"When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely illusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long... What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfill? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?"

Tuesday, November 30, 2010

Glee Marry You Full Video HQ

If this video doesn't make you smile, then I deem you a rock. A cold rock.


Thought of the Day

How would you know something is a hallucination or illusion, if you're the only one around to see it? If you have no one to verify it with? What if your entire world was an illusion?

Just a thought.

Should be Fun

Getting ready now to go to a lab simulation scenario on a topic that we have YET to learn about because our professor got behind in lecture. So, it should be fun. I'm just going off of the textbook :-\

good times.

Today is Barnes & Noble Day! I plan to spend quite a bit of time there after my lovely scenario because I have to:
-write a paper
- finish a presentation
-complete my student evaluation


more good times.

Monday, November 29, 2010

Job Fail

Well, I didn't get the nursing job on campus. But when I saw the email that I didn't get it- I was almost relieved-believe it or not. Even though it would have been a great opportunity to learn a lot more and whatnot-and to help others- I know it would have been another stressful thing to add to my list this spring. I guess now I can focus my time on studying for the NCLEX YAY! But yeah, I'm supposed to be staying away from stress with this whole bowel dysfunction thing going on, so its for the best I suppose :)

Sunday, November 28, 2010

A Nursing School Funny


Dorky me was just listening quietly in my room for my bowel sounds with my stethoscope. Don't laugh. (For non-nursing majors-It's just listening to your stomach to see if you can hear the bowels moving or not- It has nothing to do with actual Poop!). So anyway I was doing this because I am still not going (much) and I wanted to see if my bowels had any plans on going....soon. Which these sounds may be able to tell you. So, regardless, I don't have many sounds. Not good.


As I'm sitting here listening to my tummy like a nursing major dork, I was thinking about Harry Potter and then I was thinking about my super nice stethoscope and then I combined those two and realized that our stethoscopes are like the nursing major version of the Magical world's "wand". And then I started laughing and then my listening was interrupted. But no really- In Harry's world, they all have to buy their own personal wand to use pretty much their entire career. It stays with them from their very first class, and will hopefully stay with them for a very long time in their magical career. Unless it gets broken, or stolen...(Which can also apply to a stethoscope!). Anyway, Its up to the owner how nice this wand is. Its also up to the owner how nice they want their stethoscope to be. If you want to go into cardiology, you better get a good stethoscope. If you want to be an Auror, you better get yourself a good wand. Nursing students (and nurses) need their stethoscope for everything. For every clinical, every simulation, every lab...everything. Some carry them in their car or purse for public emergencies even! Doesn't that sound like the life of a wand...!?

OK. I am done being a total dork. I just had to share this Nursing School Funny :-)

~ A Writer In a Nurse's Body


Tangled is SUCH A GOOD MOVIE!!!

Disney, you will never disappoint. You are the epitome of AWESOME.


A Refreshing Change of Scenery

So, the past week (for the majority), I have been in my home, with my family, either doing homework...or, staring at my homework. People are starting to get sick, and that is the last thing I need to be around, especially with being on the Prednisone. So me and my good friend went to an old favorite diner for breakfast today, and I remembered why it made me so happy. Here is a picture:

It was perfect today. To put you in the scene, consider the following:

There was a violinist and pianist (not seen in picture) that were playing a soft medley of christmas music in the background. This was right next to a fireplace, which made the room a welcoming warm from being outside. The diner is only the size of about 2 average kitchens put together. The walls are made of wood. There is an ice cream parlor by the front of the diner (seen in picture), where they have a small t.v. with the news playing. Two old men sit at this booth on high stools, reading the newspaper as they chat with eachother about the news and the holidays and make jokes. The shop is run by a family, and everytime we go its the mom working, the grandma and the son, who is probably 11-12 (he just helps out). It is adorable. They have signs hanging everywhere such as, "Sit, relax, gossip.", "Unattended children will be sold to the highest bidder", "Give me the coffee and no one gets hurt", "Grandma's busy: Take a cookie"...and many more. The specials are written on a chalkboard. There is coca-cola memorabilia hanging in random spots everywhere. The kid that helps out walks by holding a collection of juices, teas and coffees people ordered and tells his mom they need to make another pot of coffee, who is taking an order from another couple. Wonderbread is stacked in storage on their shelf for that day. There is a bubble gum machine by the door. At the register, there are pictures of the family that owns it as they have grown up.

It was perfect. Nice refresher on scenery...Nice uplifting part of my day.

~ A Happy Writer in a Nurse's Body

Friday, November 26, 2010

Picture of the week

Tonight, was pretty awesome because we played scrabble, yahtzee, and Are you smarter than a 5th grader? (I'm not).

So this picture represents happiness. Good times with family, tea, and board games.

Funny moment of the day? Mom has a cold and has been making echinacea tea. I've been making laxative tea(read old blogs for why I'm doing that) and today mom accidentally drank mine.

You can guess what entailed thereafter.

I guess you had to be there. :-)


Well, I won. Which isn't fun because well, then the competition gives up and you won and it's well, boring. Like Megamind. Yes, I did see Megamind, in theaters. It was highly enjoyable.

So alas, time to wrap up the immense amounts of homework and walk around the store :-)

Is it sad?

Is it sad that I find it extremely enjoyable to have a competition in barnes and noble with the random stranger sitting across from me that day on who can sit and do work the longest?

