretty scary stuff. I think night shift screws a lot of things up, but you can stay healthy if you just make sure you get sound sleep during the day and make sure you plan for recovery time.
If you are wondering what my opinion is on substances to pick you back up (i.e. coffee, caffeine, 5 hour energy) I say BE CAREFUL. I use 5 hr energy myself, but only during stage 0 (during my work shift) and only sometimes. Be extremelyyyyyy careful with using it in stage 2 and I say not to use it in stage 3. Caffeine can only carry you so far and the effects can have dangerous symptoms on your already vulnerable body. Also, if consumed in stage 3, you might appreciate the short term benefits but the benefit will disappear shortly and the caffeine will still be in your system, meaning when you do finally get to sleep you might even have trouble sleeping. Be careful!
Phew, long post! Thanks for reading, I hope you found it interesting and helpful to all..I know all fellow night shifters out there know exactly what I'm talking about!
Here is the infographic I received :
Via: YourLocalSecurity.com
~WNB
.
So, this is the first day in..........22 days, that I have to myself. No-plans-whatsoever. Not only do I not have plans, but its my first free space day in a long time. The past 3 weeks or so have been booked to the very last second. In order from spent most time doing to least time doing, let me attempt:
- Working
- Running silly errands
- driving people places
- visiting people in far away places (driving)
- Holiday (easter was in there somewhere)
- spending valuable time with friends, dating occasionally
- eating.
- sleep.
My point here is that sleep came last on the list. Being on night shift is great...when you don't have any thing to do the next day and you can sleep to your hearts content. But night shift is not great when you hit your 32nd hour awake and you really begin to reconsider your job choice.
So, needless to say I have learned a lot about the effects of sleep deprivation over the last month or so, and thats not from doing any research whatsoever. Just personal living.
Then one of my lovely followers/readers/passerbys sent me an infographic about sleep deprivation (how ever did he know?). I read it and it all made sense, not just with what I learned in nursing school but with what I was feeling. He kindly asked if I could share it, and I will do so at the end of the post so look for it.
But I wanted to be scholarly and document the sleep deprivations I was experiencing of my own. You know, in case the world ends but the internet survives (could that happen?) and the next alien/humanspecies to live can look back on our internet and when they get really tired they can google (if they have google) sleep deprivation and then realize that they are totally-not-alone. Phew! Anyway, moving on.... o_0
From my experience , I have noticed that there are phases of fatigue, that I go through at least. One day I would be fascinatingly interested to be a part of a bigger study to see if this applies to everyone.
- Lets say I wake up at 4 pm, I slept all day in preparation to go to work. (For non-night shifters, pretend I'm asking you to wake up at 4am, got it?)
- I work a 7pm- 7am shift. sometimes I have to stay at work as late as 9am. (For non-night shifters, pretend you woke up at 4am and then worked 7am-7pm, til as late as maybe even 9pm)
- At this stage in fatigue (stage 1) I get very hyper. Especially around people. I could probably pass for being on crack because I giggle a lot and run around in circles (not all the time, just sometimes- lol). I know a lot of people do this when approaching fatigue. Especially kids.
- Normally, I would go to sleep after I get home and then sleep for 7-8 hours and there is no problem. However, once in a blue moon there are times where something either planned or not planned requires your attention more so than sleep. Okay. No problem. (for non-night shifters, 9pm might be a little late to go out and do something, but its do-able, right? Right. No problem).
-But then, that thing you have to do? It either goes really late unexpectedly or it was planned that way and you were stupid enough to do it. This is where dangerous things happen because you start hitting your second wind, adrenaline gets used up trying to carry you through. You think- "Pshh I stayed up all night but I'm still awake so I can stay awake ALL DAY YAY!!!!!!" -_ - So lets say that thing goes until 3pm. (For non-night shifters, this is your 3am. remember you stayed awake all day working. YOu're pretty tired and cranky, right?)
-This is when I would say I enter Stage 2. This is when I notice the effects taking place in my brain/body but they might not be as noticeable to other people.
These effects include (Stage 2):
- You notice yourself start to space out. Sometimes at inopportune times. Like, driving. Or, cooking. You are doing whatever you are doing, and realize 7 minutes later that you've been off on some other planet for a while and you have to snap yourself back into place.
- You suddenly find it really hard to pay attention to people. Especially in conversations that you wouldn't particularly find interesting if you were wide awake, but you would be polite and listen anyway. But now- you still have enough energy to stare at the person and nod and smile and throw in the occasional "Yeah" or "oh, really?" but you realize that you literally have no clue what the person has said within the past 8 minutes and really, you don't care. Your attention span decreases. In order to get your attention, the house should be burning down or someone should have an expresso shot in their hands, for you. There have been times where I said to myself, "hey, this is kind of important, I should listen to what this person is saying." And I start to...but then I find that I have been on Venus and didn't catch anything in the last couple minutes and she's still talking. At THAT point, its like- why bother paying attention now? And you go back to Venus.
- It starts becoming really easy to lose your patience. Suddenly stupid people are the arch-enemy and they deserve to see your ultimate wrath and you have to use your last bit of energy to do your best to not blow up at all of them. Suddenly petty, silly matters that awake people are concerned about seem really, really, really stupid to you and you're not even sure why Earth exists anymore.
-At this point, you're wondering why you're still alive. But there is light at the end of the tunnel. Its like 4pm now, its almost time where you can leave whatever you are doing, and go to sleep without being a total outcast. (Non night shifters, this is your 4 am).
-Now you are entering stage 3. I call Stage 3 when you've hit 24 hours awake. The rest after is all stage 3 until you can make it into a bed. This is the scary stage and the stage I hate making it too, because I hate the person I become.
Stage 3 Effects that I have noticed:
- decreased appetite. You don't even have enough energy to eat. Literally, all you can realistically do is sit there. Nod. Smile. Stare into space. Wait. Think about sleep.
- You have heard me talk about emotional shutdown in a prior blog, but here you go into what I call "Physical shutdown". And this is the part I hate. Someone is asking you a question, or trying to talk to you, maybe even someone you love dearly (a family member or significant other), and you find that you can't even respond. You want to. You do. You have a response thought of in your head, but the energy that it takes to open your mouth and actually respond and have a conversation, that energy is too valuable. That last bit is focused solely on things like walking, safety. Survival mode kicks in and your body is exerting all its thinking power to actually save energy. I hate this because people that are awake and haven't been awake for 30 hours don't understand why you are quiet. They think maybe you are mad at them or something is wrong, with them. They get mad at you for not taking part in the social activity going on or conversation. And even so, you really, really don't care.
- You start dreaming when you are awake. Literally I didn't know this could happen but it is one hell of a phenomenon. There was one or two times I hit around 7pm (non night shift 7 am-27 hours awake) that I had a "space out" moment- but when I snapped out of it- I realized I actually just had a complete dream in my head. Plot, setting, new characters, the whole thing. But I was still awake, my eyes were open. The whole time.
- Being that you haven't eaten and you're in stage 3 (more than 24 hours) you start getting really dizzy, so beware of that.
- Simple things start to not make sense anymore. You start to have memory impairment, short term mostly affected. You feel like you have dementia because you approach a red light and you don't immediately understand that red light means stop. Someone hands you a fork and you think to yourself, what am I supposed to do with this? Scary. On that note- don't drive in stage 3 unless your or someones life depends on it.
- You know that feeling where you walk into a room and can't remember what you did that for? That happens all-the-time.
- Your thinking time slows dramatically. Normally when someone asks you, "What is 2 +2?" Your answer is almost instinct, its practically memorized- it requires no thinking whatsoever. You spit out "4" before they finish the question. But in stage 3, you have to actually think about the question and your response might not verbally surface until 10 seconds.
I have made it to 32 hours. I went to bed at 11 pm once in this said scenario. (Remember that's like asking you to get up at 4am, work until 9 am, stay awake all night and then go to bed at 11am.) But that was a dire circumstance and If you are in stage 3, I say get to bed as soon as possible. If you are waiting for it to be socially acceptable (if you still care about social norms) OR if you are concerned about sleeping through the entire night, I say after 8pm you are good to go. Its socially acceptable and you will sleep through the night and even sleep in.
I do think that it is possible to stay up past 40, with adrenaline. Meaning, in dire circumstances. Like you're in the army, or other militia and its been one attack after another, or maybe you stay awake 40 hours when your child is born. Or you are a survivor or a health care worker of a catastrophe, you just keep on going and going. I believe that when I'm in stage 3, I think I could snap out of it all and go do CPR on someone if I had to. I could still bring myself back to full capacity if I wanted to. But that's all adrenaline and I wouldn't do that for just anything, obviously. It would be a dire circumstance.
I have noticed a little bit of a questionable stage 4- but this is when you are sleeping. Stage 4 only hits when I have repeatedly been exhausted- I have lets say hit stage 3 one day and then didn't sleep enough to recover, or did it again the next day, or even no stage 3's but a lot of stage 2s. Regardless, you're not getting enough sleep. Stage 4 involves the main effect of being so tired, so friggen exhausted- that you aren't getting restful sleep. Its tricky though to explain because it doesn't always happen. And sometimes I get very restful sleep in terms of staying asleep, but I realize my dreamscape has been full of nightmares and a lot of them, or even just a lot of annoying dreams. So Stage 4 I guess is more long term. Suddenly when you're awake you can't recall if blips of memory that are coming to you happened in your dreamscape, or real life and its pretty confusing. The more tired you are during sleep, the more your dreams have the ability to trick you into they are reality.
So those are my personal effects I've noticed. Those effects are all short term and can be fixed with a healthy dose of Vitamin C, Calcium, probiotic, protein, electrolytes, and 16 hours of sleep. But long term? I don't know. I don't want to know. But the infographic touches on that. Pretty scary stuff. I think night shift screws a lot of things up, but you can stay healthy if you just make sure you get sound sleep during the day and make sure you plan for recovery time.
