The Artist

Alright. So who else has seen recently Oscar-ified "The Artist" ??

Alrighty, lets back track.

I saw the preview for it initially, a couple of months ago. I squirmed my face at it, like I so often do, judgementally, when I don't like something.

I thought...."Oh!  A movie about an artist! Like me! Yayayayay! Artists everywhere yay! Oh wait...its a silent movie? A Silent movie? In 2012? A black and white movie???? In 2012? It legit looks like it was made in the 1920s. For real. I don't get it. Was it actually filmed in 2012 or is it like, a re-release? Are they going to re-release all the old films, just like they're doing with disney morphing through the 3D phase? Oh, god."

Despite me liking movies, a lot, I take shame in the fact that I was just never able to really get in to the "Classics" of our grandparents time. Believe me, I tried. I took a literature & film class, and saw I'd say the top 10 classics, and suffered through each one. Even Casablanca (hate me now, i'm sorry!) I just don't like the classicy feel of the film. I love color.

So then I went about my life, moved on.

Then the Oscars came. And I kept hearing this movie name. The Artist. And I thought to myself, is that the one that I shunned off the planet when I saw the preview?  Um, Yeah. It was.

So it came to my local independant theater. I saw it listed there for weeks. But I kept tossing the idea around.

I should go see it. I'll probably like it. After all, it wouldn't be all over the Oscars if the majority of its audience didn't like it, right? It has to be good. Or at least a little good. But its silent....and I have major ADHD....can I trust myself to sit through a 2 hr silent film and not fall asleep? Probably not. I like sound. I like sound a lot. You know what else I like a lot? Color. I like color. Can I get over not having color for two hours? I don't know. But its about an artist, right? I'll probably like it. And it has tap dancing, I know that. I like tap dancing. And John Goodman. He's cool. And 2012-ish. GO see it. Just do it. If you hate it, then oh well. Do it.



So, I went to go see it. Anddddddd, the only thing I'm mad about, is...WHY DIDN'T I GO SEE THIS SOONER?


It.was. ADORABLE.


Yes. I do have ADHD. I love sound and I love color, and yet I was perfectly entrapped for the whole two hours in this silent, black and white film that looked like it was filmed in 1930.


Being that lately I've strangely coincidentally been around a lot of people that majored in film and are going into the film industry, (and that I've taken one film class myself), I've picked up a couple things about artistic direction in film. That being so, I can confidently say that the artistic direction, symbolism and picture in "The Artist" is pure genius. Things are very carefully placed, the settings chosen perfectly. Being that it is silent, the actors have to work that much harder to convey emotion, and they did it well. Props must be used ever so carefully to help the audience show whats going on.

As for the music, It was used and not used in all the right spots. It was almost like the music was doing the talking. It was like,  "hey, in case you don't GET the fact that this scene is supposed to be really intense, let me make the music really super intense."

Plot, Incredible. I followed every minute of it and was at the edge of my scene in some parts. There were literally moments where I was surprised the movie took a certain direction, and parts where I was seriously wondering what was going to happen next. Thats saying a lot for a silent movie, I think. It kind of had a "42nd Street" feel to it, where you are watching how (in this case-a movie) is put together, so you see the characters playing multiple roles at different times, off screen and on so to speak.

Characters.....ah, the best part. Leads played by Jean Dujardin and Berenice Bejo, you fall in love instantly with the two of them, like you're supposed to. Berenice Bejo pulls you in the very second you meet her and you can't help but not stop looking at her the whole rest of the movie. Well casted, well casted. She is the center of the movie and it may not have lifted off as well without her enthusiasm, her obvious love for the movie, her smile, and her emotion. Amazing actress and I hope we continue to see more of her.

Any actress that is visibly able to portray what they are saying with only using their gestures and body language and lip reading, is a genius. I think so, at least.


I'm going to leave you this time with not a trailer- as I so often do. This is because when I saw the trailer, I squirmed my face, both times. It didn't make me want to go run and see the movie. I went because I wanted to see what all the hype was about. So instead I'm leaving you with my favorite (ADORABLE!!!) clip from the movie. Enjoy!

PS- Take it from me. I'm squirmy. I have horrible, horrible ADHD and hardly can't sit through anything. I don't normally like B&W or silents, ever. But this, this was awesome. Go.See.It. I promise you'll like it.



~WNB


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Thinking Swedish...

Hey!

So, lately I've become obsessed with the "Girl with the Dragon Tattoo" series.

Being that I'm a writer, every situation in my life has a backstory. So let me catch ya'll up.

A couple months ago, I was hanging out with friend #1. Friend #1 loved the GDT series, and he was telling me how they just finished the original version of the movies in Sweden and how they were soooooooo good and now they are making the American version and whatnot. None of it made sense to me. From what little I gathered from the plot, it didn't seem like a story series I'd like. Well, A couple weeks ago, I was hanging out with Friend #2. Friend #2 wanted to watch a movie, and we picked GDT, the original. Now, being that I had already made up my judgmental mind about this series that I didn't like it, I obviously didn't want to watch the movie. But whatever. I figured we had nothing else to do and I could at least give it a chance.

So the movie starts, and obviously we soon realize its in Swedish, with English subtitles. So Friend #2 decided he no longer wanted to watch it. However, at that point we were 30 minutes in, and well.....I was sucked in to the series. So I watched the rest of the movie by my lonesome, and it was SO.GOOD.  As many of you know, I'm sure.

So after that, I bought the book right away at the airport on the way home from seeing Friend #2, and started reading immediately. Throughout the course of reading, the American version was released and I felt I wanted to see it in theaters while it was out. Then, I decided I was so entirely obsessed with this series, that I had to keep watching. So I instant streamed the entire swedish set onto my netflix account, and watched all of them back to back, in what little spurts of time I had (so naturally it took a couple days to finish).

What the entire point of this blog is, is that I discovered a new language phenomenon. Well, discovered is a strong word. I'm sure really smart people already know about this for a bajillion years now, but I just figured it out so its cool.

Since I had watched the series and nothing but the series (no tv, no other netflix stuff- just the series), I had this really, really strange experience. After it had been off, I decided to go for my weekly run . While running, I literally heard my thoughts in Swedish and my brain "saw" English subtitles for me. Now, granted, my "Swedish thoughts" probably made no actual sense in Swedish,  but my brain knew enough after hearing nothing but Swedish language and reading english subtitles along with the language, that my brain was able to string together some Swedish words that it had picked up. But how wicked is that!?