I think it's fun. And, it helps me get a lot of work done. And regardless if the stranger that day knows if were in a competition, he/she is probably getting a lot of work done too. Or a lot of relaxing done. Today me and random stranger have been sitting here for....approximately 90 minutes.

Were just getting started. Muhahahah. Let's see who wins.

I know, sad.

It's just a Friday.

I think black Friday is rather silly.

Just another way for Americans to prove they are selfish, greedy and well, stupid. Luckily not the entire country is, but at least 95%. That's a lot of people.

On the other hand, Cee Lo Green, is amazing.

Picture of the week shall be posted today, but I'm not quite sure what it will be yet. I have a picture in mind to describe how I've been feeling for the past 17 years (specifically), but I'm not quite sure I want to go down that road, in a blog.

We shall see. I'm trying to find a happier picture. :-) toot-a-loo!

Thursday, November 25, 2010

Being sick

The worst part about being sick is being so tired to even try and figure the mystery out when doctors can't. Too tired to get up and do anything. Too tired to care.

Sorry. Depressing.
I just want to feel better.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010


Sometimes I feel as if more of my textbook is highlighted (highlit?) than not highlight-ed.

It's like at that point, why bother highlighting? It's all friggen yellow!

Monday, November 22, 2010

Gorgeous night

So, it's probably like 50 degrees out here, which in new jersey standards for November thanksgiving week, is warm. Or maybe it just feels incredible because every place (indoor) I go into I have to take off my coat because I am so incredibly hot and it is unbearable. So outside Is nice. These hot flashes are either in thanks to the prednisone, or the fact that my campus heats according to what the temperature should be, not what it really is. So a warm November week outside leads to all campus buildings being hot. I have my ac on in my room, no lie.

So today went well. I did a lot of bullshitting on my interview because I didn't know what to say when put on the spot. She said flat out that she had only a few positions open and she may not be able to take me. So I was just as honest as possible, and tried to do my best. I feel I have personal charm when I need it and I know what people want. My weakness is that when people are talking to me and just me, I never know what to do with my face or with my hands. I'm always concerned with my facial expression- I want to appear interested- even if I really am interested inside, sometimes my brain is just on overpower thinking about what the person is talking about that my facial expression is on the back burner and I appear disinterested. When in fact I'm just thinking about what you're saying. Other times, I really could care less what you're talking about or don't understand, and therefore brain gets tired and shuts off and therefore I am left to work out my facial expressions and how to appear interested. Wow, that was a mouthful.

Anyway, the way I see it is this. 1) I didn't make a total ass of myself or look like an idiot that didn't know how to do anything nursing related. I answered questions quickly and honestly and did my skill well. 2) if I get the position, fantastic. Really. It will be stressful, but beneficial in the end. If I don't get it, I'm really not that concerned because i probably wasnt a good enough candidate for the position and I wouldnt want to put the nursing program department reputation at risk.

Today, or rather the past two days I have been in a Blue-October (music) mood. I feel so wrapped up inside of my little cocoon- so apart from the rest of human society. I avoid people, I'd rather not talk and I like to do things by myself. Yesterday I spent 3 hours at barnes and noble, went shopping for some clothes, and went to dinner, all by myself. Today (besides classes) I have been alone. Ate dinner. Now, I'm sitting outside my library under the evening light with some hot tea and a newspaper (hard to see in picture), and I couldn't possibly be more relaxed or happy.

Although thanksgiving break is starting tomorrow, it will not be a break. I have to catch up on work I missed while in the hospital, current work that I expected to have done by end of break anyway, and get started on advanced work so I can get ahead, which is where I like to be. So despite my best friend and grandmother (same person) being with me at my house starting tomorrow until the weekend, I must utilize every possible hour and work pretty damn hard. I said the same thing for fall break and it didn't go well. In fact I did nothing. I can't do that again. I do however, plan to take a break on thanksgiving day only and enjoy tea and intellectual conversations with my grandmother and do nothin nursing related. Oh, and eat some awesome food.

Ok well it's starting to get a little cold. I shall sign off and leave you readers to go do something else, or read old blog entries or hey, VOTE! on my little poll! Do it!

Ok with love,

~ A Writer in a Nurse's Body

Job Interview

Job Interview today. She said it would only take 20 minutes. But I'm still nervous. I don't even know why I'm nervous. I'll definitely update on how it goes..

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Relaxing song

PS- I am sitting in my favorite place right now (who can guess where THAT is???) and this amazing song is playing. It is probably one of the most relaxing song I have heard in a while. Thank god for my music analysis thingermajig on my phone, i was able to identify it as "Airplanes" by the "Local Natives"...any one ever hear of it/them?? It made me very happy to hear.

Last night I went to a concert for: MUTEMATH, Plain White T's, and All time Low. I really liked Plain White T's, despite me thinking I wouldn't because I have grown to hate the Delihah (sp?) song thank you to the radio overplaying it. But they previewed some of their new songs on their upcoming album and I may even buy it. :-) MUTEMATH was....interesting. No further comment. :-)

Maybe Why I Chose Nursing

So, the other day when my father and I went to go see a movie, we got there extremely early and we got to see the "Twenty" (A twenty minute thing Regal Entertainment does that brings you behind the scenes of movies and current TV shows). I haven't seen the Twenty in forever and its always a longstanding funny joke with...whoever I'm with I guess..that we never get to see the Twenty. Maybe its just a joke with myself,lol. Regardless, I am always late and usually arrive to the movie just as they are announcing to turn cell phones off and the previews are about to begin. So, I was happy to see the Twenty. But that's not what this blog is about. Somehow, it's about nursing.