If you are wondering what my opinion is on substances to pick you back up (i.e. coffee, caffeine, 5 hour energy) I say BE CAREFUL. I use 5 hr energy myself, but only during stage 0 (during my work shift) and only sometimes. Be extremelyyyyyy careful with using it in stage 2 and I say not to use it in stage 3. Caffeine can only carry you so far and the effects can have dangerous symptoms on your already vulnerable body. Also, if consumed in stage 3, you might appreciate the short term benefits but the benefit will disappear shortly and the caffeine will still be in your system, meaning when you do finally get to sleep you might even have trouble sleeping. Be careful!
Phew, long post! Thanks for reading, I hope you found it interesting and helpful to all..I know all fellow night shifters out there know exactly what I'm talking about!
Here is the infographic I received :
Via: YourLocalSecurity.com
~WNB
.
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Have it Your Way
This is how it all went down last night at work:
patient is young female (younger than me young). Came in with ovarian cyst. Possible OR today, so no food after midnight. I go in to see her at shift start. She's nauseous and vomiting.
me: Hi, looks like you're not feeling good. You're feeling nauseous?
Patient: Yeah. I threw up.
Me: I see that. Are you still nauseated?
Patient: uh, yeah. It's because I just drank orange juice.
Me: okay. Well OJ can be very acidic and hard on the stomach, so how about we stick to gingerale or water until midnight?
Patient: Well they said I couldn't drink or eat anything after midnight.
Me: yes. that's correct, just in case you have to go to the OR.
Patient: So I wanted to eat my dinner really late tonight. My boyfriend brought me McDonalds. Can I still eat that?
Me: As long as its before midnight, yeah, and you're feeling okay.
Patient: Okay.
Patient calls me back again, 10pm.
Patient: I threw up again.
me: Okay. You're nauseous again?
Patient: yeah, its because I had the Mcdonalds.
Me: Yeah.......how about no more food or drinks for the rest of the night?
Patient: Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.
Patient calls back again, 11:59 pm
Patient: I threw up again.
Me: Okay, you're nauseous again?
PAtient: yeah. I had some crackers and juice.
Me: Oh, okay. I thought we agreed you might feel better if we lie low on the foods and drinks for now?
Patient: I know but If I can't eat until after my test tomorrow I was afraid I'm going to starve. I don't want to starve so I just had one more thing before midnight.
Me: Okay.
*At this point I start removing all food and drink from the bedside table, being that it is 12:03 am.*
Patient: No! I want to finish my coffee, then I promise no more.
*Slam face into wall now.*
Some people just don't get it. I thought it was ingrained into human nature that when you're nauseous and especially vomiting- you naturally don't want to eat or drink???? Aye AYe AYE!
~WNB
.
patient is young female (younger than me young). Came in with ovarian cyst. Possible OR today, so no food after midnight. I go in to see her at shift start. She's nauseous and vomiting.
me: Hi, looks like you're not feeling good. You're feeling nauseous?
Patient: Yeah. I threw up.
Me: I see that. Are you still nauseated?
Patient: uh, yeah. It's because I just drank orange juice.
Me: okay. Well OJ can be very acidic and hard on the stomach, so how about we stick to gingerale or water until midnight?
Patient: Well they said I couldn't drink or eat anything after midnight.
Me: yes. that's correct, just in case you have to go to the OR.
Patient: So I wanted to eat my dinner really late tonight. My boyfriend brought me McDonalds. Can I still eat that?
Me: As long as its before midnight, yeah, and you're feeling okay.
Patient: Okay.
Patient calls me back again, 10pm.
Patient: I threw up again.
me: Okay. You're nauseous again?
Patient: yeah, its because I had the Mcdonalds.
Me: Yeah.......how about no more food or drinks for the rest of the night?
Patient: Yeah, that sounds like a good idea.
Patient calls back again, 11:59 pm
Patient: I threw up again.
Me: Okay, you're nauseous again?
PAtient: yeah. I had some crackers and juice.
Me: Oh, okay. I thought we agreed you might feel better if we lie low on the foods and drinks for now?
Patient: I know but If I can't eat until after my test tomorrow I was afraid I'm going to starve. I don't want to starve so I just had one more thing before midnight.
Me: Okay.
*At this point I start removing all food and drink from the bedside table, being that it is 12:03 am.*
Patient: No! I want to finish my coffee, then I promise no more.
*Slam face into wall now.*
Some people just don't get it. I thought it was ingrained into human nature that when you're nauseous and especially vomiting- you naturally don't want to eat or drink???? Aye AYe AYE!
~WNB
.
Saturday, January 21, 2012
A Big Win for the MD Community!
So, I know a lot of you readers know that I am extremely anti-dairy. Not just lactose intolerant but I am a big believer in the theory that dairy products are damaging to anyone's health and that I can come up with a number of ways that dairy can be causing any symptom you might be having right now. However, what you may not know about me is that I am extremely PRO for Probiotics!
To explain a little, probiotics are simply the combat for antibiotics. Both, essentially, are needed, and good things. Antibiotics are given to patients who need to fight off a harmful bacteria that is present in their body somewhere. The antibiotics wipe out all bacteria found in the system. However, the body always has a balance of good and bad bacteria. We get both kinds from food breakdown, water, contact, etc. When we are feeling healthy, we have a better balance of good bacteria, they are essentially "Winning". When we start feeling symptoms of an infection, it means the bad bacteria are essentially "winning", so to speak. So when an antibiotic wipes out all your bacteria, its also depleting your good bacteria. Because of this, when you are on antibiotic therapy, you might start to experience unpleasant symptoms (diarrhea, nausea, etc.). To help combat this its really important to replace your good bacteria. How can you do this, might you ask? The answer is probiotics.
Probiotics can be found in many ways. The easiest way for the common population is yogurt. This is easy to tell patients and anyone that doesn't feel comfortable buying a "box/bottle of bacteria". Yogurt just sounds more....easier to stomach? A lot of people don't understand. They think that by purposefully putting bacteria into their system, even if its good, that is harmful. What they don't GET is that you're doing yourself an extreme favor. You think its gross putting good bacteria into your system? What about putting bad bacteria into your system when you drink bad water, or food poisoning, or accidentally put your fingers in your mouth after touching everything? By taking probiotics, you help the "good guys" win inside your body. You help your body restore its natural balance, so the good guys can win the war and keep you healthy.
Now, yogurt is the simplest form. However its also a very small dosage. Also, for people that also firmly believe in the anti-lactose theory, I cannot get probiotics from yogurt. However there are lots of other ways to attain them. Some of the big brands you may have heard of are, "Align", or "Phillips Colon Health", or, what I take and love, "Culturelle". There are also many many other combinations. Each one has their own unique effect and if you do choose to try one, its important to find one that works well with your body. For example, Align and I didn't get along at all. For some reason that strain of bacteria, even though it was good, didn't sit well with me. However Culturelle, what I take, is what I believe to be the cause of my usual good health nowadays.
So, going back to my title, I get really, really really frustrated when my patients are on antibiotics (strong ones at that) and yet they never, ever get replacement probiotic therapy. And then the patients end up with a new strain of bad-bacteria that happens when your good bacteria is depleted, its called c-difficile. This causes extremely unpleasant diarrhea. When you get this, your doctor will give you yet another antibiotic to treat the new bad bacteria, and yet they NEVER mention probiotics! It drives me nuts. Then I try and educate my patients on everything they need to know about probiotics in a nutshell, and they ask me how come their doctor has never told them to do this, and my face usually says it all without saying anything.
However, recently I had a patient on your typical IV(intravenous) antibiotic. After a couple days in the hospital she started developing the typical diarrhea. Now, her family started freaking out- What is this? What is wrong with her now? Why is she having diarrhea?? Can she have imodium?? Well, the MD (doctor) was called to tell him about this new diarrhea, and the nurse prior to me asked if she could have some imodium. His response, much to my surprise, was: "She can have one dose of Imodium but I'm prescribing some yogurt three times a day. I really want to push some probiotics here."
I was. ASTOUNDED. That was the first time, in my life, I've ever heard a doctor push the probiotics. Not just in my small RN career, but as a patient for 22 years with many, many many stomach issues. I almost literally jumped for joy for that doctor. I wanted to call him back myself and say, GOOD JOB! Finally!
I can't even tell you why doctors don't do this automatically, prophylactic. Is it because they aren't educated about it in school? Maybe. I don't know. Is it because they don't "believe" in anything thats not an actual drug? Probiotic therapy can be considered holistic therapy, is that out of their range of practice entirely? Drives me nuts.
On a sidenote, I had a patient recently that was admitted for severe migraines. The doctors were running every test and scan under the sun and they couldn't find any reason for these severe headaches. When I found out they were chronic migraines, I started thinking. I received her as a patient on her third day already in the hospital. When I went in to go see her, I asked her if she had ever seen any specialist for these migraines. A neurologist? A nutritionist? An Allergist? An Opthamologist? Anything? Her answer was no.
So I sat down with her and did a little tiny nutrition consult with her. I went over the top 5 foods that cause migraines. Turns out, she eats all of them. A lot. I taught her ways to take these foods out of her system and how to replace them. I taught her about the benefits to seeing an allergist, and that they can help you figure out if you're actually allergic or intolerant to a type of food that can actually be causing your migraines. I asked about vision, and she said she used to wear glasses until "she didn't need them anymore". I told her she should see an eye-doctor just in case, because your eyes may be straining to see and you don't even know it. However, nutrition alone, the first thing I went over, is enough to fix 85% of her migraines, I can guarantee it. Her and her family asked why, despite her being in the hospital (which everyone believes to be the big savior to all your problems), no doctor has ever told her anything I just did. Again, my response was...........I wish I knew. I can't bash the doctors in for not educating their patients, that is strictly against my range of job description. And yet how do I tell my patient honestly that the doctors didn't tell you this because they don't know? The doctors are so focused on drugs and tests, before something as simple as talking about nutrition. She eats the top 5 foods that cause migraines! Think about it!
Anyway, vent over.
There are some things I just want to go over about probiotics, while I'm still talking about them (well, I was). This is just in case I may have caught your attention and you want to try taking them. Here are some pointers.
