"When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely illusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long... What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfill? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?"

Monday, December 6, 2010

Readers Beware: This May Be a Long Post

I have a lot on my mind and most of it is not going to have anything to do with one another- but I don't want to split it into 300 blogs because then...well, there would be way too many December 6th blogs. So, I'm just gonna paragraphize it and go from thought to thought...bear with me.

You're walking somewhere. Or you're sitting on a bench People-watching. You see someone that is smiling for no reason and you think- How wonderful. You know the feeling that person is feeling- we have all been there, on that euphoria so high that you catch yourself smiling from ear-to-ear in the middle of the store, or walking down the hallway. I like to think that when I see this happen to people, they just got a really sweet text from the person they have a super crush on, or just started dating...or they just remembered a really happy memory. I love watching people when they are staring at their phone and then all the sudden light up from ear to ear and get all giddy. I find happiness in watching people that are in love. I know and miss that euphoria.

If you are anything like me, you believe in the supernatural. The paranormal. The impossible. Magic. Special people are out there with hidden talents that are unheard of. There are like 300 billion people (I think even more), so, it's possible. Humans are not just humans. There is so much more to us! We are not just a carrier, a storage depot for living organs so that we can live here and die and that's it. We are a part of something so much bigger, and we all have "hidden talents", even if it is something really small or something huge that you have to keep a secret. Or not a secret. Some people make businesses out of it. Like, psychics. Others are unsure if what they can do is even a "hidden talent", or if it is something most humans can do. OK so keep this paragraph in mind, I will come back to it- but first want to stray on something a little off topic.
Keeping these hidden talents in mind, do you ever believe that it is possible for certain people to "implant" dreams to you? To literally create and design your dream upon their choosing? To "walk in" to your dream....to make you see a situation unfold that you would have never before thought possible, for their benefit? No, I am not talking about the movie Inception, even though it sounds a lot like it. I am talking about the feeling we have all had. You don't give someone any second thoughts until one morning, you wake up and realize they had a starring role in your dream. The dream could have been about anything, but they were the main point of it. Or maybe they weren't. Maybe you just felt their presence, and liked it. Or didn't like it. Regardless, it makes you think about them twice now, doesn't it? And what makes it even stranger and what prompted this entire thought, is the next day after that dream, you are still thinking about that person, and you look at them, and they are looking straight at you.

So, really. Couldn't it be possible? What are the chances that that person, who you talk to very little or never thought about in a certain way, suddenly pops into your dream and the next day, they are looking at you too? This has happened countless times. What if...just what if, there was a group of people out there that could actually manipulate dreams. I don't know how. But they could somehow shed a light on themselves that they want you to see...maybe they like you and want you to notice them. It sounds crazy, but I've witnessed a lot more crazy than that. It could be possible. We have uncovered so much in dream research, why couldn't it be possible? You never know. Sometimes after a dream such as this, I see them the next day and it almost feels as if they are looking at me differently too. And I think, "what if they had the same exact dream I did?" I think that is more likely than my previous "what if". How would we know any different if that were or were not true? Chances are this is not a person you talk to often or know well enough to ask, "Hey, was I in your dream last night too?" who knows, maybe you both dreamt about each other, on the same night, and who would ever know the difference? There have been so many times that after this type of dream, the next day when I see them, I wish I could tell them about it, just to record their reaction, and then if it went awry, I could erase their memory, walk away and pretend I never even mentioned it.

Dreams are funny, and extremely interesting. We still have so much to learn. I'm still waiting for the day we can find a way to record our dreams, and pop them into our iphone or TV and watch what our subconcious has created...and maybe throw in a bag of popcorn. Thats when dream interpretation will really start to get interesting...just think about that.

OK so back to the place where I told you to save that train of thought-I do believe I have a "hidden talent" ( I quote it because it sounds so silly- I just don't know how else to explain it). And for the first time today, someone else that I respect very much noticed I have it too, which took me by complete surprise. I consider myself an empath- meaning that I am extremely intuitive of peoples thoughts, but more importantly, feelings. I can instantly pick up feelings from people within seconds of being with someone, or walking into a room, I know the energy. I can usually go as far to dispell a certain energy, but this takes some time, and work. You need a lot of practice to do this, and natural skill, and it helps if you really know the person you are trying to dispell this too. For example, think of Jasper- from "Twilight"- how he can make others feel calm? Or any emotion he wants? He can also pick up how they are feeling and carries all others emotions on his shoulders. That is exactly what an empath is. I read nonverbal actions far better than I do what you are saying verbally. If in a group of people that are talking to one another, I am the silent one- not because I am shy- but because I am watching very closely. And not just watching the person that is talking, but watching everyone in the room, everyone in the circle that is talking to eachother. Watching for saddness, happiness, peoples reactions. I take all this in. I think I have always been like this, but like all talents, it has strengthened and presented itself further over time. I think as a young teenager, I sensed I had this but didn't know what to call it, or if it was even normal or abnormal. I think everyone has a little bit of empathy in them, some are just on a way higher spectrum. I never use it for harm. I never make someone feel bad on purpose. But i do use it a lot in nursing, and this is where the person noticed I do this today. I had my clinical evaluation 1:1 meeting with my professor today, who has known me for a whole year now. She said flat out that my highest, most respectable strength in this program was that she noticed I had the ability to read my patients and fellow students emotiions in the group, and was able to create a calming nature in the room, with my patient and with my fellow students. I wish I could explain it better...the best way to say it simply is that 99.5% of the time, I know exactly how you are feeling, even if I have never been through what you are going through. You have been to war and back (for example), and I haven't. And by being with you, talking to you, I get a little piece of what war was like, for you. This is where all the veterans jump on me because anyone that has not been to war can never understand it. I'm just giving an example.

OK I have like 4 main more topics but my battery is dying, and my fingers hurt, and I know they will never be read if I make this blog any longer. So, I'll tuck them away in my future blog entry place and they will come back.

If you made it this far, thank you, and you are awesome and deserve a cookie. Thanks for bearing with me.

~A Writer in a Nurse's Body

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