During the Twenty, they went behind a TV show series that I believe TNT owns, called "Men of a Certain Age", and it made me realize something. First of all, it looks like a great TV show, although I have never seen it. I have always seen it advertised and I always thought it looked funny, but the show never stuck out to me enough for me to actively seek it and record it or watch it...so I've never seen it. ANYWAY ( I always get off topic), In this clip they were showing from the show, (you may have seen the clip), its of all these men pushing a giant rock up this hill. I'm really not sure why. THey are in the desert, and are all working together. In the clip voiceover, they mention something about pushing this giant rock up a hill every day, and then it falls back down and you have to push it back up again. I took that to be a metaphor for the average American life, particularly for Men of a Certain age...(get it? :)) But, then, one of the men asks the other, "Why do we do this every day?" and another answers jokingly, "Because we get a pay check every two weeks."

I took that to be a further analogy of American life, particularly the dull life of working 9-5, every day..going to work, coming home, going back, etc. Dull. WHy do we do it? Because we get paid. So we can live. Do it all over again, day after day, week after week...And then that got me thinking. I'm not headed for that lifestyle. Although I know that my job (nursing-in case you are new to this blog)- will be hectic, crazy, grueling, pull-my-hair-out worthy, crying-worthy, rewarding, special, unique,...I know (well, I hope), that I will never end the day with, "Why am I doing this?" More importantly, I hope I never answer "Because I get paid every two weeks."

Gosh. I know where I'm headed. It makes me nauseous. It makes me scared. It makes me happy too, and excited. I know that I am not headed for a typical 9-5 office job. Every day, I will have the opportunity to change someone's LIFE at my job, someone's LIFE. Someone's way of thinking, someone's view on the world, someone's health. Although there are many other jobs on this planet other than nursing that make differences in the lives of human beings, nursing takes a place in my top 10. I know a lot of my patients will blend in together after many years, and a lot of them will be similar. Names will mesh together. Coworkers will come and go. But if you do your job right, if we, as nurses, do our job right, your patients will remember you. They will remember the little things you did to change their life, and the big things you did to save their life.

I am scared. Yes. I am afraid I won't be good enough sometimes. But all that I ask of myself is that I personally ensure, every day, that I did my absolute best. That I came in to work and leave work knowing that I did something right that day, I made a difference to someone by coming in to work that day. I made good. That is all I ask of myself.

Boy, I can't wait to read back on these blogs one day (this summer-AH!) and see how much my opinions change about nursing once I am on the actual job. I pray I do not get bogged down and too stressed and lose all hope and become one of the burned-out nurses at age 40. Maybe reading these blogs again will prevent that.

Thank you all for reading, for now, with love,

~ A Writer in a Nurse's Body

Saturday, November 20, 2010

The Little Things

I got this card today. A get well card. It's from my autistic 45 year old uncle and despite everything that is known about autism, I know that my uncle loves me very much. We all get cards from him in my family, usually for birthdays, holidays, anniversaries... And it is definitely something I will never take for granted. He puts so much effort and love into these cards that it makes me smile everytime.

The inside of the card reads: "hopefully, you'll be feeling better real soon just before we go to your house during thanksgiving week. Be sure to drink plenty of fluids, plenty of rests, have relaxations and more. Get well, then!"

It's the little things in life that really make you smile and know that everything will be ok.

Love, smile. <3 thank you for love.

Does Anyone Else Do This?

Does anyone else have dreams about other people, with you as a "fly on the wall", speechless, motionless, just watching? Dreams about people you don't know, never seen, never met? I have these dreams occaisonally. I know their names, sometimes, even though I have never met them in real life.

Last night was one of these and I consider it a nightmare. I woke up nauseous because of the images I saw in the dream, which I consider too horrid to even repeat in a blog. Why? I don't know who these people are in my dream, why do I dream of them? Does this happen to anyone else?

Friday, November 19, 2010

Picture of the week

Today was most certainly not the best day on my planet. I've had worse, I've had better. o_o

But, alas, for the picture of the week...

It was a tie up between this one and about two others...maybe I'll post those two as well later on.

Well I had a horrible day and now, bed time. Thank goodness. I really do not enjoy Fridays.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

Excuse my Strange Dreaming...

I had a rather relaxing dream last night and I kind of (almost) wish it was real (there were some scary parts too).

I remember being with my family on a cruise ship (which came out of NOWHERE o_0)- but is funny because on the news this morning I was watching the brand new gigantic royal carribean ship coming into Newark. Weird. ANyway, we were on this glorious cruise ship enjoying some type of vacation in the carribbean. The ship stopped for a scheduled vacation destination stop in the middle of the ocean (don't ask why because I dont know! It's a dream!). The purpose of the stop was to encourage ship goers to get out of the friggen ship and go SWIMMING. In the middle of the OCEAN. WHich, in real life, I would rather be on the top of the sinking titanic waiting to die than jump in the actual ocean. As you can gather from previous posts, I am terrified of the ocean. See this post:


