EKGing it up!

So, a lot has happened lately!

FIRST OFF, I got the job! Woot! I officially start there on Monday, it is a med/surg position still, which is great because I need my two years and I like the constant variety... However it will be a weekend night position. What's that? You basically strike a deal with the devil and agree you will be there 2 nights, every single weekend except TWO per the entire year...but that's it. You get off 5 days per week, work the weekends and get paid more. I see it as a win!

But anyway, at this new hospital I will be responsible for my own EKG readings. For my non-medical readers, an EKG is a test involving 12 little stickers or "leads" that are placed on your chest, legs and arms to monitor the amount of electricity through your body conducted by your heart, which is displayed on a strip piece of paper and we can see the type of rhythm your heart is making. By knowing this rhythm, we know what's wrong with your heart and what part of your heart isn't working.

So! Here I am, a one-year RN going from a med/surg unit where I never had to worry (much) about heart rhythms to a unit where I will be responsible for my own. Yikes! I skip completely over the unit where they have techs to watch the monitors and tell you what they mean. *sigh*

The first time I floated down to that unit, my cardiology unit in my hospital here, I first asked my old preceptor, "do you have any really important advice to give that I should know about cardiology?"

She looked at me very seriously as she nodded, got a piece of paper out and drew this:



As she drew that line she said, "if you see this, it's not good."

Of course she was kidding. Well, sort of kidding. Partially kidding. Only in the aspect where every nurse (or really anyone every that's watched a medical show on tv in general) knows that a flat line is never good. So that pro founding bit of advice wasn't exactly that helpful.

But I learned quickly. And whatever you don't know in nursing, you quickly get someone that does know.

But being that I have the type of brain that loves to do math, figure out mysteries, do busiwork, etc., I found that I fell in love with trying to figure out each rhythm. It was like a puzzle.

I finally finished the class and all of the sudden I feel 200% more competent as an RN. No more constant dread that I can't competently take care of cardiac patients. I can look at the tele monitor now and understand who is in critical condition, when to call the doctor, what to do about certain rhythms. It feels amazing to connect those synapses in your brain when things coming together, applying knowledge you gathered in nursing school to knowledge you learned on the field to knowledge you regain after like this, on top of the clinical knowledge.

For example when I came on shift recently, I looked at my patient on the monitor. I had asked the nurse taking care of him prior what rhythm was his normal, and they had trouble reading it so they had to move his room to better wireless area. So I was the first to read his rhythm. I looked at it and right away thought, "that's a.fib". My heart threw a PVC (haha), and I thought "shit! My patients in a. Fib!" but then I remembered the basics. 1) assess my patient. 2) assess the heart rate (is the heart able to accommodate or control the a fib? 3) does the patient have a known history of the a.fib? 4) does be doctor know about the a.fib happening on this hospital stay?

Luckily, they were all in my favor. My patient was not symptomatic. His heart rate was under control. He had a history of the a.fib, and the doctor already knew because they saw it during surgery earlier that hospital stay. So all I had to do was continue to monitor my patient, monitor the heart rate, make sure it doesn't enter an uncontrolled rhythm. The reason I bore you with this story is to show you (or myself ) that before this class, I would have freaked out if my patient was in a. Fib because that's a scary term and I wouldn't know the difference of good or bad a.fib....but now, I am competent enough to understand the heart enough to see that rhythm on the monitor and not have to 1) initially freak out 2) enter a bout of colitis because I would be stressed all shift about it until my patient went normal sinus (the normal heart rhythm).

With every bout of learning I learn, I love nursing more and more. The days I hate nursing are the days I feel incompetent. Those are the days I feel stressed. I don't mind having a completely shitty, busy as all hell day, whatever bring it on. But the minute I feel like I aren't good enough to care for my patient, that's when I feel that I hate nursing and can't wait for my shift to end. But when I feel like I can take care of my patients no matter what and can help other nurses even, I love my job. I love being able to feel confident. It's empowering and it makes me want to learn more, more, more. Soon I will be taking an ACLS class, which would further my certification to enable me to take care of more critical patients. During code-blue situations I would be able to push life-saving drugs into patients. I can work in the ICU or the ER with this certification. So, that's pretty cool and up and coming.

I finally have fully functioning power back and at least 134,342,114 posts ready to write, so look forward to that! Hopefully I still have readers =)

Love you all, thanks for reading.


~WNB.

Doctors Don't Know Everything

So me and fellow co-nurse are discussing one of our patients foot wounds. She asks me the correct anatomical term to describe the area beneath the big toe.

My educated answer? "google it"

So we googled it and unfortunately google didn't offer any insight.

At that time one of the nice(r) doctors strolled up to the unit. I whispered to my co-nurse that we should ask doctor, right?

Nurse: "Dr.YouShouldKnowThis, what would be the correct anatomical term to describe this area of the foot?" * you can't get it wrong, as said nurse even took off her shoe and really made sure to point at the right spot*

Dr.YouShouldKnowThis: ummm.....the ball of the foot?

Nurse: I know, but what's the fancy name?

Dr. YouShouldKnowThis: I don't know.  I'd google it.

Now keep in mind, Dr.YouShouldKnowThis does have a Medical Degree, however she is a hospitalist. They treat patients that come into the hospital, they have no primary practice. They are usually younger doctors. They get paid pretty crappy for doing a lot of work. So I didn't even blame her for not being up to par on her anatomy.

So alas, being that this is important and we have to chart it in legal documentation, we had not finished our quest for enduring everlasting foot wound knowledge. So Dr.YouShouldKnowThis leaves, and a couple minutes later another doctor arrives.

Now this doctor is a lot older and more experienced. He's a family primary practice and he's seen a lot in his day.

Nurse: "Dr.YouShouldDefiniteKnowThis, what is this area known as on the foot?" is it...metatarsal? Plantar? *she takes off shoe again*


Dr.YouShouldDefinitelyKnowThis: ummm...I would definitely just google that.





Lol.


_wnb



Google solves all problems.




PS_ We ended up charting it as the ball of the foot.

Resolutions from 2011

Hey all! So, if any of you pay attention to whatever I write for new years resolutions, you should know that I annually dissect my past resolutions and make new ones, yes? Well, this year I have been astronomically busy (literally, like every second) up until the new year. I have also taken it upon myself to travel this new year holiday and am in Michigan (still am!) and therefore was travelling on lots of airplanes on the day I would normally have done this post. But alas, here it is, last years resolutions! Next post will feature next year's (2012!). Be excited. The Italicized paragraphs will be the actual made resolution, and the real writing is me talking....now. Got it? Okay.