I think thats all I have to say. Whew! Long post. I hope some of you have found this helpful. I know when I started probiotics, I went from being nauseous every single day to hardly-ever. And when I accidentally skip a day or two, I can tell, because my symptoms start coming back.
It is really important to remember here that I am not a doctor. All the information provided above is from my own personal knowledge and own personal experience. It has not been taken from any website or book, but instead is a collection of knowledge from many sources in my past. It is important to know that if you do choose to start probiotic therapy, that it is your own choice and I am not your doctor. I am a firm believer in them, but that doesn't necessarily mean they work for everyone. If you have any questions about probiotics, feel free to leave a comment. I hope it works for some of you and this wasn't a really boring post.
Thank you all for reading! With love,
~WNB
To explain a little, probiotics are simply the combat for antibiotics. Both, essentially, are needed, and good things. Antibiotics are given to patients who need to fight off a harmful bacteria that is present in their body somewhere. The antibiotics wipe out all bacteria found in the system. However, the body always has a balance of good and bad bacteria. We get both kinds from food breakdown, water, contact, etc. When we are feeling healthy, we have a better balance of good bacteria, they are essentially "Winning". When we start feeling symptoms of an infection, it means the bad bacteria are essentially "winning", so to speak. So when an antibiotic wipes out all your bacteria, its also depleting your good bacteria. Because of this, when you are on antibiotic therapy, you might start to experience unpleasant symptoms (diarrhea, nausea, etc.). To help combat this its really important to replace your good bacteria. How can you do this, might you ask? The answer is probiotics.
Probiotics can be found in many ways. The easiest way for the common population is yogurt. This is easy to tell patients and anyone that doesn't feel comfortable buying a "box/bottle of bacteria". Yogurt just sounds more....easier to stomach? A lot of people don't understand. They think that by purposefully putting bacteria into their system, even if its good, that is harmful. What they don't GET is that you're doing yourself an extreme favor. You think its gross putting good bacteria into your system? What about putting bad bacteria into your system when you drink bad water, or food poisoning, or accidentally put your fingers in your mouth after touching everything? By taking probiotics, you help the "good guys" win inside your body. You help your body restore its natural balance, so the good guys can win the war and keep you healthy.
Now, yogurt is the simplest form. However its also a very small dosage. Also, for people that also firmly believe in the anti-lactose theory, I cannot get probiotics from yogurt. However there are lots of other ways to attain them. Some of the big brands you may have heard of are, "Align", or "Phillips Colon Health", or, what I take and love, "Culturelle". There are also many many other combinations. Each one has their own unique effect and if you do choose to try one, its important to find one that works well with your body. For example, Align and I didn't get along at all. For some reason that strain of bacteria, even though it was good, didn't sit well with me. However Culturelle, what I take, is what I believe to be the cause of my usual good health nowadays.
So, going back to my title, I get really, really really frustrated when my patients are on antibiotics (strong ones at that) and yet they never, ever get replacement probiotic therapy. And then the patients end up with a new strain of bad-bacteria that happens when your good bacteria is depleted, its called c-difficile. This causes extremely unpleasant diarrhea. When you get this, your doctor will give you yet another antibiotic to treat the new bad bacteria, and yet they NEVER mention probiotics! It drives me nuts. Then I try and educate my patients on everything they need to know about probiotics in a nutshell, and they ask me how come their doctor has never told them to do this, and my face usually says it all without saying anything.
However, recently I had a patient on your typical IV(intravenous) antibiotic. After a couple days in the hospital she started developing the typical diarrhea. Now, her family started freaking out- What is this? What is wrong with her now? Why is she having diarrhea?? Can she have imodium?? Well, the MD (doctor) was called to tell him about this new diarrhea, and the nurse prior to me asked if she could have some imodium. His response, much to my surprise, was: "She can have one dose of Imodium but I'm prescribing some yogurt three times a day. I really want to push some probiotics here."
I was. ASTOUNDED. That was the first time, in my life, I've ever heard a doctor push the probiotics. Not just in my small RN career, but as a patient for 22 years with many, many many stomach issues. I almost literally jumped for joy for that doctor. I wanted to call him back myself and say, GOOD JOB! Finally!
I can't even tell you why doctors don't do this automatically, prophylactic. Is it because they aren't educated about it in school? Maybe. I don't know. Is it because they don't "believe" in anything thats not an actual drug? Probiotic therapy can be considered holistic therapy, is that out of their range of practice entirely? Drives me nuts.
Its frustrating because as an RN, when I get patients with either stomach issues or headache issues, I know how to help them. I have had both for 22 years and I know a lot of tricks in the book. And yet I can't help them because I can't prescribe anything myself. I can't "refer" them to the type of doctor they really need to be seeing instead. Sometimes I wish I were a doctor just for that reason. But I would be a holistic type of doctor, because I'm a big believer. Because of this, I still might become a Holistic Nurse Practitioner that specializes in gastroenterology....we'll see.
On a sidenote, I had a patient recently that was admitted for severe migraines. The doctors were running every test and scan under the sun and they couldn't find any reason for these severe headaches. When I found out they were chronic migraines, I started thinking. I received her as a patient on her third day already in the hospital. When I went in to go see her, I asked her if she had ever seen any specialist for these migraines. A neurologist? A nutritionist? An Allergist? An Opthamologist? Anything? Her answer was no.
So I sat down with her and did a little tiny nutrition consult with her. I went over the top 5 foods that cause migraines. Turns out, she eats all of them. A lot. I taught her ways to take these foods out of her system and how to replace them. I taught her about the benefits to seeing an allergist, and that they can help you figure out if you're actually allergic or intolerant to a type of food that can actually be causing your migraines. I asked about vision, and she said she used to wear glasses until "she didn't need them anymore". I told her she should see an eye-doctor just in case, because your eyes may be straining to see and you don't even know it. However, nutrition alone, the first thing I went over, is enough to fix 85% of her migraines, I can guarantee it. Her and her family asked why, despite her being in the hospital (which everyone believes to be the big savior to all your problems), no doctor has ever told her anything I just did. Again, my response was...........I wish I knew. I can't bash the doctors in for not educating their patients, that is strictly against my range of job description. And yet how do I tell my patient honestly that the doctors didn't tell you this because they don't know? The doctors are so focused on drugs and tests, before something as simple as talking about nutrition. She eats the top 5 foods that cause migraines! Think about it!
Anyway, vent over.
There are some things I just want to go over about probiotics, while I'm still talking about them (well, I was). This is just in case I may have caught your attention and you want to try taking them. Here are some pointers.
- Remember that it is important to find the one that works for you. If you experience unpleasant symptoms from one for a long period of time (more than a week), its time to try another one. Don't give up on them entirely.
- If you've never taken a probiotic before, you most likely WILL get symptoms from them, no matter what brand you choose. This is simply because your body is greeting the new good bacteria, the war has officially begun inside your body, and basically, war isn't pleasant. The good guys will start to win and resulting, expel all the bad bacteria from your body. This will result in some diarrhea, and maybe nausea, but the side effects should disappear after a couple of days. It is important to continue taking them regularly despite symptom occurrence. If you stop taking them, the bad bacteria will start to win again and you'll just be back to square one. By taking them regularly, its like sending in troops to fight the war. By continuously sending in good, healthy new fresh troops to fight, your chances of winning are a lot better.
- Probiotics can help cure much more than just combating antibiotic therapy. Basically, if you are at an overall health status (by this I mean, no infection present), probiotic therapy CAN be your antibiotic therapy. GOing back to my military analogy, if you have a team of 10,000 good-guy troops maintaining an area, (in this case, your body), then if one or two or three bad guys come in to cause trouble, they are going to die instantly. Your gut (stomach, intestines) is actually one of your biggest immune response fighters. By maintaining a healthy gut, your strengthening your immune response exponentially. This means that probiotics will help fend off colds. They will increase your chances of not getting sick when you drink bad water or bad food. They will increase your chances of not getting sick when travelling abroad. Probiotics in general are known for also regulating the bowels, meaning if you had diarrhea- now you won't, and if you were constipated, now you won't be. Basically, bad bacteria cause irregularity of the bowels. Depending on the strain, it causes diarrhea or constipation. The probiotics help reverse either one. By reversing either symptom, it also will exponentially delete any symptoms of nausea as well. Double win!
- It is important to remember that although probiotic therapy is amazing for the immune response, it cannot fight against a virus. It WILL help keep your OWN immune system STRONG so that if a virus DOES enter your body, YOUR own body might be able to fend it off before you even get symptoms. But if you already have a virus, starting a probiotic regime is not going to solve anything. This is why when a friend of mine has a cold, I don't start them on probiotics immediately. I tell them to ride it out, and then start probiotics to maintain health when you are feeling better.
- It is VERY important to realize that although I'm not a terrific huge fan of antibiotics, they are still life-saving in some cases. They are not to be shunned, and if your doctor does prescribe one to you, it is important to take it. I am in no way saying that you shouldn't. HOWEVER, this is when its especially important to take probiotics. If you don't want to go big on them, all you have to do is try some yogurt. Thats all. However the Biggest most Important thing here, is that you do not take both at the same time. DO NOT take your antibiotic pill and your probiotic at the same time, it will cancel each other out and accomplish nothing. It is important that if you are prescribed an antibiotic twice a day, to maybe take your probiotic in between your antibiotic. Regardless of the timing, be sure to space them both out so they both have a chance for your body to react and do their job.
- Once you start probiotic therapy, it is important to achieve a "maintenance dose". This dose should be fairly small (usually one pill a day). This dose is important to take when nothing is abnormal. No weird symptoms going on, you feel healthy, you're not travelling, you didn't eat anything weird, you haven't been exposed to anything funky recently....BUT, if you HAVE done anything I just said, its important to "boost" your dose a bit. Its important to try and figure out what works for your body and how long you need to do it. If I am exposed to someone else being really sick, I'll take maybe two pills a day for however long I'm going to be exposed. If I'm travelling and eating different foods than what I'm used to, I might take two a day, or even up to 4. If I'm starting to feel sick, I'll boost it up until I feel better. Get it?