ANyway, So In the dream I actually was convinced to do this terrifying excursion because my family was doing it. Well, the dream skipped a couple scenes, and the next thing I know I am in the middle of the ocean. Except in order to get where I'm supposed to really be, you have to get swept up in this massive current undertake rip tide thing that is really strong and somehow carries you to a different part of the ocean. (Again-excuse me for my strange dreaming-I swear I do not do crack). So even though I was scared of this massive current thing (you could see it happen from the top of the ship), I went to swim to get swept up in it....and it worked. I remember being torn apart under the water in this strange current sensation, and I remember opening my eyes and seeing how far I had left to swim to get to the surface and I remember thinking- Wow, this is hard, I'm surprised a lot of people survive this- I do not like swimming-but this isn't so bad- How am I supposed to hold my breath all the way to the top? But regardless, I swam really hard and made it. The new part of the ocean was incredible, and all my friends and family were there. All I can remember thinking was that it was a fairy tale. Not a dream, just a fairy tale. Because dreams are never dreams when you are dreaming them.

So I think this fairy tale magic dream came from the preview for a movie documentary I saw last night on TV- I think the movie was called 127 hours. Here is the trailer:


you can definitely see the connection to my dream. .

I'm so strange. Anyway, that movie looks pretty damn good! I'm psyched for it!

As you can see, I am definitely NOT having insomnia.

Picture of the week

I TOTALLY forgot last Friday to putty picture of the week. So I'm have to find another cool thing this Friday to put up!! I promise. :-)

It's a cool picture. It was taken through a play tunnel and that is his mean "what are you Doing in my tunnel" face. I was scared.

And, as always, taken from my iPhone! Buy one! There. I advertised.

Wednesday, November 17, 2010


My new favorite star is Sirius. It's right outside my window. It's right below a magnificent view of O'rion.

And best of all?

It twinkles.


No really, it does. Twinkle.


I think my town had a hurricane rip through last night. And maybe the whole Northeastern coast, probably. It probably wasn't just my town.

But it was seriously intense. I don't think it was an actual hurricane (It wasn't). But it was a serious thunderstorm. In NOVEMBER. I even saw this lightning that was pretty incredible. Did I mention its november?? I felt like Dorothy because I sleep right next to my window (like literally-my window is right along side my body), and I was sittting there watching the storm and I'm like- Oh god. I'm going to die. Wait, how can lightning kill me through this window? I don't know. I guess I should have paid attention in science. I just always remembered my parents telling me not to stand by the windows when it thunderstormed. It didn't work out so well for Dorothy, did it now?...

Anyway- Health update: this is day two of Prednisone. THis is probably the most serious drug I have ever taken and it makes me scared. Corticosteroids come with a lot of risks...and a lot of risks I am not so happy about and am worried about getting. Prednisone in particular has side effects of (weight gain, moon face, insomnia, severe nausea, irritability and mood swings, jittery feeling, increased heart rate, suppression of the immune system)....so...um, yeah. Usually when I get a prescription from my GP I personally decide if I want to take it, which patients should, I guess, if they are properly educated. I do a lot of research on my prescribed meds, and I know a little from picking it up in clinical and at school lectures. So, normally I would take this high dose (30mg) of prednisone and shove it- (don't know where)- because i Am afraid of the side effects....and i like to make decisions for myself. However, I have a serious problem here (bowel inflammation) and it is not going to be fixed on its own. I can feel it getting better with the prednisone, so i am going to combat the side effects on my own and continue taking it. Luckily it will only be a short term therapy and next week she should hopefully be tapering the dose. Also, this is a GI specialist, not just a GP, and she probably is very educated about outweighing prednisone's benefits and risks. Doctors are prescription happy and I hate that but maybe this one will solve my problem. As for combating(sp?) the side effects, I *think* the weight gain is caused by increased appetite that is caused by the prednisone. So I plan to not give in to my increased appetite and continue to eat healthy and not too much. As for the nausea, I am combatting (sp?-again-I think this one is better. I should google it.) that by taking the prednisone with foods. So far, so good. As for the insomnia combat (thats better), I am just taking the prednisone with breakfast. It has kept me wide awake both yesterday and today with no naps (which is GOOD, because I am on paper writing, presentation writing and med/surg reading duties!). The insomnia last night was not terrible...I had a hard time falling asleep, but I do remember sleeping. I think having a hard time falling asleep had something to do with the following stream of consciousness:

Boy...I hope that prednisone dosen't cause insomnia for me...because I really need sleep....am i sleeping yet?...sleep is important...if it causes insomnia for me that is very bad....I'm going to have to bring that up with my doctor...speaking (thinking) of doctors...I should spend all morning tomorrow reading med/surg....ah, so stressful, I haven't even started reading med/surg....meanwhile everyone else has been through 2 lectures....I definitely need to do that....thinking of school, boy, I am really stressed about my group presentation...crap, what am i going to do? ...How is my group still going to let me be in their group if i'm not there to work on it with them....am i sleeping yet?..how about thinking of something else a little less stressful....butterflies are nice....am i sleeping yet?....I can't believe I missed my interview today...I can't believe I did that.... I hope she lets me reschedule and still considers me for the job....so stressful...am i sleeping yet? No.

So thats how it goes down.
I need to stop thinking about stressful things at night. What is that going to accomplish? Nothing. What am I realistically going to do about reading med/surg, and working things out with my group, and writing my paper, at 12 am ? Nothing. I can't do anything right then except sleep. I need to let everything else go.

