"When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely illusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long... What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfill? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?"

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

The Ultimate Relationship

I sort of had an epiphany the other day at work... Like I said, I've had a couple blogs ready to go but then last night's blog sort of just took on a mind of its own. It was 2 am, I was sad, and well, you know...that obviously leads to disastrous blogging time!

But anyway, the other day at work I was working with one of my best work-friends. We have been there almost the same amount of time, her a little longer, and work extremely well together, which I have always known. But it wasn't until the other day that I realized why we not only work well together, but why we are really good friends outside of work, too.

Its the key to ANY successful relationship. By emphasizing any, I mean any. Here are some examples I thought of:

- coworkers
- boyfriend and girlfriend >>> husband and wife
- parent and kid
- team players on a sports team
- roommates
- friends
- anyone else.

And the key to making any relationship a successful one is....reading minds!

Okay, well not literally. But almost literally!

Let me explain further on my  epiphany and will show you how it works in other relationships.

Me and my awesome work friend can conquer any problem on the nursing floor, together. We are both very good workers. We know what each other is thinking just by looking at each others faces. We can communicate without speaking. We have this eerie thing of coming to each other's aide when the other is in need somewhere on the floor. We have this way of knowing what the other person wants before we even have to say it or ask for it. And thats it! I have this mind-reading phenomenon with this friend and one other person on the floor, and because of it will probably be friends with them forever....well, I hope so at least. Connecting with someone on that level is....unique. Rare. Special. You can't let that go. And Its not easy to come by, either. It is natural. You can't make this phenomenon happen, it just picks people. There are plenty of coworkers that I can do my job with, but can't work on this level with. You just don't connect.

So thats how it works at work. Of course you can increase your job satisfaction and performance if you have a coworker that can practically read your mind and you theirs...

So what about boyfriend and girlfriend? Husband and wife? Well...think about it. Neither male or female like to have to ask for what they want from their counterpart. We fall in love with people that just seem to know what we are thinking without having to say it. We fall in love with people that get us what we need before you even knew you needed it. We fall in love with people that give you a kiss or send you a text message right at the exact moment you needed one.  This has to be a part of any successful relationship. You have to be able to read each others mind, just by looking into each others eyes. That should be enough to relay a whole paragraph of information to you in a moment's notice. 

With an unsuccessful relationship, which I am all too familiar with (realizing this in hindsight after this epiphany) will be a standstill. You don't have that deep phenomenal connection. You may get along on one level but not on that deep level. You get along for your first couple months, years, but never reach that true....life-long connection because you subconsciously refuse to go there. You get frustrated with each other after the loveys have worn away, because your counterpart no longer knows you, no longer knows exactly what you want. You realize you don't really know who they are, anymore, and what they even want from you. You don't talk anymore, upon hours of sitting with each other, nothing is said....at dinners, in car rides...There is nothing to be said. You are two separate minds that are no longer connected and cannot read each other and this will never work. You can prolong it as long as you like but it will never truly work.

I remember being 17, and in my first long-term relationship, in high school. At this point we had been dating for about 3 years, and things were not good. We fought every day. We did have that connection, at one point, but lost it, I guess. When you are that young, you both change, so even if you had it in the beginning of your relationship it is only natural if you lost it three years later, after surviving high school together. I have this specific memory of standing in my high school hallway, waiting amongst the sea of people rushing to their lockers, staring at my boyfriend, rummaging through his own locker for the morning. He didn't know I was there yet. I remember staring at him, thinking......"Am I really dating this person? Who is he? What do I really know about him?" It was almost as if I was looking at him for the first time.

And the relationship ended that year.

As for other relationships....think about it...a parent child relationship works better if you have that inner-connection. Its all about reading minds and anticipating needs before they arise.  Team players on a sports team have to naturally read each others mind in a split-seconds notice, without speaking, in order to effectively make a play.

And its at the heart of nursing, too. I think all nurses must have this inner-ability in them, to use on whomever they choose. Patients, mostly. Its our job to read our patients minds. To get them what they need before they even call their call bell. To see that they are upset before they even realize it. To always be one step ahead of your patient. To be there, waiting to catch them when they fall. That is nursing. That is me.

Does anyone agree?

~A Writer in a Nurse's Body

This was taken by me in Paris. Can't you just SEE it? You can see it from a mile away. These two people can read each others minds. It is so obvious. One moves and the other reacts. Its a constant state of equilibrium.

I'm so sorry I realized this now. But now I can better pick relationships for the future. :-) We learn something every day.


Luke said...

I agree mostly with this. Sports teams, co-workers, family, yep I can vouch for all of them. Boyfriend / Girlfriend ones are abit trickier.

In my experience, the best parts of a bf/gf relationship are the parts where you're not sure what the other person is going to do. The spontaneity, the excitement, gettin to know that person. After a few years, I found that the fact my partner and I knew exactly what each other was thinking was actually a problem; it made things boring and predictable. I guess that's just one example and probably says more about our personalities that your epiphany! I know my Mum and Dad have been together for 30 years and they are so in-sync it is pretty sickening!

Definitely a great discovery though :)

Jessica said...

This last part reminds me of Stephanie Meyer in Twilight. I think someone says that Bella and Edward look like they are on an equilibrium or something... maybe her mom? ANYWAY, I think you are right. I really like the way you wrote this.

A Writer in a Nurse's Body said...

Thanks Luke! Yes I can definitely agree with your side....now that I think about it, I think the earth-shattering, movie type of love, the European love story kind, the backpacking across Europe together kind, that is the kind of relationship that thrives off spontaneity. But do they last? Not usually. Do they fight? Quite commonly, yes. But they are madly, madly in love despite. I think my theory works for your average couple, your typical play-it-safe American type couple. Your average relationship, not the kind we all dream about. Thank you for reading, I always love your comments!

And jess- YES, now that you say that I do recall that! With Bella and her mom noticing that in Jacksonville! It's funny that I had this epiphany and that scene from meyer only further supports it...she knows it too, as Bella and Edward can read each others minds- despite ironically not being able too!

Anonymous said...

That picture-- awesome.
That's all I'm saying :-)