"When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely illusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long... What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfill? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?"

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Tired, but better!

So today...today was interesting. I confronted failure--I got a bad grade on a previous written assignment that I thought I had done really well on. Not only did I do less-than satisfactory, but the teacher ripped it apart in front of everyone (the 7 of us) and had the nerve to be sarcastic and edgy about it. But something was different about it. I sort of took the grade...and just dealt with it? I mean yeah, I went through the normal stages of panic/anxiety/planning my back up for the rest of my life if nursing doesn't work out plan, but then I hit the point where I was like....Ok, thats over. Next? Which is really good progress, in my opinion. I guess at this point, I've already hit my rockbottom, I'm on my way back up, the semester is almost up, and I really don't care? Perhaps. But probably not...I do care. Who knows.

But today, that put aside, was good otherwise. I spent my entire morning in the psychiatric ward (for class), and spent the majority of my time there with my patient, a schizoaffective (newly diagnosed--oy). So needless to say, that was an interesting experience!! But i learned a LOT, and learning like that will always beat learning from a textbook. Not that I can honestly say I've opened the psych textbook more than twice, due to the fact that Med/Surg has taken all of my attention...

I also got to do art therapy with the psychiatric group today, there were about 6 patients, another student (whom I really like), and me. I was estatic when the therapist gave her and I a picture to draw too, being that I love art, and I probably need therapy. But my teacher told us "Dont draw anything too horribly depressive--The last thing I need is for a student to have a meltdown right now"----How nice, thank you for those kind, kind words.

Then I came home, went to the gym, ran off all that extra crap/stress, felt good, then got to sit outside in the nice sun and study (sort of :) ) . Running feels so good...Well I mean I really don't like it when I'm doing it, but I definitely feel its effects the whole rest of the day. I feel in a better mood, happier...I feel like I can think more clearly, I feel less tired, I feel like I get less headaches/stomachaches, and I feel less hungry. And when I do eat I feel inspired to eat healthier. And this makes sense to me, because the past week and a half I haven't gone to the gym....and, well you can put two and two together.

I should be studying right now...but I just can't seem to look at it today. Everytime I try I look at it and read at most a paragraph and then think I cannot possibly continue, it is far too boring. I lost my study-mojo. Not good....

Well I am proud of myself for what I would like to call a good day, and I came back on to write a second day in a row. Lets shoot for a therapeutic third! :)

~A Writer in an (overwhelmed) Nurse's Body <3

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