Hopefully tonight goes better.


for now, with love,

~A Writer in a Nurse's Body <3

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Some Things I've Picked Up as A Patient

Ok so I've been a patient for the last...3 days and there are some very important lessons I have learned that all nurses should learn.

First of all- time means nothing. The whole day (and night) sort of just meshes together and time is non existent...2 pm is no different then 8 pm. You stay in bed all day. There is no difference. You do nothhiinngggg and it is very boring. Today alone I have done 2 suduko puzzles, a magazine (I read it)...(it was oprah)....(I was very bored). I also read the newspaper. And took a walk and had a ton of random visitors. So. All that meshed together. I don't know what this teaches nurses. But. It's something to keep in mind for your patient.

2. Beeping IVs SUCK. SO BAD. particularly when peaceful sleep is trying to happen. As an aide and student nurse, I can honestly say I have answered at least 1000 bells where the patient is calling because the IV was beeping. My response? "ok- I'll tell the nurse". And I hate to say it but I usually forget. I usually check why the IV is beeping and decide on the priority of telling the nurse based on why its beeping (occlusion? IV bag empty? Air in line?).

My new response?
"it's beeping- I'll go tell your nurse right now- and keep reminding her till I see her come in here."

Seriously though some hospitals are different but this one I'm in now, the IVs are so friggen loud when they beep. Abd between me and my roommate, thy beep frequently, and sleep is therefore very hard to maintain or achieve. Or even maintain a simple conversation. I will try my absolute best to be on top of the IVs when they are beeping when I'm a nurse- it will make the patient very very happy.

3. Answering your phone when youre with a patient is unacceptable. This goes to doctors and nurses. Nurses usually carry portable cell phones given to them by the hospital at the beginning of your shift. They are supposed to answer them when they ring, even if they are in the middle of a therapeutic conversation, or changing an IV dressing, or wound site, or washing someone up. How would you feel if you were being washed up and you were half exposed and then the nurse answered her phone and carried on a conversation with whomever for 5+ minutes, meanwhile you're still exposed and probably wet and soapy.
So I know you cant complain about a problem with out offering a better solution, so here is my solution (s): 1) choose not to carry the cell phone. Have the secretary take messages for you and call them back as soon as you get out of the room.
2) if you are waiting for a very important call from a doctor, warn the patient a call may be coming, and when the call does call, excuse yourself properly from the patient, and then answer the call- OUTside of the patient room- and then return to the patient to finish what you were doing.
I know im not a nurse yet and i do NOT know what its like for nurses. I KNOW they are busy. I KNOW. I know that they are doing something every single second of their shift, and if they have to answer the phone during doing something else, then they have to. But I know as a nurse, next year, I am going to make a conscious effort to be wary of when and where I answer my phone. Think about it...WHen you answer your phone in front of a patient, they feel like a second priority, they feel less important. Your attention is being diverted away from them for that time frame and they are left in the distance. Plus, even AFTER you return from the phone call, they feel that you are in a rush or are needed by someone else and that you have to give up some personal time with your nurse.

to doctors: Yesterday my colonoscopy was at 9AM. 9. I saw the doctor at 7pm. PM.

Which is fine. Whatever. WHat else am I going to do all day except wait for the doctor to show up? But she shows up at 7 (she said she was coming at 530), she spent 10 minutes on the phone, in the room with us. First she got a page and she ignored it, then another one, which she answered via text, and then a call, which she picked up.

No comment. 0-0.

So, for now, those are just some things I have learned as a patient, about patients.

Also, patients are usually crabby because these hospital beds SUCK. which is funny because I always thought they looked comfy and i thought- how cool! You can ADJUST how you want every single body part on the bed! You can change your head position, or legs, or whatever....but its not all its cracked up to be. Youd be surprised that you have grown up lying flat when sleeping and chances are you are going to want to remain flat even when you have the option to adjust. ALso, this bed MOVES. Unexpectedly. and Randomly. Its to prevent bed sores. WHich is fabulous, because I'm 22 and don't expect bed sores. I am moving on my own, thank you very much. But there is no off switch. So I feel like I am on a boat. Literally. THe pillows are pancakes too. And thats all besides the beeping IVs, the conversations in the hallways, the ringing phones, the patients screaming (yes that all happens at night).

So. Update on me: The colonoscopy yesterday showed that i (might) have the beginning stages on Ulcerative colitis. UGH! So maybe this blog will turn into "A Writer in a Nurse's Body with Ulcerative Colitis"....Catchy, no? :-)

I don't mean to be crabby, because thats the spell of being a patient, and i dont mean to be a venting bitch about things i cannot change. THis post is an important lesson i have learned and I wanted to share. I know that it is all good and well for me to make "Suggestions" about nurse ways, when i am not a nurse yet and when I am a nurse, I will probably look back on my post and laugh. But the point of this post is that when i am a nurse, to just try. TO remember this hospitalization and remember how uncomfortable and scary everything is, and to explain EVERYTHING, treat patients like they are your only, and be respectful. I am going to be busy, but the least I can do is try.

~ A Writer in a Nurse's Body.

Sunday, November 14, 2010


In the hospital.

Getting a colonoscopy.


Thursday, November 11, 2010

Stars and planes

When I was a kid, I used to think that if you went in a plane, the stars and moon got significantly bigger and you just flew right past them.

A Nice Message

Someone special to me, came to me in a dream last night and told me I would get what I had been praying for....

The other night I was praying that I passed my test.