I think thats all I have to say. Whew! Long post. I hope some of you have found this helpful. I know when I started probiotics, I went from being nauseous every single day to hardly-ever. And when I accidentally skip a day or two, I can tell, because my symptoms start coming back.
It is really important to remember here that I am not a doctor. All the information provided above is from my own personal knowledge and own personal experience. It has not been taken from any website or book, but instead is a collection of knowledge from many sources in my past. It is important to know that if you do choose to start probiotic therapy, that it is your own choice and I am not your doctor. I am a firm believer in them, but that doesn't necessarily mean they work for everyone. If you have any questions about probiotics, feel free to leave a comment. I hope it works for some of you and this wasn't a really boring post.
Thank you all for reading! With love,
~WNB
Thursday, December 8, 2011
The Worst of Them All
Sometimes, I think having hypochondria is worse than having the disease. Because with hypochondria, your mind literally creates symptoms to fit alllllll the diseases and on a daily basis you think you're dying from something different. And your mind literally thinks its real. Very real. No wonder I hate doctors and they hate me. I'm beginning to really see it now, I guess. But theres nothing I can do about it. Its an anxiety disorder.
At this current moment, I think I may have:
- pneumonia
- ovarian cancer
- acute renal failure
- diverticulitis
- MS
- fibromyalgia/ CFS
- a brain tumor
- Gastric ulcer ( I wonder WHY)
-Arthritis/ some major joint pain disorder
So am I psychotic enough? yeah. Its a problem.
I can only imagine how I'm going to be when I'm pregnant, and when I have kids. They are going to cough and I'm going to freak out. Ohhhhh this is not good.
Meanwhile, I went to my nurse practitioner yesterday, and literally got a clean bill of health. The problem is that my mind is so twisted that I can't believe her. But I have to.
At this point, to battle the hypochondria, I just have to accept it. I have to say, "For now, I have a clean bill of health as said by the NP/MD, even though I repeatedly told her my symptoms. If, in the future, there arises a major problem that is officially diagnosed, then I can deal with it then." The end.
But it really makes it tricky for hypochondriacs to decide when to go to te doctor. We have spent our lives being laughed at and shunned by the MD community because we come in with the strangest, most odd and specific descriptions of our symptoms, that they just brush us off as hypochondriacs and prescribe us some tylenol or something. So most of us hate doctors by now because of this. So our anxiety gets worse because we "hide" our "problems" and choose to deal with it ourselves, without the MD. We turn to the internet, to textbooks, to other nurses(in my case), etc. We buy our own medications. We battle it ourselves. But in the back of my mind, I think, "Its probably nothing, as usual, but what if this really is cancer? What if this really IS a brain tumor, and I let it go this long and by the time I eventually show it to the doctor and they diagnose it, he's going to say "If only we had caught this sooner". And then you start really debating because, even though you really hate doctors, you feel like its necessary to get one on board so at least someone is aware of your potential brain tumor. Sigh.
And that my friend is the twisted anxious mind of a true hypochondriac. I'd give anything to get rid of it.
~WNB
This pretty much sums it all up:
.
At this current moment, I think I may have:
- pneumonia
- ovarian cancer
- acute renal failure
- diverticulitis
- MS
- fibromyalgia/ CFS
- a brain tumor
- Gastric ulcer ( I wonder WHY)
-Arthritis/ some major joint pain disorder
So am I psychotic enough? yeah. Its a problem.
I can only imagine how I'm going to be when I'm pregnant, and when I have kids. They are going to cough and I'm going to freak out. Ohhhhh this is not good.
Meanwhile, I went to my nurse practitioner yesterday, and literally got a clean bill of health. The problem is that my mind is so twisted that I can't believe her. But I have to.
At this point, to battle the hypochondria, I just have to accept it. I have to say, "For now, I have a clean bill of health as said by the NP/MD, even though I repeatedly told her my symptoms. If, in the future, there arises a major problem that is officially diagnosed, then I can deal with it then." The end.
But it really makes it tricky for hypochondriacs to decide when to go to te doctor. We have spent our lives being laughed at and shunned by the MD community because we come in with the strangest, most odd and specific descriptions of our symptoms, that they just brush us off as hypochondriacs and prescribe us some tylenol or something. So most of us hate doctors by now because of this. So our anxiety gets worse because we "hide" our "problems" and choose to deal with it ourselves, without the MD. We turn to the internet, to textbooks, to other nurses(in my case), etc. We buy our own medications. We battle it ourselves. But in the back of my mind, I think, "Its probably nothing, as usual, but what if this really is cancer? What if this really IS a brain tumor, and I let it go this long and by the time I eventually show it to the doctor and they diagnose it, he's going to say "If only we had caught this sooner". And then you start really debating because, even though you really hate doctors, you feel like its necessary to get one on board so at least someone is aware of your potential brain tumor. Sigh.
And that my friend is the twisted anxious mind of a true hypochondriac. I'd give anything to get rid of it.
~WNB
This pretty much sums it all up:
.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Kind of an Oxymoron
Don't you think it's quite comical that I have the most sensitive stomach in the world to all things food and drink on this planet, and yet have the "figuratively speaking" a strong stomach, when it comes to seeing things that make the average person queasy?
I spent the day in the OR today as part of my RN orienting program. Before my first case, the nurse manager of the OR pulls me aside.
"have you eaten breakfast this morning?"
"ummmmm, yea."
"okay. Just checking."
"don't worry, I don't get queasy."
"everyone says that and then they end up on the floor. You look like someone that gets queasy."
"nope, I assure you- I dont."
I can't even imagine what I'd have to see to make my stomach churn. I guess it would have to be trauma on a loved one...other than that, nothing bothers me. Does that make me a bad person? :-( ack.
_WNB
I spent the day in the OR today as part of my RN orienting program. Before my first case, the nurse manager of the OR pulls me aside.
"have you eaten breakfast this morning?"
"ummmmm, yea."
"okay. Just checking."
"don't worry, I don't get queasy."
"everyone says that and then they end up on the floor. You look like someone that gets queasy."
"nope, I assure you- I dont."
I can't even imagine what I'd have to see to make my stomach churn. I guess it would have to be trauma on a loved one...other than that, nothing bothers me. Does that make me a bad person? :-( ack.
_WNB
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Contagion
Okay.
So, despite the fact that I do occasionally like to do movie reviews, this isn't exactly a movie review. But it kind of is. More so, it's commenting on the fact of how real it is.
First of all, go see the movie so you know what I'm talking about. I will *try* not to give too much away after this line but you never know. Just go see it. For those of you that are squeemish, there's only one squeem-producing scene, the rest is all fine to watch.
Okay so the movie centers around the fact that a strand of the avian influenza virus has struck the human species, in a form that is transmitted from human to human, rather than just bird to human. Being the fact that humans are usually so social and we are obsessed with touching so many things, any human contact transmission disease/virus spreads like wildfire. Also, thanks to how fast we can travel nowadays *and* how travel weakens the immune system of those travelling (lack of sleep, lack of nutrition, new environment/new bacteria/crowded air-bus-train travel), its sure-fire that the world would be just as much if not more danger than the movie actually presents.
In the movie, the virus starts spreading like wildfire. First 2, then 4, then 16, then hundreds, then thousands, millions, and so on (Which is how it would happen in real life). Then the CDC & WHO take notice and get involved and naturally, send out officers to try and figure out the root of this virus and to stop it (which would also happen in real life except a lot more than 3 main officers would be on the case).
But then news gets out. And thats when things go sour. People start panicking. Panic is contagious in and of itself. One person panics and suddenly no one knows what to believe. Think about it, you leave your house and you're on your front porch. A stranger is running around outside screaming in terror, running in the other direction. Wouldn't that make you a little panicky?
So, panic + human race makes greed. There is simply too many people in this world and not enough supplies for everyone....and thats with things running smoothly! When worldwide disaster strikes, everything shuts down and suddenly no one knows what to do. Food? Water? Electronics? People start raiding stores. Some for basic necessities, others in pure greed and opportunity to loot. When stores run out, people start breaking into peoples houses, stealing from one another on the street. And in the case of a worldwide epidemic, the support you would normally turn to, is probably sick. The police are sick, and even the healthy ones are probably not going to try and battle the crazed streets, risking their lives and risking getting sick and bringing it home to their family. So chances are the cops are out, the healthcare, emergency squads, firemen, etc. So then it's every man for himself. Unfortunately. Especially with a pandemic, it gets especially tricky. You want to trust your neighbor, but suddenly you can't trust anyone. Everyone but you and *maybe* your family is the enemy. Anyone could be sick. So people can't even bond together and fight and help each other out until proven immune.
And then the vaccine or cure of some type comes out. And then it gets even worse. People kill each other to get their hands on it first.
So, it could happen. I've been learning about the possibility ever since nursing school and since then I've been worried, because now I know how easily it could happen and how unprepared we are as a nation and as a planet. I don't think our hospitals are ready. I don't think the country as a collective average whole is educated enough to know the basics of what-to-do and what-not-to-do during this type of pandemic. And when its already happening, its too late. Its too late to educate then, because during, who can you really even believe?
I have a gnawing feeling that despite everyone being worried about 2012 and the "mysterious end of the world" and the "sun exploding" or "us being swallowed by a blackhole".....thats all possibility. But a pandemic is a pending reality. I think it could be the end of the world and people don't even realize it. The sad thing is it could all so easily be prevented. First prevention, secondary and tertiary prevention. I think if the virus/plague didn't kill us all on its own, the survivors would kill each other or we would all starve/dehydrate. It would be a pretty awful world.
So thats my depressing post. Overall the movie was excellent. It really depicts the reality of the situation and I hope it opens peoples eyes. People need to see what could happen. What will happen if were not careful.
Goodnight! Go see it !
~ A Writer in a Nurse's Body
So, despite the fact that I do occasionally like to do movie reviews, this isn't exactly a movie review. But it kind of is. More so, it's commenting on the fact of how real it is.
First of all, go see the movie so you know what I'm talking about. I will *try* not to give too much away after this line but you never know. Just go see it. For those of you that are squeemish, there's only one squeem-producing scene, the rest is all fine to watch.
Okay so the movie centers around the fact that a strand of the avian influenza virus has struck the human species, in a form that is transmitted from human to human, rather than just bird to human. Being the fact that humans are usually so social and we are obsessed with touching so many things, any human contact transmission disease/virus spreads like wildfire. Also, thanks to how fast we can travel nowadays *and* how travel weakens the immune system of those travelling (lack of sleep, lack of nutrition, new environment/new bacteria/crowded air-bus-train travel), its sure-fire that the world would be just as much if not more danger than the movie actually presents.
In the movie, the virus starts spreading like wildfire. First 2, then 4, then 16, then hundreds, then thousands, millions, and so on (Which is how it would happen in real life). Then the CDC & WHO take notice and get involved and naturally, send out officers to try and figure out the root of this virus and to stop it (which would also happen in real life except a lot more than 3 main officers would be on the case).
But then news gets out. And thats when things go sour. People start panicking. Panic is contagious in and of itself. One person panics and suddenly no one knows what to believe. Think about it, you leave your house and you're on your front porch. A stranger is running around outside screaming in terror, running in the other direction. Wouldn't that make you a little panicky?
So, panic + human race makes greed. There is simply too many people in this world and not enough supplies for everyone....and thats with things running smoothly! When worldwide disaster strikes, everything shuts down and suddenly no one knows what to do. Food? Water? Electronics? People start raiding stores. Some for basic necessities, others in pure greed and opportunity to loot. When stores run out, people start breaking into peoples houses, stealing from one another on the street. And in the case of a worldwide epidemic, the support you would normally turn to, is probably sick. The police are sick, and even the healthy ones are probably not going to try and battle the crazed streets, risking their lives and risking getting sick and bringing it home to their family. So chances are the cops are out, the healthcare, emergency squads, firemen, etc. So then it's every man for himself. Unfortunately. Especially with a pandemic, it gets especially tricky. You want to trust your neighbor, but suddenly you can't trust anyone. Everyone but you and *maybe* your family is the enemy. Anyone could be sick. So people can't even bond together and fight and help each other out until proven immune.
And then the vaccine or cure of some type comes out. And then it gets even worse. People kill each other to get their hands on it first.
So, it could happen. I've been learning about the possibility ever since nursing school and since then I've been worried, because now I know how easily it could happen and how unprepared we are as a nation and as a planet. I don't think our hospitals are ready. I don't think the country as a collective average whole is educated enough to know the basics of what-to-do and what-not-to-do during this type of pandemic. And when its already happening, its too late. Its too late to educate then, because during, who can you really even believe?
I have a gnawing feeling that despite everyone being worried about 2012 and the "mysterious end of the world" and the "sun exploding" or "us being swallowed by a blackhole".....thats all possibility. But a pandemic is a pending reality. I think it could be the end of the world and people don't even realize it. The sad thing is it could all so easily be prevented. First prevention, secondary and tertiary prevention. I think if the virus/plague didn't kill us all on its own, the survivors would kill each other or we would all starve/dehydrate. It would be a pretty awful world.
So thats my depressing post. Overall the movie was excellent. It really depicts the reality of the situation and I hope it opens peoples eyes. People need to see what could happen. What will happen if were not careful.
Goodnight! Go see it !
~ A Writer in a Nurse's Body
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Where I want to Be
I'm having an off night. Can't really explain it....I don't think I could if I even tried. I guess thats the scary part? But its midnight now and I am drawing and listening to some music and this is helping. If "this" is still happening Monday I will *have* to go to the Doctor even though I hate most doctors and how all of my health issues are subjective. For once It'd be nice if a doctor could see what is inside of me, what I am feeling, rather than what they can see. I get it, for them. I know. I know how frustrated doctors are. Its like stabbing in the dark with patients like me. If they can't see the problem, how is it best to treat? Drugs, drugs, drugs? Ugh. Hardly. I want to go back to my holistic NP but can't exactly afford $180/hr right now.
Drawing helps, it gets my mind away from me. It takes me somewhere else.....when you are able to focus on something like that, whether it be drawing, or playing some sort of video game, or....running, or walking, or painting or whatever, when you can be awake and yet let your mind "take a break" from yourself, from your thoughts, its sort of free to do what it wants. Its like accessing the dream state while awake. Although I am in my present self focusing on my drawing, my mind is a thousand miles away. And then I re-focus and my drawing is 75% done! Nice :) So thats what drawing does for me. Thats what reading does. Thats what writing does. Thats what music does.
Right now, in this present moment, I would really just love to be here:
Speaking of Europe, I'd also rather be back here right now:
Drawing helps, it gets my mind away from me. It takes me somewhere else.....when you are able to focus on something like that, whether it be drawing, or playing some sort of video game, or....running, or walking, or painting or whatever, when you can be awake and yet let your mind "take a break" from yourself, from your thoughts, its sort of free to do what it wants. Its like accessing the dream state while awake. Although I am in my present self focusing on my drawing, my mind is a thousand miles away. And then I re-focus and my drawing is 75% done! Nice :) So thats what drawing does for me. Thats what reading does. Thats what writing does. Thats what music does.
Right now, in this present moment, I would really just love to be here:
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| Bryant Park, New York City This place, right here.....this place is magical. Everyone who has been there, knows it. Definitely makes my "top five" favorite places...and I've been to Europe. |
This probably marks my favorite place. Luxembourg Gardens, Paris. Which is funny, because I didn't even know this existed in the world, let alone Paris, until I got off the bus and it was right in front of me. But isn't that sort of what makes it surreal? Those special moments when you think you are lost, and you make a turn and you walk into this magical place where all these people are, and you think, how does everyone else know the address to heaven?? And there you are, in the middle of it all. It's perfect, and you are happy. I want to go back.
So, thats that. Tonight is a blast Blue October kind of night. As Justin Furstenfeld puts it, "Just believe in all who shine the light to help you see...'cause if I believe in you, will you believe in me?" from Kangaroo Cry
Goodnight, World. Here's to hopefully a better weekend ahead :)
~WNB
PS- This is my 365th post!!! Ah! Funny since that marks a year, sort of, even though I've had this for two years now. Odd. :-)
Tuesday, June 7, 2011
A Rainy Day In London
Wow...where do I even begin?
First things first, I am feeling a bit better about the recent passing away of my grandmother. Yesterday was an exhausting day of getting up at 430 am, not eating right, waiting in airports, flying for seven hours, and then finding out your grandmother died on top of all that. My original plan was to stay up once I got home to fight jet lag, and wait til bed time to sleep. But considering the circumstances, I showered and climbed into bed, slept for four hours, got up and ate dinner, and climbed into bed again for the next 12 hours. I couldn't think clearly and cried at every attempt to talk, and sleeping was just a way to escape my thoughts.
I didn't dream last night, and slept right through. I desperately needed that sleep.
Through talking with relatives on that side of the family, I have felt much better. I have had feelings of guilt for having fun in Europe while my loved ones were suffering at home, but I can now see that my Grandmother would not have wanted me to feel upset and that she was so happy I was finally able to go to Europe. I guess I just wish I could have said Goodbye...
I have never had a death before of someone close to me. I have always tried to prepare myself for what its like, because I knew my grandparents were reaching that age, and also- friends or anyone can die at any time from any cause- So I knew I had to be ready....but you can never be ready. You can never prepare for that moment.
I have been able to think more clearly today because it doesn't even feel real. I still feel like I'm going to see her next time I make a trip down to North Carolina. I keep expecting her to comment on something on my Facebook wall with her witty humor. It doesn't feel real, and I guess thats making it easier to get over, but in no way does it make it complete. She is still constantly on my mind and going down to NC in July is going to bring back all these tears once more.
From here on, I just pray for the survivors, my Grandfather and all his children. I pray for my other Grandmother, so delicate and yet so strong fighting cancer in Long Island. I love her more than words can express and wish desperately that she lives a long, long time more. I pray for my parents, sister and friends...
On to a happier note and what you are all excited to hear about (Well, some of you!)...London! Let me think back to where I left off....Ah, my birthday in Paris. The next morning, we got up exceedingly bright and early to catch our train to London. We took the Eurostar...I was really excited to take this because for *some odd reason* I thought it would be like the Harry Potter train where you get separate compartments and even the candy cart comes around and you can buy chocolate frogs that come to life and show pictures of Dumbledore.....Ok, just kidding. I didn't expect the chocolate frog. But I really did think this train had separate compartments. But it was just a regular train. That went very fast and went under water.
Arriving into London was....funny? On the train I was pressed up against the window like a little kid, waiting to see London. Waiting for the magic to happen that I've waited for my entire life. Waiting for the soundtrack to play in my head. Waiting for sparkles or something spectacular. After every tunnel we came out of (there was strangely a lot of tunnels) I kept thinking, Is THIS london? No? What about this? Are we in London now?...I was very impatient.
Arriving into the train station was also pretty comical. All of our suitcases (all 42) were piled on top of one another and had moved during the ride, and we all stood in a clump outside the train, figuring out how to move the first one without them all crumbling down on top of us. How many college students does it take to move suitcases? Apparently 42.
The first thing I LOVED about London was that everyone spoke English and it was perfectly acceptable and normal! It was such a relief after struggling in every country! It felt abnormal and strange that I could just go up to ANYONE and ask them any question. It was a huge relief. I could read signs again! I can watch tv If I wanted! I could overhear conversations! I could order things off menus! It was good times. I kept seeing signs in English and thinking that it was abnormal, because I was used to everything not being in English. I find it greatly astounding and I am grateful that the Fates decided to make me sick and therefore I had no voice (well, a very squeaky voice), because this prevented me from doing an English Accent the whole time. I assure you, I promise I would have done a British accent the whole time if I had my normal voice. But I tried it in my squeaky raspy voice and I sort of just sounded like a sick turtle-duck smoker combination and it was not acceptable so I just shut up and that was so much better. If I had done an English accent the whole time I would have just made a huge ass of myself, guaranteed. Look for example later...
