"When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely illusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long... What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfill? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?"

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Is it Possible?

How is it possible to want something so bad and yet I find I'm constantly pushing any possibility of having it away? I can have it all and yet I'm blatantly pushing it all away. There must be something wrong with me.

But I do want it. I think. I just don't make any sense. I've literally spent some long moments off in space just trying to figure myself out. Like, having conversations with my alter ego's in my head, going back and forth trying to figure out why the heck I am so ridiculous all the time and I literally can't come up with anything. Nothing. So I just leave it at the fact that I'm just weird complicated and want what I can't have and don't want what I can? Eeeeeeebiejeebies.

There are so many times where if I described myself in one sentence, right now, I don't like what I hear. Sometimes I think I'm becoming I used to look down upon. I'm a good person in a lot of ways, also, I know that. Who knows. I try to be a good person.

I just don't even know what I want right now.

Sorry for the sad, vague, depressing, intuitive(?) post.....i'll be back to happy outgoing self soon. Ish. :-)



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