So I sat thinking about this, and realized that the brain also does another neat trick. You get SO wrapped up in the movie plot, that you no longer even REALIZE you're reading English subtitles as you watch the movie. In fact, I forgot entirely that they were even speaking Swedish. My brain didn't even hear the Swedish. I think, the brain is smart enough to adapt. It adapts so that you understand things. And after all this time of reading the English subtitles, my brain got so used to it that it started "forgetting" that it was translating, and my brain "heard" the characters talking in English, because thats what my brain was reading. Does that make any sense?? How crazy is that though? The brain is meant to adapt, its part of the human condition. If it didn't adapt, we would constantly be going crazy that we had clothes on- because our skin nerves wouldn't be able to adapt and "get used to" the fact that we had clothes on our skin all the time. Weird!


So, as a little sidenote, I wanted to share something else pretty funny.
Does anyone else sort of "pick up" the entire movie setting, characters, plot, etc., onto themselves after the movie is done? Particularly good, long movies. Particularly ones with characters we identify with or fall in love with. You find yourself so wrapped up in the movie, that when you leave the movie, you totally feel like you are you're own character in that movie, or maybe you feel like you ARE a character from the movie, subconsciously. For example, ever drive faster and take more stupid risks while driving after watching "The Fast and Furious"? Have you ever felt that you can totally cast a spell on someone if you need to after watching "Harry Potter"?   Ever started talking in an English accent after watching Hugh Grant? Ever feel like you live in Europe after some crazy good European movie? Ever felt like a super secret spy after watching "Bourne Identity" or "James Bond"?  Ever felt like you had to solve some secret mystery (like where the hell did all the socks go?) after watching "Sherlock Holmes"?

It happens in good books too. After reading a plot nonstop, you suddenly feel like you're in their world. After reading the entire Hunger Games series, I suddenly found myself acting like Kat, trying to survive in the dreaded world. Silly, I know. It lasted for like a day. But still. Does anyone else do this ? I think its fascinating how our minds can get so engrossed like that.


Well, point is- I spent the other day after I finished the "Girl Who Kicked the Hornets Nest" (Last one of the movies), impersonating Lisbeth Salander. Which, is pretty kick ass fun- being that I spent at least half the day with my hoodie up- acting all....moody (in a kick ass way), looking for super-killers in the supermarket, etc...It was awesome.


I hope this is normal and everyone (or at least the great vast majority?) of the human species does this, or at least has done this. If not, you should let yourself try it. Next movie you go to, see if you find yourself subconsciously adapting to the movie after you leave. Its fun.


Thats all for now folks! Off to work tonight, yay. 


With love,




_WNB.





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TiMEr In Review

Hey all!

So for Christmas this past year, my parents were thoughtful enough to buy me a "Roku" player, which plays me instant stream of netflix and HuluPlus, primarily. This is excellent being that I miss a lot of primetime TV being on night shift, and now I can watch it on my TV like a normal person and not my phone or computer. Woo!

Point being, I have been streaming a LOT of independent movies from netflix. Recently, in Summer 2011, I discovered a local arts campus near me that plays independent movies, foreign films, documentaries, etc. Every movie I have seen there has been downright amazing, so amazing in fact, that I am appalled why it is not a bigger release. So naturally I have come to love independent movies.

I have seen a lot of them lately because of my need to make up for years of not even knowing this was its own genre. Some of these excellent titles include "Welcome to the Riley's", "Wristcutters:A love Story", "Ten Inch Heros", and "Listen to your Heart", just to name a few. The one I was most intrigued by was "TiMEr", starring Emma Caulfield and John Patrick Amedori.

Intriguing, yes? Yes.

So basically, the movie is set on the premise that if you, in this semi-futuristic placed society, choose to get one of these "Love timers", then you can take the guesswork out of love. No more questioning, "is this worth it?", "Did I marry the right person?", "My time is running out, should I give this relationship more time, or let it go now and give myself time to find someone better?". It ensures accuracy, certainty. Perfect matches. But is that a good thing? What do you think?

Would you get a timer? As for myself, I immediately instinctly thought, "absolutely not. I like to be able to think for myself. Choose for myself. Getting a Timer is no different from joining EHarmony."  But then I thought about it. And thought about it some more. I talked about it even. And now I'm writing this blog, so obviously I thought about this unique striking concept a lot.

Lets first talk about the benefits. . .

• No more guesswork, no more unhappiness waiting for a dead relationship to change.
• No more wasting time. Months, years, spent in relationships that go no where.
• Gives you time to put love aside and that's OK. Follow me here. Lets say you got a timer, and it says to you, that you have 4 years, 82 days and 16 minutes until you found your soul mate. If that was my timer, I'd be relieved! In four years I can happily finish my masters, start my doctorate, launch my novel, get published, launch my nursing career, etc. By the time I met "him", I'd be successful (hopefully). I'd be financially stable. I'd be emotionally stable. I'd be a lot more mature. I'd be 27.  But in real life, right now, in reality, I'm 23 right now. Yes, I'm young, but I'm getting old enough that each person I meet that is a potential boyfriend, I have to think- Is it worth pursuing further? Is this worth my time? No more fruitless dating. No more saying yes to a four year relationship right now if its not going to lead to something. Time is running out. Maybe it would be nice to have that all figured out for me.
• It would lower the divorce rate, in the long term. If people were soulmates, then why would they ever have to get divorced? However, the divorce rate would skyrocket in the short term when they first came out and people realized they weren't soulmates with their spouses.... not good. Or good? Hmm.

Negatives of the TImer:

• The guesswork in love is half the FUN!  The guesswork is the butterflies! Its the part that makes you smile at all hours of the day. Its the uncertainty that really makes you think about the person and then say, YES, he/she is the one! C'mon, if we all got timers, how is that any different than being matchmaked by a Yenta? Or retrograding our society back to a time where our parents traded our daughters off to suitors for money? And the young couple "learned to love each other"? How is that any different? 
• On that same note....In the movie, the main dilemma is that while this girl is waiting for her timer to go off, she falls in love with this other male. They are what you call typical, American, have-a-good-time love. But they have fights. They aren't perfect. They aren't perfect for each other, that we know for sure. But then she finds her soul mate,  a complete stranger that she has never met. So is she now just supposed to leap into strangers arms and run off into the sunset because a little machine says to? Who's to say whose love is more real, the timers choice or her own?
• I think the Timer would make for some awfully sad situations. Lets say two soul mates marry, and they know they are soul mates, because of this timer. But one dies. Now the widow knows she will never truly find another soul mate, never truly find love again, because her real soul mate died. Whereas the way I like to look at the world, is that if you lose love (through divorce, death, etc.), it is possible to fall in love again. Absolutely. You just have to let your heart heal. But its possible. But what if you knew you already had your one time chance? Then what?
•  Would you seriously want your timer to go off with a stranger, on a random day, and then.....awkwardness...You're just supposed to drop everything and start dating? What if you do "fall in love" (chemically), with this person, but you hate who the person actually is? You hate what they do, their habits, etc. Sometimes, the way it goes in real life, is we fall madly in love with people we hate. And we can't help it. And we hate our selves for it.
• As a dilemma also presented in the movie, is the problem that not everyone in any society can be forced to adapt to any one practice. Therefore, not everyone in the film has a timer device. This presents a problem, as it is pretty much pointless (according to them) to date someone without a timer, if you do have a timer, because your timer won't go off for them unless they have one too. So you're back to square one. If they have no timer, you have to guess. Back to guesswork. So maybe you'll move on. But what if your soul mate never gets a timer, and your "real" soul mate was that person you let go because they didn't have one?