1) I want to learn. I feel like such a dumbass either when I'm talking to smart people or when I'm trying to do something by myself (usually something simple) and I realize that I am not capable of living on this earth and cannot do anything. And that seriously bothers me! I want to know, I want to be able to talk about the Health Care Reform. See, I don't even know if that should be capitalized or not! I only JUST learned LAST YEAR that you put TWO spaces after every period when writing a paper. WTF? Anyway, its not just politics. I know nothing about religion. I want to know, though. But every time I try and read bible stories or pay attention in church, I get extremely lost and give up and start thinking about fun colors and songs in my head. Yesterday when I was babysitting, I was cleaning up their house toys and found this book that was "Bible stories: For Children" and I was like, oh, this is totally what I need. So in the middle of my child-watching duties, I was all like, hold up- I have to read this book and catch up. It had all the stories. But unfortunately, kids are crazy and get into everything and I could not keep reading, nor could I realistically steal it and take it home for later reading. So, politics, religion...Shakespeare, literature, famous people...famous bands, famous movies....Stuff that people know. And thats just what people talk about. The other day I had to google whether or not I could use olive oil to make eggs because I couldn't find cooking spray. I also had to google how to use a real tea kettle and not a water boiler. Do not laugh. I am ashamed. Really. So it's stuff like that. Stupid stuff. Sometimes people ask me to do stuff, and I'm like....seriously? You're gonna have to show me how to do that.So how do I accomplish this resolution? Well...I don't know. I plan to like....read the paper more. I guess. Because that has worldly important things in it, right? I'm already reading a lot of books...even though they are all nursing. So...I guess reading the paper is all I've got right now. And paying attention to smart people when they talk.

WOW. Long enough resolution paragraph?? Geesh. New Resolution: Make next years shorter!
But anyway, I did do well in this one, sort of. After I made this resolution, I did religiously read the paper (New York Times), almost every day, and I loved it. It really made me feel up to date on everything going on in the world,what people were talking about, etc. But at the time I was still in school, and nursing school...well you know, kicks your ass. So I to stop reading it everyday because it was seriously cutting into my study time. I instead switched to a book called "Smarter by Sunday", written by NYT writers, that you're supposed to read a chapter every weekend, and each weekend they teach you about something new in the world....music, politics, history, etc. This was an awesome book, but even that was cutting into my study time and I had to stop. Alas,  since then I have not picked up the book and have not bought the NYT, and this saddens me greatly.

Having moved into my own apartment, I no longer receive the daily local paper ( I actually DID read that daily over the summer). At work, each morning when I leave, I see all 6 of the local and national papers lined up and I glance at the headlines, saddenly (word?). I desperately want to read them all and know whats going on....but lately I've been doing nothing but work, breathe, eat, sleep, drink (water!), and...well, facebook. And postsecret on heavy occasion as well. :-) But you get the point. I've been busy.

However, I have been getting smarter nonetheless. Being on my own now has taught me so much. I am learning more and more about the world and how things work, just from day to day living. My nursing knowledge is increasing rapidly, as every patient teaches me something new. So, once the holiday season is over and things calm down again and I return to my home, I do plan to try and get back into the paper-reading thing, as I do miss it. Plus, I need coupons..... :-)

2) This is sort of a spin off of number one. I need to pay attention to people when they talk. I have ADHD (self-diagnosed) and when someone is talking and talking and talking, especially about a topic that I have no interest in, my ears literally shut off. Its like a defense mechanism gone haywire. It is really bad, because while the person is talking about something they deem really important, I am thinking about oompa loompas and prairie dogs and green things and how i should eat more vegetables and fruits and less carbs but then what kind of carbs? Why are carbs that bad, actually? Shit, do i have to babysit tomorrow? Crap. I totally forgot. what time was that? I should get a calendar. and stick to it. And -
"Julie? What do you think?"and I'm all like FUDGESTICKS I HAVENT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION EVEN THOUGH I TRIED REALLY HARD." I guess when the topic doesnt interest me or doesnt make sense, I just stop listening. Solution? Listen to every single word and process what is happening. Get some ADHD medication. Either of those two would work out great.


I have been doing a LOT better with the listening to people when they talk part. Being an actual RN now, It is my JOBBBBB to really listen to my patients. Everything they tell you is a vital, vital clue to their condition. Not only that but patients need to be heard. I've had patients literally tell me, "You know, I feel so much better talking to you. I feel like you are REALLY listening and not just nodding and smiling."  So, that makes me feel good. Since I have been improving that skill at work, it has also naturally transferred to my social life as well. I no longer drone out things that don't interest me from friends. Instead, I listen to everything they say because in reality, everyone is in your life to teach you something. So even if the topic is about Mango-fruit-rabbit ears or something off the top of my head like that, I try to listen because you never know, I could really need to know how to use a mango-fruit-rabbit ear one day.

As for the ADHD, not much improvement on this forefront. I don't like to resort to drugs, I don't. I'm pretty sure I've had the real ADHD since I was 6 years old, and I've survived, so why start now with the heavy drugs? As much as I know I need them...But I have tried Omega-3 gummies, which I guess are known to help improve concentration and focus in children with ADHD. I can't say for sure if they are actually doing anything, or if its just psychological, but I like to pretend that it helps.

The ADHD is tolerable when its just me,doing my thing, chillin mcgillin. Who cares if it takes me 43 hours to clean my room because I can't focus on one task at a time? Its my time and if I want to take 43 hours to organize a closet, then by golly I will. The problem however, is at work, and when I'm with my friends/dates. At work, nursing is NORMALLY hectic for any new starting nurse. But for an ADHD brain, my brain is presented with 14 tasks that need your attention and you have to prioritize quickly. You have to complete all these tasks quickly or delegate them to someone else. This can be hard when naturally, your brain has trouble finishing one task before starting another. So, Its definitely something I have to work on.



3) So, I just had a depressing moment. I just voted on a poll on facebook that was all, 'do you think 2011 will be awesome??" and my immediate reaction was YES! but then, my overthinking, over analyzing self was like....well...actually, no. 2011 is the scary year. Hopefully, an amazing year, if it all works out nicely....but, nonetheless, a year about uncertainty, and graduating, and getting a JOB, and getting through the first couple months of that job...and liking it.....Scary :-\
So I guess I just really need to have more confidence in myself. Just....go with the flow. Fate/Destiny has a plan. It will all be OK in the end...I just have to be the best that I can be...take care of myself, and have days to de-stress. It will all be OK. I hope by this time in 2012, I can look back on 2011 and say "awww, what the heck was I so worried for? 2011 was fantastic!!" My 20's are supposed to be the best years of my life. I hope nursing doesn't prevent that...:( *stress*

Okay. So. Where do I even begin on this one? You might want to get-the-popcorn-out on this one if you know what I'm saying. My brain has a lot of mixed feelings. First things first, 2011 was...............................VERY INTERESTING, to say the least. A lot of people I've talked to have  told me how much 2011 sucked for them. I....don't think it sucked, necessarily. It was a hard year, there is NO denying that. It was a sad, sad year, no denying that. But, It was also a very good year, in so many ways. Lets discuss the major points of this year, shall we? Hang in there with me, It will help me sort my own thoughts out.