Yesterday I prayed for a good doctor and someone to believe me. (WHich I got).

I Hope I passed my test, and I'll keep praying til I do....

Thank you..

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Last medical post (about me) I promise

So I went to see my NP at school today because I havent been feeling any better and she did her exam and because I was so distended, had so much pain, and had no bowel sounds, she was sending me to ER. I was like, for real? Yes. So, off I went. But I didn't go by ambulance, or with any note from her because she wanted the doctor to come up with a conclusion on his own. Blech. So I was on my own to replay all of the symptoms that have happened since Friday. So, fun. So all in all and after a CT scan with contrast, they are seeing some inflammation and think it could be diverticulitis, Crohns, or ulcerative colitis, and neither of the above are fun. At all. So I have to get a colonoscopy and undergo miralax, 2 antibiotics (ugh), and colace. So well seeee. :-/

Doctors office

Doctor: "hello, how are you?"

Me: .....what am I supposed to say? Is this a trick question? The standard American response is "good" but I'm not good- and you-my doctor- obviously knows that or else I wouldn't be in your office. Believe it or not I don't come down to your office because I'm good. I always want to blurt out "good" even if I am in some horrible state because that's whats normal but i feel If I said good- they would look at me funny and be like- ok why are you here? But if I say how I truly feel- "um...miserable" then they also just look at me funny.

I think I think too much into things. Yeah.

Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Another Milky one

Its Old, but watch this video. Take five minutes out of your day.


AHhhhh, read this article:


Ok so its really long and even I didnt read the whole thing, but I plan too.




Ok so I didn't die, that's good. Improvement. :-) I still have the worst headache ever though :-( and I have so much school work I should be doing, let alone worrying about my test grade.

Monday, November 8, 2010


I never know when to go to the ER. last time I went to the ER, I had a horrible experience. They treated me horribly and we got billed tremendously.

Right now I think I'm dying. My doctor sent me home with Tylenol and said it was a virus.

I'm always trying to out-diagnose my doctors and always think they are wrong and i usually don't listen to them.

Being a hypochondriac SUCKS. SO BAD.

Ive been convinced that I would wake up dead before, and low and behold I'm here and usually feel better the next day. If I went to the ER every time we would be living on the streets. They charge you like $500 AT LEAST for Tylenol in the ER and another $500 for the doctor to see you and tell you you're fine. Isn't our country lovely?

I guess if I die this time then at least I can say I tried went to go see my idiot doctor. That makes no sense. I would come back as a ghost and tell them. .

If it's this bad tomorrow then I'll probably go. If I'm still alive.

Sunday, November 7, 2010

Can Anyone Diagnose Me?

Can anyone put these symptoms together?

My skin hurts. I can't say everywhere, but pretty close. My arms, MY BACK, my chest, my sides....I think my legs are OK. And my neck too (hurts). My back muscles are achy, I feel like my spine is always out of alignment. Painnn. My chest feels just...tight. Like it's being squeezed. I keep getting shooting pains to my hands, particuarly my right hand, from my elbow, and it almost feels like arthritic pain. I feel dizzy, occaisonally...my head just feels like it wants to collapse.

Is it possible for asthma to come back? I had it as a kid, pretty bad. I had to have a nebulizer treatment every night. THen I was fine for the next 20 years of my life. Now I can't walk to the dining hall without my lungs feeling like they are gasping for air- let alone me trying to talk to anyone without sounding like I am completely out of shape. Which I'm not. I'm not totally rockin out in shape, but I'm not overweight and not completely out of shape. I eat healthy and exercise a good amount. And yet walking to the dining hall makes me feel like my lungs are going to give out....

I have considered fibromyalgia because I have all the symptoms, but i don't have the 18 tender points. So I don't know. And asking a doc about FM does me no good because there is no treatment anyway.

If i still feel like this tomorrow or tues I am going to have to go make some sort of appointment because I feel miserableeeeee.

Could it all be stress? My third med/surg exam is tomorrow...it could be stress manifesting itself funny. It could be making my immune system weak and therefore I picked up a cold? I'm not sniffly though, Im not coughing or sneezing...I don't know.

ALso, my pillows SUCK. Every single pillow I have laid my head on, whether its here, or at home...my head hurts instantly. Explain that. Its a friggen pillow. They are soft. WHy is it making my head hurt?

~ A Writer in a Miserable Nurse's Body

Saturday, November 6, 2010

Couldn't Help Myself..

So even though it is only one day after picture of the week, I took these on my phone after I posted picture of the week (I guess next time I'll post at night!), and these were just so pretty that I had to put them up today. Enjoy :)

Last evening it was drizzling and the sun was still shining bright- so I took a photo of it in our backyard, and it was pretty, and I moved on. I was late to go pick a friend up, so I hit the road. But THEN, I turned on to my main road and found THIS. So I pulled over and quickly took it. Quickly. It was nice to begin with and then I edited it some-more contrast, exposure, rainbow surrounding the picture...pretty. But that rainbow was pretty epic. Now where's the treasure??

