Close, but no cigar.

So I have two random funnies for you, direct from my new hospital!

The patients are the exact same type as my old hospital, I'm just in a newer nicer setting. The patients have the same diagnoses, same problems, same families, and same funny things to say- which makes for good stories for you!


Funny #1!

So I get in report that my patient is confused at times, but it's questionable. Sometimes patients just don't feel like answering the question or don't understand. So I go in to see this patient, and it turns out she answers all her questions correctly. She knows who she is, where she is, and what day it is. So I'm just about ready to leave the room after I finish my assessment, and im taking off my gloves- literally stepping out of the room when I hear- from my patient- "what's that giraffe doing outside?"

And I froze. What? Giraffe?

So I wasn't sure what to say, really. I kindly looked out the window from where I was standing, and due to the fact that my hospital is not in Africa and its not next to a zoo, I did not see a giraffe.

So I'm all like, "I don't see a giraffe."
And I'm thinking, should I recheck her orientation? Is she hallucinating?

And she's all like, "it's right there! It's a giraffe! Its right outside my window and I'm scared at how close it is."

So I'm like, shit. Shes hallucinating...giraffes. Like, why giraffes? Why not turtles? Or koala bears?

So then I'm like, "I still don't see a giraffe....but you let me know if it comes in the room."

So then she's like, "come to the window and see it!"

So to amuse her and I guess myself too, I go over to the window....


....And low and behold.....


...there wasn't a giraffe. There was a crane. My hospital is under construction, just so happens a construction crane was right outside her window.

I couldn't contain my giggles as I explained to her the differences in our construction vehicle naming misunderstanding.

It was a nursing giggle funny, my patient was not hallucinating after all, and we both giggled about it all day.


Nursing funny #2!!

Okay so I'm admitting this elderly male last night with heart failure. I figured out pretty quickly into the admission that he was *extremely* hard of hearing, and oh- he left his hearing aids at home, of course.


So I couldn't get much out of him from his admission, because he couldn't hear me. But I'm all like, I can't not try. I have to at least try and communicate, that's my job. So I struggle through all the questions, one by one.

Well I get to this one, what religion is the patient? And at first I'm all like- is this really an important question to ask when I'm struggling with all the rest? No. But then I remembered that I'm a bit biased one the religion side of things, and what if this guy is like an ex- priest or something and he's actually super religious and it means a lot to him that someone come to see him when he's here (even if he couldn't hear them- that's beside the point).

So I ask my patient, "do you have a religious preference?"

"what?"

"do you have a religion?"

"a what?"

"a religion? Like catholic, or presbyterian or something?"

"oh..a religion...a religion.....hmmm..."

So he literally took a moment to think, and I was just about to give up, when he shouts out, "yes! I'm American!"


I had to try so hard to not laugh. I smiled and I thanked him and clicked "no preference/other" on the religion choice.


Well that's It for the funnies this week! It's been an adventure so far, that's for sure. But I'm slowly starting to fit in and learn the ropes. :)


Thanks for reading everyone!


With love,

WNB


Hope I made ya giggle :)

Kid's Logic is Precious

I spent the entire day (most of it) laughing yesterday. I babysat again (ages 4 and 2) and usually, when I babysit, I find it hard to let loose and just be a kid with them. I'm the parent type and I would rather watch them play than play with them. But this week I had no homework to do, and therefore nothing important to do, and playing seemed like a pretty good idea.

I usually refrain from allowing them to make big forts all over the house, or "tents" or "trains" (string the kitchen chairs together), because it makes a mess. But yesterday I was like.....I am with these kids til 4. Thats 8 hours. We can clean up in the last hour. Lets make a mess now! woot! So it was a fun day with the kids.

I just want to share some exceedingly precious moments that occurred :-)

1) We were playing with playdough, all three of us. They usually split it up by color between the two of them and give me the remnants (how kind) so I can "make it into a ball" because apparently, I do this really well. The 2 year old girl is growing to be smarter and smarter every time I see her. This is the time of very fast intellectual growth for children and It is fascinating to see it happen first-hand. Every week she becomes more confident in what she learned last week, and her speech becomes more and more articulate and her vocabulary is growing so fast. Anyway, yesterday she is rolling together some pieces of clay and I was rolling together a random ball and she turns to me, extends her arm and says, "Look! I made a hotdog!"  I started laughing, and she knew it. I don't know where she got hotdog from, but it was so funny.