Am I making any sense?  :-)



Basically, I honestly can't decide if I would get one or not. Maybe. Probably. But thats just because I'm 23. I wouldn't encourage a 12 year old to get one (this is featured in the movie). I firmly believe teenagers are supposed to date around. They shouldn't meet their soul mate that young. Its healthy to see what all the fishies are like before you find your own fish. But finding your soul mate in your 20s, after *unsuccessfully* dating a plethora of fish? I think I could see the reasoning behind that.



What do you guys think? I really wanna know your thoughts. ALSO, go see the movie! Its instant streamable on Netflix. :D


With love,


~A Writer in a Nurse's Body




PS- Should I make a separate page of reviewing all of these fantastic independents I see? Hmm...



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Contagion

Okay.


So, despite the fact that I do occasionally like to do movie reviews, this isn't exactly a movie review. But it kind of is. More so, it's commenting on the fact of how real it is.




First of all, go see the movie so you know what I'm talking about. I will *try* not to give too much away after this line but you never know. Just go see it. For those of you that are squeemish, there's only one squeem-producing scene, the rest is all fine to watch.



Okay so the movie centers around the fact that a strand of the avian influenza virus has struck the human species, in a form that is transmitted from human to human, rather than just bird to human. Being the fact that humans are usually so social and we are obsessed with touching so many things, any human contact transmission disease/virus spreads like wildfire. Also, thanks to how fast we can travel nowadays *and* how travel weakens the immune system of those travelling (lack of sleep, lack of nutrition, new environment/new bacteria/crowded air-bus-train travel), its sure-fire that the world would be just as much if not more danger than the movie actually presents.

In the movie, the virus starts spreading like wildfire. First 2, then 4, then 16, then hundreds, then thousands, millions, and so on (Which is how it would happen in real life). Then the CDC & WHO take notice and get involved and naturally, send out officers to try and figure out the root of this virus and to stop it (which would also happen in real life except a lot more than 3 main officers would be on the case).


But then news gets out. And thats when things go sour. People start panicking. Panic is contagious in and of itself. One person panics and suddenly no one knows what to believe. Think about it, you leave your house and you're on your front porch. A stranger is running around outside screaming in terror, running in the other direction. Wouldn't that make you a little panicky?

So, panic + human race makes greed. There is simply too many people in this world and not enough supplies for everyone....and thats with things running smoothly! When worldwide disaster strikes, everything shuts down and suddenly no one knows what to do. Food? Water? Electronics? People start raiding stores. Some for basic necessities, others in pure greed and opportunity to loot. When stores run out, people start breaking into peoples houses, stealing from one another on the street. And in the case of a worldwide epidemic, the support you would normally turn to, is probably sick. The police are sick, and even the healthy ones are probably not going to try and battle the crazed streets, risking their lives and risking getting sick and bringing it home to their family. So chances are the cops are out, the healthcare, emergency squads, firemen, etc. So then it's every man for himself. Unfortunately. Especially with a pandemic, it gets especially tricky. You want to trust your neighbor, but suddenly you can't trust anyone. Everyone but you and *maybe* your family is the enemy. Anyone could be sick. So people can't even bond together and fight and help each other out until proven immune.


And then the vaccine or cure of some type comes out. And then it gets even worse.  People kill each other to get their hands on it first.


So, it could happen. I've been learning about the possibility ever since nursing school and since then I've been worried, because now I know how easily it could happen and how unprepared we are as a nation and as a planet. I don't think our hospitals are ready. I don't think the country as a collective average whole is educated enough to know the basics of what-to-do and what-not-to-do during this type of pandemic. And when its already happening, its too late. Its too late to educate then, because during, who can you really even believe?


I have a gnawing feeling that despite everyone being worried about 2012 and the "mysterious end of the world" and the "sun exploding"  or "us being swallowed by a blackhole".....thats all possibility. But a pandemic is a pending reality. I think it could be the end of the world and people don't even realize it. The sad thing is it could all so easily be prevented. First prevention, secondary and tertiary prevention. I think if the virus/plague didn't kill us all on its own, the survivors would kill each other or we would all starve/dehydrate. It would be a pretty awful world.


So thats my depressing post. Overall the movie was excellent. It really depicts the reality of the situation and I hope it opens peoples eyes. People need to see what could happen. What will happen if were not careful.



Goodnight! Go see it !

~ A Writer in a Nurse's Body

New Important Life Plan

Hey folks!

So. Do you ever notice how at times, the rest of your entire future could be changed by one single thought? One little moment?

I've mentioned at times on this blog that I knew I wanted to be a nurse since my junior year in high school when my history teacher was absent and gave the substitute teacher a video about WWII to play for us. How does this relate to nursing? I don't know. It doesn't. But they happened to show a 5 second clip on nurses in the service taking care of babies and I realized that was what I wanted to do. I wanted to be one of those nurses.  And so despite me changing my mind weekly in high school (child psychology>>PIxar>>architecture>>pixar>>artist/writer>>nurse) here I am today, still on the career path in nursing, my mind unchanged, about to take my NCLEX next week. Ah!

But nursing....nursing has 1,000's of choices once you are an RN. Thats the advantage and disadvantage of nursing. Advantage because you can pretty much travel anywhere and mix yourself with any job and still be an RN. Beauty! Disadvantage? It's so overwhelming! So many choices!


But I have had it narrowed to a couple of routes I would like to take. (Army, air force, maternity, trauma, travel nurse, etc). Paths I could see myself in.

Well, another moment happened that will (probably) shape the rest of my life again. Until another moment intercedes again.

First of all, I realized that although my personality and persona would LOVE to be in air force/army, I just don't think my health/body could handle the demands. Which is ashame. But Important, nonetheless. I need a little bit more of a stable job.