This was taken last night- probably my last pburg home football game. Not only do I plan to not be in Jersey next year, but my sister will be done dancing on the sidelines, so, I really have no reason to go anymore. So, this was my reminiscent photo for the night. :-)
~A Writer (and photographer) in a Nurse's Body <3>

Meeting with Dietitian

So, my scheduled meeting with the dietitian went great! I was really afraid she would shun me and be all "this is silly- milk is good for you dumbass you need your calcium". But she didn't! She totally supported my necessity and my decision (thats what I call it). So she explained to me my options I can have in the dining hall, and there are a lot more than I thought. So I'm going to try those out today or tomorrow. THere is a special cream cheese- I guess made out of tofu I think she said- that is in the dining hall for LI's. We also found out the eggs technically have milk from the companys website, but she personally asked the chef and he said they do not and that they are just eggs. So, thats good. But, all the bakery items do have milk, as I assumed. The muffins, ( so good), cookies, corn bread..etc. But oh well, I can cut all that out. She said there were even a couple other girls on campus who not only are LI(Lactose Intolerant) but did a lot of research and found that milk should not be consumed at all and that it is a harmful substance. So, I'm not alone on this! She said that the college has grown in numbers with having gluten intolerances, and they have made a special "zone" of the dining hall just for them to go prepare their food, which is excellent. So she said the LI's are growing too and she is doing everything she can to help us. She is also ordering into our convenience store some of my favorite products, so now I can use my points! :-)

I think my intolerance pisses my family (mostly my mom-who has to cook for dinner) and my friends off the most (my friends have to eat with me or get bored while I argue with waiters and waitresses or take 10 years to order something off the friggen menu). But it really doesn't bother me. I feel proud about my decision and feel a lot healthier cutting out milk. One of my friends that I trust the absolute most- does not support the decision though and thinks it is absolutely silly. After I told the friend- they even went and bought a YooHoo Choco Milk to drink, no-chug- in front of me. :-( But that doesn't matter. I believe what I believe and will continue to do more research. I have read two books on it so far and if any of you have recommendations, please comment with them! THank you!

Well, thats it for now. I have to study, all weekend. But, look forward to a post tomorrow most likely. Study breaks are healthy....right? ...right? :)

Friday, November 5, 2010

We're Not Nurses Yet!

So I haven't had a single moment to write since my last writing post, but I have much to say! I may break it down into 2 posts by topic so this isn't a major long post.

Anyway, yesterday was our clinical and I was one of the two scheduled students to have 2 patients for the day. Although it sounds scary (and it is) for the nursing student, it really is no big deal at all because when the real world is here, I'll be having 6-8 patients per day. 2 would be a walk in the park. But it's not when you're a student.

When I work as an aide, I am very very busy, usually with anywhere between 15-30 patients to be responsible for their safety, overall wellness, attend to their needs...there is rarely a quiet moment. So when I have a patient that has an IV that is beeping and it is bothering them, or I have a patient that is requesting pain meds and wants them right away, I go tell the nurse, who is usually busy with something else. Usually it takes them a long time to attend to "small" matters such as this and I used to think to myself, what is possibly taking them so long? This patient is calling me into the room every 10 minutes and is getting angrier each time.

Now I understand. Now I understand the frustration nurses feel when they are 3 hours into their shift and they have not yet met their 4th or 5th patient yet.

Yesterday we started on the floor at 8am and I got report. My first patient is a middle aged man, with knee replacement , that is threatening to leave AMA (against medical advice) if he does not get adequate pain relief. I also learned that he spent the night crying. I also learned that he is on methadone treatment which is used for taking patients off addictions to heroin or strong opiates. We were giving him pain relief, strong pain relief for the average you-and-me. But he had a significantly higher tolerance and wanted far more than clinically advised for anyone. I've seen this same case - a lot- and it is always an ethical debate. So he was more of my psychological, therapeutic communication need case.

My other one was your typical hospital admission, admitted for constipation, anemia, hyponatremia. They found cancer. She needed a lot of help getting ready in the morning, and could barely stand up, even with two people holding her up. I went in her room to begin my assessment at 845 and basically did not finish with all of her morning activities until 11 am. No joke. Granted that included charting about her too. But still. I helped her to bathroom, back in bed, provided am care, gave her meds, changed her IV, changed her diaper, took her to the bathroom again, charted, put her in a chair, changed her wound dressing...and oh did my assessment. After all that, I had to separate myself and go see my next patient.

So, now I understand. I used to think 12 hours was a wayyyy long shift. Now I don't think 12 hours is long enough for one person to get everything done. I think it would be excellent to have a medication and IV nurse on a floor. This nurse could do the meds for the entire floor the whole shift, start IV's, manage IV's...and on down times would help out with whatever else. The other nurses would have their regular assignments, and would do everything else that nursing really means. Giving meds and fighting with IVs takes up a lot of nurses time. Nurses would have more time to sit and really talk with their patients instead of coming up with ways to escape the room because they have 10,000 other things to do.

So yesterday, despite my classes entire efforts all day, my teacher told us we were still behind and were not thinking on our own yet and were still being hand held and basically were not ready to be nurses yet.

. . .

So, bummer.

My response to that? We aren't nurses yet! Just because we are seniors, does not mean we are supposed to know everything. Heck, nurses of 20 years aren't expected to know everything. Nursing is a lifelong learning process. And it should be. I feel like I know a heck of a lot more than I did as a sophomore (as I should) and a lot of things make sense and things are starting to click. I was on my own for the majority of yesterday and did not ask for help except when it was the law that I get help (meds, IVs).

I don't know what made her say that, if one of the other students did something to piss her off, or if she was just having a bad day...but I dont think it was right of her.

