"When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely illusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long... What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfill? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?"
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
My Wordly Quest-Pursuit-Resolution-Knowledge-Thing
So my wordly pursuit-quest-resolution-thing is definitely failing miserably. Here's another example of how it failed. Miserably.
So after dinner tonight, on my campus, I had some time to kill before going to see a movie playing on campus but didn't know where to go. I don't know how else to describe what goes through my head other than using stream-of-consciousness...(And some dialogue-when I actually talk to people).
I guess I'll get a tea. Because its cold outside and tea is warm. And it's warm in the library(where they sell tea). Whats that, the library actually came to their senses and are letting people upstairs with water bottles and library cafe mugs? But not tea? What if I promised not to spill my tea? Why does it have to be a library cafe mug? What is this madness? Fine. I don't want tea then. I'll just go upstairs and go walk around, and OH! Look-magazines, and journals. I forgot about magazines and journals. We have them here. That would help me on my wordly pursuit of knowledge. Maybe people will think I'm smart if they see me browsing through scholarly journals? Probably not. Oh, look...I'll stand in the nursing section and pick up this magazine-Holistic Nursing Practice Journal- Perfect...My kind of nursing...oh, what are all these numbers? Why is this a quantitative study? Way too complicated. Lets try another magazine. Psychology Nursing....Actually no, I don't feel like learning about PTSD and how it's changing in modern soldiers...normally this would be very interesting, but when I'm pretending to be smart, I have the attention span of a goldfish. Maybe I'll try Newsweek.Oh, crap. Someone's already looking at it. I can't stand behind him and wait for it, right? THat would be weird? I Guess. Moving on. OH. They have the New York Times here. I shall go read that, because that was in my resolution and that has all the information about all of the world in there and will make me smart. Oh, crap, a person is looking at the papers. Oh wait, do I know that person? Yes, I do know that person. THey just saw me. I should say hi.
"Oh, hey, How are you doing?"- me
"Hey! How was your Christmas break?"-friend.
"It was good...same old. I'm glad to be back."
"Yeah, me too."
"I'm just bored really. I figured I'd walk around the library looking at cool things." I'm an idiot.
"Yeah I really don't know why I am walking around the library on a Tuesday night either. I was just browsing through some of these papers.." He is not an idiot. THis is a smart person and he will somehow find out I am not smart if I keep talking. I should stop talking.
"REally? I was just browsing through some magazines! Over there." I am really an idiot.
"Oh, that's awesome. Some really good magazines, here."
"Yes. Now I was going to browse a paper or two myself...."
"Awesome. I'll let you do that."
Needless to say, In order to not look like a TOTAL idiot, I picked up the NYT (do smart people abbreviate the Times like that?) like I said I would, and scanned the headlines and attempted to read the columns but within 20 seconds decided it was way above my level of attention span and commitment. I then decided to pretend to flip through important looking stuff and put the paper back nicely and wondered why the NYT WAS SO BIG. Do people actually read all of that, *everyday*?
So my wordly pursuit of knowledge is failing, and now one more person on this Earth is aware of the fact that I am an idiot and has witnessed it. Fabulous. But that does not mean I am not done trying! It just means I am done talking to smart people.
How the Knowledge-Quest Began..
Another Post about Facing Life