I have "phases" or "bad days" of feeling really sick....It all hits at once. Sometimes I know what caused it (milk got into diet) and I'm OK with surviving through the consequences. But when something hits me and I have no idea whats causing it.....I feel hopeless. I say to myself, I need to see a doctor NOW, but its not serious enough to go to the ER, I just want to see one in an appt. I need to see him and show him the symptoms I am having NOW. But doctors don't see you NOW, they see you when they have an appointment open. By then, I feel better. I usually feel better the next day.
Despite feeling like I am going to die one day, and having myself so convinced that I promise to call the doctor the next day , the next day comes and I feel totally better and I think, "Well....I feel better now. I survived. I helped myself all on my own. I don't need a silly doctor to help me." Despite feeling desperate for one the day before.
I am just so fed up with how our healthcare system. I cant even beGIN to explain how frustrated I am with it all. I know something is really, really wrong me and its getting worse....but usually, you wouldn't know just by looking at me. And therefore, doctor's don't know. They have a hard time believing what they can't see. So they put you through endless testing, (sometimes more than once) to try and "see" whats wrong. If they can't figure it out- You are pegged with having Irritable Bowel Syndrome.
I spoke with an NP at the Nurse's convention that specialized in Celiac Disease. She had me convinced that a majority of all my symptoms somehow relate to Celiac Disease. I told her my GI doctor tested via endoscopy and denied it. However, sometimes it doesnt show up that way, especially since I had been on a gluten-free diet previously at the time. So she says I need to have a genetic test. Thats a sure-fire way of knowing if you have the gene or not.
*sigh*. Today is a bad day. But the doctors I want to see aren't open today, and I have so much work to do for the next
I just want a doctor to look at me, and understand. To believe me. To know what the flying duck they are doing.
~ A Writer in a (Frustrated) Nurse's Body