• I graduated college! This is big time coolbean worthiness because there were SO many times I made a back up plan on what to do with my life because I was so certain I would fail out of the program. But, somehow, I made it through. I graduated college after 5 years of school, with a Bachelors of Science in Nursing. Woot!
• I also graduated a member of Sigma Theta Tau International, the nursing honor society. I also graduated with a special award for excellence in community health nursing, and a scholarship! All awesome accomplishments.
• I went to EUROPE! This was obviously something I've wanted to do since I was five years old, but never actually thought it was...possible. I came up with the idea in fall 2010 and didn't want to let go of it. And so I did it. Obviously, this was an extreme highlight of 2011.
• When I got back from Europe, I found out my maternal grandmother had passed away while I was overseas. This came as more of a shock than anything and I didn't even know how to begin...mourning away while I was overseas. This came as more of a shock than anything and I didn't even know how to begin...mourning. I was at an extreme...just, shock. And it took me a long time to come to terms with what happened and how I should react to it. This was obviously a low-light (opposite of high light?) of 2011. I miss her.
• Being that my grandmother passed away, this in turn created the opportunity for the entire maternal side of the family (we're a big group), to meet for her memorial service. Despite the dire unusual circumstance for gathering, I still consider this a huge highlight. It finally got 99% of our family together at once. We laughed together, we shared her memories, we hugged, we cried, we caught up...it was amazing.
• After my I got home from that reunion trip, I soon found out that one of my best friends at work was diagnosed with stage IV cancer....and all of us knew she wasn't going to make it. I lost her in the summer. That was really hard, being that It was so quick from diagnosis to death. She was always smiling when I saw her and she was my first friend at work. She meant a lot to me and it was a lot to lose her. It was a lot of all of us.
• In July sometime, I got the unique opportunity to practically do the whole disney world experience for nearly just $300! Sounds like a lot of $ if you haven't been to disney, but if you have, you know that this is an AWESOME total for flying, lodging, eating, park ticketing, etc. One of my great friends from high school is an official employee of disney and was able to let me and my other great friend from high school into the parks for free! You can't beat that. It was awesome, and I got to spend time with two friends I haven't been able to spend much time with in the past couple years.
• Soon after, I passed my NCLEX! This was......the ultimate high, as I literally really didn't think I would, especially on the first try. This was a huge highlight. This, ultimately opened up the rest of my nursing career.
• Soon after THAT, I was officially hired as an RN! I started in September, and obviously it has been a rollercoaster road ever since. This is huge for me as well because I was so scared for this stage in my life to happen. I didn't have any confidence in myself that I would ever be able to do it. I couldn't picture myself actually doing WELL in the field, in addition to not-killing patients. Yay! I am doing well! Huge highlight....so far.
• Soon after, in October, I moved out on my own with a roommate from college! This is AWESOME in so many aspects, and a huge highlight of my life. A huge step in the right direction for the rest of my life of inde-freaking-pendance! Yeah!
• After that, in November, I was officially elected to be a part of the nursing honor society convention. I got to go with my professor from school and do really important cool nursing things. Pretty awesome.
• In general, 2011 has been a remarkable interesting year for love. In this time span of one year, I have lost great love and gained great love. Thats all I'll say about THAT. :0)

So, yeah, 2011 had some pretty interesting points. Unforgettable year, that is for sure. It has taught me so much about life, about grieving, about celebration, about friendship, about love, about independence, about working, about nursing.....

I will never forget this year. But, I am also so, so, so ready for 2012. 2012 just "sounds" like a good year. What can I expect to happen in 2012? Not sure yet...A lot of 2012 will be about saving up money for bigger and better things. It will be about furthering my independence, furthering my nursing career, taking my GREs, looking into schools, etc. And maybe travel? Who knows? Very exciting. Also, end of the world? perhaps? Probably not? So, yeah. Cool stuff.

Okay I hope you're done with your popcorn now, because I am done. I think. For now. You can highly expect I will be adding to this blog in time as I'm sure There are points of 2011 I forgot to mention. But I got the big ones.

With so much love, and thank you so much for reading this year,


~A Writer in a Nurse's Body

Just a Thought

I think if I were a bird I'd be smart enough to know that a scarecrow or a stick with a tee shirt stuck in makeshift arms, was not the same thing as a human.

I think birds are a lot smarter than we give them credit for. In fact birds probably laugh at us all day as they watch from above.

Ah, and you thought that was melancholy chirping. :-)

Just a thought!

Eur-A-Pee'n Reflection

So, now that I've been going through all my photos from the trip and started to get acquainted with America, it is finally time to reflect on everything that I have learned about the world, about America, and most importantly, about myself. I wouldn't exactly say the trip was "life changing" and I am certainly not part of the stereotype "go to Europe and come back a totally different person with all these worldly views" on world peace and monkeys and everything. But I still learned a lot.

It actually did not occur to me, pre-Europe, that I would learn anything about myself while travelling. It wasn't until chatting with my Auntie Lin mid-trip when she asked me, "So, what have you learned about yourself so far?"

I thought it was the strangest question.....learned about myself? Like How? What would I have learned? I sat back and thought about it and the first answer I could come up with was that based on the craziness and lack of sleep that had already gone down on the trip, I knew I was not well suited for a future life of adventure, craziness and lack of sleep (i.e. the military). But I desperately wanted to give her an answer that represented something positive and good about myself, rather than the pessimistic answer I just gave. So I told her I needed to reflect and think about it some, and so- here it is. So much reflecting its almost nauseating!

So I'm not sure what order to put these in...most important to least important? Vice versa? Do you not care? Ok good. I'll just put them in any order as I think of them. Keep in mind that some things are really rather small and rather common sensical but prior to this trip I was severely lacking in common sense, so these are still big achievements for me. Don't judge.

1) If you give me a map, of the city and of the subway system, I can now safely and effectively navigate any city! Woot! This is nice because before I felt nauseous when trying to understand NYC's metro and street names and yadayada and now I feel like I could probably do it just fine after surviving Paris and London and Amsterdam...

2)  I learned how to effectively calm myself in high-anxiety situations. I got lost (very lost) a couple times and on the inside, wanted to completely freak out. But that wouldn't solve anything. At home I am used to relying on people. If I have a problem, I call my dad or mom. If that doesnt work, I call a friend to come help me. If no one can help me, I can turn to my iphone which has internet everywhere and the internet can get you out of almost any sticky.  I can't exactly say I'm used to solving problems on my own. But being lost in Europe- my dad or any friend at home can't do squat for me, and in Europe I had no International Internet. So I learned how to calm myself down, and try breathing, and looking for clues to get me out of being lost. I learned that if you calm down and rationalize, things start to make a lot more sense. Even tiny clues help, and paying attention the first time can help you later when you are really lost. You have to just sort of turn on all the switches in your brain and use all thinking capabilities...its pretty cool. And well....I got home each time, didn't I? By myself?  No matter how bad a situation, it will always be over eventually. There is always a way, a solution, you just have to keep looking. This was really important for me to have learned. I feel a lot more confident and less helpless now as a person, and feel a lot more confident travelling around the world and in my own country.

3) I can definitely not under any circumstances ever think that it is ok for me to eat pizza. It will never be a good idea, even if it is from Italy.

none!

4) I learned that I can live out of a suitcase and backpack and purse! You may find this funny but I find it interesting....At home I have a whole room full of stuff and I always think that everything in that room is critical to my survival....until you realize you are just fine doing with the bare essentials for two weeks. I think with the ability to have washed my clothes in that suitcase, I could live with what I just lived with for a whole month....or maybe even year, who knows. I can see how backpackers do it now. Human survival doesn't need as much as I thought it did.

5) I have this weird obsession with taking pictures of cool signs, and cool messages people wrote with graffiti or something....I like signs. I also really seem to like windows. Particularly windows with flowers. I don't know why. I mean, windows are nice, but they aren't fantastic...regardless, I have a lot of window pictures.........

6) I learned I have an extremely weak immune system. Why did I become a nurse? Good question.

7) I learned that I will never have a good relationship with most food. I really dread meal times and although I love to EAT, and am always hungry, I dislike or can't eat so many foods now that it has become a daily (three times a day) struggle on feeding myself and this is extra hard while travelling....abroad.

8) Europe is so environmentally friendly! I mean, go Europe! Good job! You save the world! America could really use some pointers in this field.

9) I have really learned how to be extra aware of my personal belongings. I am used to being able to just waltz around my town without having to worry about pickpockets. But thanks to my tour guides constant reminders of pickpockets and SIGNS on the STREET (this was weird!) to beware of pickpockets, suddenly I knew I couldnt just waltz down the street. I had to be really aware of my bag at all times. It also created this OCD thing in me, see number 10. But I learned to hold my zipper on my purse. If I'm holding my zipper, you can't get in, eh? Eh? Good, I know. I also put my coat over my purse a lot too. Not stylish at all, but...it worked.

10) I learned I have this strange OCD thing about zippering things. Like when I am on bus rides or planes or trains, or just walking down the street, I think of these weird things that I hope I remembered, and I find it absolutely necessary to unzip all of my zippable  compartments on my backpack and purse until I find that item, and if I can't find that item, I have extreme anxiety. I'm almost positive I drove my bus mate, Drew, crazy because I couldn't sit still and I did a lot of zipping and unzipping, and lifting my bag up and back down and then more zipping, fussing, checking, re-checking....poor Drew. I also noticed I have extreme anxiety with thinking something happened to my personal belongings in my purse, despite my valiant efforts to protect them while holding the zipper.  Example:  I walk down a street. I suddenly remember I have not physically felt or seen my iphone in over 20 minutes. I HAVE to stop and check to make sure I have it. Okay, I have it. And my camera. Move on......holding the zipper, walk down the street again, still holding that zipper, no one can get in. Suddenly I feel the urge to check again.

What if the purse got a hole in it during that small walk?

I seriously need Xanax.

11) I learned how not to act and look like a tourist...as much. I still probably looked American but I tried really hard to not be annoying. I did a lot of independant exploring and I think that was the best part about the trip, and the number one way of how not to be an annoying tourist!

12) I still want to learn more languages, but its a LOT harder than I previously thought.  German, for instance is going to be exceedingly harder than it should be.

13) I NEED ICE IN MY FRIGGEN DRINKS, OKAY? Call me spoiled, fine. Needy? Whatever. American? YES. BUT I LIKE MY DRINKS COLD! WHY IS THAT WEIRD! WHY ARE ALL EUROPE DRINKS WARM! GET ICE. I love your culture, I do, I really do- But refrigerators are friendly, I swear.

Refreshing!

14) Paris is really dehydrating.

15) A lot of people my age suffer from the same embarrassing health problems as I do, but no one likes to talk about it. I never knew this before, until I spent a lot of time with the same people, like this trip. For example, when you first meet a group of people, that is definitely not something anyone wants to talk about. But after spending 24/7 (literally) with everyone after a week or so, you start noticing these things about each other and opening up about it. A lot of times I would mention I was nauseous and that gave permission for 6 other people around me to reveal THEY are nauseous too. I also found a friend that had almost the same exact health issues as me, and I never would have guessed it by looking at her. I guess were all good at hiding it. I just wish we could all be open about it so no one had to hide!

16) My tour director deserves all the credit in the world, being responsible for 42 stupid college kids. Do all 27 year old tour directors look like they might cry after two weeks?

Most important and last but not least....

17) America is pretty darn awesome. I have wanted to high tail it out of America for the longest time now. I was so dead set on moving out of this country because I was so sure America was doing everything wrong and that Europe had all the answers. Well, after travelling to Europe, although it was fascinating and gorgeous, it was not a magical place with unicorns and happy leprechauns and rainbows either. Europe has plenty of their own crap going on, and is a lot like America...except across the ocean. Although Americans to carry a negative reputation at times in Europe, I still felt a strong sense of patriotism when walking down the European street having so much fun with my American friends.  We would see how another culture does one thing, and we would show them how we do it, and be proud. We do a LOT of things wrong, but we do it together and we have fun. Were a pretty good country after all and I don't have any intentions on moving away anytime soon. Plus, I like ice way too much.



To wrap it all up, I am going to have a little award show. Get Ready. These are very well thought out and went through a very intense grading system!

Favorite Meal: Innsbruck, Austria
Favorite City: Paris
Favorite People:  Paris
Favorite Architecture: London
Favorite Culture: Amsterdam
Favorite overall food choices: London

Yay!


Overall, it was amazing. I want to go back, of course. But next time I would like to go back with perhaps a specialized photography tour of older people, like its a requirement to be a graduate of college. I made some amazing new friends and had a lot of crazy fun, but I realize now that the typical drinking-college scene just isnt for me and I would have had a lot more fun In Europe with older 20 somethings or 30 somethings. One day, I can go back, perhaps with just 2-3 people. I definitely want to go back to Paris and London!

Thanks for reading. This was a lot longer than intended. I wasnt expecting 17.

~A Writer in a Nurse's Body

Atlantic City and Disaster Preparedness

Well, let me tell you now that this is not Part 2. I am not ready to spit out Part 2 yet....for many reasons. Lots of big bombshells in part 2. ooooh, *suspense* ! No but anyway, today I am going to entertain you with pictures of the week! Yes, you get picture(s)! And these are not on my campus, of babysitting or at home. They are from Atlantic City! Thumbs up for variety! Woot!

Anyway, lets show you some prettiness first and then we shall discuss the prettiness.

Person reading on the beach....perfect. I am jealous.

Beautiful birds.

Pier Shops Mall

From the boardwalk

Empty beach....love it.

So this past Thursday and Friday I attended the State Student Nurses Convention for New Jersey, and it was pretty interesting. I learned a lot of things and not just for nursing.

1) I love the beach. I love the beach, I love it. I am in love, with the beach. This is something HUGE to consider if I choose to move to Colorado. I will be really far from either ocean. That is a major disadvantage. This part of me means a lot, and I will bring back up my love for the beach.

