"When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely illusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long... What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfill? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?"

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Socializing Aches

Do you know what I hate? When you're with a new group of people, or with a new group but know one good friend and your friend knows all the other people, or you're with old friends you havent seen in ten years, and you're all making conversation and then someone awkwardly says, "Julie, why are you so quiet?" Or someone will rudely say, "Julie, talk much??" or "Speak up, Julie, I haven't heard a peep out of you." Or someone will pull me into another room and try to be all nice and all like "Are you OK? Whats wrong? Why are you so quiet?"

When REALLY, what is there to say??! Don't people get it that some people, like me, like to just listen to everyone talking? I observe people. I listen to people. I watch them, study their interactions with eachother. I giggle at what others say, sometimes, I'll throw in a peep of conversation. But half the time, I'm with people I've never met and they are all talking about inside jokes or stuff they always talk about, and therefore, what am I supposed to say? Talk about the weather? I'm not a talker. I don't mean to be rude. I just like to listen. Also, I think so much about what I'm going to say that its too late to say it by the time I try. Or half the time there is no opening to say it, because everyone is talking so fast and you have to practically raise your hand to get a spot of words thrown in there. And then you get socially deducted when after all that time of trying to say something, you havent said anything and therefore are "too quiet".


Of course, throw me with some good, close friends, and Usually I can't shut up. Or put me 1:1 with someone I'm extremely compatible with, and we could literally talk for hours. :-) I love those times.

I'm a person thats OK with silence. Just sitting, with someone, in silence. In a car ride, or waiting for something...or whatever. I hate *trying* to make small talk. I can do it, to be polite, but it Irks me. I am perfectly content just being with each other and not talking. If we have something to talk about, excellent, I would love to talk. But small talk? The weather? Eh. I'm big on nonverbal communication. I like to listen to people that way, even if they don't realize they are communicating that way. I also am very good at communicating non-verbally. Eyes, facial expressions, body language...gestures.

I've always wanted to learn sign language. It would be so much easier.

~ A Writer in a Nurse's Body.

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