How to Scare People Away

So, my friends, this really did just happen:

I happen to be one of those annoying girls that when unexpectedly confronted with a really hot/cute guy, I tend to forget who I am, what I stand for, I get all giggly. I tend to start rambling and when I realize I am totally blowing it I try and fix it with lots of more rambling. There are are lot of overzealous and unecessary hand gestures involved too. Really cool.


So lets illustrate just how really awesome I can be. This happened.


At the gym. Cute guy smiles at me, stands within 5 feet of me. stays there, smiling.
him: "Hey"

we had been doing the flirty eye thing for awhile, so i felt like I could make a small conversation..
me: Hey.  So, is the gym always this crowded at 11 at night?

him: Yeah, a lot of night shifters.

Me: Oh sweet, yeah, I work night shift.

Him: Oh? What do you do?

Me: I'm a nurse.

Him: Oh, like an RN?

Me: Yup.

Him: Oh sweet, Im going to school to be a doctor.

Me: Oh, thats awesome. I know a lot about....doctor...ing.

Him: thats awesome. So what kind of nurse are you?

Me: I'm on Surgical oncology.

Him: Oh, man I bet thats hard. Look of concern/shock on his face.

Me: Oh, yeah.....you know. Yeah. It is. I mean, sometimes. Its different. I deal with a lot of......cancer......and well.....surgery.......

Look of more concern/horror on his face.

Me: I try and fix the look of concern/horror on his face.... But you know...its cool...I tend to have my patients for a pretty long time....so I get to know them pretty well and all......but then they die....sometimes....and you know, its a bummer.

Him: Total look of horror.

Me: stillllll like a flopping fish out of water, I try to fix that look on his face.  "No its all cool though, really.........I come to the gym to sort of work out all the stress that builds up..........yayyyy.....happiness..........!" *awkward smile*

Him: oh...wow.....thats, really.....interesting.

I walk away. Like a boss.



Yeah. Believe it or not, I've done that more than once. Not with hot guys. Because I find a four leaf clover more often than a hot guy actually starts a conversation with me. But with lots of other people. I have that type of job that I turn into a conversation ruiner. I mean I could focus on all the awesome parts of the job..................but somehow the death in the job is always the first thing to come to mind when people ask what being a nurse on oncology is like. I guess I always think that that is what people are expecting to hear?

These are times I wish I worked OB and when people asked what I do I could tell them I get to play with babies all day and yadayada. Happiness. People expect happiness out of OB. But the conversation is already grimm when I say I work Surgical/oncology. People hear that big word, "oncology", and their face automatically shifts.  But seriously, how many happy ways can you happily steer any conversation in oncology nursing? It can be a challenge.



So, yeah. That did happen. Disclaimer: Minor paraphrasing used to protect identities of hot people. But you got the idea.


Thanks to working night shift, I am unnaturally awake at an unfair hour and had to write this , but now I'm totally going back to sleep, awesome.


With so much awkward love,


WNB

Don't Kill the Birthday Girl

Hey!

So update on my life....


I got an NCLEX date! Scary business right there. I have exactly one month, starting tomorrow, to study like I have never studied before to pass this test. Failing *is not* an option, as I am already scheduled for work orientation soon after the test! Ah!

Anyway, Saturday me and some new (and old) cool friends went for a hike up, and down, and up and back down, this hiking trail out in PA- "Hawk Mountain". Needless to say, "trail" was an understatement--It was seriously intense! Most of it was figuring out the best way not to die, jumping from rocks to rocks.....but it was the most fun I've had in a long, long time. Seriously needed. Funny how unexpected moments creep up on you like that. It was breathtaking, working so hard to climb up to the top of a mountain, and then to see the view....it was just incredible. To just turn off your phone, eat lunch on a rock overlooking miles and miles, listen to nature.....

I used to be the kid that when we went hiking as a family,  I wanted to take the hard routes. I wanted to climb over all the rocks. I wanted to go in the caves. I wanted to be in the lead and find the pathways. Well, since then my most epic hiking has been stuck with the local reservoir which is mostly all a laid out pathway around a lake reservoir thing. But this....this was what I missed. Seeing a rock ledge above you and its just you, your friends, your sneakers, your strength, your brain, your judgement, your depth perception....its all you. It was a good, well spent day. :-)








Anyway- about my stranggeeeeeeeee title, I read an excerpt in "psychology today" (favoritist magazine ever) about this new book, "Don't kill the Birthday Girl" by Sandra Beasley.

The excerpt was page turning from the very first word. It instantly caught my attention. What is it about? Me. Well, not me me, but my life. She has it a LOT worse, a LOT WORSE than I ever have or will, but I know exactly what she is talking about. This is a memoir written by a girl not much older than me that has lived her whole life trying to survive despite multiple severe food allergies. She has what is a true "allergy" (i.e. anaphylactic reaction). I only have one true allergy- (peanuts), the rest are all inconvenient "intolerances".   So in the excerpt I read she talked about dating in particular and how frustrating it is to expect a guy to ever, ever want to live, date, and take care, or marry someone like this. Beasley quotes, "There is a world of difference between having someone care about you and forcing him to be your caretaker." So true.  She talks of how she has to hide who she really is on dates, and how she has to be the annoying girl fighting with waiters at restaurants instead of just eating normally (I totally get that) and how she even hid a complete anaphylactic reaction on a date until she walked him home, and then she called 911 on the street! Crazy.

Beasley quotes, "Forty minutes passed by in a blur as I tried to keep the date going, pushing hummus around my plate as my body shut down." I've been there. Many, many times. It sucks.

A lot of times I find other people find my many food problems more annoying than I do. I'm used to it. I can find plenty of things to eat still. My closer friends get it, and put up with it. Its my family and new friends that I meet that find it annoying. People worry about me, "Well if we go here, can you eat anything?" The answer is yes, I will find something. If I cant, its not a big deal, you know? Life goes on!

I've blogged about this frustration before, but it sucks having to explain to new people that yes, I'm allergic to that, and no-I can't eat that that you just made for me-and yes, I'm allergic to that too, actually, and no-I'm not kidding, I can't eat that either. And by then all hope is gone of a nice relationship. It sucks denying food people made for you or are offering you because it has a shred of milk in it.

So I totally get where this girl is coming from. I get how hard her life is. She has it a lot worse than I do but I still get her 100%. Needless to say, I bought the book off Amazon 2 days after it was released to the public. So I am really excited to read the rest of this book and find out some of her ways to cope with these allergies. Like I said, I'm OK with it. I just need pointers on how to get others to be OK with it.

Well, this tiredlittlebean should probably get to bed. Tomorrow marks day one of intense, hardcore, no mercy, NCLEX studying. :-\ I need to find the will to just sit at a table all day and do it.....Endless amounts of tea at b&n, thats how :-)


~A Writer in a Nurses Body

PS- Here is a video the author made for the book:

Really good!!!



~WNB

When Love Happens

When you see someone across the room that you find completely fascinating and you begin to have daydreams about magically bumping into him, your first conversation, the kinds of dates you'd go on, the stunning wedding,  the children you'd have, growing old together, and then you think....wait, I haven't even said hello yet.

But what are you supposed to do? What are you supposed to do when you see someone that you've been dreaming about, but you're too shy to say hello?

Are you supposed to let love happen, or go after it?

Are you supposed to let it happen like in the  movies, where you both bump into each other (literally) and papers go flying, and he helps you pick them up, and your hands magically touch....or your car breaks down, and he magically comes to help you fix your car on the side of the road, or you both reach for the same pineapple in the grocery store....

...Those would all be perfect and easy ways to fall in love. But what if he is across the room, and you're still on the other side? You cannot think of any logical non-insane way for you to "magically meet".  Are you supposed to throw all movie-induced fake fantasies aside, and just walk up to them and say hello, I think you are the hottest guy I've ever met, and I want to mate with you for ever? Like a penguin? I think that would not go over well, in my opinion.  If someone said that to me, based off my multiple psych experiences, I would be seriously concerned for their mental health.
So naturally I expect any guy that I go up to and say that, to be really weirded out and I lose all chance.

So how do you do it? Past relationships have been the type where we met in hell (high school) class, the other was introduced by a friend.

I guess for now I'm going to still wait for the magical meet-up. Until I hit 30. Then its getting late. Then I will have to start just saying hi and go with the whole penguin talk thing.