"When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely illusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long... What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfill? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?"

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Reaching Out


So my mind has been out of blogland lately....I've been trying, oh yes- But nothing in my mind has been posing itself as extremely blog worthy. However, if you miss WNB greatly, check out some of my pages above, I've been updating those here and there :)

It's been an....interesting...couple of days. I guess I can't blog much because all the topics right now I really just need to talk about, like just write and write and write my thoughts with no fear of anything....I can't talk about on here. Friends have suggested journals, but, I'm seeking a stranger to just vent to, I think. Like someone that is completely unbiased, someone that knows nothing already. Someone I don't know and never will know and therefore can't judge I guess...sort of? And if they do judge you, then you move on to another stranger. I guess thats the lure some people find in internet relationships? I've never done that but I can see why people do it.

But anyway, I feel like I'm trying to literally just do so many things at once right now, now that I'm not bogged down with overwhelming amounts of homework and I am "free" (kind of), I have so many projects I am trying to tackle. So for my own sanity and your entertainment, I'll try and list everything:

  •  re-organize my room and get it ready for moving out this fall (YAY!!!) But this is seriously a huge project
  • get all my writing in ONE PLACE. I'm really trying to get a major start again on my strongest novel, and I'm getting so excited about it because I'm getting so many thoughts for its planning and I just want to WRITE IT!! So, yeah. Thats another big project.
  • Art, Art, Art. Not only just the drawing- that comes next. But painting too! I want to finish a painting I already started....and I want to try a new abstract style of painting that I can sort of visualize how its going to work in my head....I also want to start working with a new watercolor kit I bought to try and help teach me Watercolours. Yay!
  • Drawing! Not only do I have like 2 huge architecture type drawings I want to get started on, but I have a lot of other random collections I want to do and finish. Amazing! Ahhh. Also, I want to start a real "exclusively Pixar-disney" portfolio, by taking screenshots from favorite movies and practicing drawing disney scenes.
  • I want to try to put together, somehow, a LARGE portfolio, of ALLLL of my best photographs. So that they are all in ONE place. I'm sick of digging through computer files to try and find the one I'm looking for. So how am I going to do this? I don't know. There has GOT to be over 5,000 of these "best photos" between my high school shots, college shots, disney shots, Europe shots, random shots, etc.....So....yeah. Have to put some thought yet into this.
  • I am swamped lately with photography work, mostly photoshoots for actors/actresses and some other random photoshoots. So lately I have been trying to do some work on renovating how I do photoshoots completely, but thats going to take a lot of work. I also want to renovate how my website is formed, as well as my photography facebook page. Whew!
  • I am also trying to be a better nurse. Granted, I am a brand new nurse, but all the more reason to be the best one I can be. I am desperately still trying to read up on nursing literature in my spare time because I find it interesting (I really do!) and I truly do want to be a super-nurse.
  • I really, really want to learn Latin. Seriously, though. I do.
  • I need to friggen learn how to *actually* be a photographer.  

So basically, I will never be bored within the next...5 years?

I feel like so many things are within reach...but I am trying to be so many different people and by doing this, I can only do a so-so job in all. I am noticing myself slacking lately in photography, so I am only a so-so photographer. Only a so-so writer. So-so blogger. So-so artist. So-so nurse. But if i just had the time...if I could just pick one of these personas and stick with it, I could master it, but then I wouldn't be me anymore. I like that I do them all.....i just need about 16 hours more per day to do it all.  I want to be the super nurse, but does the super nurse have time for everything else I'm trying to do? I want to be an actual writer. I want to have this book written by 2 years from now. I want to be a professional photographer. I want to be an artist. And I don't even have KIDS yet! What's going to happen then???? I'll be a nurse and a mom? Or, stay at home mom and artist maybe? But I don't think I could let go of the medical side of me. I love it. I am beginning to really love medicine and I wouldn't ever want to let all that knowledge just dissipate. I want to make a difference in the nursing community. I have a feeling that I can do huge things and go really far.....I just have to reach. I feel like I can reach, but I'm not reaching. Because I'm afraid of failure? Afraid of success? Afraid of the unknown?

So...thats life right now. Wish I could just talk about the other 5,000 things on my mind right now. Yes, there is even more on my mind than everything i just gobbled out..

I really miss Thanksgiving. I am so, so, so so drastically ready for the winter. I miss cold. I miss snow, so much. I miss so much.........

Needless to say, this year is going to be very, very Interesting......In so many ways.



No comments: