"When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely illusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long... What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfill? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?"
Monday, July 18, 2011
Don't Kill the Birthday Girl
So update on my life....
I got an NCLEX date! Scary business right there. I have exactly one month, starting tomorrow, to study like I have never studied before to pass this test. Failing *is not* an option, as I am already scheduled for work orientation soon after the test! Ah!
Anyway, Saturday me and some new (and old) cool friends went for a hike up, and down, and up and back down, this hiking trail out in PA- "Hawk Mountain". Needless to say, "trail" was an understatement--It was seriously intense! Most of it was figuring out the best way not to die, jumping from rocks to rocks.....but it was the most fun I've had in a long, long time. Seriously needed. Funny how unexpected moments creep up on you like that. It was breathtaking, working so hard to climb up to the top of a mountain, and then to see the view....it was just incredible. To just turn off your phone, eat lunch on a rock overlooking miles and miles, listen to nature.....
I used to be the kid that when we went hiking as a family, I wanted to take the hard routes. I wanted to climb over all the rocks. I wanted to go in the caves. I wanted to be in the lead and find the pathways. Well, since then my most epic hiking has been stuck with the local reservoir which is mostly all a laid out pathway around a lake reservoir thing. But this....this was what I missed. Seeing a rock ledge above you and its just you, your friends, your sneakers, your strength, your brain, your judgement, your depth perception....its all you. It was a good, well spent day. :-)
Anyway- about my stranggeeeeeeeee title, I read an excerpt in "psychology today" (favoritist magazine ever) about this new book, "Don't kill the Birthday Girl" by Sandra Beasley.
The excerpt was page turning from the very first word. It instantly caught my attention. What is it about? Me. Well, not me me, but my life. She has it a LOT worse, a LOT WORSE than I ever have or will, but I know exactly what she is talking about. This is a memoir written by a girl not much older than me that has lived her whole life trying to survive despite multiple severe food allergies. She has what is a true "allergy" (i.e. anaphylactic reaction). I only have one true allergy- (peanuts), the rest are all inconvenient "intolerances". So in the excerpt I read she talked about dating in particular and how frustrating it is to expect a guy to ever, ever want to live, date, and take care, or marry someone like this. Beasley quotes, "There is a world of difference between having someone care about you and forcing him to be your caretaker." So true. She talks of how she has to hide who she really is on dates, and how she has to be the annoying girl fighting with waiters at restaurants instead of just eating normally (I totally get that) and how she even hid a complete anaphylactic reaction on a date until she walked him home, and then she called 911 on the street! Crazy.
Beasley quotes, "Forty minutes passed by in a blur as I tried to keep the date going, pushing hummus around my plate as my body shut down." I've been there. Many, many times. It sucks.
A lot of times I find other people find my many food problems more annoying than I do. I'm used to it. I can find plenty of things to eat still. My closer friends get it, and put up with it. Its my family and new friends that I meet that find it annoying. People worry about me, "Well if we go here, can you eat anything?" The answer is yes, I will find something. If I cant, its not a big deal, you know? Life goes on!
I've blogged about this frustration before, but it sucks having to explain to new people that yes, I'm allergic to that, and no-I can't eat that that you just made for me-and yes, I'm allergic to that too, actually, and no-I'm not kidding, I can't eat that either. And by then all hope is gone of a nice relationship. It sucks denying food people made for you or are offering you because it has a shred of milk in it.
So I totally get where this girl is coming from. I get how hard her life is. She has it a lot worse than I do but I still get her 100%. Needless to say, I bought the book off Amazon 2 days after it was released to the public. So I am really excited to read the rest of this book and find out some of her ways to cope with these allergies. Like I said, I'm OK with it. I just need pointers on how to get others to be OK with it.
Well, this tiredlittlebean should probably get to bed. Tomorrow marks day one of intense, hardcore, no mercy, NCLEX studying. :-\ I need to find the will to just sit at a table all day and do it.....Endless amounts of tea at b&n, thats how :-)
~A Writer in a Nurses Body
PS- Here is a video the author made for the book: