Walking Away

It takes a lot to push my buttons.


OK thats a lie. I get annoyed easily. Really easily.


However, It takes a lot to notice I'm annoyed, because I'm pretty good at not letting it show. Nurses need that skill. So if it does show that i'm annoyed, then you really pissed me off.

For example, this patient hit just the right button.....


Scene Set up:

I am helping out on the floor. I have no patients of my own, because i am working an odd-hour shift, so I am floating around the floor helping out everyone and answering call bells. So I answer this particular one...

Patient: Hello.
Me: Hi. How can I help you?
Patient: I don't know.
Me: Did you ring your call bell?
P: Oh Yeah. I want water.
Me: OK, no problem. I'll go get you some.

I pick up water pitcher, realize its been recently filled, with ice water.

Me: Actually, you have some. Its right here. Let me pour you a cup.
P: Then whats this in this cup over here?
Me: Well, it says "Pink Lemonade" on the top, so I guess its Pink Lemonade. Would you like some?
P: No. I want water. I hate pink lemonade.
Me: OK, let me pour you a glass. Pours glass. Here you go.
P:Thank you. Whats in that cup over there?
Me: More pink lemonade.
P: Oh, can I have some?
Me: Um. Sure.  I hand it over, she drinks.
P: This is gross. What is this? I want water. Get me water.
Me: you have water.
P: Where?
Me: Right here, in front of you. Remember?
P: Oh yeah, OK. Thank you. Dump the rest of that pink lemonade out I dont want it.
Me: OK. Can I get you anything else before I go?
P: Nope.

I leave room. 30 seconds later, her bell goes off again. I go back in.

Me: Hello again. Did you need something?
P: I think I have to use the bedpan. I'm so sorry, I'm taking all your time, you were just in here.
Me: It's not a problem at all, thats what we're here for. I'll be glad to help you.

I pull covers down so she can roll over and use bedpan.

Me: Um, It actually looks like you already went in the bed.....do you still have to go some more?
P: Yes.
Me: OK..Well lets roll over and you can finish in the bedpan. Lets turn on that side over there.
P: I can't turn by myself. It hurts me too much.
Me: Okay, no problem. I will help you roll.
P: Okay. Pt starts to roll, I help, but she's not budging.
P: Don't push me. I can do it by myself.
Still not moving.
Me: Mrs. Soandso, I am going to have to help you turn if we are going to get this bedpan under you.
P: Okay. Just don't listen to me if I say it hurts.
Me: Um, Okay....

 I get it under, after finally getting her to roll.

Me: Okay, you can go in the bedpan now.
P: I don't have to go anymore. Can you take it out?
Me: Stares at her. Just try and go for a couple minutes, just in case.
P: Okay.
Me: Okay. I will give you some privacy and come back and check on you.
P: Okay. Before you go, can you fix your hair?
Me: Stares at her, again.
P: Your hair is so pretty but you have that one flyaway strand and its really making me angry. Come here and I will fix it.
Me: Um, no thank you, I will fix it.
P: Then why haven't you already?
Me: I am very busy. I just haven't had time today to readjust my ponytail.
P: Thats why I'll help you.
Me: Thats Okay. I'll go fix it.

Walks away.


>

Seriously though, wtf?! The water/pink lemonade episode is comical, thats like talking to Dori. The bedpan issue is annoying but it happens sometmes, its part of the job. But after I went through everything, including your poop, to help you, and then you throw an insult at me? Thats pushing my button. And I will walk away.


Seriously, some people. *Sigh*




~WNB


.

Where I want to Be

I'm having an off night. Can't really explain it....I don't think I could if I even tried. I guess thats the scary part? But its midnight now and I am drawing and listening to some music and this is helping. If "this" is still happening Monday I will *have* to go to the Doctor even though I hate most doctors and how all of my health issues are subjective. For once It'd be nice if a doctor could see what is inside of me, what I am feeling, rather than what they can see. I get it, for them. I know. I know how frustrated doctors are. Its like stabbing in the dark with patients like me. If they can't see the problem, how is it best to treat? Drugs, drugs, drugs? Ugh. Hardly. I want to go back to my holistic NP but can't exactly afford $180/hr right now.


Drawing helps, it gets my mind away from me. It takes me somewhere else.....when you are able to focus on something like that, whether it be drawing, or playing some sort of video game, or....running, or walking, or painting or whatever, when you can be awake and yet let your mind "take a break" from yourself, from your thoughts, its sort of free to do what it wants. Its like accessing the dream state while awake. Although I am in my present self focusing on my drawing, my mind is a thousand miles away. And then I re-focus and my drawing is 75% done! Nice :) So thats what drawing does for me. Thats what reading does. Thats what writing does. Thats what music does.