Second of all (the big moment), I was in a patient room Saturday that had a clear view of our hospital's helicopter landing pad. Mind you, helicopters don't land with us often. My small hospital avoids trauma like the apocalypse. But for unavoidable traumas or complicated/worsening medical cases, sometimes helicopters must come in so we can send patients to other hospitals. Well, here I am watching the helicopter crew and I realized that I want nothing more than to be a MediVac nurse (on the helicopter). I have come across this thought many a times before but was never really sure if I wanted it. But standing at that window watching, I could almost feel this magnetic force pulling me there, I wanted to be there so bad. I want to the experienced, smart, efficient, life-saving nurse that is on that helicopter. I do I do I do I do want it so bad.

So, thats that. Its going to be quite the life-plan. I'm starting out by dipping my toes in the water.
This year, a little after I get "comfortable" (as comfortable as a first year nurse can get), I want to get my EMT and join a squad. This will serve two purposes- Confirm the fact that I like trauma and can handle it, and to also get me acquainted with the ER. After my first two year contract is up as a nurse, and if I like the ER scene, I want to look for a job in an Emergency room. Most MediVac Nurse positions require a multitude of ER experience. So I'll work here for quite a few years and then apply (when I feel ready) to be on the MediVacs. Cool, right? Right!
Its at least a 10 year plan. But thats OK. I can do that. :D


So, cool. Studying for my nclex has been.....interesting. I have the attention span of a gnat and its been hard to review. But, the good news is, I skipped over this giant section of my computer program review, pretty much the gigantic section that covered every body system ever and Peds and ER) and I went right to the posttest and got a 55%. So I knew half the information without even reviewing. I'm ok with that. And I plan to keep reviewing and get that score up. Questions, questions, questions.....ahhhh.


Well thats all for now. My scary movie project is going....well? Zombieland last night was actually really funny, even though it was supposed to be funny and not scary anyway. If i had known 3 of my favorite actors were in it, I would have watched it a lot sooner! I give it a 6/10.

Ta ta, folks. With love,

~WNB

I WANNA BE HERE.

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Who do you Believe?

I hate scary movies. In fact, I make a point in life to specifically avoid all things scary. My version of "terrifying" is 'I am Legend' or 'The Sixth Sense' and anything past that, I have trouble even watching the trailer. After spending an entire childhood paranoid an ax-murderer is going to get me in my sleep and demons are chasing me up the stairs, and ghosts will be standing next to my bed when I wake up in the morning, and if I let down my hand off the bed a monster will eat it, and If i walk too close to a bed a hand will reach out and grab my foot, pull me under and eat me....you get the idea. I've finally gotten over all that (its about time) and i'm not about to retrogress back to that state of childhood paranoia. I remember having trouble sleeping as a very young child (under the age of 5 for sure) that someone was going to get into our house and my parents wouldn't be able to stop them and they were coming after me and there was no where I could hide. I mean, seriously, where does that even come from under the age of 5?  I should have just started with intense psychotherapy at that point and moved on.

Anyway, someone new in my life had the same childhood, terrified of all things scary. But then he learned to laugh at it, his mind learned to differentiate the movie world from reality, which I guess is what I have a hard time doing after scary movies   after all movies. So now, naturally, he loves scary movies, like 99% of guys out there. So he is determined to break my fear and slowly work me up to the scary as sh** movies like, "the hills have eyes", "the exorcist"...or....dare I say it..."paranormal activity".........*curls up in a ball*. I have my limits though- I refuse to do horror, aka people hurting other people...aka the SAW series. I will not ever do people with dismembered body limbs. Ghosts, yes, I can do that eventually, demons, sure bring it on, little girls coming out of wells? Absolutely, lets do it- teenagers with their heads spinning around? Awesome! But chopping limbs off in any manner and tearing guts out for fun? Never, ever. So thats where I am officially drawing my line.


ANYWAY, the point of this post....we are starting off small on this fear-breaking mission. Our first two are "SHutter Island" (which I actually have wanted to see) and "Zombieland" (this is more for a beginning comic relief than anything else).

I have kind of always been very intrigued to see Shutter Island. I knew kind of what it was about (psychiatric patients, the worst of the worst) and boy oh boy- I do that every day at work, so I wanted to see that aspect of the movie. But did things jump out at you? Was there exceptionally scary moments? I didn't want to take that chance, so I never saw it on my own. Until yesterday.

And it turns out....it wasn't scary at all! It was actually an amazing movie. It had a couple jumpy moments, but something is wrong with my reflexes lately....the jumpy moments happen and my brain reacts fast enough to tell my body there is no need to jump out of my skin like a lunatic. This comes in handy when my idiotic GPS consistently unexpectedly falls off my windshield in my lap when I'm going 70mph and I don't even flinch and inch.

But the movie is one of those that really get you thinking....Leo Dicaprio must have a thing for doing those, lol. But especially with my experience working with psychiatric patients, the really made me think more so than the average movie-watcher.

Since I don't think I can properly discuss what I'm about to discuss without spoiling the movie, DO NOT READ ANY FURTHER if you haven't seen the movie and DO plan to, one day! PLEASE DO NOT KEEP READING, because it will ruin the whole movie for you!

Okay. So the movie ends and you're like.....what? I have to see the whole thing over again to fully grasp what the heck just happened in the last two hours. The whole first 3/4 of the movie, you (the audience) firmly believes that Leo is a cop, sent to this psychiatric island to help solve a missing patient-case. About half way through we learn that he has to get off this island immediately, before they find a way to claim him as psychiatric and keep him on the island forever, doing experiments on his brain like the rest of the crazies he meets. So the whole first 3/4 you are rooting for this character, you are worried about him and you want him to get off the island successfully before they "get him". Then the plot starts to unravel and you see how the island is starting to make him go crazy, he starts to hallucinate, have intense dreams, tremors, odd flashbacks, PTSD, etc. But the audience is still under the belief that he is a cop and this is unfortunately happening to him, the island is bad and the island is winning. Then you, the audience , start doubting who to believe at all. Leo gives such a remarkable stunning performance that leads you down the rabbit hole, and all the sudden you find yourself rooting for not only (now insane) Leo, but for all  the psychiatric patients he meets, and you start really believing what they have to say, rather than the common sense coming from the island officials. You start becoming paranoid (like a psychiatric patient would) that all the things these employees are saying, no matter how helpful and genuine, is fake. Nothing is real, they are all there to hurt you. Leo brings you to the psychiatric world with such reality, you start to believe everything Leo believes.


Eventually, they make him so crazy that eventually he believes it himself. You, the audience, start to wonder, wait- who do I believe? Did the island make him crazy or was he crazy all along? Suddenly you realize- he is the one thats been crazy all along and you have totally just been mindf*cked by Martin Scorsese. In fact, he is the most dangerous, delusional patient on the island and somehow everything you thought you believed is now not true and you have to go see the movie again. It is unbelievable.