Maybe you had to be there. But it was still funny. Here's a picture of the artistic hot dog:

Use your imagination. :-)

2) Meanwhile, I briefly heard in the background the four year old tell me he was working on a brain but It didn't really register in my thoughts, I sort of just heard it. A couple of minutes later, he dropped some playdough on the floor to "feed the monkeys" ( I don't know), and I asked him to please pick it up. (so much for allowing them to make messes lol. But in this case- I didn't want the dog to eat it).   When he got back up to the table, he said triumphantly, "Okay. Now where's my brain????"

I forgot that he was making one for a split second, and just him saying that made me start cracking up laughing. Then I remembered he was making one and I showed him where it actually was. But he wasn't fooled, he asked, "Why are you laughing???" So to come up with an explanation as to why this made me laugh, I played dumb and said,

"your brain is in your head!"

him: "No, its not! "

"Yes it is. *I pointed to his forehead* It's right behind here!"

He looks upward and pushes away his bangs and said, "I can't see it!"   *I'm laughing so much*

"You can't see it. Its inside of your head. It helps you to think."

"it is NOT inside my head!"

"Okay."


3) Later on in the day, when it was time for the epic occurrence of watching Cailou on TV, I decided it was a good time to straighten my hair in order to get ready for my big nursing formal that night. So here I am in the back of the kitchen, where I can still see them just to be safe, minding my own business, pretty quiet...and he comes over, randomly, and asks, "What are you doing?"

So how do I explain I am frying my hair so that it is straight and not curly? My best explanation was, "I am fixing my hair."

"Oh. Well you look like a bird."
Me: "Thank you."
"Crows wear their hair like that."
Me: "okay."
"I liked your old hair."
Me: "Well I am sorry I am fixing it then. " *Sad face*
*he is thinking....* "Why are you fixing your hair?
Me: I have to make it look really pretty for a special dance I have to go to tonight."
*he squints his eyes, tilts his head and looks really confused, and is thinking* "Oh. Well when I look pretty I just go see Thomas."   (thomas is a tank engine).

I laughed pretty hard at that one too. I think he gets confused when I laugh at what he says because in his mind, he is totally legitimate. So cute.

4)  It is part my responsibility to aid in the event of potty training these children. Although the four year old is an expert on peeing in the big boy toilet, he is having some poo-ing issues. Although he "promises" to TELL me when he has to go so we can run to the potty, he never does. Ever. It is up to me to see weird signs that he is doing, like hiding behind a couch, laying on the ground, or picking at his butt to let me know he has to go (or IS going)...or I start to smell it if I'm close by.

So in the morning, I completely missed it. They were playing, I was making them breakfast, and when he came to the table to eat I noticed he completely let loose in his diaper. The mom of course doesn't like to see messy diapers at the end of the day because she wants her kids to be completely potty trained....yay. So I was pretty determined to not let it happen again. So a couple hours later, in the afternoon, I noticed him picking and it started to smell. So I took him right away and sure enough, there was already a (minor) accident. There was still time! So I told him, "lets try for some more" So we sat on the potty for like TWENTY minutes and read about 9 story books.

FInally, I gave up. There was just no more poo coming out of that behind for me.
So I asked, "Why don't you go poop on the potty?"
him: "I only poop for mommy and daddy. And sometimes for Aunt Debbie."
"Why don't you poop for me?"
"Because you're the babysitter."
"So?"
"Babysitters are supposed to PLAY with me not make me POOP."


so funny. I can't wait to be a mommy =]

~WNB

Apologizations

I am currently lacking blogging mo-jo because I am so overcome with fascination and laughter because I have recently discovered the awesome-ness of Allie Brosh. And her blog. See link below.

In fact, it is so funny, that I have become completely obsessed with this blog. I have started thinking of funny situations in life and how they would make perfect blogs in her blog, but not mine. Because she is brilliant and hilarious. I visualize funny situations happening in my life, with her little pink dress and blond pigtails and evil red eyes. So funny. I have even laughed-OUT-LOUD...MANY times...to this blog, and that is a rare occasion.

Oh, believe me. I have tried to write my own blog posts over the last two days. But every topic that I come up with seems infinitesimal and pointless in comparison to the awesomeness that is hyperboleandahalf. But, I do have a big post coming on New Years eve AND New years day, and I may post a blog later tonight or tomorrow about the unsurpassable amounts of SNOW we got. But, now I feel better explaining why my blog has been MIA. Also because its Christmas and Ive been spending time with my family. But more so because I have been too busy laughing. Check out her blog:

http://www.hyperboleandahalf.blogspot.com/

so. funny.

~WNB

A serious LOL

This website *literally* just made me laugh for like 20 minutes straight. Amazing discovery. Its a lot funnier if you have an iPhone, or are super tired like I am. The iPhone has a very strange way of autocorrecting sometimes.... :-)




Check it out!

www.damnyouautocorrect.com