2) I got some practice with how I'm going to conquer Europe with my food allergies and health issues and having a hotel roommate(s), not being in my own "home"...I spent the two days with my only alone time as time in the bathroom. That is hard for me. I cherish alone time. I love being with people, too, but I am one of those people that needs some alone time too. With a two day trip, I was prepared. I brought poptarts, which are dairy free, to eat as emergency snacks in case something was not provided. Otherwise I did OK. I ate the poptarts for Day 1 breakfast, lunch was provided for us Day 2- (Ham sandwich, chips, apple, cookie.) I was nervous about this because of the ham and its probable infestation with sodium nitrate, but I surprisingly did not get a headache. I ate the sandwich & chips. For snack later, because I could feel my energy depleting rapidly as well as my blood sugar, I ate the cookie...despite knowing that 1) It had milk, and 2) it had chocolate, which also has milk in addition to giving me a headache anyway. So, as you can predict, that made me feel sick. Dinner was a buffet and I found some chicken and broccoli, turkey and plain noodles. Still felt sick after, probably the minor amount of gravy on turkey. Day 2- breakfast provided- but only gave muffins, fruit & pastries. I was late, only made it in time for cantaloupe (sensitivity) and muffins and pastries...both with milk. so, yeah.
Europe will be interesting. To say the least. I am going to have to bring Lactaid pills and take it with every meal/snack because I most likely wont know over there what has what in it....

3) I learned a lot about nursing I didn't know before. I went to a disaster preparedness seminar....taught by two air force nurses. It was amazing. Did you know you can get your masters in Disaster preparedness? Do you know how extremely interested in this I am? Extremely. Thats how much. I am considering this, very much so.

4) Here is where the beach comes back in. I don't know if this is a good or bad thing. So I had a ten minute break. I walked to the window and saw this:

The ocean. The conference was held with a huge window view of the ocean, how unfair is that??  I then turned to the right and saw  a lot of people on the boardwalk, and a couple people playing around on the beach. I sighed. I looked at my schedule. All the seminars offered at that moment were ones I wasn't too terribly interested in...and it would be so easy for me to just go for a walk on the beach. At that point i hadn't been to the beach yet, at all this season. We literally pulled into the parking garage and stayed indoors the entire time. It would have been so easy to take the hour off and go....

But I didn't. I put my responsibility coat on and went to a seminar about what recruiters are looking for. It was the adult thing to do. I chose responsibility over playing around on the beach......am i growing up? Or am i just a wimp and didn't want to "break the rules"? Either way....hm.

Speaking of responsibility and adult-ness, I have been far too busy to do my share of NYT reading, which greatly disappoints me. I plan to do better this week. I have immense amounts of trouble doing one thing, the same thing,  every day. I don't like monotony. But thats not even my excuse. I've just been so busy. BUT, I do have this new book:

And it really is making me smarter. Each weekend it teaches you about something new. And it is written by the NYT writers...This weekend I got a review of the two world wars. It was a nice review and now I feel I can answer a couple questions and hold my own with a smart person...about the world wars. Then I would politely leave the conversation when it got more complex than that.

So, overall, the convention was a big learning experience and I am glad I went.

Tomorrow I will *try* to write my "Part 2" from yesterday. I already wrote some of it. But it requires a lot of thinking so we shall see.

Goodnight world,

~A Writer in a Nurse's Body

Finally, Someone Important is on the Boat

Restaurant Nutrition

Ok so, my reading of the NYT daily....well, that's not exactly possible. Unless you have countless hours in your day and take no naps, and have unlimited amounts of time to just sit there and learn things, then maybe, just maybe do you have time to actually finish reading the New York Times.

Usually, on a good day I will read 85% of international news and 95% of National news. But reading it every day has grown to become a very unlikely goal. But I am trying, very hard. I have also picked up the enjoyable habit of reading "The New Yorker" which I find to be very easy to read but also very interesting.

Cool moment of the week:
My professor that I have that I mentioned previously that inspired me to read the NYT- well she was lecturing about environmental health and mentioned a key piece of information and quoted WORDFORWORD articles of information that she could only have learned from a particular article in the NYT that i specifically remember reading a couple of days ago. I had the *OVERWHELMING* urge to act like Hermione and raise my hand and be like, "I KNOW WHAT YOU ARE TALKING ABOUT!! YAY!!!" or, "I READ THAT ARTICLE TOO!! LETS TALK ABOUT IT AFTER  CLASS!!!'.

But I didn't. Because really, where would that get me? As much as I want my teacher to know she inspired me to be smart, I can't just raise my hand and tell her that I'm smart now. It doesn't work like that. And plus, no one likes Hermione when she acts like that.

Anyway, lets get to the real purpose of this blog. Oh my god, on a side note, I have so much so say that has happened since Tuesday. Maybe I'll make a separate blog all about that. Do you want to read about that or do you not really care? I think you care. Don't lie.

Anyway, lets really get to the purpose. Upon stumbling upon (bad wording-sorry) the National news in NYT on February 7, a certain article instantly caught my attention and I love when that happens! It was titled "Restaurant Nutrition Draws Focus of First Lady- Expanding the Push for Healthier Eating."

Can we all take a moment of silence to jump up and down and say YAYY!??

*moment*

Ok! Good! This is FABULOUS! I was not aware that Michelle Obama was involved in all these nutrition campaigns. If I were ever a First Lady, this would definitely be the kinds of great things I would do. This is how we are going to reach the people. She has so much power, she is the person to do it. I am so glad she is making the move to do so.

"A team of advisers to Mrs. Obama has been holding private talks over the past year with the National Restaurant Association, a trade group, in a bid to get restaurants to adopt her goals of smaller portions and childrens meals that include healthy offerings like carrots, apple slices and milk instead of French Fries and Soda."

Obama, (M), Also has magnificent plans to lower prices at Walmart for fruits and veggies and to reduce the amount of fat, sugar and salt in all Walmart products. This is also fantastic. Sad as it is, but through Walmart is how to reach a large percentage Americans in this economy. If I had to make up a percentage I would say 60%. That is a lot. Walmart is cheaper and even the middle class is sensibly choosing Walmart over higher retailers, especially with the multitude of Super walmarts and their ability to carry groceries. Have you ever noticed that the chips and unhealthy foods are always cheaper than the fruits? A bag of cheetos is cheaper than a carton of strawberries. You can see how its easier for families to choose the cheetos. If Mrs. Obama can effectively lower prices on the right items, we can help families choose healthier foods...even if just the the cheaper cost.

ALso on Mrs. Obama's agenda:

• design soda cans with calorie counts
• redesign the food pyramid
• require restaurants to print nutritional information on menus
• design clear "front-of-package" labels to warm consumers about ingredients like salt, sugar and fat

So, all good things.

Now, for my feelings on the restaurant nation:

...Where to even start? First of all, I love to eat out, as do many, many other people. It is a good social thing, when your town has nothing to do (like mine) other than eat out all the time or go to the movies. It tastes Yummy. Its nice to see other people that live in your town. Its nice to eat food that you didn't have to make or clean up. It's nice to be waited on.

But is it nice to feel guilty and fatter the next day? What if you knew exactly how many calories you consumed during that meal, or grams of fat? I can definitely say that going out to eat a lot has put on the pounds.