But it really got me thinking....there is this one scene in the movie that really, really made so much sense to me. For those of you that are still reading and have seen the movie, its the cave-scene where he is talking to Dr. Rachel. Rachel brings up the very valid point that....who deems someone crazy? If those island officials wanted to keep you on the island and make you seem completely insane, they totally could. Its easy to do. And once you are declared insane, no one ever trusts you or believes anything you have to say, ever again, no matter how valid. Employees that work with psychiatric patients don't believe you, they nod & smile because they don't want to believe you. Part of them doesn't want to be caught swept under down the rabbit hole. Who to trust, who is right, who do you believe? If something a psych patient says makes sense, you suddenly find yourself doubting your own sanity and you worry, which shouldn't happen, but it does. Its unfortunate- the lives that even the mildly insane live. Even if you spend a week in a psych unit for a minor breakdown, your reputation is forever tainted. Psychiatric patients all around the world are abused because who believes them if they come out and make allegations  anyway? Everything is just blamed on the insanity. Its horrific.

So thats my schpeel. All in all, it was one of the best movies I've ever seen. It hit especially home to me, as so much of it reminded me of my own job, and it really got me thinking not just about the movie but how I will forever see psych patients in a new way for the rest of my life. It will always be a constant struggle of not falling down the rabbit hole vs. trying to find some reality, reliability and validity in what your psychiatric patients tell you.  If a psychiatric patient tells you someone hit them, do you believe them or do you blame it on the insanity, delusion, and manipulation? Who do you believe?


If you read this far and didn't listen to me and didnt see the movie....first of all- I am mad at you, but second of all- go see it now. Or don't, because now you know the whole twist. SHouldn't have kept reading.....



~A writer in a Nurse's body

PS- Naturally, the preview twists the movie to make it seem a LOT scarier than it is. Funny how trailers work like that.


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I Assure You This is True

Falling in love, is just like being on PROzac. You smile for absolutely no reason, all the time. You are in a good mood, all the time. You suddenly feel like skipping and holding doors open for the elderly  and giving people money that need it and being extra  generous and happy  and spreading joy to everyone around you. For absolutely no prompt- all the sudden you feel like dancing and smiling like a lunatic while walking down the sidewalk. Kind of just like this :

When you think about it, this video could just as easily be an ad for any antidepressant. But its not. Its falling in love. And they got it down perfectly.


:-)


~WNB


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Waitress

"I hope someday, somebody wants to hold you for twenty minutes straight and thats all they do. They don't pull away. They don't kiss you. All they do is wrap you up in their arms and hold on tight, without an ounce of selfishness in it. "


-From the movie, Waitress.

One of my favorite quotes of all time.



Going through a pretty strange...time? Took down my "wall" finally. It was time. I did it at first to make room to hang my latest project, and then I slowly started to realize a lot of what was up didn't mean anything to me anymore. Like, I thought it did, but that was a long time ago. It doesn't actually hold any true meaning anymore and its time to let go.

I am normally pretty much of an emotional ratpacker (is that the word?). I like to save things, weird small things, that hold a little memory or meaning and I hate to ever let go. But then I go through these weird emotional (short-lived) phases where its okay to let go of these things. I know in myself that just because you throw something away, doesn't mean its gone from your heart. I threw maybe five or six meaningless things away and kept the rest, hidden in its own little folder in my drawer, tucked away for discovery on a rainy day 11 years from now. I love those discovery days.

So, the wall is gone...the epic wall of my creative psychoticness. Now, room for pictures of Europe and new things. Almost time to move out, soon.......One step closer now.


~WNB

One Day

This is really just a random update on everything.

I Just finished the book, "One Day" which is the novel I bought in Paris and will actually be a movie, soon! A good movie! The book was astounding, very funny, and just my type. Just my type of characters and form of dialogue. Just adorable. Here is the trailer for the movie, I can't wait to see it!

So, thats lovely. :-) Now just to start studying for my NCLEX now...








Have you ever quit something? Something that was bad for you? But then you really, really missed it but didn't even know why you missed it? Maybe you just missed the memories, or the package of what came with it, but did you actually miss...it? And then....just when you have reached your breaking point--you find a new "it". And then you realize, with all this happiness your new "it" brings, you realize how unhappy you were with the old? That you have spent the past year longing and missing something that wasn't actually there anymore, in the old place, but you had to start looking anew for it. Stuff that you were previously yelled at for or things that you did that others found annoying......well, now they are graciously accepted, cherished and found to be funny. New people join you in these activities because you have them in common, instead of being hated for it. Quirks that you always knew you had that you thought no one else in the world also shared--suddenly you find in new people and you can laugh about it, together. Are you following at all? Am I making any sense? No? Right then.

I am happy :-)



~WNB



(A Russian & A Britian) <3 :-)

America: in 3D!

So within the time span of the past five years, the concept of 3D has grown at a disturbing rate. I remember way back (in the day) when spy kids came out, one of the first to be in 3D. You had to wear these awful glasses, a symbol declaration of 3D. Now all the hit movies coming out, both animations and non animated are coming out in 3D, worth apparently another arm and leg of yours to see the movie.

I personally do not see the point in being so fascinated with the 3D concept. We should not be wearing sunglasses in movie theater, that privilege belogs exclusively to being in Disney world.

I mean, I find it annoying when things come at me, actually. I find it perfectly acceptable and equally as entertaining when movie characters, swords, bees, monkeys, hands, baseballs, etc., stay inside of the screen, thank you very much.

I just saw a commercial for a PHONE I think by sprint to come out in 3D. Seriously? You really find extreme satisfaction in your phone leaping out it's contents to your face? I think that would just make me dizzy.

I think 3D is just silly. It sort of takes away the point of going to see a movie a little, isn't it? Movies are supposed to be 2D. Always have been. If you are trying so hard to make it seem more like reality and real life, why don't you just skip the movie and go play baseball and get an actual baseball thrown at your face? I take that any day than the optical illusion of a lion clawing my face out while I duck awkwardly with idiot blue and red sunglasses after paying $10 extra, ya?

What do you guys think? Are you pro 3D generation or do you think there is to much hype?

~WNB

Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind

Have you ever seen this movie? It's one of the best out there...

(Taken from this magical movie place )

Do you ever wish you could erase something from your mind? Would it make heart-healing easier for you? For anyone? Would you elect to get rid of all your heartbreak, if it meant also erasing memories of the two of you having fun together, the good times?

Sometimes I wish I could erase youthings from memory. Maybe then I could sleep; could make it through one day without missing you.

I guess it will just take time to forget, gradually...but Erasing you would be so much easier. I would, if technology from the movie existed.


I need a big change in my life. New surroundings. I need you not to cross my mind every day still. I need a new part of my life that you never had anything to do with. I need something I can call my own, and not "ours". Everything in my room has a backstory connected to you somehow. Places I go, you came with. They are all tattered with your memories. My memories. Ours. I can't even go to my grandmothers house without replaying memories in my head (good memories) of us having fun here, and that goes for everywhere.

I just need to work on replaying the equally bad ones too. Remember why I left. The bad used to override the good and now, in memory, the good overrides the bad...tell me, how does that work?? I guess by human nature, we naturally choose to only remember the happy memories. We forget the rages, the tragedies, the tears, the fights, the heartbreaks, the eternal mistakes.... We don't like to remember those things.

So if my mind can let go of all of the bad memories, why can't I let go of the good? The good ones are depressing, because I said goodbye not only to you but to your life. Your town. Our lake, our restaurant, your dogs, your family. It was like all of that died from my lfe at once. That's a lot to say goodbye to, to say to yourself, "I'm never going to go to that place again or see that person or that dog again." that's a lot.

"I never thought that you would be the one , to hold my heart.
But you came around, and knocked me off the ground, from the start.
You, put your arms around me, and I believe,
That it's easier for you to let me go.
You put your arms around me and I'm home.

How many times, will you let me change my mind, and turn around?
I can't decide if I'll let you save my life, or if I'll drown.
I hope that you see right through, my walls.
I hope that you catch me, because I'm already falling.

The world is coming down, on me, and I can't find a reason to be loved.
It's easier for you to let me go."
-Christina Perri, "Arms"

~WNB

"I loved you on this day"

Midnight in Paris

Oh my GOODNESS)@#*)(@*#!


Okay. So. Being the movie freak that I am, It usually pains me to go two weeks without seeing a movie. Any movie. I just love movies. Preferably in movie theaters.

Recently on my Fandango list I've noticed this new theater coming up- called "Artsquest" over in Bethlehem, PA. I saw that they played limited releases, which is HUGE, because prior to this the closest one that did that was in NYC! So, I clicked on what was playing and they were showing "Midnight in Paris". So we decided to give it a try.

First of all, the theater alone was amazing. Brand spanking new, and it is an "ale house" which means you can bring wine, beer, and food into the movie with you....So I definitely took advantage of the nice glass of wine! :) Anyway, the whole place has art galleries, live bands that come and play (maroon 5 is coming in August!!!) and all sorts of events and festivals that go on!

Second of all, "Midnight in Paris" has shot way past my prior favorite movie, "Sweet Home Alabama". Although that will always have a special place in my heart, Midnight in Paris has surpassed all others to make its way to the top of my favorite list. With a starring cast including Owen Wilson, Rachel McAdams and Kathy Bates (just to name a few stars!), it encases a perfect and enchanting plot that keeps you intrigued the entire movie, waiting for more magic. I guess Woody Allen (director) can just do that. It was just astounding, and I want to see it, again and again.

Obviously it took place in Paris, and despite being there for a day and a half, I feel like I knew exactly how Woody Allen "saw" Paris. He totally captured the back door of Paris...not the touristy paris. The same Paris I got to see thanks to my lovely lives-in-Paris tour guide. AND, THE BOOKSTORE I LOVEEEEEED WAS IN THE MOVIE! There were also a couple of scenes that I was willing to put money on that I knew exactly where they were. It was very exciting.

It really made me miss Paris so much more though, which I find so funny, being that I actually wasn't even looking forward to Paris that much. But this movie has only confirmed the notion I made on my birthday that Paris was magical. I loved the people, it was easy to navigate, I always felt safe, it was beyond stunningly gorgeous....It was truly just magical. I miss it. A lot. Maybe even more than London......Who knew?


Anyway, take two hours out of your day and find somewhere near you thats playing it, or get it on Netflix. Even if you typically don't like slow-paced Woody Allen-type movies, I assure you this will keep you watching intensely til the very last second. Also, for my smart readers, its also a good history AND art lesson! So cool. GO SEE IT!

Photo credit to whichever Magical people take movie still shots and then put them on imdb.com....This was one of my favorite movie pictures because it pretty much sums up the whole point of the movie, but you don't know what I'm talking about til you see it. All I can say is that Paris in the rain truly is gorgeous, and I agree with Gill Pender (Owen's character) through and through, 100%. I'd rather walk with you in the rain anyday.



Go see it.

~A Writer in a Nurse's Body



P.S. - Go see it!

Rain Birds

I'm pretty sure my subconscious thinks I live inside a movie and is constantly trying to live up to making it the perfect movie.



Yes, I think that defines my entire being.




 Photography, music, writing....it all fits.




< 3

Back to the Clouds! No Literally this time!

FEELING BETTER!

So Where did i leave off? Going to bed in Venice, ah. I woke up feeling much better! Not entirely, but noticeably better. Thank goodness to a hefty dose of Vitamin C and 12 hours of sleep!

Yesterday we climbed on our trusty bus and headed for Verona. The countryside was amazing alone,  we went over the top on the tourist label by continuing to take pictures outside our bus windows, but we honestly couldn't help it. It just all looks like an opening scene to a movie...Villas, farms, horses...vineyards, just everything is surreal. Truly.

Pulling into Verona, I was uuber excited. I was feeling better, had a camera battery (2!) and was set for our 3 hour excursion. We went on a mini sightseeing tour- Again, I was doing a bad job at listening being that I was taking pictures. i really have to follow through on my personal promise to read up on everything I am seeing so that I can appreciate it even more. We ended our mini tour in Juliet's house- the tourist attraction I was most excited to see.

It was alright. I guess I thought it would be like it is in the recent "Letters to Juliet" movie? It looks drastically different in real life, is extremely overcrowded, and has a huge tourist blackhole shop right in the same courtyard. I wanted to get some sort of souvenier that said "Julie" or "Juliet" since that is my name, and also Juliet's name, but no such luck. I got a picture with the statue of Juliet for good luck and long lasting love, I sure need that! ;)  But I really wanted to write a letter to Juliet like in the movie. I thought that was real :(  I had a whole thing in my head ready for how I was going to explain the heartbreak turmoil constantly racing through my head. But, in my head it stays I suppose. I guess the good news is that it isn't drastically different from the movie in the letters to juliet terms--you can write a simple message to Juliet, or whomever I guess, on the surrounding entrance gate walls. Millions and millions and millions of people have written messages, so many that it starts to just look like a big blotch of ink with messages continuously written on top! But still cool.

Juliet's Balcony

Some messages to Juliet written on the wall, and just statements of love (i.e. Initials, hearts, etc).

Just crazy filled with message over message...just lots of ink!

There were actually messages written out on these little hearts, to Juliet, and they were just left on the street to float away to meet the grime and sorrow of the public. I hope they find a home.

Being that I took so drastically long to stare at Juliet's wall, hoping something would happen, I found myself alone for lunch. But no worries--I headed to the main square marketplace where apparantly fruit is the main attraction! Perfect!! I bought a giant cup of FRUIT for only 2 Euro, could life be better? I sat on a goregous fountain again (Italy likes fountains) with lots of others, and enjoyed a delightful fruit cup in the sun. I then walked around, avoided tourists, shopped around a bit....I then got my last italian Gelato (SO YUMMY! I can't believe America is stuck with Ritas. I will never look at Ritas the same after dying in heaven with Italian Gelato). 

After that my friends and I met up and being that they are normal college girls, they wanted to shop (like....clothes shop) so I went with them despite the fact that I usually have to ask my sister if something is a shirt, skirt or dress. The shops we went in were insane, as expected. Adorable and amazing clothes, obviously, but each sold for no less than 98 Euro, crazy.

Overall, I really liked Verona! It was sweet, cute and kind. Nice people. Gorgeous architecture. Exquisite detail to the city. And, yay for TONS of fruit! Its a good life.

Then....another six hours on the bus. Besides hilarious happenings, chatting and getting to know each other better, playing games on iphones, listening to great music, and lots of sleeping, the bus ride really is uneventful and there is nothing else to share about our bus happenings.


Our arrival in Switzerland is amazing! We are back to the language of the German (Well, Swiss-German), where I am again as lost as a monkey in a supermarket. Our hotel is wonderful, and is is so chilly here! Which I like. I would rather be chilly any day than sweating. Perfect hoodie weather, eh? 

Anyway, last night was spent updating ya'll on this blog and facebook, and calling home to many loved ones. Note: To all those I promised a postcard, they will not be arriving until I get home. Its kind of a long complicated story that basically revolves around the fact that I am an idiot. But, they are already written out as I go, they will only just be arriving late is all.

Today we hit up the town of Lucerne, Switzerland! I think everyone was bummed because we have collided into our first bout of extremely unpleasant weather. Rainy, windy, very cold, etc. I think we were all really looking forward to Switzerland for its known beauty but unfortunately Switzerland could only show us rain clouds this trip. It was still pretty, though. And as the old photography saying goes (Actually its not a saying) : No fear if its raining, you'll get a more unique picture! I learned this somewhere when I was first starting the photography shebang, as a young teenager on a photoshoot thing with my dad I think. It was pouring rain and our photography director taught us that even though it sucks that it is raining on your big day to whatever you are photographing, you are one of few that will have a unique picture because of that, so make the best of it! So I got some really nice rain shots of the town of Lucerne. No complaints.


Some Rain shots:

After that was our optional excursion to Mt. Pilatus- one of the highest mountains in the swiss Alps! Crazy cool! We got to take a 90 minute ferry ride to the base of the mountain, where a train takes you up to the top of the mountain. Everyone thought the train was hilarious until we reached 2,000 m up, when people were starting to get nervous. It was not a slow train and it was about a 30 minute ride up!

The beginning of the train...

Taken from inside the train...Gettin' high!

Tunnel ahead! Oh boy.

Lookin' Down!

Gettin' into the clouds.....

Pure CLOUD outside. Crazy.

AND WE SAW SNOW! My tour guide said she was not expecting there to be snow, so it was a rare thing that we got to see snow. Not very much snow, but snow all the same. Also, we passed the elevation of the clouds and our windows were open, so clouds sort of just came through and were in the midst of our personal train car, it was so cool. I got some SWEET shots of the clouds and the mountains, even if that was all we could see.

At the top of the mountain, it was a mix of rain and snow and literally so many clouds it was hard to see your hand in front of you. But being that we are stubborn and persistent college students that are for the most part healthy, strong and athletic, we totally went on a miniature hiking tour to the VERY top of the mountain. I forgot to look at the exact elevation but I'm pretty sure it was pretty crazy. My hair was soaking wet due to the moisture in the air, but breathing in that fresh mountain air was like no air I have ever breathed before. Just exquisite. We got some cute pictures at the very top, even though all that you can see behind me is white abyss. Still cool, though. It helped our afraid-of-heights- people not realize how high up we were. Then me and and another friend opted to continue on a more crazy hiking tour and it was a lot like cave exploring on an unbeaten path down the other side of the mountain! We went down as far as we felt like, and then came back up and took a chairlift thingy down the other side. Pretty rockin awesome is what I say!

Tonight is all about rest....tomorrow we have a 5:30 am departure to catch our train to Paris! Ouch! It will be a long day. We arrive in Paris by train around 1, then have a sightseeing tour, a cruise around Paris, and then reservations to go up the Eiffel Tower. :-)

I can't wait to start drawing and painting some of my photography shots I'm getting! I have so many ideas. I also have FULL intentions on making a book of all my Europe photography. SO FAR, I have exactly 731 shots, and thats not counting Venice being on the iphone, and I also still have Paris and London to go. And, I will go full out crazy monkey beans when I am in London. I will photograph like I have never photographed a city before. London won't know what hit it after I'm gone! So I plan to be coming home with at least ~1200 pictures. After that I want to weed through, edit, and then select which ones to put in the book in chronological order. Then this book, will be something I can easily show friends, coworkers, etc or anyone that wants to see. Yay!

Apparantly I am known as the "photographer" of the trip. A girl that I bumped into on the tour yesterday, whom I only just learned her name, said to me, "Are you the girl thats getting all the crazy good pictures? I saw you taking pictures before and I thought- I have to get her name So I can see them later!" I just sort of stared at her, and I was like, "Is that really going around?? " I thought it was funny. My close group of friends likes to look through my pictures so this is good because it reminds me to delete the bad ones as I go, so they don't see all the "attempt" shots. I think it is perfectly acceptable for even a professional photographer to have to try 2-3 times to finally get or pick the perfect shot. And then there are times (and everyone laughs at me for this) that I literally don't look at anything on the camera, and literally just point and shoot and hope for the best, if I see something but am moving too fast to safely stop and capture. Sometimes those photos come out the BEST. While travelling, I have learned one very thing about photography: Sometimes you have literally five seconds. You see something with your eye and you can't think about it. You turn your camera on if its not already, get the lens cap out of the way, bring it up to your eye, find your subject, zoom in/out and click- all within five whole seconds- otherwise you miss it. I am certainly not one to sit there playing with "What effect should I choose? what should the lighting be? Let me wait for that person to move first..."   no. Just, shoot. Take the picture. Otherwise you miss it. After you get that first golden shot, then you can experiment and try taking it again but slower if the moment is still happening.

