"When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely illusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long... What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfill? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?"

Friday, February 17, 2012

Some People Just Don't Get It

I need only to repeat the conversation I had with a patient recently, and you'll see.

All you need to know: Diagnosis- Diverticulitis. Pt is on a clear liquid diet.

patient: Do you think they will advance my diet tomorrow?

Me: Most likely, depending on how your pain is doing, and how you feel. What they will do is move you up to a "Full liquid diet" first, and see how you do with that at breakfast time. If you do well you will most likely get regular food at lunch.

Patient: Whats in a Full liquid diet?

Me: Thicker stuff, more advanced than just clear liquids. Oatmeal, milk, pudding, those kinds of things.

Patient: oh. Thats a problem. I'm lactose intolerant. Like, severely.

Me: Oh, okay no problem. I will write that on your diet orders and they will find things for you to eat that is lactose-free. I am lactose intolerant too, so I'll make sure we find you something to eat.

Patient: Okay, awesome!
Me: How long have you been lactose intolerant?

Patient: Ever since they diagnosed me with diverticulitis, a couple years ago.

Me: I see. Yes the milk products would only aggravate your symptoms more.

Patient: Yeah usually the next day for me. But I really do just miss a nice cold glass of milk.  What do you miss the most?

Me: Oh, I miss pizza.

Patient: Oh, I eat pizza all the time.

Me: .......righteo then.

So much for "severely lactose intolerant". Granted, some lactose intolerants can tolerate small amounts of cheese, but those people should not qualify themselves as "severely lactose intolerant". Jeesh Mcgeesh.


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