If we as a country, if Mrs Obama, can figure out how to make restaurants healthy, it has to happen all at once. All restaurants have to do it together or they will all fail. If one chain restaurant "goes healthy" the people will notice a change in food, perhaps, and will shun that restaurant (A) and go to another one (B).  A will take the financial cut pretty hard and B will love all the extra customers, and see no good reason to "go healthy". Soon enough, restaurant A will have to return to its "good" food if it wants to survive. But if restaurants did this change together, if it was mandated by law (which is impossible because this country cant agree on anything in congress), then all restaurants would be equal in the healthy eating boat.

If all restaurants fail, or restaurants overall notice a decrease in business, then we still succeeded. People will have to eat at home and therefore, most likely a little healthier. At least, if anything, they will know what is in their food.  Now by restaurant, I mean chain big restaurants, that you sit in and they bring you food after ordering. Don't even get me started on Fast food. I don't even know what to do about fast foods....But I do know that if we regulate laws on standards of cooking foods in restaurants, we surely have to either wipe out the fast food kings or get them to adapt these new laws as well.

If I ran the country and was involved in this campaign, I would fight to make soda illegal in restaurants.

Okay, everybody gasp. No soda??? What??? I LIVE off soda!!!!

I know, I know. Hence why this is unrealistic. Just because I believe soda is a BIG factor in this country's obesity and I haven't had a soda in over 5-6 years, doesn't mean everyone else is going to agree with me. But think about it. In restaurants, you drink socially...you get refills, you may even drink 2-3 glasses of soda. And diet soda? Worthless. Its still atrocious. If we could get rid of soda in restaurants, think of how much it would help kids, help combat diabetes, and obesity. With the rate of how much people eat out, we could target a big population with this change. And its not like you would be stuck drinking water...you could still have ice tea combinations available (still high in sugar, but better), hot tea's, juice's (for kids)...and, the almighty...water. And Water is free, too. Big incentive. OH! That just dawned on me. What if Ice tea were made free? And soda made more expensive? Is that more of a hassle than making soda illegal in restaurants? THink about it..

I just wish people could be healthier. In my mind there are three groups of people:

• People who eat healthy
• People who know how to eat healthy but choose not to
• People that would like to eat healthy, but do not know how to
• (okay there are 4)- people that really don't care/ want to eat un-healthy

IF we could target that third group....educate America and help those people that want to eat healthy but don't have an education or were never taught how to eat healthy, then this is how we can reach them. By making changes in their lifestyle. By lowering fruit/veggie prices at Walmart, but abolishing soda in restaurants...by taking less saturated fat out of restaurant food...

On a side note- My dining hall at school has been trying recently to put nutrition labels on foods throughout the hall. Well, in my mind, I am even more turned off...For looking at the label for a muffin which I would have guess to be healthy since it was the "Balanced Way- Healthy" muffin of the day, it still had 8 g of Saturated Fat in it...so, needless to say, no more muffins. I think i would have been better off not knowing. How can they call it healthy when it still has that much crap in it?

So thats the end of my ranting....I promise. Sorry for the unnecessary amounts of food ranting.  I hope you found it interesting and maybe helpful.

Do you want to see a separate blog on an update on my life? If you have read this far, you get a major vote. so vote. Because I can write a whole other blog, on many other things that are not so boring. But you let me know. ;)

With Immense Amounts of Love,

A Writer in a Nurse's Body

New York Times....and Babies.

That's right.

I read the New York Times.

For an explanation on what the flying duck I am talking about, Read This Post .

I swear, I am not an idiot. But this is an accomplishment, for me. Sadly. Very, very, sadly.

Okay, truth is...I had a two hour time span to read the entire paper. I'm just a beginner.

I made it through ~10 pages (with advertisments), and I read about 10 articles.

But I learned a lot! I learned a lot (enough) about Egypt to keep up with the discussions in my classroom, and I learned that Greece is having a terrible time keeping immigrants out of their borders (who knew?) and Afganistan is having a lot of problems with the Taliban (thats nothing new, I guess?), I learned a lot about Mubarak, and a couple more things. I *even* watched Obama's address to our country about the situation in Egypt. But that has nothing to do with the NYT- That's only because he posted it on twitter. Figures. But, I did watch the video while sitting in the library, with the NYT in front of me, open, so I probably looked smart. Anyway, my goal is to finish yesterdays paper. I want to read it all. And then I'll start todays, and then tomorrows, etc.

The teacher I mentioned in yesterday's blog post, whom I respect greatly and think is very smart, was chatting with me and a fellow classmate the other day after class. My friend asked, "How do you find all these articles? (That she talked about in class). You are so smart" (Ok, it wasnt said exactly like that, but that was the general gist of the message). And my teacher responded solely with "Well, I read the New York Times, religiously."

So, is this phase of mine to read the NYT and be smarter completely ridiculous, fake and pathetic? Maybe...probably...but, It can't hurt to try. :-(

ANYWAY, on to a happier topic....BABIES!

Yesterday was my FIRST community health clinical! I was SO NERVOUS, and my partner was amazing (she did her assignment first), and then it was my turn and I was definitely nervous. We both had to do a home visit to a mother and a newborn, to assess how both of them were doing. In addition, both of these visits were either going to be in Trenton/Ewing/Hamilton/Lawrence... so, I wasn't exactly thrilled with the aspect of having to lock my doors and always be on guard when going to visit a newborn. But thats another blog post. BUT, the families we both met were FABULOUS, and so nice! And the babies were adorable. "My baby" aka my assignment, was a doll. I did my assessment of her, played with her a little bit (she was 3 1/2 months) and then I had to re-dress her and that caused her to start crying (apparantly babies don't like to be dressed because this happened on my partner's "baby" too), so I picked her up. I'm not entirely sure if the mom wanted me to pick her up, but I sensed a mutual sense of trust vibes. And, I have baby-withdrawal. I love babies. And I never get to see any. My cousins are all grown up, and I babysit no babies (they are all grown up), so I miss taking care and holding babies. So, I really couldn't help myself from picking this adorable baby up. So I held her for about 15 minutes while talking to the mom, it was so nice. She kept looking at my face and playing with my glasses, ah, I LOVE BABIES. Can you tell? Did I mention that?

Then....oh, then... My stream of consciousness as I held this baby:

This baby is so cute. Wow, this baby is getting heavy. My arm is hurting. Ouch. How do mom's do this ALL day? They must have buff arms. Hmm...Holy crap, this baby is getting heavier by the second. I'm going to sit down, and put the baby on my lap. Oh, crap, the baby doesn't like that. Lets stand back up. Maybe I'll switch arms. Ah, the mom can tell I think she's heavy. She's probably laughing inside of her and probably thinks I am a wimp because its been like 15 minutes and this baby is only about 20 pounds, but it is heavy, really.

Then, we started talking about how much the baby sleeps, and the mom was saying how she was lucky the baby slept until 4 am.

I literally froze in my steps. With the baby in my hand. 4 am? thats lucky?

