Thursday, April 28, 2011
In Case Nursing Doesn't Work Out
This makes me like.....a ninja.
You should have seen me go. It was epic.
It all started when I *heard* one in my room ( I HATE THE SOUND THEY MAKE).
Now let me have you know that I am the type of person that will usually injure herself in efforts to get away from a stinkbug. I will run/duck/hide faster than you can even say stinkbug. However, I usually send in one of my valiant parents to save the day (despite me being 22). Tonight however, no parents. No anyone. Just. Me. And. Stinkbug.
So I did what any logical 22 year old would do. The bug was blocking my exit from my room, so I had to hide. Underneath my blankets. Let me illustrate:
I grabbed a magazine to help swat at it if it tried to break my blanket defenses. I also, in reflex of course, grabbed my phone so I could text outsiders to come help. I desperately texted my (valiant) father, asking his ETA to home. Response? 20 minutes. That was TOO LONG.
Meanwhile, I REALLY needed a shower. So I peeked out from underneath my blanket and watched the stinkbug fly in circles around my fan and the pretty lights so much so that I was convinced this was all a ploy of his to get my hypnotized, or something equally crazy. THEN, the fan SWAT him because I turned it on high speed and these stink bugs are just so stupid and KEEP FLYING INTO THE FAN. So, It was dead. So I thought......
So It was safe to take a perfectly stinkbug-free shower. I get my towel and walk into the hallway. THEN, I HEAR ANOTHER F*&$*#( STINKBUG. So I jumped and yelped and did the boogy dance (to shake off any stinkbug that landed on me, of course). And I ran into my parents room for safety. THEN, ANOTHER STINKBUG APPROACHED! ITS LIKE A CONSPIRACY! Or, It was the same bug, following me. Two equally scary possibilities. So I realized I had to stand up to them, with language. . .
After I was done screaming at it, I closed my parents door to trap it inside. As for the hallway one, it was no where to be found. After that I ran valiantly into the shower, checked the whole bathroom for stinkbugs and proceeded to take a very nice shower.
I get back into my room and get dressed. As I'm brushing my hair, (thinking the first stinkbug died in his stupid attempt to continuously hit the stupid fan), WHAT DO I SEE BUT THE DAMN (INJURED) stinkbug on my TAPE DISPENSER.
Thats when scared pathetic me realized It was really time for this to end. I ran (valiantly) into my sisters room where the house vacuum was, and brought it to my room. Plugged it in, and went at it....
Since that was such a success, I decided to venture out, weapon in hand. I FOUND the hallway one. Got it. Success #2. TIme to open my parents bedroom door. I went in, weapon ready. Looked (valiantly and carefully) for the stupid bug, and FOUND IT on my moms shirt (ew). I thrust my vacuum secret weapon at it and it FLEW AWAY. So I retreated back to the door, and went back in when I heard its stupid wings land again. Stupid thing went back to the same shirt. This time, I was not going to fail. I so got that sucker.
Then my dad finally, came home.
If you need my services, call me. ;-)
Yes, This is what I do in my free time.