I kept looking for King's Cross, to see Platform 9 3/4, but apparently it wasn't at that train station, and we didn't have time anyway. Bummer.
un-occupied. So off we set for downtown London.. Our hotel was in the outskirts, but we were still able to take the "tube" in, even if the tube was a 35 minute ride (no joke!). AH! The first thing I noticed about downtown was that everyone drove on the opposite side of the road and car! I forgot about this! It was the weirdest thing! I guess London got used to having a lot of pedestrian-tourist accidents because of this, so on each street crossing they have written on the road, "Look Left", or "Look Right". Its sad that I actually relied on these reminders and it helped a lot to prevent me from dying at least 8 times.
We first took a mini walking tour, but our tour director ended early because she was too fed up with how CROWDED London was, and we were all tired and grumpy and complaining and weren't sticking together, so she sent us all of on our own. With this newfound free time, me and a couple friends walked to Buckingham Palace. So pretty! Even just the walk down was extremely pretty. We were BLESSED with a gorgeous day in London, which apparently happens rarely.
After visiting the palace and walking through the gardens and picking up a sandwich for dinner, we head back to the National Gallery fountain and dipped our feet in the large fountain. This was heaven, as it was a really hot day. The fountain/ Gallery area was PACKED as it was such a nice day. Kids everywhere dipping their feet in and playing in the water...couples sitting together eating ice cream on the fountain, singles reading books or the paper....it was just adorable.
After our lovely feet-dipping excursion, we went back to the hotel to shower and refresh. Then a select few (About 13) of us pre-signed up to go to a Haunted Ghost Walk of London. This was really fun! This was one of the things I was looking forward to the most before the trip even started, because, well....I like Ghosts, and I like London. We met just as night was approaching, and it got really windy, and it was the perfect ghostly-atmosphere. Our new ghostly-tour guide took us around some of the most-known haunted locations in London, and it was indeed pretty spooky. London has been through so much and is far older than anything in the United States, and has been through many odd deaths and disasters, causing many understandable angry ghosts. We saw this one cemetery that was about 5 feet higher than the surrounding ground. I didn't think anything of it until he said it used to be ground level until they had to stack body upon body over the years in the burials.....creepy! We stopped midway for a special cider drink very popular in London, (I didn't like it it was too beerish, but it was actually very strong and that part was...funny). Overall this was very fun because I was with some of my best friends on the tour, we became closer and shared lots of spooks and laughs together before calling it a night.
The next morning, was a completely free day. My tour director left it up to us what we wanted to do on our very last day, and was leaving us the option to sleep in. Despite being in my favorite city in probably the whole world and what I have waited for my whole life, I decided to sleep in a little. The night before I was extremely sickly again (common cold) and was very deficient on sleep. I needed the extra hour, and was fine with spending the day in London alone because of it. But it didn't work out that way.
I woke up at 930, ate breakfast (the wrong way, and got yelled at, Long story. Too long for this post), and got ready to leave by 11. I knew that since the tube was such a long ride in, that I would be staying in downtown London until dinner time with my tour group, so I had to pack enough to last all day. Despite being the kind of sick where you just want to stay under your covers all day, I knew I would hate myself forever if I did that. Forever. I had to just get out there and see London, and pay for it later. Before I left, I remembered that the museum I so longed to see- Florence Nightingale- Was here in London but I had no address for it, and no Internet. I tried finding it on map but no such luck. I tried texting "chacha" and they sent me an address in Texas. No luck. This upset me greatly but I let it go since I had plenty else to see and I did not have enough mentality to suffer through being disappointed about the museum.
I got to London around 12, and walked around the National Gallery for an hour or so before meeting up with a free special London tour, the Harry Potter tour! This could brighten my day any day. The tour was a walking tour, taking us to all the locations used to film all 7 HP movies. SO COOL! We saw about 8 locations, including the ministry of Magic, the movie theater they walk under when flabbergasted after apparating into London in the most recent movies, Honeydukes, and most coolest of all....Diagon Alley! So neat. It was amazing standing in the same spots and streets that the beloved Daniel Radcliffe has stood!
During this tour I spent most of it with a girl from my tour and realized that we had almost everything in common, and we only realized it on our very last day on the tour! What are the chances!? :( We made plans to spend the rest of the day together, but as we were looking at her map to make plans, what did I see on it but the Florence Nightingale museum! I politely told her that I HAD to go to this but that I would meet up with her later. So, off I set to the museum!
It was really cool, and definitely worth seeing, but nothing I didn't know before from nursing school. I guess I knew more about Florence than I thought. But the museum did a nice job of displaying the accurate image of nursing, the history of nursing, and the future of nursing. It was very nicely done and interesting. I was pleased. I also got a LOT of souvenirs here! :-)
Unfortunately upon leaving the museum, the infamous London rain had finally set in. It was pouring, and I was on the outskirts of London again. Fortunately, the "London Film Museum" was very close by and I ducked in to avoid the rain. Upon paying for my ticket, I decided to throw in a little bit of an English accent, and I thought it was pretty darn believable. I think the (very cute) English guy may have even believed it. ...... Then I had to give my license to validate my credit card and what does my license say on it? New Jersey. Big. Idiot. Moment. Of. The. Day. --_--
After this, I decided to walk to the next bus stop in order to get back into the center of the city. I had about 3 hours until I had to meet up with my group for dinner. Unfortunately this bus stop never came and I got really lost, in the pouring rain, sick, and with tired feet. I gave up on everything at this point and just walked wherever my feet decided to take me, for a good hour. After I got tired of that mindless pointless life choice, I ducked into a dry phone booth and got out my map and made a plan. At this point I had two hours left til dinner. I decided I was close enough to walk to dinner, but that I missed the bus tour that ran city-wide to all tourist attractions and shopping areas. So I had two hours to walk to dinner and stand outside the restaurant in the rain. So thats what I did.
So, I am disappointed in myself for not waking up earlier despite the sicklyness and seeing more. I feel like I barely saw anything of my favorite city and did not do any shopping. I wanted to buy many many souvenirs from London, being my favorite city, and I got none. Seeing every one Else's souvenirs at dinner, and hearing their awesome London stories of the day, I was extremely jealous.
But on the bright side, I got to do the Harry Potter tour, and saw the museum I so desperately wanted to see. Not getting to see much else only gives me a reason to go back one day! Right? :)
Overall, I liked London. I think London was my favorite City in terms of fitting my personality, but I had a better TIME in Paris. This is a big difference. I think the experience you have makes or breaks it, as well as the people you spend it with, or don't spend it with. London has been in my heart forever, and that just doesn't go away after one day. I will always be in love with London I think, and I will go back, one day. I am mad London came last and therefore I was more likely to be exhausted and sick by then. But thats not Londons fault. And we were blessed enough to have had a Gorgeous after noon Saturday, too.
Tomorrow I have a whole "European Refection" blog and what I learned about myself on this trip. I will be pretty epic and exciting so look forward to it! Also, sometime this week I will go back and implant photos into all the blogs so look for them! :D
~WNB
Thanks for reading everyone, it means so much to me! My mother passed along the message to me that my grandmother liked to read every entry and that means so much. Thank you for all of your kind messages and support, very much appreciated and loved. < 3
First things first, I am feeling a bit better about the recent passing away of my grandmother. Yesterday was an exhausting day of getting up at 430 am, not eating right, waiting in airports, flying for seven hours, and then finding out your grandmother died on top of all that. My original plan was to stay up once I got home to fight jet lag, and wait til bed time to sleep. But considering the circumstances, I showered and climbed into bed, slept for four hours, got up and ate dinner, and climbed into bed again for the next 12 hours. I couldn't think clearly and cried at every attempt to talk, and sleeping was just a way to escape my thoughts.
I didn't dream last night, and slept right through. I desperately needed that sleep.
Through talking with relatives on that side of the family, I have felt much better. I have had feelings of guilt for having fun in Europe while my loved ones were suffering at home, but I can now see that my Grandmother would not have wanted me to feel upset and that she was so happy I was finally able to go to Europe. I guess I just wish I could have said Goodbye...
I have never had a death before of someone close to me. I have always tried to prepare myself for what its like, because I knew my grandparents were reaching that age, and also- friends or anyone can die at any time from any cause- So I knew I had to be ready....but you can never be ready. You can never prepare for that moment.
I have been able to think more clearly today because it doesn't even feel real. I still feel like I'm going to see her next time I make a trip down to North Carolina. I keep expecting her to comment on something on my Facebook wall with her witty humor. It doesn't feel real, and I guess thats making it easier to get over, but in no way does it make it complete. She is still constantly on my mind and going down to NC in July is going to bring back all these tears once more.
From here on, I just pray for the survivors, my Grandfather and all his children. I pray for my other Grandmother, so delicate and yet so strong fighting cancer in Long Island. I love her more than words can express and wish desperately that she lives a long, long time more. I pray for my parents, sister and friends...
On to a happier note and what you are all excited to hear about (Well, some of you!)...London! Let me think back to where I left off....Ah, my birthday in Paris. The next morning, we got up exceedingly bright and early to catch our train to London. We took the Eurostar...I was really excited to take this because for *some odd reason* I thought it would be like the Harry Potter train where you get separate compartments and even the candy cart comes around and you can buy chocolate frogs that come to life and show pictures of Dumbledore.....Ok, just kidding. I didn't expect the chocolate frog. But I really did think this train had separate compartments. But it was just a regular train. That went very fast and went under water.
Arriving into London was....funny? On the train I was pressed up against the window like a little kid, waiting to see London. Waiting for the magic to happen that I've waited for my entire life. Waiting for the soundtrack to play in my head. Waiting for sparkles or something spectacular. After every tunnel we came out of (there was strangely a lot of tunnels) I kept thinking, Is THIS london? No? What about this? Are we in London now?...I was very impatient.
