"When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely illusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long... What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfill? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?"
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Maybe Why I Chose Nursing
During the Twenty, they went behind a TV show series that I believe TNT owns, called "Men of a Certain Age", and it made me realize something. First of all, it looks like a great TV show, although I have never seen it. I have always seen it advertised and I always thought it looked funny, but the show never stuck out to me enough for me to actively seek it and record it or watch it...so I've never seen it. ANYWAY ( I always get off topic), In this clip they were showing from the show, (you may have seen the clip), its of all these men pushing a giant rock up this hill. I'm really not sure why. THey are in the desert, and are all working together. In the clip voiceover, they mention something about pushing this giant rock up a hill every day, and then it falls back down and you have to push it back up again. I took that to be a metaphor for the average American life, particularly for Men of a Certain age...(get it? :)) But, then, one of the men asks the other, "Why do we do this every day?" and another answers jokingly, "Because we get a pay check every two weeks."
I took that to be a further analogy of American life, particularly the dull life of working 9-5, every day..going to work, coming home, going back, etc. Dull. WHy do we do it? Because we get paid. So we can live. Do it all over again, day after day, week after week...And then that got me thinking. I'm not headed for that lifestyle. Although I know that my job (nursing-in case you are new to this blog)- will be hectic, crazy, grueling, pull-my-hair-out worthy, crying-worthy, rewarding, special, unique,...I know (well, I hope), that I will never end the day with, "Why am I doing this?" More importantly, I hope I never answer "Because I get paid every two weeks."
Gosh. I know where I'm headed. It makes me nauseous. It makes me scared. It makes me happy too, and excited. I know that I am not headed for a typical 9-5 office job. Every day, I will have the opportunity to change someone's LIFE at my job, someone's LIFE. Someone's way of thinking, someone's view on the world, someone's health. Although there are many other jobs on this planet other than nursing that make differences in the lives of human beings, nursing takes a place in my top 10. I know a lot of my patients will blend in together after many years, and a lot of them will be similar. Names will mesh together. Coworkers will come and go. But if you do your job right, if we, as nurses, do our job right, your patients will remember you. They will remember the little things you did to change their life, and the big things you did to save their life.
I am scared. Yes. I am afraid I won't be good enough sometimes. But all that I ask of myself is that I personally ensure, every day, that I did my absolute best. That I came in to work and leave work knowing that I did something right that day, I made a difference to someone by coming in to work that day. I made good. That is all I ask of myself.
Boy, I can't wait to read back on these blogs one day (this summer-AH!) and see how much my opinions change about nursing once I am on the actual job. I pray I do not get bogged down and too stressed and lose all hope and become one of the burned-out nurses at age 40. Maybe reading these blogs again will prevent that.
Thank you all for reading, for now, with love,
~ A Writer in a Nurse's Body