Another attack of hypochondriases

So, this morning, I was convinced-I was dying- from appendicitis. No really. I woke up with this gnawing agonizing pain in my lower right abdomen and I was like..hmm. Is this what a bursting appendix feels like? Could be. I dont know. So, because I know I am a hypochondriac, I brushed it off and figured if I was dying, then eventually I'd find myself in the hospital and they would fix it but for now- I had to go to class and that was that. And I did. And I was fine. I didn't die. Which is good. I'm not sure what it was.

But its a tricky game because what if it was something very serious? But how can I know? My mind creates these emergencies so that everything is an emergency- And I've actually gone to the ER because I thought I was actually dying once. And they gave me something for my head and stomach, charged us an arm and a leg and sent me home and I was fine. Well, they thought I was. SO point being- I can't go calling emergency for every single flare up of whatever.

Its funny because I make it seem like I am afraid of dying. I'm not. If I'm gonna die from something medical, then so be it, it's my time. So why the stress?? I guess its because I am afraid of dying from a long and painful disease? Or that I want to write a book before I die and thats not happening anytime soon and I need a lot more time? *sigh* I put entirely way too much thought into this. This is what I think about when my mind wanders off in class.


Also, on another note. THis frustrates me. I want to draw SO BAD. Or Paint. Or write. I have ALL summer to do these fun things. Do I? Of course not. When do i want to do them? When I have homework. Do I want to do them on nights when homework is done and I can chill? No. I want to draw when I have four chapters to read and outline and an article to critique and blah blah blahh. Oy. THe good news is, I *did* paint a painting this summer. So I can't be too hard on myself. But i started a second one and never finished it, and now I want to finish it. Of course.

I am writing though. Slowly. I keep going back to this same silly scene that played out in my head and everytime I have a couple minutes of downtime, I'll open it up on my phone notepad and continue writing on it. Its this piece of dialogue between two people in a coffee shop and the conversation takes random turns, depending on what mood I'm in when I update it. I plan to make it a blog on here when its "done", if I can ever even call it that.

OK I really have to go read a gazillion chapters now. Gotta love nursing school.

~ AWIANB (Not a huge fan of the acronym version. Ill spell that out next time.)