Arriving into the train station was also pretty comical. All of our suitcases (all 42) were piled on top of one another and had moved during the ride, and we all stood in a clump outside the train, figuring out how to move the first one without them all crumbling down on top of us. How many college students does it take to move suitcases? Apparently 42.
The first thing I LOVED about London was that everyone spoke English and it was perfectly acceptable and normal! It was such a relief after struggling in every country! It felt abnormal and strange that I could just go up to ANYONE and ask them any question. It was a huge relief. I could read signs again! I can watch tv If I wanted! I could overhear conversations! I could order things off menus! It was good times. I kept seeing signs in English and thinking that it was abnormal, because I was used to everything not being in English. I find it greatly astounding and I am grateful that the Fates decided to make me sick and therefore I had no voice (well, a very squeaky voice), because this prevented me from doing an English Accent the whole time. I assure you, I promise I would have done a British accent the whole time if I had my normal voice. But I tried it in my squeaky raspy voice and I sort of just sounded like a sick turtle-duck smoker combination and it was not acceptable so I just shut up and that was so much better. If I had done an English accent the whole time I would have just made a huge ass of myself, guaranteed. Look for example later...
I kept looking for King's Cross, to see Platform 9 3/4, but apparently it wasn't at that train station, and we didn't have time anyway. Bummer.
un-occupied. So off we set for downtown London.. Our hotel was in the outskirts, but we were still able to take the "tube" in, even if the tube was a 35 minute ride (no joke!). AH! The first thing I noticed about downtown was that everyone drove on the opposite side of the road and car! I forgot about this! It was the weirdest thing! I guess London got used to having a lot of pedestrian-tourist accidents because of this, so on each street crossing they have written on the road, "Look Left", or "Look Right". Its sad that I actually relied on these reminders and it helped a lot to prevent me from dying at least 8 times.
The "tube"! Hehe.
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| London had SO MANY Book Ads everywhere, particularly at every tube station. I found this amazing because in America, you don't see ads for books....you see ads for movies, video games, no smoking, more video games, t.v., more movies, and oh....the big one? Food. I also wanted to read this book one day so I took a picture :) |
We first took a mini walking tour, but our tour director ended early because she was too fed up with how CROWDED London was, and we were all tired and grumpy and complaining and weren't sticking together, so she sent us all of on our own. With this newfound free time, me and a couple friends walked to Buckingham Palace. So pretty! Even just the walk down was extremely pretty. We were BLESSED with a gorgeous day in London, which apparently happens rarely.
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| A stranger looking into Buckingham palace.... :) I couldn't resist. |
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| EVERYONE seems to love this photo!! I guess its a nice photo! |
my only shot of Big Ben! :( Long unnecessary story.
After visiting the palace and walking through the gardens and picking up a sandwich for dinner, we head back to the National Gallery fountain and dipped our feet in the large fountain. This was heaven, as it was a really hot day. The fountain/ Gallery area was PACKED as it was such a nice day. Kids everywhere dipping their feet in and playing in the water...couples sitting together eating ice cream on the fountain, singles reading books or the paper....it was just adorable.
After our lovely feet-dipping excursion, we went back to the hotel to shower and refresh. Then a select few (About 13) of us pre-signed up to go to a Haunted Ghost Walk of London. This was really fun! This was one of the things I was looking forward to the most before the trip even started, because, well....I like Ghosts, and I like London. We met just as night was approaching, and it got really windy, and it was the perfect ghostly-atmosphere. Our new ghostly-tour guide took us around some of the most-known haunted locations in London, and it was indeed pretty spooky. London has been through so much and is far older than anything in the United States, and has been through many odd deaths and disasters, causing many understandable angry ghosts. We saw this one cemetery that was about 5 feet higher than the surrounding ground. I didn't think anything of it until he said it used to be ground level until they had to stack body upon body over the years in the burials.....creepy! We stopped midway for a special cider drink very popular in London, (I didn't like it it was too beerish, but it was actually very strong and that part was...funny). Overall this was very fun because I was with some of my best friends on the tour, we became closer and shared lots of spooks and laughs together before calling it a night.
The next morning, was a completely free day. My tour director left it up to us what we wanted to do on our very last day, and was leaving us the option to sleep in. Despite being in my favorite city in probably the whole world and what I have waited for my whole life, I decided to sleep in a little. The night before I was extremely sickly again (common cold) and was very deficient on sleep. I needed the extra hour, and was fine with spending the day in London alone because of it. But it didn't work out that way.
I woke up at 930, ate breakfast (the wrong way, and got yelled at, Long story. Too long for this post), and got ready to leave by 11. I knew that since the tube was such a long ride in, that I would be staying in downtown London until dinner time with my tour group, so I had to pack enough to last all day. Despite being the kind of sick where you just want to stay under your covers all day, I knew I would hate myself forever if I did that. Forever. I had to just get out there and see London, and pay for it later. Before I left, I remembered that the museum I so longed to see- Florence Nightingale- Was here in London but I had no address for it, and no Internet. I tried finding it on map but no such luck. I tried texting "chacha" and they sent me an address in Texas. No luck. This upset me greatly but I let it go since I had plenty else to see and I did not have enough mentality to suffer through being disappointed about the museum.
I got to London around 12, and walked around the National Gallery for an hour or so before meeting up with a free special London tour, the Harry Potter tour! This could brighten my day any day. The tour was a walking tour, taking us to all the locations used to film all 7 HP movies. SO COOL! We saw about 8 locations, including the ministry of Magic, the movie theater they walk under when flabbergasted after apparating into London in the most recent movies, Honeydukes, and most coolest of all....Diagon Alley! So neat. It was amazing standing in the same spots and streets that the beloved Daniel Radcliffe has stood!
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| I LOVE THIS PICTURE |
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| Diagon Alley! |
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| Ministry of magic.... |
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| Ron touched the wall over there! |
During this tour I spent most of it with a girl from my tour and realized that we had almost everything in common, and we only realized it on our very last day on the tour! What are the chances!? :( We made plans to spend the rest of the day together, but as we were looking at her map to make plans, what did I see on it but the Florence Nightingale museum! I politely told her that I HAD to go to this but that I would meet up with her later. So, off I set to the museum!
It was really cool, and definitely worth seeing, but nothing I didn't know before from nursing school. I guess I knew more about Florence than I thought. But the museum did a nice job of displaying the accurate image of nursing, the history of nursing, and the future of nursing. It was very nicely done and interesting. I was pleased. I also got a LOT of souvenirs here! :-)
Unfortunately upon leaving the museum, the infamous London rain had finally set in. It was pouring, and I was on the outskirts of London again. Fortunately, the "London Film Museum" was very close by and I ducked in to avoid the rain. Upon paying for my ticket, I decided to throw in a little bit of an English accent, and I thought it was pretty darn believable. I think the (very cute) English guy may have even believed it. ...... Then I had to give my license to validate my credit card and what does my license say on it? New Jersey. Big. Idiot. Moment. Of. The. Day. --_--
After this, I decided to walk to the next bus stop in order to get back into the center of the city. I had about 3 hours until I had to meet up with my group for dinner. Unfortunately this bus stop never came and I got really lost, in the pouring rain, sick, and with tired feet. I gave up on everything at this point and just walked wherever my feet decided to take me, for a good hour. After I got tired of that mindless pointless life choice, I ducked into a dry phone booth and got out my map and made a plan. At this point I had two hours left til dinner. I decided I was close enough to walk to dinner, but that I missed the bus tour that ran city-wide to all tourist attractions and shopping areas. So I had two hours to walk to dinner and stand outside the restaurant in the rain. So thats what I did.
So, I am disappointed in myself for not waking up earlier despite the sicklyness and seeing more. I feel like I barely saw anything of my favorite city and did not do any shopping. I wanted to buy many many souvenirs from London, being my favorite city, and I got none. Seeing every one Else's souvenirs at dinner, and hearing their awesome London stories of the day, I was extremely jealous.
But on the bright side, I got to do the Harry Potter tour, and saw the museum I so desperately wanted to see. Not getting to see much else only gives me a reason to go back one day! Right? :)
Overall, I liked London. I think London was my favorite City in terms of fitting my personality, but I had a better TIME in Paris. This is a big difference. I think the experience you have makes or breaks it, as well as the people you spend it with, or don't spend it with. London has been in my heart forever, and that just doesn't go away after one day. I will always be in love with London I think, and I will go back, one day. I am mad London came last and therefore I was more likely to be exhausted and sick by then. But thats not Londons fault. And we were blessed enough to have had a Gorgeous after noon Saturday, too.
Tomorrow I have a whole "European Refection" blog and what I learned about myself on this trip. I will be pretty epic and exciting so look forward to it! Also, sometime this week I will go back and implant photos into all the blogs so look for them! :D
~WNB
Thanks for reading everyone, it means so much to me! My mother passed along the message to me that my grandmother liked to read every entry and that means so much. Thank you for all of your kind messages and support, very much appreciated and loved. < 3
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
From Cloud Nine to Breakdown
So, today was our day in Venice, Italy. It was…….well, Venice itself was surreal, amazing, magnificent, tremendous(ah, new adjective, yes!)…But, my day was not as good. It started out by me getting on the bus and realizing I left my backup camera battery sitting in its charger back in the hotel room, and my first battery was on its last leg, after having surviving two full days and a bus ride with lots of pictures, AND taking pictures at night AND taking pictures with special effects. I just KNEW that it was gonna die within the first ten pictures in Venice. So, I hate to be a Debbie downer but breaking it down by reasons I came to Europe, it goes like this: Photography 60%, Experience 20%, London 18%, Meeting new people1%, and trying new food 0.5%. So , you can see that photography was a major portion of this trip stimulus and reason for going, and is really important to me. So, upon arrival to Venice I was in a sour mood knowing my camera would not be working with me. These types of things have happened before, for whatever reason (forgot it, battery, memory card full, etc.) and each time, I would rather NOT go to Venice than go without a camera, because it is so painful. It tears my heart when I see magnificent pictures with my eyes, and each time I reach for my camera. Tears. My. Heart. People just don’t get that. You don’t get that unless you’re a photographer. Luckily, I had my handy dandy iphone and it was at 100% battery charge. So, it was me and the iphone that day. I LOVE my iphone camera, it has the best camera out of all previous phones, and has exquisite editing techniques. However the zoom does not impress me and you just don’t get that photographer-feely thing of taking a shot with your actual high-tech camera. But- the iphone pulled through even still, and I still took about 250 pictures and looking through after, they are still just as magnificent as they would have been on the camera. So it all worked out.
