"When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely illusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long... What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfill? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?"
Monday, May 21, 2012
Epiphany of the Month
So lately my brain has been in a major blank status. Each day I rise and I think, what can I blog about today? And I come up with nothing. Reasons being lately all I have been able to do is:
2) Sleep (you don't really want to hear about my dreams, do you?)
3) Eat ( I actually almost did blog about my dinner the other night, I was desperate)
4) Photography job (this is not interesting to blog about, I tried)
5) See friends (I don't usually blog about people I know)
6) Play Racquetball (I'm failing miserably- not blog worthy)
And thats it. Yup.
This entire month of May has not only been very hectic but as my friend put it, "I am a very lucky girl and have many blessings, but sometimes life just keeps slapping you in the face." Thats how I feel. Like I'm swimming in the ocean, enjoying myself one minute- then I get hit by an enormous wave, it knocks me down. I think- OK- I am strong, I can get back up. Big setback but I can handle it. Then I stand back up and there's another wave waiting for me, knocks me down harder. I sit on the ground a little longer this time, wallowing- but get back up more slowly this time. And you guessed- another wave. At this point you're at the bottom of the ocean, sand between your fingers and you're just thinking REALLY?! You remain at the bottom (figuratively speaking- otherwise you'd drown) and try and think of a gameplan. The waves can't keep knocking you down if you just stay down, right?
So within the past couple days, I've been sitting down on the bottom of the ocean, so to speak. I've just recently "learned" that I can swim to shore and just get out of the water. I know success comes to those who go back out and surf (stay with my metaphor here), but sometimes you just need a moment to reflect and sit on the damn sand, dry.
I'm starting to learn that the waves will always be there. But if I want to get out to the peaceful ocean beyond those incoming shore waves, I have to get knocked down first. A lot. And as much as that sucks, I'm okay with that. My defense mechanisms start to turn on and say, "Hey, this is starting to just be comical. Keep it coming! It can't get any worse and eventually it has to get better."
I had a really good April. And so far my June is looking pretty darn awesome....So I just have to sit on the sand for a little and play in the shallow end for a little and remember how lucky I am to have all four limbs, to be alive, to be able to walk, to see, to hear, to have family and friends that love me, a full time job with opportunities ahead, a home to live in, etc......the shallow end isn't so bad.
Just gotta lay low and roll with the punches.
And laugh about it every once in awhile.
Tell the devil, I really don't give a flying shitwad. Then wiggle. :-)