I clearly will not be ready for motherhood, ever, until I can get over the fact that sleep will be nonexistent and I can throw my incessant need to sleep in or I get cranky every morning notion out the window. I'll work on that after I graduate.

Well I have clearly rambled on long enough. But its okay, because I cannot think of any foreseeable blog posts that I have in mind to write about (usually I have a couple ideas), so...you can have a break of reading my retarded ramblings. I should take a class in "Not-writing-like-I-think" and therefore not-rambling. I'll work on that.

Au revior~

~ A Rambling Writer in a Nurse's Body

P.S.= My hands smell like playdough. What the flying duck....?

My Lack of Community Health Knowledge

So putting my lack of wordly knowledge pursuit aside- Now the semester has started- and I need to bump up my general nursing knowledge, and fast. This semester.....this semester we are tested. This semester is not about learning any new "nursing knowledge". By that I mean, Med/surg is over, maternity, peds, psych...etc. We will not be learning any new technical skills, or about any new diseases or how-to's.

Instead, it is time to apply all of that knowledge--From the past four years of being here, from Anatomy 1 to Med/Surg 11. Everything is up-for-grabs and needs to be ready to be taught to our patients now.

This semester  my clinical rotation is Community/Public Health. This means I will be making home visits to see patients, and could be asked anything. And it will be strange, because its not like it is my teacher asking me a question about whatever and I'm graded on it-- But instead, it is a patient, asking me a question because he/she is genuinely interested, and needs to know for his/her own health or their child. Its time now to teach my patients and hope and pray that I have enough information up there in my head to give good answers these patients will be looking for.

My first two assignments this semester (starting in two weeks) will be making a home visit. I am under the current belief that we will be visiting newborn babies and the mothers...and our job is to assess the newborns development, making sure the house is clean, the mother is taking good care, making sure the baby is not sick, answering any questions, etc. I am excited because I get to see babies, YAY!, but also scared because Maternity was Fall 2009 and that is a long time ago....I feel like I've forgotten everything about infant care/assessment/development. But luckily I still have my textbook and I can review..

After my two home visits, I will spend the rest of the semester rotating into different agencies around the community here. Although I am scared because I fear I know nothing- I am also excited because we are visiting a center for teenage mothers and their newborns, and many other similar agencies.

I feel borderline about community health....I'm not for it or against it, as of now. I know for sure I don't think I will ever want to be a nurse that makes routine home visits...but who knows, maybe after doing it this semester I will change my mind. However, I am interested in being a school nurse maybe somewhere down the line, or perhaps being a nurse for Planned Parenthood or for an agency that helps teenage moms. I think I like working with teenagers (we'll see about that) and I definitely like working with babies! So we'll see how this semester goes. Hopefully well!

~WNB

Related Posts:

- Why I Chose Nursing

- How the Knowledge-Quest Started

My Wordly Quest-Pursuit-Resolution-Knowledge-Thing

Hi. I'm changing my font. We're gonna see how it goes.

So my wordly pursuit-quest-resolution-thing is definitely failing miserably. Here's another example of how it failed. Miserably.

So after dinner tonight, on my campus, I had some time to kill before going to see a movie playing on campus but didn't know where to go. I don't know how else to describe what goes through my head other than using stream-of-consciousness...(And some dialogue-when I actually talk to people).

I guess I'll get a tea. Because its cold outside and tea is warm. And it's warm in the library(where they sell tea). Whats that, the library actually came to their senses and are letting people upstairs with water bottles and library cafe mugs? But not tea? What if I promised not to spill my tea? Why does it have to be a library cafe mug? What is this madness? Fine. I don't want tea then. I'll just go upstairs and go walk around, and OH! Look-magazines, and journals. I forgot about magazines and journals. We have them here. That would help me on my wordly pursuit of knowledge. Maybe people will think I'm smart if they see me browsing through scholarly journals? Probably not. Oh, look...I'll stand in the nursing section and pick up this magazine-Holistic Nursing Practice Journal- Perfect...My kind of nursing...oh, what are all these numbers? Why is this a quantitative study? Way too complicated. Lets try another magazine. Psychology Nursing....Actually no, I don't feel like learning about PTSD and how it's changing in modern soldiers...normally this would be very interesting, but when I'm pretending to be smart, I have the attention span of a goldfish. Maybe I'll try Newsweek.Oh, crap. Someone's already looking at it. I can't stand behind him and wait for it, right? THat would be weird? I Guess. Moving on. OH. They have the New York Times here. I shall go read that, because that was in my resolution and that has all the information about all of the world in there and will make me smart. Oh, crap, a person is looking at the papers. Oh wait, do I know that person? Yes, I do know that person. THey just saw me. I should say hi.

"Oh, hey, How are you doing?"- me
"Hey! How was your Christmas break?"-friend.
"It was good...same old. I'm glad to be back."
"Yeah, me too."
"I'm just bored really. I figured I'd walk around the library looking at cool things." I'm an idiot.
"Yeah I really don't know why I am walking around the library on a Tuesday night either. I was just browsing through some of these papers.." He is not an idiot. THis is a smart person and he will somehow find out I am not smart if I keep talking. I should stop talking.
"REally? I was just browsing through some magazines! Over there."  I am really an idiot.
"Oh, that's awesome. Some really good magazines, here."
"Yes. Now I was going to browse a paper or two myself...."
"Awesome. I'll let you do that."  

Facepalm.


Needless to say, In order to not look like a TOTAL idiot, I picked up the NYT (do smart people abbreviate the Times like that?) like I said I would, and scanned the headlines and attempted to read the columns but within 20 seconds decided it was way above my level of attention span and commitment. I then decided to pretend to flip through important looking stuff and put the paper back nicely and wondered why the NYT WAS SO BIG. Do people actually read all of that, *everyday*?

So my wordly pursuit of knowledge is failing, and now one more person on this Earth is aware of the fact that I am an idiot and has witnessed it. Fabulous. But that does not mean I am not done trying! It just means I am done talking to smart people.

~WNB

Related Posts:

How the Knowledge-Quest Began..

Another Post about Facing Life

Humor is Important too!

So...I have the Sunday paper in front of me. What do I reach for, first?

The Sunday comics, of course!!

I guess my wordly pursuit of knowledge isn't going so well? Oh well. I try. Kind of.

Postsecret today yay!

On the upside, here is a lovely Snapple fact of the day:

An average strawberry has 200 seeds on it.

That is fascinating, and very relating to my day as I just packed about 11 strawberries to eat for dinner. So thats a lot of seeds to think about.

Confidence and Flink

Did you know, that a group of 12 or more cows could otherwise be known as a flink? I learned that from my snapple cap this morning. Bet you didnt know that. Unless that is, you are a farmer. In that case, I hope you know that. Unless of course this fact is not true because I heard a rumor somewhere that only 1/2 of snapple's facts are true and its up to you, the consumer, to figure out if they are true. But I sincerely hope this is not the case because I am gullible and rely on Snapple to give me correct information because I am trying to learn worldly important news and facts, and now I can go up to a farmer or walk past a group of cows and say to my friend, "Hey, that flink is sure looking pretty nice today." And then people will think I'm smart.