Even with perfecting that point and shoot speed, I even miss a lot too. Sometimes you can only just see things with your eyes and remember them, and thats OK too. Otherwise you'd be walking down the streets with your eye in a viewfinder, and thats not exactly safe or wise. Other times its just really not appropriate to take a picture, as much as you really, really, really, really want to. Especially when it comes to people. Also, many europeans in big cities, will dress up so that you will take a picture, and then they want a Euro! So, funny.

Anyway, enough about pictures. Is this blog getting to be long enough? Shabam, I thought this would be a short one!

One more really important delight  I want to share with you and then I will let you resume on your imporant daily activities:

 I FINALLY found the PERFECT postsecret postcard I plan to use to send in the secret I have been rewriting in my head, over and over, just waiting for it to be OK to let go of it and send it. I promised myself that I would find myself the perfect European postcard to perfectly fit my secret, and I did today. Of course, I can't tell you what it looks like or what the secret is, because thats a secret,and it might end up on the website! ;) But I found one and that makes my day SO happy!


Anyway, I think thats it for today. Not sure when I'll be in wifi coverage again, being that tomorrow Is Paris, and who knows with Paris. Even if we do have wifi, we will be out late on our cruise and chances that I am going to sign on and update is slim, but we'll see! We shall just see.

Thank you for reading everyone, It really means so much! The blog stats went crazy high yesterday with the four posts on at once- and its all thanks to you guys!

Miss you!

~ A Writer in a Nurse's Body

What the Heck?

I cried three, THREE, times last night during the movie edition of "A Walk to Remember".

I have seen it before and have never cried!

What is this!

Really good movie, though.

I think we cry during movies when we actually have other things to cry about in life and the movie just gives us a really good excuse to cry. Three times. Sometimes the movie reminds you of something/someone and that brings out memories that make you cry. Sometimes the situations the characters are going through are extremely similar to what you are going through or have faced in the past and that makes you cry. Sometimes what the characters go through makes you cry in fear of it happening to you in the future, and you cannot bear the thought.


I have never cried in a movie before. OK maybe I cried in the Notebook. And Nights of Rodanthe.  Oh my god I'm seeing a trend.....


Damn, Nicholas Sparks!! What are you doing to us women??


~WNB

P.S.- This is my 300th post! Weird.

When Love Happens

When you see someone across the room that you find completely fascinating and you begin to have daydreams about magically bumping into him, your first conversation, the kinds of dates you'd go on, the stunning wedding,  the children you'd have, growing old together, and then you think....wait, I haven't even said hello yet.

But what are you supposed to do? What are you supposed to do when you see someone that you've been dreaming about, but you're too shy to say hello?

Are you supposed to let love happen, or go after it?

Are you supposed to let it happen like in the  movies, where you both bump into each other (literally) and papers go flying, and he helps you pick them up, and your hands magically touch....or your car breaks down, and he magically comes to help you fix your car on the side of the road, or you both reach for the same pineapple in the grocery store....

...Those would all be perfect and easy ways to fall in love. But what if he is across the room, and you're still on the other side? You cannot think of any logical non-insane way for you to "magically meet".  Are you supposed to throw all movie-induced fake fantasies aside, and just walk up to them and say hello, I think you are the hottest guy I've ever met, and I want to mate with you for ever? Like a penguin? I think that would not go over well, in my opinion.  If someone said that to me, based off my multiple psych experiences, I would be seriously concerned for their mental health.
So naturally I expect any guy that I go up to and say that, to be really weirded out and I lose all chance.

So how do you do it? Past relationships have been the type where we met in hell (high school) class, the other was introduced by a friend.

I guess for now I'm going to still wait for the magical meet-up. Until I hit 30. Then its getting late. Then I will have to start just saying hi and go with the whole penguin talk thing.

Readers Beware: Part 2!

So, I am one step closer getting my soul into London! I found a great program that takes college students 18-26 pretty much anywhere they want to go...there are pre-arranged trips and you just pay and hop on, pretty much. I just have to get over the money factor, and I'm there.


I need to be there. I need to go to England. I need this more than anything in the world.

If I can go, my life, as of right now, would feel complete.


.


The last couple days I have felt so at peace with myself. OK, thats a lie. Ever since last night at precisely 4:20, after I finished the long day from hell. I had one more thing to study for, which was this morning, but instead I came home, and read a book. It felt really good. I didn't study. But turns out, I didn't need to, because I knew a lot more than I thought, which felt really good this morning.

So then I decided to go home (to B&N)... but I was like...wait, I can't go. What am I going to study? Everything is done for right now. And then I was all like...dude, seriously? Is this what your life has come to? So then I remembered that normal people actually go to B&N to...look at books....and read them...so, I did just that. I sat on a comfy chair for three hours with my two tea refills and read about 40 pages of this nurse-type book (It was a leisure fun one though! I guess I can't stay away..) and then I went to go see a movie (Morning Glory-Awesome movie!) and then I walked around the mall and looked at all the christmas decorations (very relaxing)...and then tried again for B&N and this time read a book totally not-about nursing. So I bought that one and am actually going to finish it.

Woo! Fun day. Relaxing times a bajillion. Definitely soul-replenishing. Oh and then tonight I saw "Eat, Pray, Love" because I've always wanted to see that and never got to in theaters...and it was playing at my school, so, yeah. That was definitely a movie I can relate to right now....

Oh, and I went shopping and I bought this adorable hat. The hat makes me happy. I like it a lot. :)

I think in order to be happy with someone else, whether it be a best friend, a new friend...or a relationship; you have to know how to be happy completely by yourself first. No, I did not just learn that from Eat, Pray, Love. I learned that on my own, over the last couple months.

I lost myself because of this nursing program. I put my happiness on the back-burner, in order to succeed. I kept a small part of me, for the whole three years, but most of it got tucked away. I knew where I was, I just didn't have the energy or motivation to bring that portion of me out in addition to passing all my classes. It just wasn't needed. And by losing "me", I mean artsy me...the inspirational me. The writer in me. The girl who clipped out pictures and articles from the paper and made a collage on her wall...who wrote a poem every day, who painted and drew all the time...who carried her camera everywhere..who used every person she came across as a stepping stone, as a character for a story or novel. Happiness.. And I think, just maybe, that It is all starting to magically come back. I don't know why, or how...but it's coming back, little by little, but very strong. It makes me feel so...happy. I wish I even knew how to explain how it really feels..just good. :)

I hope it lasts. I feel like I'm walking on eggshells because I don't want to do anything that will make it all go away again. But i'm trying to just not think about it. Stop thinking. And just go with it. Just be happy.


With love,
A Writer in a Nurse's Body