My apologies go out...

I don't know whats wrong with me, its just like...I'm tired of trying. I came to this conclusion on my bike ride today. I was like, why is it so hard for me to be nice to people this semester? Because I'm done trying, im done trying so hard to put in a fake effort, all smiley to people I know deep down don't give a shit. I'm just tired of pretending I guess. I just want to be myself. If that comes across as mean or rude, I am actually very sorry. Its just me being protective of myself and digging myself into a hole. I'll be back.



My confidence level has plummeted(sp?). See-I can't even be sure that I can spell anymore. What I mean by confidence level is education confidence. I did all my readings for homework, like, actually read them thoroughly, understood them. And today in class a teacher asks a question from the readings and I can't seem to answer it. I have an answer in my head- I think its right- but im SO AFRAID of being rejected lately- its been getting progressively worse- that I don't even try. Today, though, I KNEW i had the answer to this one question, And so I gave quite the lengthy response to a simple question and the teacher, when I was done, literally looked at me and was like, "You're absolutely right. How did you know that? Have you taken a class in this before?"

I was like....are you serious? But I didnt say that. It was ALL in the assigned readings to have done by that class....no one else read it. I did. I gave her her answer. I didnt know what to say back without sounding like a total bitch so I quietly said "It was in the reading..." and she was like, so shocked, that I read the homework before class. Which is what we were supposed to do.


o_0. Whoooo knowwwsss. Not me. I have a lot more I could say but am meeting my bestie friend for dinner (someone who I don't have trouble socializing with- thats a very good thing- I need more people like that). SO, Ta ta for now.....


~ A (notsomuch) Writer in an (overwhelmed) nurses body.