Sometimes

"There's just too much that time can not erase....."







This week has been absolutely insane. Like, no time to breathe insane. Literally.








:-\ Will get better soon.

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Have you ever seen this movie? It's one of the best out there...

(Taken from this magical movie place )

Do you ever wish you could erase something from your mind? Would it make heart-healing easier for you? For anyone? Would you elect to get rid of all your heartbreak, if it meant also erasing memories of the two of you having fun together, the good times?

Sometimes I wish I could erase youthings from memory. Maybe then I could sleep; could make it through one day without missing you.

I guess it will just take time to forget, gradually...but Erasing you would be so much easier. I would, if technology from the movie existed.


I need a big change in my life. New surroundings. I need you not to cross my mind every day still. I need a new part of my life that you never had anything to do with. I need something I can call my own, and not "ours". Everything in my room has a backstory connected to you somehow. Places I go, you came with. They are all tattered with your memories. My memories. Ours. I can't even go to my grandmothers house without replaying memories in my head (good memories) of us having fun here, and that goes for everywhere.

I just need to work on replaying the equally bad ones too. Remember why I left. The bad used to override the good and now, in memory, the good overrides the bad...tell me, how does that work?? I guess by human nature, we naturally choose to only remember the happy memories. We forget the rages, the tragedies, the tears, the fights, the heartbreaks, the eternal mistakes.... We don't like to remember those things.

So if my mind can let go of all of the bad memories, why can't I let go of the good? The good ones are depressing, because I said goodbye not only to you but to your life. Your town. Our lake, our restaurant, your dogs, your family. It was like all of that died from my lfe at once. That's a lot to say goodbye to, to say to yourself, "I'm never going to go to that place again or see that person or that dog again." that's a lot.

"I never thought that you would be the one , to hold my heart.
But you came around, and knocked me off the ground, from the start.
You, put your arms around me, and I believe,
That it's easier for you to let me go.
You put your arms around me and I'm home.

How many times, will you let me change my mind, and turn around?
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life, or if I'll drown.
I hope that you see right through, my walls.
I hope that you catch me, because I'm already falling.

The world is coming down, on me, and I can't find a reason to be loved.
It's easier for you to let me go."
-Christina Perri, "Arms"

~WNB

"I loved you on this day"

Discovery

Right now I am sitting on a windowsill listening and watching to the most magnificent and stunning and perfect and powerful thunderstorm ever to kick off the summer. And in more than ways than one, it is very much what I needed. This whole night has been perfect to sort of guide my heart in the right direction of healing, once and for all.

Some of my most fondest memories are of my father And I sitting out on our front porch watching the lightning with such enthusiasm and wonder. To this day we both get over-the-top excited when a fantastic lightning bolt comes through, a tornado warning graces our town or when it just pours or hails.

Anyway, this whole night has been perfect and a night of discovery and healing. I discovered this main site, www.stumbleupon.com , which leads you to all these magnificent other sites based on what you are interested in. Well "writing" is one of my selected categories and it brought me to this one site, www.oneword.com. Which is a sort of "writing exercise site meets human connection meets postsecret". The site gives you a word and all you have to do is write whatever comes to mind when you hear that word and you have sixty seconds. Then it gets submitted and others can read it and you can read entries on that word from people around the world, at that very moment. How fascinating?!

Tonights word was "forgotten". I wrote my first post to the site and I liked it. But some of the other entries were so meaningful and I could relate 100%. some were about wanting to forget things/people in their life, others were about being forgotten by a person they loved/love. I can relate to both. So go check out the site and write your own fantastic little blurbs to the word-of-the-day. :-)

Thank you to my lovely friend tonight that helped mr discover another beautiful thing- Ingrid michaelson. This girl is a friggen musical genius. Basically, she sounds like greys anatomy but her lyrics are just so captivating and her tunes draw you in and keep you listening. LOVE.

It's a good night. May it thunder and rain all night...what a perfect sound track to life...

If you Love somebody

you better let them know.

Some Crazy FUN Times!

So my college sponsored this giant carnival/festival thing Friday night to sort of kick off finals week/fest.  And it just so happened that my magical school MAGICALLY got one of my FAVORITE BANDS EVER to come to the school to do a concert! WHAT!  I stopped by the carnival for a bit and took a couple cool pics before heading over to the concert. By the way, this totally makes up for not posting picture-of-the week for like, a month.



Notice he's on stilts? Climbing a rock wall? Let's just say the police didn't stop him because they were really curious as to what would happen, lol.





Going for the twilight-carnival effect.



AWESOME CHALK MURAL!!! Some serious artwork right there. We take chalk seriously at my school. Be jealous.

 FUN!!!!!!

 STEEL TRAIN- Opened for FUN

I hope this comes out well, if it doesn't I'm taking it down. But this is the lead singer of Fun, singing a clip of one of my favorite songs. And its probably my favorite part of the song, too. :-) LOVE.

This video just demonstrates further how awesome FUN is and how crazy my school is. love love love :)

We were barely 18 when we'd crossed collective hearts.

It was cold, but it got warm when you'd barely crossed my eye.

and then you turned, put out your hand,

and you asked me to dance.

I knew nothing of romance, but it was love at second sight.



I swear when I grow up, I won't just buy you a rose.

I will buy the flower shop, and you will never be lonely.

Even if the sun stops waking up over the fields

I will not leave, I will not leave 'till it's our time.

So just take my hand, you know that I will never leave your side.

                                                                                         - Fun.


~WNB

P.S.- The pics taken with a white border were done using the "Hipstamatic" Photography app on Iphone4. really cool! Check it out! I didn't even edit those.

Jar of Hearts

Who do you think you are?


Runnin’ ’round leaving scars,

collecting a jar of hearts;

tearing love apart.

You’re gonna catch a cold
from the ice inside your soul.

- Christina Perri

All I Need

I'd like to showcase some lyrics I recently found from a band I'm in love with. These lyrics (pretty much the entire album) can directly correlate to my life right now. Its almost creepy.

"And that's all that I need,
Someone else to cling to
Someone I can lean on until
I don't need to
Just stay all through the night
And in the morning let me down
Cuz that's all that I need, right now"

-Matchbox 20

You're waiting here, For someone else to break you.
From the inside.
You've been so composed; But we all know there's always something tearing you apart.
It's always so much longer Than you counted on
And it hits you so much harder than you thought .
But you don't worry
You don't worry
Cuz you got soul
You're so heavy; you're so misunderstood

Darling you've got so much soul
There's always something
Tearing you apart

-Matchbox 20

"I wonder how you sleep
I wonder what you think - of me
If I could go back
Would you have ever been with me
I want you to be uneased
I want you to remember
I want you to believe in me
I want you on my side
Come on
And lay it down
I've always been with you
Here and now
Give all that's within you
Be my savior
And I'll be your downfall
Here we go again
Ashamed of being broken in
We're getting off track
And I want to get you back again
I want you to trouble me
I wanted you to linger
I want you to agree with me
I want so much, so bad" –MB 20

Tired.

You love me, but you don't know who I am.