"When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely illusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long... What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfill? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?"

Friday, October 14, 2011

Is this Normal?

I know, to a certain extent, that it's normal to have dreams about what you do a lot of during the day. Also, to dream at night about what stresses you out during the day. For example, when I was sixteen and just starting out as a cashier, I dreamt all the time about running random things through the line and encountering the strangest problems and not being able to solve it. That's normal....I think. But the next one isn't. I don't think.

First of all, I havent worked since Tuesday. So you'd think my brain would not be focusing on the hospital on a Thursday night. Think again.

I woke up in the middle of the night, startled and stressed. I was under the extreme hazy delusion, that I was actually somehow at work, but I still sort of knew i was in my bed sleeping too. Well I was so convinced that since I spent the night prior moving into my apartment (real life) and shopping at walmart til pretty late, that I completely forgot to give out my patients bedtime meds. Now this was really important to me, because 1) I couldn't give them at that point because I couldn't just wake up my patients at 3 am and explain to them this was supposed to be given at 10pm, my bad. 2) I couldn't give them in the morning, because a lot of them were to help my patients sleep, OR they would conflict with the morning meds....so my only option was to not give them at all and chart that I was an idiot and completely forgot to give meds at night because I was busy moving in. I was about to get up and do this, until I FINALLY realized (like, five whole minutes later) that I was in bed, sleeping, I was not at work, I hadn't been at work, and I was not responsible for ANY meds that day or night, and I could go back to sleep.

First of all- I LOVE reaching that point when exiting a nightmare when you're like, "oh...everything is alright. I can go back to sleep..."

But seriously...how did I fall so FAR under the delusIion that I was somehow responsible for those meds? Why did It take me so long to figure out it was a dream? I was legit about to get up and *somehow* go give meds. Weird.

Can you tell I'm stressed out much about going to night shift? :-/


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