I'm scared shitless to be a nurse next year and part of me doesn't feel ready, but who the heck does feel ready day one? You learn.

Picture of the week

I had many picture candidates this week for my weekly picture of the week (Fridays!). I try and put one up that I took since the last picture posting, but not this week. In fact I didn't take this one at all. But, I did edit this. This is two very good friends of mine and the picture was actually taken a couple years ago, before I had met either of them. I fell in love with the picture the minute I saw it. So I tweaked it a bit, and now it's the opening picture to my iPhone even. Yay :-)

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

TOTALLY forgot to mention!

I saw a shooting star last night! I was driving home from therapy (barnes and noble) and I literally just happened to look up at this very moment, and something caught my eye. I thought it was a very fast plane (unrealistic but it was my instinct thought) but then it disappeared. And I was like, totally woah just saw a shooting star!! It was pretty epic. If thats not an angel looking after me and letting me know I will be OK, then I'm not sure what is. Literally, how else could I have looked up at that very second to see it? Funny how things work...

But again, See my earlier post "11:11" for this, I didn't know what to wish for. I saw it and I was like, OK....hmm...now make a wish...what should I wish for? I don't know...what do I want?...I don't know...I don't think I need anything right now....except to pass my next test...and the test after that... and my final..." so needless to say, I wished something along those lines. (I have to give the wish some mysterious quality so I can at least say it was somewhat secretive so It might come true). I seriously hope it does, because I need to pass all of those tests.

But anyway, that was my second sighting of a shooting star and it is truly magical. If that doesn't make you smile then you are a robot. And that's that.

New Job?

I just conjured up some balls and applied for a nursing job on campus this spring. I may not (probably won't) get it but at least I can say I tried. The lab coordinator likes me, I think, so that puts me at a somewhat advantage. The position is only available to senior students and the position entails running the lab for the sophomore and junior students to practice with the simulator man. I've always known about the job but was too afraid to try, thinking I wouldnt be good enough for it. But hey, there will be orientation. I'm not expected to know everything walking into my first day. They teach you. So I will be OK if I do get the job. I'll keep ya'll updated on that one. :)

Tuesday, November 2, 2010


I put labels on the left hand side of the blog, now you can choose by topic of what you are interesting in reading. COOL, right?? Right.

Soy ish Update again

So I am having my soy milk again and now my lips feel all funny and I don't like it. Thanks to a generous and helpful blog-commenter- see "milk", I am going to try Coconot Milk next and probably ditch the soy. I don't like when my lips feel inflamed and tingly :\

I'll let you know how that goes!

Monday, November 1, 2010


So today, when I was sitting in the dining hall eating my lunch I was like...ok, this is ridiculous- I have nothing to eat. Ok thats not true. I had a piece of chicken (no bread- because apparently when you tell the grill man that you want chicken- you get a piece of chicken, literally, when really i wanted a chicken sandwich.) but anyway, I put some brown rice on that piece of chicken (not adviseable) and then got a side of potatoes and a banana. so I did eat food, and it was pretty healthy. I guess. But I'm sitting there and I'm like, I really should just ask the dietitian, I'm sure she can help me. So I did. I emailed her and she booked an appointment with me for wednesday :-) So hopefully after that i can eat in the dining hall with PEACE. and not get a stomachache after...


So I'm not sure which is worse, my organic cocoa puffs, or my soy milk that goes with them. I've been staring at my soy milk for over a month in my fridge now (don't worry its not expired) but have been too afraid to try it. I guess I was afraid it would taste bad when I really needed it to taste good?

I guess its not so bad. It will have to be an acquired taste I suppose. I just dropped a cocoa puff on the floor, oops. Anyway, I still stand behind my decision 100% to go completely milk free. Completely. Not even Lactaid (because technically that still has milk in it). I believe that milk causes many, many, many, MANY, many, many, of America's (and the worlds) health problems. Particuarly stomachaches. And headaches. Nature never intended for milk to be consumed after breastfeeding, especially milk from another animal other than human. Cow's milk is for cow's.

Did you ever stop and think about how Asians are always seemingly healthier than whites? Well, approximately 85% of Asians are lactose intolerant. Countries that don't raise cows have healthier people because they don't drink milk. Milk is caustic. If you ever want to make a very good change in your life, cut out milk. It sucks sometimes, because even though this society is starting to cater to individuals with allergies, there is still hidden milk in soo many products. But all you have to know is how to look at ingredient lists. Maybe in a couple decades this society will pick up on as a whole how detrimental milk is to our body and we can take it out of most of our products, at least.

For those of my readers that are LI or want to try this for their own health--Wegman's, Whole Foods and Shoprite (usually) are great carriers for dairy free products. My favorite dairy free ice cream is Purely Decadent. Remember, no frozen yogurt allowed either! (yogurt has milk). I get my probiotics from Acidophilis now since I used to get that from yogurt. No butter. (some margarines are OK- 'Smart Balance' is usually good but you have to make sure you get a special kind with no milk. No yogurt. No cheese.
Check ingredients on everything.

As for an update, I just finished my cocoa puffs (organic) and the soy milk is liveable with. :-) If you want to read more about what I just vented about, read this book:http://www.pickle-publishing.com/books/dont-drink-your-milk-oski.htm

Its very very interesting and will probably convince you, if I haven't. :-)

ALSO- CHECK OUT MY NEW POLL (to the right)! and VOTE! :)

~A Writer in a Nurse's Body