Moving on to a less-awesome topic, today is my first day back to work....in approximately 3 hours. I'm a nervous little bean. Which makes no sense because I have been at this job for 4 years and by golly why the heck do I get so nervous on my "first day back's"? (This happens every time I return for the summer, and when I return for christmas break...which is, now.) I am only nervous for like the first ten minutes once I get there...and then I remember that I do know how to do my job and I relax and do my job.

I guess I just get nervous that I will cause someone harm because I haven't been at my job since August. Like I won't know how to do something and a patient or nurse will suffer because of it. Also, every time I come back to work, there are new rules and new equipment, or new homes for things, and worst of all (sometimes), new staff. This is deemed worst because all the other aides are like, "Oh hey [insert new staff's name here], you are awesome!" and I am all like...."I don't know who you are. Please tell me your name." ANd it is awkward. OR, they (usually nurses) are all like....who are you, this new random aide that I have never met? Are you new? And I am like.......well, No, I am not new. In fact, I have been here for four years, but I go to school so I only show myself during breaks. You must have been hired while I was at school and therefore you only think I'm new because you have never seen my face in your first four months of working here. I am sorry for this. You will have to get accustomed to my face for the next two weeks and then forget it because I will probably not be back here til summer. Sorry for that.

Thats all I have to say today. I'm just a pile of nervous jittery beans.
Maybe If I'm not too tired tonight I will update on how it went. Or maybe, the night will be really uneventful and writing an update will be extremely ineffective and a boring post and then none of you would ever read my blog again but instead join Farmer's Anonymous and sit in circles and talk about your Flink's of cows ( I'm not sure why I capitalized that).

~WNB.

UPDATE: Spell check does not think Flink is a word. Therefore I am beginning to wonder the true-ness of this fact.

THIS Year's Resolution's

Okay...so, I've thought all day about how I want this year's resolutions to go down. This is the first year that I was able to actually read what I wrote as last year's resolutions...usually I just am like, "Oh, it was probably to lose weight or something...But THIS YEAR, THIS YEAR IS GONNA BE EPIC." But as you can see, last year was clearly an epic fail. I met like...what? Two? Three? So I wanted this years to be a bit more attainable...realistic. But we'll see. I've thought a lot about it. I don't want to make the typical "Lose weight, watch finances better, keep room clean" type resolutions. Boring, and typical. Ok so here goes.

1) I want to learn. I feel like such a dumbass either when I'm talking to smart people or when I'm trying to do something by myself (usually something simple) and I realize that I am not capable of living on this earth and cannot do anything. The other night I went out with a good friend who got a degree in political science. So we talked a lot about politics.

I had no idea what he was saying.

And that seriously bothers me! I want to know, I want to be able to talk about the Health Care Reform. See, I don't even know if that should be capitalized or not! I only JUST learned LAST YEAR that you put TWO spaces after every period when writing a paper. WTF?

Anyway, its not just politics. I know nothing about religion. I want to know, though. But every time I try and read bible stories or pay attention in church, I get extremely lost and give up and start thinking about fun colors and songs in my head. Yesterday when I was babysitting, I was cleaning up their house toys and found this book that was "Bible stories: For Children" and I was like, oh, this is totally what I need. So in the middle of my child-watching duties, I was all like, hold up- I have to read this book and catch up. It had all the stories. But unfortunately, kids are crazy and get into everything and I could not keep reading, nor could I realistically steal it and take it home for later reading.

So, politics, religion...Shakespeare, literature, famous people...famous bands, famous movies....Stuff that people know. And thats just what people talk about. The other day I had to google whether or not I could use olive oil to make eggs because I couldn't find cooking spray. I also had to google how to use a real tea kettle and not a water boiler. Do not laugh. I am ashamed. Really. So it's stuff like that. Stupid stuff. Sometimes people ask me to do stuff, and I'm like....seriously? You're gonna have to show me how to do that.

THe funny thing is...this friend that I was with? The whole time (I found out later on in the night) he thought I was smart! HA! Just because I have a whopping 3.5 GPA (which isn't even that high in my nursing program), that makes me a genius, apparently. This friend complained that his GPA was in the 2.0's, I considered him smarter. Because he knew how to talk about things in this world...important things. All I know how to talk about is nursing stuff...and half the time I have no idea what I'm talking about with that, either. So its a lose-lose. :-(

So how do I accomplish this resolution? Well...I don't know. I plan to like....read the paper more. I guess. Because that has worldly important things in it, right? I'm already reading a lot of books...even though they are all nursing. So...I guess reading the paper is all I've got right now. And paying attention to smart people when they talk.

2) This is sort of a spin off of number one. I need to pay attention to people when they talk. I have ADHD (self-diagnosed) and when someone is talking and talking and talking, especially about a topic that I have no interest in, my ears literally shut off. Its like a defense mechanism gone haywire. It is really bad, because while the person is talking about something they deem really important, I am thinking about oompa loompas and prairie dogs and green things and how i should eat more vegetables and fruits and less carbs but then what kind of carbs? Why are carbs that bad, actually? Shit, do i have to babysit tomorrow? Crap. I totally forgot. what time was that? I should get a calendar. and stick to it. And -
"Julie? What do you think?"
and I'm all like FUDGESTICKS I HAVENT BEEN PAYING ATTENTION EVEN THOUGH I TRIED REALLY HARD."

Its really not something I'm proud of. Its really a problem. Especially when I'm supposed to be listening to something I know is super important. Like in clinical when my instructor was giving me a free pass and explaining to me before we went into the patient room how to hook a piggyback into a primary IV bag thats currently running, and I found my ears turned off. I got bits and pieces.

I guess when the topic doesnt interest me or doesnt make sense, I just stop listening. Solution? Listen to every single word and process what is happening. Get some ADHD medication. Either of those two would work out great.

Okay so as of now, those are my two resolutions. I plan to add on, maybe tonight or tomorrow or something...but thats all I thought of today. Those are two pretty big things to work on. We'll see how it goes. :)

~WNB

UPDATE:

So, I just had a depressing moment. I just voted on a poll on facebook that was all, 'do you think 2011 will be awesome??" and my immeditate reaction was YES! but then, my overthinking, overanalyzing self was like....well...actually, no. 2011 is the scary year. Hopefully, an amazing year, if it all works out nicely....but, nonetheless, a year about uncertainty, and graduating, and getting a JOB, and getting through the first couple months of that job...and liking it.....Scary :-\

So, my third and final resolution is this:

3) Have more confidence in myself. Just....go with the flow. Fate/Destiny has a plan. It will all be OK in the end...I just have to be the best that I can be...take care of myself, and have days to de-stress. It will all be OK. I hope by this time in 2012, I can look back on 2011 and say "awww, what the heck was I so worried for? 2011 was fantastic!!" My 20's are supposed to be the best years of my life. I hope nursing doesn't prevent that...:( *stress*