"When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely illusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long... What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfill? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?"

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Can Anyone Diagnose Me?

Can anyone put these symptoms together?

My skin hurts. I can't say everywhere, but pretty close. My arms, MY BACK, my chest, my sides....I think my legs are OK. And my neck too (hurts). My back muscles are achy, I feel like my spine is always out of alignment. Painnn. My chest feels just...tight. Like it's being squeezed. I keep getting shooting pains to my hands, particuarly my right hand, from my elbow, and it almost feels like arthritic pain. I feel dizzy, occaisonally...my head just feels like it wants to collapse.

Is it possible for asthma to come back? I had it as a kid, pretty bad. I had to have a nebulizer treatment every night. THen I was fine for the next 20 years of my life. Now I can't walk to the dining hall without my lungs feeling like they are gasping for air- let alone me trying to talk to anyone without sounding like I am completely out of shape. Which I'm not. I'm not totally rockin out in shape, but I'm not overweight and not completely out of shape. I eat healthy and exercise a good amount. And yet walking to the dining hall makes me feel like my lungs are going to give out....

I have considered fibromyalgia because I have all the symptoms, but i don't have the 18 tender points. So I don't know. And asking a doc about FM does me no good because there is no treatment anyway.

If i still feel like this tomorrow or tues I am going to have to go make some sort of appointment because I feel miserableeeeee.

Could it all be stress? My third med/surg exam is tomorrow...it could be stress manifesting itself funny. It could be making my immune system weak and therefore I picked up a cold? I'm not sniffly though, Im not coughing or sneezing...I don't know.

ALso, my pillows SUCK. Every single pillow I have laid my head on, whether its here, or at home...my head hurts instantly. Explain that. Its a friggen pillow. They are soft. WHy is it making my head hurt?

~ A Writer in a Miserable Nurse's Body

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