"When you get those rare moments of clarity, those flashes when the universe makes sense, you try desperately to hold on to them. They are the life boats for the darker times, when the vastness of it all, the incomprehensible nature of life is completely illusive. So the question becomes, or should have been all a long... What would you do if you knew you only had one day, or one week, or one month to live. What life boat would you grab on to? What secret would you tell? What band would you see? What person would you declare your love to? What wish would you fulfill? What exotic locale would you fly to for coffee? What book would you write?"

Thursday, March 8, 2012

How to Scare People Away

So, my friends, this really did just happen:

I happen to be one of those annoying girls that when unexpectedly confronted with a really hot/cute guy, I tend to forget who I am, what I stand for, I get all giggly. I tend to start rambling and when I realize I am totally blowing it I try and fix it with lots of more rambling. There are are lot of overzealous and unecessary hand gestures involved too. Really cool.

So lets illustrate just how really awesome I can be. This happened.

At the gym. Cute guy smiles at me, stands within 5 feet of me. stays there, smiling.
him: "Hey"

we had been doing the flirty eye thing for awhile, so i felt like I could make a small conversation..
me: Hey.  So, is the gym always this crowded at 11 at night?

him: Yeah, a lot of night shifters.

Me: Oh sweet, yeah, I work night shift.

Him: Oh? What do you do?

Me: I'm a nurse.

Him: Oh, like an RN?

Me: Yup.

Him: Oh sweet, Im going to school to be a doctor.

Me: Oh, thats awesome. I know a lot about....doctor...ing.

Him: thats awesome. So what kind of nurse are you?

Me: I'm on Surgical oncology.

Him: Oh, man I bet thats hard. Look of concern/shock on his face.

Me: Oh, yeah.....you know. Yeah. It is. I mean, sometimes. Its different. I deal with a lot of......cancer......and well.....surgery.......

Look of more concern/horror on his face.

Me: I try and fix the look of concern/horror on his face.... But you know...its cool...I tend to have my patients for a pretty long time....so I get to know them pretty well and all......but then they die....sometimes....and you know, its a bummer.

Him: Total look of horror.

Me: stillllll like a flopping fish out of water, I try to fix that look on his face.  "No its all cool though, really.........I come to the gym to sort of work out all the stress that builds up..........yayyyy.....happiness..........!" *awkward smile*

Him: oh...wow.....thats, really.....interesting.

I walk away. Like a boss.

Yeah. Believe it or not, I've done that more than once. Not with hot guys. Because I find a four leaf clover more often than a hot guy actually starts a conversation with me. But with lots of other people. I have that type of job that I turn into a conversation ruiner. I mean I could focus on all the awesome parts of the job..................but somehow the death in the job is always the first thing to come to mind when people ask what being a nurse on oncology is like. I guess I always think that that is what people are expecting to hear?

These are times I wish I worked OB and when people asked what I do I could tell them I get to play with babies all day and yadayada. Happiness. People expect happiness out of OB. But the conversation is already grimm when I say I work Surgical/oncology. People hear that big word, "oncology", and their face automatically shifts.  But seriously, how many happy ways can you happily steer any conversation in oncology nursing? It can be a challenge.

So, yeah. That did happen. Disclaimer: Minor paraphrasing used to protect identities of hot people. But you got the idea.

Thanks to working night shift, I am unnaturally awake at an unfair hour and had to write this , but now I'm totally going back to sleep, awesome.

With so much awkward love,


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