Right now, in this present moment, I would really just love to be here:

Bryant Park, New York City


This place, right here.....this place is magical. Everyone who has been there, knows it. Definitely makes my "top five" favorite places...and I've been to Europe.

Speaking of Europe, I'd also rather be back here right now:

This probably marks my favorite place. Luxembourg Gardens, Paris. Which is funny, because I didn't even know this existed in the world, let alone Paris, until I got off the bus and it was right in front of me. But isn't that sort of what makes it surreal? Those special moments when you think you are lost, and you make a turn and you walk into this magical place where all these people are, and you think, how does everyone else know the address to heaven?? And there you are, in the middle of it all. It's perfect, and you are happy. I want to go back.

So, thats that. Tonight is a blast Blue October kind of night. As Justin Furstenfeld puts it, "Just believe in all who shine the light to help you see...'cause if I believe in you, will you believe in me?" from Kangaroo Cry

Goodnight, World. Here's to hopefully a better weekend ahead :)

~WNB

PS- This is my 365th post!!! Ah! Funny since that marks a year, sort of, even though I've had this for two years now. Odd. :-) 

Waitress

"I hope someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight and thats all they do. They don't pull away. They don't kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms and hold on tight, without an ounce of selfishness in it. "


-From the movie, Waitress.

One of my favorite quotes of all time.



Going through a pretty strange...time? Took down my "wall" finally. It was time. I did it at first to make room to hang my latest project, and then I slowly started to realize a lot of what was up didn't mean anything to me anymore. Like, I thought it did, but that was a long time ago. It doesn't actually hold any true meaning anymore and its time to let go.

I am normally pretty much of an emotional ratpacker (is that the word?). I like to save things, weird small things, that hold a little memory or meaning and I hate to ever let go. But then I go through these weird emotional (short-lived) phases where its okay to let go of these things. I know in myself that just because you throw something away, doesn't mean its gone from your heart. I threw maybe five or six meaningless things away and kept the rest, hidden in its own little folder in my drawer, tucked away for discovery on a rainy day 11 years from now. I love those discovery days.

So, the wall is gone...the epic wall of my creative psychoticness. Now, room for pictures of Europe and new things. Almost time to move out, soon.......One step closer now.


~WNB

Whether you believe it or not...

...your body is constantly trying to protect you.

-Grey's Anatomy

Blue October

I had a dream that you were with me ,
It wasn't my fault,
You rolled me over,
Flipped me over,
Like a somersault.
And that doesn't happen to me.

I've never been here before.
I saw forever in my never

And I could only dream of you and sleep,
but I'll never see sunlight again.
I can try to be with you,
but somehow I'll end up just losing a friend.
I can only reach for you,

Relate to you.
I'm losing my friend.

- "My Never"

I owned up, I've grown up, do you remember me?
I showed up and so what if I'm the used to be
I'm here to tell you that I'm sorry I was sorry
But I'm happy that you're happiness is no longer about me

So to my friends that even call but I don't call back
I want you deep inside my heart upon a hill
It seems to hide sometimes and run away and wonder
I'm really sick of saying sorry but I will

Ever carried the weight of another?
For how long?
I walk as far as they need to recover
For how long?

I want to learn to walk with others as an equal
I want to treat the ones who love me with respect
I want to tell the world I'll give them all a piggyback
And try to take away my negative effect

-"Overweight"

Some powerful music. Powerful artists.

Glee

"God can make mistakes; that's what I believe."

Don't.

"Don't Let Go- Never give up;



It's Such a Wonderful Life...."

Mercy

"I wish I could always see myself the way you see me."

When Life Gives you Lemons

OK so Go listen to this song called "When life gives you lemons" By the "Boy least Likely to".









It will make you smile, I promise. <3 href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjOaHZ2vI8gvfioc2kPsGVMZiobE7Acjwt2GX8Wn8kzEVXgKJVdkpV2pV46Oe5tXrrB9K_1kSkuPkcd7ELa3IAjY9cEa8jwR_UHm9xjfn-a1NQXqu4o3pJxefi_mXGvoS4TmsxqvKMkbu8/s1600/IMG_0642.JPG">
Don't you, (forget about me).

"I dropped a tear in the ocean, and whenever they find it, I'll stop loving you. Only then."

Quote

"sometimes I think the human heart is just a simple shelf. There's only so much you can pile onto it before something falls off an edge and you are left to pick up the pieces." - Jodi Piccoult