So on the way to Venice on the 30 minute ferry I realized that despite sleeping well the night before, I was exceedingly tired and even fell asleep on the ferry. For those of you that know a lot about me on a really personal level, you know that this is not good. I shrugged it off and we arrived to Venice, as happy clams. We started walking around for a sightseeing tour. As the tour was ending I realized that my throat was really starting to hurt. Rather than opt for personal free time in venice as originally planned with my camera, I changed my mind to stick with the tour director and group in case anything were to happen. This worked out beautifully as by doing this we went to a beautiful glass-blowing demonstration (saw how beautiful exquisite glass is made), a lace demonstration, and went to an authentic Carnivale mask shoppe, famous in Italy. However through all this my throat was getting progressively worse to the point of it being largely uncomfortable to swallow. It was also getting uncomfortable to breathe, and it was then I was afraid I was coming down with the flu or something, despite my best efforts to maintain perfect health on the trip thus far.
At this point I realized I needed four things desperately: Food I could eat (I hadn’t eaten yet that day because of my newfound realization I could NOT eat Italian food), Any kind of multivitamin to boost my immune system, internet access (It had been like 5 days at this point and I was starting to feel really disconnected from loved ones), and I needed somewhere to just sit and recoup. So, I started at the beginning. My tour guide let us loose for free time for the rest of the day (5 hours), and we were “stuck” in Venice as we could not cross the ferry ride alone back to hotel. I flagged down my tour guide and asked her to help me find something I could eat, being that she could translate to the food services to get me something without cheese or tomatoes. She luckily found me a type of sandwich I had never heard of, with white bread, egg, ham and mayonnaise. Easy and simple enough. This is good because I got my protein in from the egg. She then also found me a big bowl of fruit, God bless her.
After that she needed to meet up with some others, but directed to two other things I needed most: A pharmacy and ANY source of Internet.
It just so happened that I found the internet café first, and came down the desperate-American level to pay for internet access, at 2.50 Euro for 15 minutes. I immediately ran to my assigned computer and went straight to facebook to update everybody, and try and talk to my dad, but he wasn’t there. I also couldn’t remember my blogger login in all my boggled mind, nor either of my email logins. I just couldn’t think clearly and really just wanted any contact with someone back home. So, in order to remain under 15 minutes, I got off when I could do no more on the internet, and was on my way, defeated.
I found a pharmacy next, or a “farmacie”. I remember reading in my guidebook beforehand that pharmacists are looked upon very highly throughout Europe. People often go to their local pharmacist first for their problems, and he gives them whatever they need. He then is often the one to decide if the person should seek further medical attention or more medicine. I think this is GREAT, because it cuts out all the stupid visits in America where people go to the doctor for the smallest things and waste valuable money. So knowing this, I knew the pharmacy was the best place for me. However, being that I was in a back corner of Venice and out of the general tourist locations, everything was in complete Italian, and I didn’t even recognize any common brands. This is where the cool part comes in….I went directly to the pharmacist and told him IN SPANISH! That I was feeling ill, and needed some immune support (i.e. Vitamin C) and that I had a sore throat. He gave me a mega dose of Vitamin C that I could put in my water, and sore throat with some sort of “disinfectant” (that’s how he put it) to “get rid” of whatever bacteria may be in my throat. So I thankfully took them and went to go sit outside in a more touristy area. So at this point I got everything I needed, I just needed time to recover.
Being wary of taking drugs I don’t know, and in a country I am not familiar with, I tried to read the labels…in Italian, for drug information for how much in a 24 hour pd and what the maximum was, because I wanted to take the maximum. However Italian was a lot more different than Spanish than I’d prepared for, and couldn’t make out much. I took one VC, and had a throat lozenge, with a full glass of water. Call me crazy but I started to psychologically feel better knowing the Vitamin C was in me starting to do its fighting work. I sat on a major famous fountain thing, with millions of others and just waited. An elderly gentleman came to sit next to me (another special moment!) and I said confidently, “Ciao!” With a smile. He said it back, with a great smile, and told me in Italian that it was so hot out and that the stoop we were sitting on was also very hot. I agreed, with a smile laugh and smile, without letting on that I couldn’t exactly speak Italian back. He then said a much longer phrase that I had no clue what it was, and again I just nodded in agreement. We were both then silent for a good while, and I realized I was feeling well enough to get up and walk around and take some more pictures. I turned back to the gentleman and wished him a good day in Italian and he returned it! It was just very sweet.
We then got back together as a major group, and all went on a gondola ride. If that doesn’t scream Venice, Italy, I don’t know what does. It was like what I always pictured Venice to be: Gondola. Our gondolier even sang for us! It was about a 45 minute ride, I was able to sit down, got some great pictures with my friends, and he took us to the sea as well. Perfect. It was a perfect opportunity to rest a little and not miss Venice’s perfection due to feeling ill.
I got myself a Gelato (SO GOOD! ITS ITALY!) which felt really nice on my now mentholated throat. After walking around for about an hour, I started to develop a strong headache and nausea, which I attributed to the heavy dose of vitamin C on an empty stomach. I re-read the ingredients of the Vitamin C and realized it had aspartame AND sodium bicarbonate in it, both of which cause me migraines from drinking soda. So, good. I basically just drank a large amount of soda, had a large migraine, nausea, a sore throat, was exhausted, and couldn’t breathe….all in the middle of beautiful Venice. I couldn’t believe any of this was actually happening to me, everything I tried so hard to prevent. I attributed it all to not getting enough sleep on the trip thus far, staying out late, getting up early, not sleeping on bus, etc. I realized at this point that although I would love a life of adventure, I don’t think my immune system can handle it if it means not getting a consistent and lengthy amount of sleep every night. Bummer.
So again I sat down on my trusty fountain, while guarding my belongings from quick theft, but also sitting in a way I wasn’t too nauseous. I prayed and prayed and prayed again to God to feel better, that if I could just feel better for today and not be developing some huge illness, that I would do something really good in return, some awesome good deed at some moment, which I still have yet to complete…
Both of my roommates just happened to find me, and I explained what was going on, even though I really, really, really don’t letting people know when I’m ill. I find it extremely embarrassing and did not want the pity call. Also it hurt to talk and I was afraid that if I started venting out everything that was wrong, then that would give me permission to cry, which I obviously did not want to do in the middle of VENICE. They suggested I get out of the hot sun, and go to see Doge’s palace, which we already had free tickets too anyway, and that it had some nice calm, quiet, dark places to just sit and watch the beautiful palace in. I took this suggestion very appreciateively and decided to do just that. After getting up and walking around the palace, I realized my medications were all starting to kick in some and I was starting to feel better.
Doge’s Palace was amazing, and huge. I found it funny because outside the palace, I just kept thinking, “Disney, Disney, Disney, DISNEY.” Because in Italy’s section in Epcot, Doge’s palace was remodeled and put in as well as the huge tower right next to the palace. Disney even got it right down to the very sculptures on the building to the light towers next to the palace, to the floor even. It was fascinating. I never thought that upon arrival in Venice, I would feel an extreme sense of “I’ve been here before!”. It was too funny.
So thanks to all my medications (at that point I had about four in me- VC, lozenges, antiemetic, and Excedrin) and being able to relax in the palace- It was finally time to head back to the hotel for the evening, and I was feeling much better. I said goodbye to Venice and felt sad that I couldn’t have been happier while in Venice, and that I let illness rain on my parade. I hate that when one health problem goes awry, I let it all spiral out of control because of my psychological anxiety.
We went back to hotel, and I went to the beach again to get some day pictures, and went to the supermarket to pick up some dinner with another third (and new) roommate. She needed lotion, and needed the Cashier who spoke minimal English to help her find some. When the cashier came back to check me out, She spoke to me in Italian about the girl who was with me, and I thought it was funny that she choose to talk to me in Italian, simply because I had greeted her in Italian. Greeting people in their native language when you are in their native language does a long way and does a lot for you!
Upon arriving back to the hotel, I arranged to skip out on that evenings nightly drinking activities, and I relaxed on my Italian hotel balcony overlooking the street, eating my grapes, baby food and new Italian chips with olive oil. It was then 9 pm and I decided sleep was the best thing for me, and I went to bed, and didn’t wake up until my alarm went off at 8 am the next morning. YES.
This morning I felt a lot better. I had taken another dose of Vitamin C before bed, this time WITH an Excedrin to prevent the imminent headache. My throat felt dry but didn’t hurt as much. Throughout the day so far It has hurt still but the menthol is working a lot. I think a large part of it is allergies, luckily, which I am able to take care of. I think for the second half of the trip (starting now) I will start trying to make more of a stronger effort to go to bed at a decent time, rather than living the night away, ignoring my health. I honestly don’t know how other people do it, every night. They are lucky. Gosh, I feel so old. Bleh.
Anyway, hopefully I can put that whole Immune system breakdown behind me. I am disappointed that it had to happen in one of the most beautiful cities in the world and it put a huge dent in my day, but even so I tried to make the best of it and still got a lot of great pictures (268!) and experienced a lot of venice, AND spoke Spanish in times of dire need!
I feel like I still have so many “miscellaneous” things to tell you, but that every time I am done with my blog explaining my day, it is so long I can’t include miscellaneous things! I will have to dedicate a post at the end to throw in all my miscellaneous moments…
Ciao!
~A Writer in a Nurse’s Body
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